Of Rubber Ducks and Shower Sex


Pairing --- Deidara -x- Sakura

Rating --- M

Location --- Akatsuki

Genre --- Romance/Humor

Created --- because i needed something to do


Chapter 1 --- I See Yellow!


"So.. did you finally throw that stupid rubber-duck out?"

Deidara removed his heavy Akatsuki cloak from his body and let it pool around his feet on the floor of his bedroom.


Sakura stepped closer to him, "Your black eye seems to be getting much better."

Deidara touched his eye and smiled, "Nothing I can't deal with!"

Sakura smacked him on the back, "Yea right!"

"You were crying like a four year old!"

He blushed at that and turned his back on the pink haired woman.

"Well, at least I got rid of him."

Sakura laughed, "Good boy!"

He cracked open a single eye, "Damn right!"


"Oi. Kisame, let's go."

The shark man took hold of his Samehada and rested it against his shoulder.

"You sure those two will be okay alone together?"

Itachi looked over his shoulder, "Why wouldn't they be?"

Kisame shuddered, "You didn't see the bathroom."

Itachi shrugged his shoulders, "If they screw up, Leader-sama will kill them."


"What do you wanna do for fun?"

She rested the palm of her hand dangerously low to his pelvis.. Her body inching closer to his when-

"Let's play I spy!"

She fell over, "Are you serious?!"

But he had already started..

"I spy on my eye something... pink!"

Sakura sighed, "My hair." She tugged a strand of the pastel lock for emphasize.

He clapped his hands like a small child, "Yay! Sakura-chan wins!"

"Okay! This is too weird!"

Sakura -in the process- straddled his waist and nuzzled his neck; taking in his musky scent.

"What are you-"

"Seducing you."

And he kept quiet. Allowing for her hands to roam all over his body and stopping just above the band of his pants.

"I thought I was always on top!"

Sakura spoke, "Well, today your acting like a child."

Deidara gripped her wrists, "Child my ass!"

He climbed on top, silencing her protests with his kisses, drowning out her moans with his tongue.

"My my.." Deidara mused.

"Someone sure is horny today, ne?"

Sakura growled, "Am not!"

He chuckled lowly, "We'll see about that."

And his fingers trailed down past her naval cavity until they reached the hem of her nightgown and began to run up the inside of her thigh. She flinched as he grazed her through the fabric of her undergarments.

"See.. youare horny."

"Baka! You'll get the same response from any girl!"

He grabbed her breasts and squeezed them gently, instantly they reacted and became erect.

"That response?"

She nodded and bit her bottom lip. Sufficing any noises from escaping.

"C'mon.. moan for me."

She didn't but once Deidara had stripped away her clothing and began to slowly peel off her undergarments, her mouth opened and sounds came rushing out for Deidara's ears.

"That's it."

"Sh.. shower.."

Picking the small woman up, Deidara fled from his bedroom and entered into the bathroom where he undressed himself and began ravishing Sakura again.


She panted against his chest, the hot water hitting their bodies and causing the girl to shudder against Deidara.

"Pl.. please-ah!"

His fingers rubbed her bud, making her arch and moan loudly. Bouncing off the spacious bathroom walls. Deidara fingered her, drew out sweet nothings from her mouth in which he kissed deeply.

Bending down, Deidara steadied himself using his hands and knees; tongue lapping up anything he had extracted from his earlier ministrations. She groaned and allowed her fingers to run and massage his scalp.

"No.. n.. ah-not there.."

She felt his hard erection pressed against her.

"Fuck me."

In one fluid motion, Deidara was inside of her, past her weeping folds and all the way in. Her inner walls clenched deliciously around his cock, almost drawing him in deeper than he already was.

He gripped her hips and pulled mid-way out before pushing back inside. All the while, something inside of her was tightening and warning her that it'd explode if any more of this went on.

She didn't care, only cried out in ecstasy while gripping onto Deidara's chest. Clawing at every part of his muscled body.. She needed to feel all of him and not only tiny fragments.

"I.. I'm cumming!"

And with one last thrust, Sakura was pushed right over the edge and exploded in an array of white light. Panting and still holding the male for support; she would surely fall on her own.


"Deidara.." He looked over his shoulder at the girl who had spoken.


"Is.. is that Mr. Quaky?"

He finished wrapping the towel around his midsection before turning around and sure enough Mr. Quaky was perched on top of the bathroom counter, staring at him.

"I threw him away already."

Sakura tapped her foot lightly against the ground.

"Are you sure? You're not exactly mentally-stable."

Deidara stuck his tongue out at the girl.

"No. I did throw him away."

