Chapter 5: The End
Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the enjoyment I have received from making this crazy story.
Note: After many years of neglect, I have pulled together submissions from reviews for a final chapter. Thank you for everyone who was a part of this for so long, and I hope this is a great farewell. The names in parentheses are those who shared their ideas with me.
54. Never go into Emmett and Rose's room at night (SwimmingInLane3)
Horrible mental picture – Bella
You don't have to hear their thoughts – Edward
Bella found out why the hard way when she thought Rosalie had her backpack in the room. The door wasn't locked, but when she opened the room she got the shock of her life. The room was completely soundproof, but not mindproof, and they were experimenting with BDSM. Turns out, the backpack was in Rosalie's car (she had taken Bella home from school), and Bella couldn't look either one in the eye for about 6 months.
55. Do not introduce the Cullens to Anime (Raeyl)
Well, at least not Naruto – Bella
Believe it! – Edward (while wearing full Naruto cosplay)
Case in point – Bella
56. Moonlight is banned in the Cullen house (Raeyl)
They broke the TV – Bella
The boys are grounded until the wedding, including Carlisle – Esme
The guys were bored one girls' night, Alice drug the women to the spa for the day, and when they returned the house was in shambles. Edward was playing depressing Emo music on his piano, Emmett had the creepy doll again (though Rose swore she destroyed it), Carlisle was in his library researching to disprove certain points from the show (ex: sleeping in a fridge), and Jasper had found Bella's hidden stash of Advil and was trashed. Apparently they had gotten into an argument over how easy the vampire's lives were in the show, Emmett claimed Edward was crying at that point, and then the argument devolved into a brawl. Thank goodness it was spring break because Alice took drug Rosalie, Bella, and Esme to New York City for a week so that the boys could clean the house. It was back to normal when they returned.
57. Don't get Bella drunk (here's one)
She falls down enough as it is – Carlisle
Also, she is UNDERAGE! – Edward
Dude, we're, like, 100 years old and obviously have no real respect for the law. Are you really going draw the line here? – Emmett
Rosalie and Alice had taken Bella to a nice club in Seattle after graduation. In their defense she only had two bottles of Smirnoff Ice, and they had ~ 4% alcohol, so they were greatly unprepared. Fortunately she didn't seriously hurt herself.
58. The "rules of the road" are for wimps and cowards (CBRH)
Seriously Edward? – Bella
We can run at terrifying speed, what makes you think we'd drive like normal humans? – Rosalie
Charlie, being a police officer, had never before been able to catch the Cullen's driving at terrifying speeds. However, the new security cameras he had installed along the highway had been able to catch them, but this was the same day that he found out about vampires and werewolves so he didn't arrest Edward for criminal speeding. In a flash of genius, he forced Edward to re-take Driver's Ed with the 15 year-olds, and after the first lesson this rule went up.
59. Don't make Alice wear clothes from Walmart (CBRH)
She'll cry – Edward
I didn't cry! I just like buying nice clothes and not supporting sweatshops! - Alice
Alice's clothes had disappeared around the same time Rosalie's wardrobe had been donated to Goodwill, and she had to resort to Walmart clothing until the $600,000 clothing order was delivered. She had moped for the entirety of the two days it took to arrive.
60. The wolves do NOT appreciate rhinestone collars and leashes as Christmas presents. (CBRH)
Or as presents any other time – Jake
I dunno, I thought they were kinda pretty. I like sparkly things. – Seth
Seriously? I refuse to "sparkle". I am a werewolf and NOT a vampire. – Sam
61. Never bring up the subject of sex around Emmett (easy-tator-mac-tot)
You will learn much more than you wanted *eyetwitch* - Bella
62. Don't dump Bella "to keep her safe" (SisterGrimmErin)
You'll end up with a love triangle that is barely interesting, super cliché, and eventually breaks everyone's hearts – Alice
You'll have to fight an army and intense feelings of guilt – Rosalie
You'll end up with Aro on your doorstep – Carlisle
You'll end up breaking your piano – Edward
Everyone turned to stare at him as he wrote his comment, and Emmett glared at him. They still weren't quite over the whole Volturi-want-to-kill-us-and-you-started-it thing.
63. Never leave Bella alone. (Bloodstainedsoul)
Hey! I resent this! – Bella
While she was much better off as a vampire, everyone agreed that this was probably the best catch-all rule to live by.
I'm very happy that I've finally finished the story, and I'm super satisfied with the last rule. Again, thank you to everyone who has read this story. Every view is appreciated, and every review makes my day better. I'm going to go through other chapters and edit their formats, but this is the end of this story.