10 Things Dumbledore Wanted to do Before He Died
Alright, I'm now putting the lists from 10 to 1, as someone (don't remember who, but thanks!) suggested. YAY!
10.Have school-wide Naked Time! He attempted this one the year before he died, but the school board overruled him and said it was 'inappropriate'. Pish-posh! What do they know anyway??
9. Change up the dress code a little bit! Come on . . . black robes?? How about lime green tuxedos (for boys) and dresses (for girls), rainbow leg-warmers and furry hot pink boots! And BOOKBAGS? Ew. Coach purses? YES. Dumbledore never attempted this one . . . mostly because he thought it would let people know that he was gay . . . and he wasn't quite ready to come out of the closet.
8. Start the wave at a Quidditch match. (He tried this every game . . . it never really caught on, but he gets an E for Effort).
7. Invite Voldemort out for coffee and girl talk. You know, just to see if he'd open up and let some of that inner rage go. Also, try to convince him that yoga isn't a bad option. (Uh . . . Voldemort never responded. Dumbledore was devastated, so he invited Harry out for coffee and girl talk. Harry then stabbed himself in the leg and said that he couldn't come because he probably needed stitches and a tetanus shot.)
6. Install an in-school tanning salon. He noticed that some of the kids were looking a bit palish. Unfortunately, Madame Pomfrey tattled to the school board and that plan was vetoed. Something about 'melanoma'. (Stupid, dream-crushing school board).
5. Try online dating. What's the worst that could happen? Actually . . . Dumbledore did try this one. He met a great guy named Enrique on He looked great in the pictures and everything, but when he came to visit, he was fat and Bulgarian (not Spanish), his actual name is Mike (not Enrique), and he admitted to airbrushing the pictures on his online profile 'a little' (A LOT!). That was the end of that little phase of Dumbledore's life. He decided to be content as a single gay teacher/wizard.
4. Go out partying with Hagrid. Umm . . . no one actually remembers what happened when that occurred. The next morning, Dumbledore was found in a tent underneath the Eiffel Tower surrounded by some security elves wearing the rejected school uniforms as seen in #9. Hagrid just disappeared and didn't show up for six days. . . when he came back he refused to talk about what had happened. Needless to say, Dumbledore's partying days are over. Hagrid . . .not so much.
3. Gain 100 pounds and pretend to be Santa. Well, when a gay man dresses up in a tight red suit and has kids sit on his lap . . . parents call the cops. Which is exactly what happened. Luckily, Dumbledore has some friends on the police force who helped him out with this one.
2. Go on a diet to lose the 100 pounds from #3. Dumbledore tried Atkins, Slimfast, Aerobics, yoga, Nutrisystem, Zone, Jenny Craig, Dr. Phil's Diet Books, Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kicking Weight Loss Program, and liposuction.
1. Tell the world how he REALLY died. Ok, ok, ok. I know that J.K. Rowling says that Snape killed him . . . but really, he just died from anorexia, still trying to lose the weight from #3. How unfortunate. (NOTE: The authoress does not in any way support dangerous diet programs or eating disorders. She believes that all women, girls, boys, men, and wizards are beautiful in their own skin. If you or a friend has or might have an eating disorder, please visit www. mirror - mirror . org / eatdis . htm (remove spaces)
A/N: Ok, ok, ok. I have a new poll up! Tell me what YOU want my next list to be. Closes on Wednesday around 4 pm. I'll have the next list on Thursday or Friday!! I know that this wasn't the funniest one I've written, but I was bored and thought 'Hey, what the heck why not?' So I wrote it. Haha. Reviews always appreciated!