Disclaimer: I don't own gundam wing, or the characters used in my fic, I just borrowed them for my imagination.
Warnings: Attempted Suicide, Yaoi, no lemon.
Summary: To love someone so much it hurts, to say the least, hurts, and what happens when Quatre can't take it anymore, and does something rash? What happens when Trowa finds out? Attempted Suicide, Yaoi, Oneshot.
Quatre barely managed to get to his room before the tears began to fall from his face. He sank against the door, burying his face in his hands.
He supposed it was true, things are made to be broken. That his heart was made to break every time he saw Trowa.
He couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand his disgusting feelings every time he saw the beautiful man smile, or laugh. He couldn't stand the way his heart beat faster even as he wanted to rip it out of his chest and tell it to stop. He knew Trowa would hate him, no, not just hate him, despise him if he ever told him. He wouldn't be surprised if the man would kill him.
Each day he would suffer until he could finally get back to his room, where he was inevitably greeted with a mental breakdown. He would cry and curse himself for being a freak, and he would have a cold bath to try and numb his feelings. Nothing ever worked.
Oh Trowa...why did you have to steal my heart?
He sat up slowly, walking toward his bathroom. He would do something different today, to make sure he'd never feel like this again. He turned on the cold water and watched it fill the bath, stopping it when it came to mid calf. He wiped away tears with the back of his hand, hiccuping lightly as he tried not to sob.
He lay himself out in the cold water, watching as it rippled and pulled from the added volume of his body.
He pulled a small knife from his pants on the floor beside him. One that he kept with him at all times, tilting it slightly in front of his face so that it caught the light.
"I'm so sorry Trowa, but it's the only way..." He pressed the knife firmly into his left wrist, crying out as it sunk through veins and tendons. Pulling it back out, he did the same to his other arm, before dropping the knife into the water. He watched as blood danced down his arms, like an old macabre tale. It rushed through the planes and valleys of his hands, dripping off his fingers and staining the water below.
By the time morning came around, he wouldn't have to hurt anymore, he wouldn't have to feel the pain, and it made him give a small sad smile, even as tears came pouring from bloodshot eyes.
Heero walked around the corner, Duo following on his arm. They were going to see a movie, and wanted to know if Quatre wanted to come. He knocked on the blonde's door, and waited for an answer.
"Quatre, are you there?" Duo called, knocking with a bit more gusto than Heero had.
Heero turned the door nob, and the door swung open, revealing an dark room, empty of Quatre.
"Hey Quat where are you man?" Duo asked as he walked toward Quatre's giant walk in closet.
Heero walked to the blonde's private bathroom, pressing an ear to the door. He heard a soft groan, and his eyes widened. Has he hit his head? He tried to open the door, but it was locked.
He stepped back a bit and launched forward, kicking the door down. What waited for him inside was possibly one of the scariest things he had ever seen. Quatre, unconscious in the bathtub, both wrists sliced open and bleeding profusely.
He rushed to the blonde, pulling him out of the water and onto the tile floor.
"Quatre? Quatre! Can you hear me?!" He said as he lay a hand on the pale cheek. All he got was a groan in return. He blindly searched for some towels and wrapped them around the shivering boy.
He heard a noise at the door and turned to see Duo, looking shocked to say the least.
"Quatre? He...why would he..."
"Duo, get Trowa, now! He's the only one that Quatre will talk to if I manage to bring him out of unconsciousness." Heero said, putting on his 'leader of the team' voice.
Duo gave a quick nod, running off.
Heero cursed as blood continued to drip onto the floor. The wounds were not closing, and judging from the shade of the bath water, Quatre couldn't afford to lose much more.
He got up and yanked open a cupboard, grabbing the wraps, gauze, and ointment. He was just finished treating his arms when the blond's eyes slowly opened, and he jolted upright.
"Heero! I...I..." He watched as Quatre's eyes filled with tears, before he broke down, covering his face with his hands. Heero felt his heart go out to him, and wrapped his arms around the small blonde. He began to whisper reassurances as small white hands grabbed his shirt, shaking.
He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see that Duo and Trowa had returned. The circus performer had a look of worry and hurt etched on his face as he kneeled, and slowly transfered the blonde into his arms. The blonde looked up at him, his sobs becoming more violent as he buried his face into the brunette's chest.
Heero stood and decided to leave them alone, Duo walking solemnly at his heels.
