Title: I Hate Them

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or its characters

AN:This might turn into something longer.

I hate them. I hate them so much.

I can't help it. I don't want to do it but I can't stop myself.

I mean, it's not fair, really. It's not their fault.

But I hate them. I hate how they can see something so terrifying or horrible and do nothing. How they can see people die, can see people killed in horrible ways right in front of their eyes and just . . . forget.

I mean, how can they? Are they all really that heartless?

I didn't forget. I dusted my own best friend and I still remember. Sometimes I wish I didn't but I do.

Sometimes I wish that I could've had only that one night of horror. Find out about vampires, see classmates dying, dust own best friend, and take Willow and go home. Just go home.

Don't follow that blonde girl and kinda creepy librarian back to school. Don't listen to what they have to say. Don't take on a fight that isn't mine. Just go home.

Everything would be normal the next day. Yes, Jesse would still be gone, but I wouldn't have these . . . these memories anymore. Wouldn't have to deal with the knowledge that I just killed Jesse. That I had just killed my best friend and that he wasn't coming back and that I could never actually look at the world the same way.

But who am I kidding? I could never do that.

People died that night. People die every night that these monsters are left alive. Somebody has to stop them and while, sure, that somebody isn't me, what else could I do? I have to help, if only so some other fool doesn't end up dead, or worse.
These people push me around, shove me to the floor and make fun of how I dress, punch me and beat me, and every night I go out with the new girl and fight for their lives.

Why? I don't know. Maybe it's because I love them as much as I hate them.

But it's probably because that while I hate them, I hate myself more.