Sakura shrugged her shoulders, "Whatever you say."

Walking over towards the door, Sakura went to open it but.. she found herself hopelessly locked inside.

"What the fuck?! The door is locked.. again."

Deidara sighed, "Mr. Quaky, let us the fuck out."

"Deidara, do you know how gay you sound talking to that.. that duck?!"

"Well sorry. No one can be as perfect as you."

She growled, "I never said that I was perfect!"

While Deidara's back was facing her, Sakura grabbed the bar of soap and chucked it at the back of his head. It fell to the floor and so did Deidara.

"The fuck!?"

He held out his hands, "Okay. We are not going to act like we did last time."

Sakura gathered chakra to her fists and punched at the door; hard enough that it flew off its hinges and smashed into the back wall.

"Too late."

Deidara took hold of Mr. Quaky and tossed it in the garbage can.


Sakura's stomach growled, "I'm hungry."

Taking hold of her hand, Deidara began to lead her out of his room, only clad in a towel and nothing more. Sakura's hair was wet-matted and stuck to her neck, as well as Deidara's.


Sakura nodded, "I'm up for some ramen."


"Holy shit!!"

Deidara heard the sound of pots and pans clattering to the ground and decided to investigate.

"What the-"

"Are you crazy?!"

She chucked Mr. Quaky at him; though he dodged easily.

"What did I do?"

"You.. you put Mr. Quaky in the cupboard!"

Deidara backed away, "No I didn't!"

"I knew you we're still obsessed with that duck!"

He turned his back on her and picked up the rubber ducky.

"That.. that duck stole Deidara from me.. how pathetic."

She grabbed for a very blunt looking pot and hit the counter top with it before taking a step towards Deidara.

"It's okay Mr. Quaky, I'm here n- Oh my God!"

He ducked his head so that he wouldn't suffer from a concussion. That pot looked awfully.. heavy and.. hard.

Deidara held Mr. Quaky above his head where Sakura wouldn't be able to reach him. She was much shorter than he was.

"Give it up."

Sakura went to hit him again.

"Fine! I'll just beat the shit out of you until your too exhausted to hold him!"

He ran. Oh, how he ran his ass off. She was actually intent on killing him this time.

"Get back here!"

Deidara screamed, the towel wrapped around his waist beginning to loosen but he didn't care! He was going to die a horrible, painful pot-death! By none other than Haruno Sakura!

Everything in her path was being destroyed and Deidara knew that he would have to escape the compound if he ever wanted to see the light of day again. He would have to flee the land until she eventually forgave him.

Turning a corner, Deidara sprinted for the front door and saw that someone was currently walking in.

"Hey! Over here!"

Itachi and Kisame stood there, shocked and disgusted. A little scared as well.

Sakura swung again and missed horribly, but when Deidara went to stand up right again, the towel fell from around his hips and pooled around his ankles.

"Eww! Naked-Deidara!"

Itachi turned his head away in annoyance and Kisame nearly fell over. Finally being able to smack Deidara over the head, Sakura grabbed Mr. Quaky and ran for the kitchen where she tossed the duck into the microwave and turned it on full power.

Smoke erupted from inside which set off the fire alarms.

She laughed a sick laugh, sending shivers running down the male's spines. As soon as Kisame stepped an inch within the corridor, he paled and used the wall for support.

"Th.. the compound.. it's destroyed!"

Itachi observed Deidara, he was out cold. And wouldn't be getting up any time soon too.


Said male turned to the Uchiha.

"I want you to strap the kunoichi to her bed and lock the door."

He nodded and grabbed for Sakura.

"She can't be trusted anymore."

Throwing her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, Sakura laughed her ass off in a creepy kind of way while pointing to the unconscious Deidara.

"How do you like me now!?"

Itachi used his foot to nudge the male, who in turn groaned in pain and stood up right but not before remembering to wrap the towel around himself.

"I think there's a.. present for you in the microwave."

The blonde haired male -with caution- walked over to the microwave and opened up the door; falling to his knees, Deidara's one ink orb gazed in horror at the yellow puddle that was Mr. Quaky.

"I see yellow!"

Itachi.. well he just went to his room hoping that all this would eventually blow over or else he'd have to kill himself.

"That's one crazy bitch."

Deidara used a wooden spoon to scoop up anything that was left of the rubber duck and poured it all into a clear container.

"It's okay, Mr. Quaky. It doesn't matter to me what you look like."


Author's Note: Heyya! That was hella fun to write !! that completes the fantabulous Mr. Quaky trilogy but i'm sure i can think of a few more to make XD

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Sorry for ANY spelling mistakes OR grammatical errors !! CXXXXXX