(A/N at the bottom of this chapter)

Reaching In

"Paging Doctor Kahn to the O.R; Doctor Kahn to the O.R."

Alex and Beth sat patiently in the waiting room. Alex felt it wasn't her place to be in there with Jeff and Matt at a time like this, and Beth just needed some time alone to think.

"Can I get you anything, Miss Britt?" Alex asked politely.

Beth looked at her scornfully. She pondered her words for a moment, and then finally broke the silence.

"How dare you."

Alex's face dropped.

"Excuse me?"

"How dare you sit here and look at me like that!"

"Like what?" Alex asked with confusion.

Beth shook her head.

"Like you honestly think I have no idea what's going on between you and Jeff."

Alex was silent. She knew?

Beth looked at her and laughed.

"You honestly thought I had NO IDEA. Wow. You really are an idiot." Beth said, with a sly smile on her face.

Alex looked at the floor, shocked and appalled. She said nothing.

"I know you and Jeff are sleeping together," Beth said quietly. "I see the way you look at him and the way he smiles at you. And I think you really care about him."

"I do," Alex whispered, near tears, unable to look Beth in the eyes.

Beth aggressively grabbed Alex's face and turned it towards hers, forcing her to look her in the eye.

"You have NO idea what it's like to be Jeff Hardy's girlfriend. You think you do, but you don't! You know what it's like to get high with him and fuck him and let him buy you nice things, but you don't know what the rest of my life is like! You don't know what it's like to watch him jump off of a ladder, and not know whether or not it'll be the last time he ever stands on his feet. You don't know what it's like to watch him sit in the bathroom throwing up from meth withdrawals, and crying because the withdrawals are so bad that he wants to kill himself! You don't know what it's like to let him go on the road, day after day, night after night, knowing that hundreds of girls will show up at his hotel room, and he will probably sleep with all of them. We don't even sleep together anymore without a condom because I have no idea what he has or where he's been. Do you have any idea what that feels like? To have your boyfriend cheat on you over and over again, and to have to wake up every day and smile like it's nothing? Do you know what it's like for him to come home, suffering, in pain every night, and he doesn't even want to look at you, he just downs a bottle of painkillers and passes out! That's what being Jeff Hardy's girlfriend is really about! Do you even think you can imagine that?"

There was a moment of silence. Beth let go of Alex's face. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She rubbed her chin in pain.

"You might think your special. You might even think he loves you. But just remember; I am Jeff's girlfriend. And until you get that title, you're just a filthy fucking ring rat like everyone else."


January, 2008

"How about her?" Matt asked, holding up a Polaroid of a woman in her forties.

"Too old," Jeff replied. He shuffled through a bunch of Polaroid pictures of women of various ages, races, shapes and sizes. "I like her," he said, holding up a picture of a slender blonde.

"I don't think so," Beth replied quickly, taking the photo away from him. "No blondes."

"Aw, come on," Jeff whined, rolling his eyes. "What do you think's gonna happen?"

"You very well know what is going to happen if you hire her," Beth retorted in a know-it-all fashion. She gave Jeff a small kiss and then headed into the kitchen to throw out the picture of the hot blonde so Jeff wouldn't be tempted to call her. Matt and Jeff stayed on the couch, huddled around a group of Polaroids and written applications.

"I can't believe y'all talked me into this," Jeff mumbled, flipping through the applications.

"You need a personal assistant. You're a high profile celebrity in the prime of your career. You can't handle everything by yourself. You need help around the house. You need someone to make your traveling arrangements. With me on Smackdown and you on Raw, we're on different schedules. I can't always be there to help you and I worry about you. Please, just pick someone," Matt pleaded, handing his younger brother the pile of photos. "It's just temporary. Just until things smooth out. If it doesn't work out, you can fire her. Or him. There's some male applicants too." Matt added.

"He's right, Jeff. Buck is really having a hard time right now with his depression and I'm the only one he will talk to. With all the family therapy sessions we've been going to, I haven't been around as much." Beth added from the kitchen. She reached into the fridge and pulled out two Red Bulls, one for Matt and one for Jeff, and searched frantically for something for herself. "Do you have anything to drink besides nasty energy drinks and alcohol?" she asked.

"No," Jeff replied, shaking his head as he stared baffled at the mass of photos and applications in front of him.

"Because you don't have time to do any grocery shopping?" Beth retorted, as she headed into the living room and handed Matt and Jeff their drinks. "Hire a personal assistant. Let her do your grocery shopping for you. Please? If I have to drink another Red Bull I'm going to go insane."

