Please R&R!!!!! If you have seen Harry Potter puppet pals, you should get a gist of what the story characters look like and sound like. Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Harry Potter puppet pals.
The Silly Harry Potter Series
Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Rock
Scene 1- Introduction
Harry: Hi, my name is Harry Potter! I love Hogwarts' free food!
Hermione: Hi, my name's Hermione. I love learning!
Ron: Hi, my name is Ron! I love you Harry!
(Awkward pause. Harry and Hermione steps away from Ron.)
Ron: (oblivious to what he said) What?
Hermione: Ron, go back to your closet.
Ron: (ignores Hermione) We are trying to find the Philosopher's Rock before You-Know-Who does.
Harry: I thought it was called the Philosopher's Stone!
Ron: There's no difference.
Ron, Harry and Hermione are outside the door that leads to Fluffy.
Hermione: How will we get past the three headed dog?
Harry: We have to hurry or Voldemort will get to the Philosopher's Stone first!
Harry: Yeah, Philosopher's Rock.
Hermione: I have an idea! Let's throw Ron in as bait and run past while Fluffy is occupied.
Harry: Why don't we play some music and make Fluffy go to sleep?
Ron: I love Hermione's idea! Who's going to be the bait?
Ron, screaming, runs into Fluffy. Harry and Hermione runs past and jumps into the trapdoor. Ron, still screaming, runs past Fluffy and jumps in as well. The screaming fades out.
Harry: We have passed through man eating plants, vicious flying keys and just have played a deadly game of chess.
Ron: (Groans, becomes limp then falls over)
Hermione: What's wrong Ron?
Ron: (in a weak voice) I have played too much chess. I'm going to slow you down. You have to go on without me.
Harry: (in a cheerful voice) Ron, you have just read my mind! I knew you would be a useless git in the end! Hermione, stay back with Ron and go get help.
Hermione: What about you Harry?
Harry: I will go and get the Philosopher's Stone.
Harry: Yes, that is what I meant. The Philosopher's Rock.
Harry enters the room. At the end of the room is the Mirror of Erised. The Philosopher's Rock is inside the mirror. Voldemort's head is sticking out of the back of Quirrell's head.
Harry: Professor Quirrell, is that you?
Voldemort's face: Ahh Harry, so good of you to come.
Harry: (ignoring Voldemort) So that's why you always had that turban on! You were ashamed of your Siamese twin!
Voldemort: Never mind Quirrell! Go get the Philosopher's Rock for me!
Harry: Where is it?
V: It's right in front of you!
Harry: I don't see anything.
(Voldemort/Quirrell walks over and hits Harry on the head.)
Harry: Okay, okay! I see it!
V: Well, then go get it.
Harry: Oh why don't you get it yourself you lazy bum!
V: Go get the Philosopher's Rock for me or I'll haunt you for the rest of your life!
(Harry goes over to the mirror and grabs the stone.)
V: Do you have the Philosopher's Rock?
Harry: Yes, I mean no, ummmm… Do you want to have the Philosopher's Stone?
Harry: Sorry, I meant the Philosopher's Rock.
V: Yes, I want you to have it so I can take it from you, regain my body, kill you and take over the world! Mwahahahaha!!!!!!!!
Harry: Well, then I don't have it.
Quirrell: What's wrong with my body?
V: Shut up Quirrell! You're weak and pathetic!
Q: (in a sulky tone) That's not very nice.
V: I'm the greatest most powerful evil wizard of all times! I'm not suppose to be NICE!
Harry: I don't know what's going on but I am going. Bye!
(Harry walks out of the room leaving an arguing Quirrell and Voldemort behind.)
Harry is in the Hogwarts' hospital bed.
Harry: Why am I in a hospital bed when I'm perfectly fine?
(Dumbledore walks in)
Dumbledore: Are you feeling better Harry? (Sidles up close to Harry.)
Harry: I would be feeling great if it wasn't for you invading my personal bubble! Besides, why am I in a hospital bed? How did I end up here? I remember walking out of the room where Voldemort was but I can't remember anything after that.
Dumbledore: I was waiting outside the door for you. When you came out, I knocked you out and dragged you up here.
Harry: Why'd you knock me out?
Dumbledore: Why, it's because of the media of course! You're the Boy Who Lived! I can't have you come out of the trapdoor in a perfectly fine state! You need to have struggled for your life and defeated the enemy with your last strength! Besides I get paid tons of money for one of those exclusive interviews on you. (Snuggles up closer to Harry and Harry backs away.)
Harry: I don't get it but that's all right. What happened to the Philosopher's Stone?
Harry: That's what I meant.
Dumbledore: Do you mean that dirty old rock you were holding? Voldemort asked for it so I gave it to him.
Harry: What did you say? You gave it to him?
Dumbledore: Yes. Why? Was that rock important?
(A few minutes later, Dumbledore is screaming and running for his life as Harry chases after him with a machete.)
(All the houses are seated in the Great Hall for the end of the year feast)
Snape: (Coughs and stands up) I am Snape the potions master. I will be awarding the House Cup due to the Headmaster's absence.
Hermione: (whispering)I haven't seen Professor Dumbledore ever since the Philosopher's Rock incident. Do you know where he could be Harry?
Harry: I have no idea.
Harry is chasing Dumbledore with a machete through the Hogwarts ground. Dumbledore jumps into the lake and you see some tentacles shoot out from the water grabbing the unfortunate wizard. Harry throws in the machete into the lake and walks away whistling.
Snape: It says here that Gryffindor is suppose to win the House Cup but I don't feel like giving the cup to them.
Gryffindor table: Awwww…
Snape: Instead, Slytherin can have the Cup for being such notorious gangsters. I'm proud of you.
Slytherin table: Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (someone cranks up the rap music)
Malfoy: You tha man Snape!
All of Slytherin throw up their baseball caps.
Harry, Ron and Hermione are waiting for the train. Hagrid walks over.
Hagrid: So, how was your first year at Hogwarts?
Harry: I absolutely hated it. I made enemies with the most notorious ganster/wizard, Draco Malfoy, I get attacked by three headed dogs, a plant almost strangled me, flying keys tried to impale me, chess pieces move around destroying things, get bullied by the potions master, and couldn't sleep at night because I was afraid Dumbledore was gonna make a move on me in the middle of the night (shudders). He also gave Voldmort the one thing need to revive him so now I am in grave danger. The only reason I'm coming back next year is because of all the free food.
Hagrid: It's not that bad after you get used to it.
(A chess piece stomps around nearby trying to squish Neville.)
Harry: Oh and everyone keeps on correcting me when I say the Philosopher's Stone.
Harry: See what I mean?
(Hogwarts Express arrives and the students, the teachers and all sorts of magical creatures, and anything else that's alive climbs on board. They all peer out of the window and wave and cheer towards Hogwarts as the train begins to move.)
Harry: (As he shuts the window) Who were we waving to anyways?
Ron: Who cares?
(Somewhere far away)
Voldemort: I have the Philosopher's Rock! I will now regain my body and take over the world!
(He takes the rock, swallows it and starts to choke.)
Quirrell: I told you the Rock wouldn't have worked!
(Voldemort spits ot the rock)
Voldemort: Shut up imbecile!
Of year 1
A.N.: How was the story? Please review! I will write more chapters, one year two, year 3 etc. The next chapter might take a while to write because of school and other fan fictions so please be patient! I am open to all comments and suggestions.