What had happened? He was supposed to be dead, but instead he awoke to find himself on the floor in front of Heero. They'd caught him, and now they would know.
Now the one person he didn't want to see, the whole reason for him doing this, was holding him to his chest as he sobbed his heart away.
He allowed the strong arms and whispered assurances to gradually bring him down, and he found himself being pulled to the scent and the strong heart beat of the man he loved.
Eventually, even the tears stopped, and let go of Trowa, turning to the side, and bring his towel-wrapped knees to his chest. The pain in his wrists had slowed to a dull ache, but he couldn't stand to look at the green-eyed pilot any longer.
"Oh little one, why would you do this to me?"
Quatre tried to ignore the hurt tone, but found anger taking over his sadness. Not at Trowa, not at himself, but at life in general for making him miserable. He decided to through caution to the wind and just say it. If Trowa killed him, well that would accomplish what he had been trying to do earlier.
"I did it because of you." Quatre said, barely a whisper, but it was heard none the less.
He felt a hand under his chin as his gaze was forced to meet a solid green one.
"Why? Whatever I did, tell me! I'll make it right, I promise you! I can't afford to lose you Quatre." Trowa said, a look of hurt and confusion in his eyes.
"You didn't do anything! You are what you are, but I can't help the way that makes me feel. I knew you could never return my feelings and I just couldn't take it anymore! I couldn't stand being in love with you anymore..." Quatre closed his eyes, tears once again making their way down his face. He waited for the verbal backlash, the physical strikes, that he knew would soon come.
When none came, he opened his eyes, only to find Trowa sitting right in front of him, face only a couple of centimeters from his own. He tore his gaze away and looked at the tile floor.
"I'm sorry alright? I know that you probably don't care, that you probably hate me by now, but I am sorry. Just please, kill me, or let me die, because I can't take living like this any more."
"Quatre." He ignored the deep call. "Quatre look at me, please." Slowly, he found his eyes seeking Trowa's, and when he found them, there wasn't any malice, or disgust waiting for him. Just acceptance, caring, and something he didn't quite recognize.
"I could never kill you little one, or let you die. I could never hate you, hurt you, or allow you to be hurt. I've been in love with you since I first saw you, all those years ago, when we both stepped out of our cockpits. I kept it to myself, because I valued our friendship much more than the prospect of losing you if i ever told you." Trowa said with a smile, bringing a hand to rest on a pale cheek.
The next thing Quatre knew, there were a pair of lips on his own, warm and soothing. He melted into the kiss, and felt as if the world had been lifted from his chest. Trowa loved him. Not only loved him, was kissing him. He let out a low moan as he felt a tongue pressing against his lips. He opened his mouth eagerly, and wrapped his sore arms around Trowa's neck. The tongue delved in, playing with his own.
Trowa broke from the kiss, pulling the small blonde into his arms. He combed his fingers through the silky locks as he arranged their bodies more comfortably. He felt a warm wetness through his shirt, and realized that Quatre was crying again. He pulled him back to look at his face.
"What's wrong Quatre? Is this not okay?" He asked, worried that he had misinterpreted his little one somehow.
"No, it's just... I could have never imagined that you would feel this way. I can't believe that this is happening to me!"
Trowa smiled and kissed his temple lightly. He he hooked an arm under Quatre's knees and stood, lifting the blonde with him.
He carried him out of the messy bathroom and placed him on the bed. Quatre gave a small smile as he wrapped him in the luxurious covers. Trowa made a move to leave and Quatre grabbed his wrist.
"Don't me leave me tonight Trowa, I don't want to wake up to find you gone." He said with pleading eyes.
"I wasn't planning on doing so little one, i'm just going to leave a note on the door explaining what happened for Duo and Heero." Trowa said in a calming voice.
When he finished there he came back to the bed, crawling under the covers and pulling the small blonde into his arms.
"Mm, you're comfy Trowa.." Quatre whispered as he nestled into the strong chest.
Trowa smiled and laced their fingers together, bringing them around to lay on Quatre's heart.
"Promise me you will never do that again, little one, it would break my heart." He said, tightening his hold on the light frame.
"I promise you Trowa. I don't have a reason to anymore." With that, his new love kissed him on the cheek and curled up for some much needed rest. Once he heard his breathing even out and felt Quatre's heart beat slow. Only then did he follow him into sleep.
Not the best piece of writing I've ever done, but aesthetically pleasing I think. Please drop me a review to tell me what you think! Ja.