Jeff opened his Red Bull and sat in silence for a moment. He knew he couldn't handle everything by himself, but a live-in personal assistant? Were Matt and Beth out of their minds? To Jeff, it seemed like they wanted to hire a babysitter.

"You guys…I don't know…can't I just hire…a maid to come in a few times a week?"

Matt shook his head.

"You don't need a maid. You need someone to travel with you on the road and work every day that you work. This is the most important time in your career and you can not afford to screw up again and let everything slip away."

Again. The word hit Jeff like a slap in the face.


What he meant to say was, "I don't want you to do meth again," Jeff thought to himself. Why did his own brother feel like he had to walk on eggshells around him?

Jeff scratched his head with frustration and looked through the pile of photos.

"How about her?" Beth said, gesturing towards one of the photos. "She seemed nice."

Jeff shook his head.

"No, no, her and I had nothing in common. I didn't like her." Jeff said angrily.

"It's not who you have things in common with, Jeff…it's who's best for the job," Beth said.

Jeff threw the pile of photos and papers down onto the floor.

"I want someone who I'm gonna get along with! If I have to live with her, I wanna at least like her! God!" He roared, his Southern accent getting stronger as he got angrier.

Matt and Beth were silent for a moment. The last thing they wanted to do was make Jeff angry. Ever since Jeff came back from rehab, the last thing anyone wanted to do was make him angry. He was finally clean, and his friends and loved ones were determined to help him stay that way – even if that meant putting on fake smiles for him all the time.

"You're right," Matt said quietly. "Pick whoever you want. It's your assistant."

Jeff cleared his throat and looked down at the stack of photos. One photo in particular caught his eye. He reached down and picked up a Polaroid of a slender brunette with black glasses, very studious looking, but very beautiful in a natural way. Her pale skin had a hint of olive to it, and he wondered what ethnicity she was. He didn't remember meeting her at the interviews, but something about her intrigued him.


Matt and Beth looked at each other with surprise. It had been days since they conducted interviews for Jeff's assistant and he refused to pick anyone for a call back. This was the first person he even considered.

Matt slowly leaned over Jeff's shoulder and looked at the photo he had selected. The number 134 was written on the bottom of her Polaroid. So many women responded to the Craigslist add to be a personal assistant to Jeff Hardy that during interviews, they stopped referring to the women by names and had to resort to numbers.

"Number 134?" he asked.

"Yep," Jeff answered, unenthusiastically, his voice revealing how much he could care less about who they chose at this point.

Matt frantically searched the pile of papers on the floor for the application before Jeff could change his mind. He picked up a sheet of paper.

"Alex Zimmerman?" he confirmed.


"Are you sure?" Matt asked.

"Yep," Jeff answered again, staring off into space.

Beth grabbed the paper from Matt and scanned her application, trying to remember her interview.

"But she has no PA experience. She's never assisted anyone in her life. Don't you maybe want someone…more qualified?" She asked her boyfriend, hoping he would take some time to reconsider someone more qualified. She honestly wanted someone with a good head on her shoulders who would help Jeff out.

"Nope. She's from out here. We'll get along great. Hire her," he said, finishing his Red Bell, getting up off the couch and heading towards his room.

Matt quickly scanned her application.

"Actually, Jeff…she's from New Jersey. She just went to college in North Carolina."

Jeff stopped and thought about this for about two seconds.

"Close enough," he said, entering his room and closing the door behind him.

A/N: So, this is the GIANT LONG ASS HUGE ASS author's note. You don't have to read this, and please don't let this deter you from reading Chapter 2 or the rest of the story. You can skip ahead to chapter 2 now to continue on with the rest of the story. This is just me talking to you the reader.

I used to have this before the jump, before the story. Then I realized that no one was reviewing, and I had almost 1000 hits on chapter 1 but less than 100 on chapter 2. Which means either I wrote a horrible first chapter or I was scaring people away. So don't let this scare you away. Skip it if you like. If you want to connect with me or my story on a deeper level though, read on. There are minor spoilers that I think have already been established in the first chapter.

For those of you who are too lazy to read the whole thing, let me get a few major points out of the way.

1) This story is rated M. If you are under 18 and you read this, I really can't stop you, but seriously. You knew what you were getting into when you decided to read a rated M story.

