Authors' Notes: YAY CRACK!FIC. Only the three of us did it this time, but it has mermaids and PWOLF lyrics, and yes. JACOB BLACK IS THE STAR. Written by boundary, pocketsun, and simmeringly on livejournal. Smut, Slash. YOU LOVE IT.

Jacob used his strength to force Bella to her knees in front of him. Her eyes looked into his innocently, both asking what was next and knowing what would come. She did as she'd seen before in videos underneath Charlie's bed. She undid his belt buckle, unzipped his jeans, and pulled out his massive member.

"Jake… wow…, "Bella breathed, clearly impressed.

Jacob smiled, he knew that when the rest of him had filled out during his transformation, that the rest of him had also been engorged as well.

Bella put her small mouth around his organ, licking and sucking at it like it was a lollipop. Jacob grew tired of her schoolgirl antics and pulled himself from her eager lips.

Bella searched his face for answers and got them with a swift slap against her fact. What she thought might have been his hand, was apparently his cock. It slapped fiercely against her cheeks, and tears welling up from the pain of such a large piece of flesh raping her face.

"Suck it hard, bitch. FUCKING SUCK IT HARD." Jacob bellowed, daring her to do anything that wasn't to his specifications.

Bella was crying and could barely see through the veil of tears. "I can't… Jake.. why…"

"I didn't tell you to fucking talk." Jake gripped her head as he violently guided it to his dick, ignoring her gags as he rammed himself into her mouth. Bella choked and sobbed, unable to comprehend what was happening. Jake just rolled his eyes at her lackluster performance, annoyed at her weeping.

"Jacob. You should let me show her how it should be done properly."

Jacob jumped back from Bella, cursing under his breath as he looked to his right, seeing the figure of Edward appear from the shadows of the alleyway, stepping over the body of a homeless man who had been unabashedly watching the show he and Bella had been giving.

He didn't care about that though. All he cared about was that Edward was here. He noticed his heartbeat begin to pick up, and felt himself harden even more than before.

"Yeah, I think you should show her how it's done. Come here, leech."

Edward snickered and made his way over. He keeled down slowly, and looked up into his eyes. The topaz was gone, replaced by a smoldering black. They were full of lust and ready to be sated.

The bloodsucker bent his head, letting his lips drift towards Jacob's hard cock. His icy tongue began to lick it, causing moans to escape Jacob's lips.

This continued for a few more minutes until Jacob decided he couldn't take it anymore.

"Stop fucking teasing me, you fucking leech!"

Edward looked up at him and smirked. "What the dog wants the dog gets."

Jacob watched as Edward took his cock into his mouth. The freezing inner walls of his mouth around his hot member was enough to make him cum, but he was determined to make this last longer than a few seconds.

The vampire was obviously skilled in the ways of sucking, he thought to himself with a chuckle.

While Edward went to down on his cock, Jacob looked around until he found Bella. She was curled up in a corner crying. Her body was rocking back and forth and she looked like she was in pain.

"You see this, Bells?" he asked, pointing down," If you had just done as I asked it wouldn't be happening."

"I'm so sorry, Jake!" she yelled. Her sobs were so intense they caused her body to shake.

"Your tears aren't going to work this time, bitch."

He turned his attention back to Edward. The leech was sucking his cock as speeds he hadn't thought were powerful, and he was getting really turned on watching.

"Fuck yeah! You're like a fucking mermaid, man! Suck it like it's the ocean water, bitch!"

And suck he did. Jacob never thought anything could feel this amazing. His dreams couldn't even compare to this.

His body began to shake and he knew he was close to coming. He knew what he had to do.

"Bella, get over here now!"

She did as she was told, hurrying over. Her tears hadn't stopped, but he couldn't think of that right now. He had more important things to tend to.

"Get on your knees!"

Once again, she listened. "Good girl," he whispered and caressed the top of her head.

"Leech, get the fuck off me," he ordered.

Edward stopped sucking and moved away, a smirk still plastered on his face.

"Now put it in your mouth, Bella. You're going to make me cum like I wanted you to."

She opened her mouth and Jacob slammed his cock in her mouth, and began to thrust his hips against her face.


He sure as hell came. He'd never had that much come out of him before when he'd slapped the ham to photos of Bella. He was a little terrified he was draining himself.

When he was sure he'd finished, he pulled himself out of Bella's mouth. The sight that met his eyes was not one he had expected.

Bella was dead. But this was of no consequence to Jacob or Edward; they used her body as a mattress and continued in their lovemaking.

Their bodies moved together in silent poetry, sweat dripping from them in streams. Jacob's moans could be heard across that alleyway and Edward did his best to quiet his own.

Jacob let out one final scream before plunging one last time into his lover's backside. Edward's body fell to the ground, a heap of listlessness.

"J… I… that…," Edward found it difficult to form sentences. His arms reached out, attempting to find Jacob's muscular form. Edward's eyes opened to see Jacob standing, pulling on clothes and looking shameful.

"What is it? What did I do?" Edward pulled a small bottle of Visine from his jean pocket, laying beside him, and applied a few to his cheeks. "Don't.. leave me."

Jacob laughed, "Who do you think you are kidding? Really?"

Edward faked the tears, pretending the salty wetness on his face were his own doing. "I love you…"

Again, Jacob laughed. His smile was wickedly beautiful. "This was all good fun, bloodsucker, but we all know this won't work."

Edward wished he could convey his sadness in poetry, it was his only release. "Oh, Jake… don't leave me this way."

Jacob, growing tired of Edward's portrayals of sadness, took Edward's face in his palms. "You don't love me. No one has or will. Except her and she's just a sextoy now."

Taking in one final kiss, Jacob snapped Edward's head clear off his shoulders. Knowing that this wouldn't be the death for a vampire, he took out a Zippo and threw it at Edward's flailing body.

Jacob smirked as he watched the only two people he'd ever cared for go up in flames. Bella, the one who'd never loved him as much as he loved her. And Edward the one that he feigned interest in for his own sexual gain.

He remembered a song he'd heard playing at a café a few days back. He laughed to himself at the lyrics, "My name is Jacob, and I am alive… ah, ah, ah."