Why People Don't Run With Scissors

Okay, I don't own Pokemon. Just Carid and Laris.

It was an average day at Pallet Town - 1996. Nine year old Ash Ketchum was happily setting the outside tables with his mom. " Okay ! This family reunion will be awesome ! " Ash said, placing a fork on a cherry colored plate.

" Mm - hm. Carid will be over. Gary Oak is coming too with Professor Oak. And besides them, my Aunt Laris is coming, " Delia replied, rubbing her son's head.

" Gary ? Ugh. He so annoys me ! And Auntie Laris ? Ugh. Some family reunion, " Ash muttered, kicking a can.

" Don't worry, honey. There will be ice cream ! "

" So ? It's the first five year reunion we're having without Dad somehow bashing the Democratic Party. It stinks. You're breaking tradition ! " Ash whined.

" Oh, well. You know you can talk to him on the phone afterwards, okay ? "

Ash looked at a chair. " Fine. What can I do now ? "

Delia looked around and saw everything was set. " Uh, I don't know. Just sit. "

Ash nodded and sat down on the chair he spotted earlier.

It was around twelve in the afternoon. Professor Oak and Gary were the first to come, bringing a jug of potato salad. Eleven yea Carid followed them, smiling like the brainiac she is. She walked over to Ash, who was cutting something with a pair of purple scissors. " What are you doing , Ash ? " Carid asked, pulling a brown strand of hair out of her face.

" Cutting. I'm kind of bored, " Ash said, rolling his eyes.

" Freezing priest, Ketchum ! You act like you're five sometimes ! " Gary stated, suddenly sitting on the floor.

" I'm bored. Get off my back ! "

Gary ignored Ash, literally getting on his back this time. " Okay. What do we do, then ? "

Suddenly, Ash pushed Gary off his back. " As long as it doesn't involve that crazy stalking girl of yours, I'm okay with it. "

Carid rolled her eyes. " Ugh. I should invite Floyd over. He would know what to do. "

" Floyd is emo, Carid, " Gary replied.


" HE'S MY FRIEND... but I can't invite him over since he's at home. Drat. "

The three kids thought this over until an old , shriveled woman - about eighty - six - came to the house. She had long gray hair in a bun , and thick green glasses. She had sparkling burnt sienna eyes, and a stern expression. The adults immediately went over to her.

" Hello, Delia, Mr. Samuel," Aunt Laris said, faintly laughing. " No music ? "

Delia gave a slight shrug. " No. Samuel doesn't want to listen to the Cranberries, unfortunately. " (A/N: I just thought of the first band from the 1980s/1990s. No hard feelings.)

Laris rolled her eyes and stepped over to where Ash, Gary, and Carid were sitting. She pinched Carid's cheek, and the girl scowled. And then she pinched Gary's cheek. " Wow, Delia ! Ash has grown so big ! And his hair color changed ! It's just like yours, now ! " she muttered, cooing over Gary's hair.

" Uh, Laris ? That's Gary Oak. He's Professor Oak's grandson. Ash is the other one, " Delia corrected, pointing at Ash.

Laris looked at Ash and she frowned. " Oh. He looks like a starved kitten ! Are you sure you didn't adopt him, Delia ? "

" No..."

Laris looked at the kids one more time, and she left them to do their bidding. Ash crushed a red crayon to a pulp. " Ugh ! This stinks ! She does this every time she sees me ! " he exclaimed.

Carid softly patted Ash on the shoulder. " Yeah. It's stupid to be you. "

Something went into Ash's brain suddenly. " Here. I wonder what would happen if I ran with scissors. "

Gary rolled his eyes. " I don't know. Nobody has tried it , yet. I bet you ten dollars if you do it, though, okay , Ketchum ? "

Ash gave a mischievous grin. " Okay, Oaky ! You are on ! "

The little black haired boy grabbed his scissors and started to run. " I AM THE GREATEST ! I'm that guy from Baywatch ! And I - "

Suddenly, Ash's pair of scissors slipped out of his hand and flung right into his aunt's eye. Laris started to curse. " OWWWWWWWW !!!!! That kid is possessed ! " Laris screamed, pointing to Ash.

" Here, let's get you to the hospital, Auntie. Ash - you're grounded ! " Delia called over her shoulder.

Delia, Professor Oak, and Laris left the three kids to their own doom. Gary grinned, and handed Ash a ten dollar bill. " That was sweet ! " he exclaimed, hugging Ash.

" Thanks... I think. But Mom is so going to give me the anger management lecture when she gets back. "


" Darn it ! Why won't Dad answer the freaking phone ? " Ash demanded, as he entered his father's phone number for the third time.

" Uh, maybe your dad is ignoring you, Ash. You are an idiot, " Gary replied. " That's why Carid left us. "

" He should answer. I haven't talked to him in four years... wait a minute. He must have changed the number ! Drat ! "

Ash quickly grabbed the phone again and dialed the operator. " Hello, can you give me the phone number of Redford Ketchum ? " he asked.

" Yeah... "

The operator gave the number and hung up. Ash quickly dialed another number. " Come on, come on, come on ! Answer the phone ! " Ash muttered, tapping his foot impatiently.

A cold voice answered it. " How did you three idiots get my phone number ? I told you not to bother me about this heist ! " he said.

Ash looked weirdly at Gary and shook his head. " No. I'm not an idiot. I gave my aunt a hurting by flinging scissors at her. "

" Whatever. As the boss of Team Rocket, you should know better than to address me that way, James ! "

By now Gary was starting to snicker. Ash even looked even more confused. " Wait... you're the leader of Team Rocket ? "

" Duh. I'm Giovanni, not the guy that sells Girl Scout cookies ! "

Ash started to bang his head on the wall. " This is a disturbing day for me. You are a jerk. "

Giovanni started to curse some pretty bad words in Italian. " You say that again , I'll have you three fired ! "

Gary was laughing hysterically, with tears in his eyes. " Your dad is crazy ! No wonder she divorced him ! " Gary exclaimed.

Ash put the phone on the chair he was standing on. " Yeah. He would have been fun this reunion, though. Eh. I better hang up with him. "

The boy grabbed the phone again. " Hi. Sorry I called. I guess you're on an angry rampage. At least I finally got your number. I'm probably going to hurt someone else with the scissors again, until Mom gives me the talk about anger management. Okay ? "

There was no answer, as the evil boss hung up on Ash about five minutes before he said that.

Ash started to swear. He redialed the number, and the answering machine immediately kicked on. Ash gave a grin. " Hi. I don't know why you think I'm some guy, but yeah, I'm going on a rampage with the scissors. Of course you wouldn't know, as you don't sell Girl Scout cookies. Anyway, Gary says you're a jerk, and some age inappropriate words. The usual. Uh... say hi to Fluffy for me. Bye, Dad ! "


The two boys gave a high - five. Gary slapped Ash on the back. " That was awesome, dude ! Now what do we do ? "

Ash threw his eighth pair of scissors at the center of the dartboard and finally managed to chop off one of Gary's fingers. " Yay ! I finally hurt somebody on purpose ! "

" ASH ! You're a retard ! " Gary screeched, looking at the blood.

" Yes , I am ! " Ash proudly declared.

Just then, Delia and Professor Oak came in. O.o

" Ah, crap ! " Ash muttered.

Then the phone started to ring...


Floyd is a cameo ! Yay ! The only reason why I'm not making this a oneshot is because it's possible I might do a sequel based on the after part. And remember kiddies, don't run with scissors.