2) As stated above, this is FICTION. I have tried to base the PREMISE of this story on as much real-life ground as possible. I mean, reallllllly real stuff. Like googling what town Jeff was wrestling in on the day the story took place and what hair color he had that night. I'm keeping this thing legit. All of the WWE centered activity in this story (people Jeff wrestled, cities WWE had shows in) is legit. However, the actions outside of the ring in this story are 100% made up! Fiction! Fake! Entertainment! As fake as the "E" in WWE, don't get it twisted.

3) There is CHEATING in this story. I HAVE NO PROOF THAT JEFF HAS EVER OR WILL EVER CHEAT ON BETH. Aside from that trashy photo of him that circulated on the Internet in late 2008 with some blonde bimbo in a hotel room, (which was actually released way, way after I dreamed up this story) no one ever really knows what Jeff Hardy does when he's on the road. I have absolutely no reason to imply that Jeff ever actually cheated on Beth in real life. But, spoiler alert, Jeff will cheat on Beth in this story. (Come on, would anyone actually read a Jeff/Beth fanfic? Yawn)

4) THERE IS DRUG USE IN THIS STORY. SERIOUS HARD DRUG USE. Like, not just marijuana. We all know Jeff has done drugs, and that is based in reality, but the AMOUNT and TYPE of drugs in the story are PURELY fictional and made up for the purpose of this story. If you are going to have a problem seeing your hero doing hard drugs, I would go watch a nice PG episode of Friday Night Smackdown and close this story out. However, I urge you to note the fact that: Jeff has been either seen with or arrested for possession of every drug in this story. There's no random drugs I just pulled out of the sky. All the elements of this story are grounded in reality. If you think Jeff is not an addict, you might be in denial. And if that makes you love him any less, you might be a moron. He has been jumping off of ladders to entertain your ass for well over a decade. You would probably do drugs too.

5) Lots of sex. Cursing. Sex under the influence.

If you are under 18 you probably shouldn't be reading this, is the general gist here. But I can't stop you.

A bit about the author and how the story came back to life after a four year hiatus:

This story was originally written in January and February of 2008. I was madly in love with Jeff Hardy (still am) and just wanted to write a little smut fic but with some story behind it. I decided to base the characters on myself (Diana) and my child hood best friend (Alex). (and no, of course those aren't our real names). I thought it would be an interesting challenge for me to not base the character who gets to hook up with Jeff after myself, because in reality, as much as I am obsessed with him, my childhood best friend was more deserving than me, and I always told her that if I ever got a night with Jeff Hardy, I'd give her a call and pass the buck. So here's to you. Her and I have for the most part lost contact, and I doubt she'll ever read this, but it's a nice tribute in my mind. Plus, if I based the main character on myself, it would just be a Mary Sue, and those are horrible. I wanted to write something that outside people from different countries who I've never even met can relate to. So although in the beginning they were based on me and my best friend, I realized that I needed to bring in additional characteristics to form these characters into more fully realized, three-dimensional beings who stand on their own within this story.

Everything was going great, and I got very positive reviews, and I enjoyed writing the story. Then, something happened. And you can believe it or not believe it, doesn't make any difference to me. (I'm a million miles away in cyberspace!) I met a WWE guy. No one like Jeff Hardy. No one like that at all. Someone very new and very low on the card. Just a jobber. And we started dating.

Or so I thought we did. Because what I thought was "dating" was actually just many nights of me sitting at home while he went out and partied with WWE stars much bigger than him, thinking he was cool, losing his humanity, becoming a different person. Hooking up with ring rats every night. Breaking my heart.

And I realized that, on a much smaller scale, I was going through exactly what I wanted to put Beth through in my story. And for the first time in my Jeff Hardy loving life, I had so much sympathy for that woman. And couldn't hate her anymore. And realized I couldn't write a story slamming her, and decided the story had no artistic value, was just a piece of smutty trash to get reviews, and gave up on it.

Then Jeff got suspended, and his house burned down. And I really had sympathy for these people. And they seemed way too human to write any fanfiction about them. And I put the idea out of my mind.

I broke up with the WWE jobber several months later when I saw pictures of him on myspace with some whore, in her bed wearing a baseball cap I had bought him. He was released shortly after and never made a name for himself on the indy scene. I went back to a very normal, non-wrestler dating existence.

Four years passed.

Jeff Hardy and Beth Britt are now married with a kid and seem to be doing very well. I have also met Jeff twice (very, very briefly both times) and he's a very nice guy. My whole fandom and love over him has a nice closure to it now. I can kind of worship him from afar while finally having accepted I'm never going to bang him. I can meet him at a show without trying to hit on him. I've accepted I'll never have him, and I'm okay with that.

But that's when it hit me – my fan fiction characters do not have to accept this gloomy, boring fate. I'll never have Jeff Hardy – none of his fans will probably ever have him – but my fanfiction characters don't have those restrictions. They can do anything.

And the timing seems right. I've moved on from my wrestler drama and Jeff seems to have moved on from most of the issues this story will discuss. Jeff and Beth are happy and even if they did stumble upon this story, I doubt they'd sue or get angry over it since they seem to be in a great place.

So the timing felt right to come back to the story and start over, keeping the general idea but making a few changes along the way. No longer would this just be a smut fest, but now I've actually dated a WWE guy, I've been the girlfriend and I've been the other woman, and I've been cheated on in both positions. I know what all my characters in this story are going through and can write them all on a three dimensional level. I've grown as a writer and a person and feel like I can write better dialogue now.

I've changed a few things about the first four chapters of the story that were originally published in 2008. I've changed the main characters last names. I've changed some of the dialogue to make it more realistic. I've changed some descriptions. I've rewritten Beth to make her more sympathetic and more of a human being and less of a stock character. (with the advent of twitter, we have much more information about who she is than we did in 2008). I've rewritten any details or descriptions of locations that seemed wrong before or that I found more details on. I've changed the circumstances of why Beth is gone for most of the story (since now, thank you twitter, we know she has a brother).

Some things in the story that are completely and totally inaccurate that I would like to acknowledge: To the best of my knowledge, Beth and Jeff lived together for as many years back as I can count. Her not living with him full time is invented by the storyteller for the obvious reasons. Beth's brother Buck, as far as I know, did not have personal problems in 2008 that caused her to be away. That's also just part of the story. Also, Jeff and Beth had 6 dogs aside from Jack, but since I don't know their names and haven't been able to find out much information about them, they aren't included in the story. If anyone can provide me with info about them, send it over as a PM and I'll try to include the dogs. I didn't want to make that sort of thing up, since this is realistic fanfiction).

ANOTHER FLASHING NEON LIGHT: I will NOT abandon the story this time. I won't. Even if I don't get any reviews, even if I get hate mail, even if no one reads it and it's an epic fail. Why? Because it means too much. First of all, because the story has haunted me for four years. Because I feel it's a story that needs to be told. After what I went through, in many ways it's going to be me telling my story, and changing the characters and using fanfiction as an outlet. Many of the things included in this story actually happened. Maybe not to Jeff or Beth, but to me and other people I know, including WWE wrestlers. There is a deeper message in this story, but that will be for you the reader to figure out on your own. And yes, lots of sex scenes along the way. Who doesn't love a good Jeff Hardy sex scene? Also, I want to portray Jeff Hardy in as real a way as possible. Too many people write Jeff Hardy stories and ignore the fact that he is an addict. That he is in constant pain, emotional and physical. People love to write about him being an artist and painting and gardening and having sex and all of these things, but there is a very real seriously darker side to this man that people try to ignore. I want to show that it doesn't make him evil, it doesn't make him not our hero. It just makes him human.

Finally, a note on reviews – "It's good, update soon," while very appreciated, is not particularly a helpful review. I would rather you write a full sentence about why you HATE my story than write that. That does NOTHING to help me or motivate me as an author. I guess I would rather have that then no reviews, but really? If you actually enjoy the story, why be too lazy to review? I know not everyone can or will write long reviews, but please try to make them meaningful. Tell me why you enjoyed the chapter or didn't. Tell me what about the characters intrigue you or make you feel empathetic toward them. Tell me which paragraph in chapter was your favorite. Tell me something, anything. I'd rather have a short review than no review, but long reviews make authors really happy and make us update faster.

A final final note – I'm extremely approachable. I'm like the Hardys. You can even come up to me while I'm eating and ask for an autograph. Seriously, I don't bite. Feel free to message me or talk to me anytime. I especially love the hate mail. I would especially love for someone to call bullshit on my backstory or my wrestler dating history or call me a rat. Hell, you know what they say. It doesn't matter what they're saying about you, what matters is they are talking about you.

And after a four year long hiatus….drumroll please….onward with the story! And thanks for reading. (Chapters written in 2008 will be edited, and re-posted on a daily basis, and then updated as I write).

Also, a quick thank you to all the fans who reviewed in 2008. My hat is off to all of you. I know most of us have grown up and away from fanfiction, but I sincerely hope you will rejoin me on this journey.