Yes. Yes. Be amazed. It's an actual update. I have got out of my funk and am a writing machine. I have 3 complete outlines for Reincarnated, True Colors and Misery. I am still trying to work out the rest of Unintended and the rewrites for Two Worlds, Right Here and Who I Am.

Also upon many requests... Bitchella is back!


Chapter Thirty One

Who I Am

"Knock. Knock."

I sat up from the fetal position that I was in so that I could get a good glance at the door. Big, burly Emmett was peaking his head through; looks of confusion evident on his child like features.

"I thought you could use some decent company," he tried to tease but he knew he had failed. His heart just wasn't in it.

Sitting up, I gave a gentle nod. My gesture prompted him to enter and he carefully took a seat in front of me on the bed. It creaked underneath his weight and I couldn't resist smiling when I caught sight of the sheepish grin on Emmett.

"So what's up?" I asked. I loved Emmett dearly but based on how hesitant he was, whatever he had to say was clearly important. He may be a big teddy bear but heart to hears weren't exactly his thing.

"I figured you needed someone to talk to," Emmett said. He ran a huge white hand through his brown curls and for a minute, he reminded me of Edward. "What I'm trying to say, Bella, is that if you need to talk to someone, I'll do my best to be unbiased. All Edward wants to do it protect you. Whether you see it or not, he really just wants the best for you because he loves you. I don't always think his reasons are justified but if I was in his position, and Rose was in yours, then I'd probably do the same things he is, or was, doing."

I sighed and adjusted my top before looking into Emmett's golden eyes. "Look, Em…"

"No. you're going to let me finish, okay? I thought long and hard about what I wanted to say to you and damn it, you're going to listen to me."

All I could do was nod. I wasn't sure what to think about Emmett's little outburst. It was just so unlike him. I had to give him props for being so damn ballsy.

"So where was I? Right! We have Edward, the lovesick fool who would do anything for you. Now on to Rosie and Alice. I love them both but they're so wrapped up in this hybrid baby thing that they don't realize that they're neglecting their best friend. You need them and they're too busy planning a theme for the future nursery. Poor Jasper can't even think straight. Everyone's emotions are really screwing with him. I think he's about to snap. Carlisle and Esme just want everyone to be happy so they're pretty much useless as well."

"Where are you going with this, Emmett?"

"I'm getting to that part, I promise. You're my friend as well as my sister. This family isn't a family without you, Bella. It ceases to exist. Everyone is miserable without you and I don't want us to fall apart again. It'd be great to have a baby around but I don't think you should have to sit around and wait for something that may or may not happen. What happened to the fierce, don't-take-shit-from-no one Isabella Swank? Sure you regained your memories but why can't Bella Swan exist with Bella Swank's fierceness? You can be both girls and you're going to need that fierceness to get what you want around here. Edward doesn't want to damn you to this life and Rosalie would do anything to be around a baby. Fight for what you want. No one knows what you want better than you do so if you want to be a vampire, then make it happen. Don't give up on this, Bella. Don't back down."

I was speechless. I had never heard Emmett speak with so much passion before. It amazed me and I found myself wanting to fight for my future. Who did they think they are? They didn't know what I wanted… what I needed. I was sick and tired of reliving my life. I was sick of being without Edward. Did they really think this cycle would eventually end? All I wanted was to spend forever with Edward. Why couldn't they just give me that? Why couldn't I be allowed to live my life that way that I saw fit? Enough was enough! With wobbly arms and legs, I pushed myself up until I was standing a little taller than Emmett.

"You know what, Em? You're absolutely right! Only I know what's right for me and I want to truly feel like a member of this family. I'm not getting any younger. I'm seventeen years old. Does he really expect me to wait until I'm in my twenties? Or grow old while he stays young and beautiful forever? How is that fair to me? He's been calling the shots from day one. I'm done!"

A huge smile crossed Emmett's face and I knew that my little speech had made him proud. He had given me the push that I needed to get out of this funk. As soon as I saw Edward, I would tell him just how I felt about his stupid ideas to keep me safe.

"So you're really going to go through with it then?" Emmett asked, still grinning like a mad man.

I placed my hands on my hips and grinned. "Damn straight I am! No more pushing the fragile human around."

"That's my girl."

A laugh escaped me and without much notice, I flung myself into Emmett's arms, giving him the biggest hug that I could manage. I had lost myself but because of Emmett, I had found my way again.

A throat cleared from the doorway. Still wrapped around Emmett, I glanced over his shoulder and had to hold in my laughter. There Edward stood with narrowed eyes and a snarl on his lips.

So Edward Cullen was jealous of his own brother. How interesting…

"You two seem cozy," Edward growled. After our talk earlier, I had assumed that we had gotten past everything.

Apparently not and boy was I pissed.

I moved away from Emmett and placed my feet firmly on the ground. Edward's posture stiffened as I approached him. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights. After so long, why was he jealous? And of me and Emmett? Ha!

"I'd like to know what's going on with you, Edward Cullen," I hissed. "One minute you seem to understand and the next you're a jealous idiot! For years, you've been jealous of my friendship with Jacob and the pack and now you're pissed that I hugged your brother? Do you really think that Emmett could do that to Rosalie? That I could hurt her like that? Or more importantly… hurt you like that?" I could feel my blood boiling underneath my skin. I was sick and tired of Edward getting jealous over nothing. This had to stop. "IF you think that I could hurt you in anyway than you don't know me at all. Emmett was being a friend. You do know what those are don't you, Edward? He was reminding me to not let anyone push me around and that if I wanted to be a vampire then I should fight for it and you know what? That's what I'm going to do. I'm done with your bullshit, Edward."

Edward just stood there, mouth opening and closing like a fish. I couldn't help but feel content. I was back to being me. I liked the new me. I liked that I wasn't such a push over… that my life didn't revolve around a boy. It didn't matter if I had the old memories back. This is who I was. If I wanted to be a vampire then I would be. Screw everyone who wanted to keep me from being one!

"Would you three mind telling me what's going on here?"

I glanced behind Edward to see Alice. Her golden eyes were turning dark from lack of blood and what could only be perceived as fury. I crossed my arms over my chest. I didn't owe anyone any kind of explanation for my outburst.

"Can someone please tell me why I just had the shock of my life? Renesmee has suddenly disappeared. She has no future."

What now?

"You mean…" I stammered, suddenly caught off guard. "That baby… my.. my child… she has a name? And it's Renesmee?"

Alice nodded and everything I thought I wanted flew out the door. Knowing that Alice already knew the name of my supposed child… all of this was suddenly so real. It was obvious that since that very first vision that Alice had grown to care for a child that she hadn't even met yet.

What was I going to do now?

"Well?" Alice tapped her foot impatiently. "I'm waiting."

Edward tore his gaze away from me to look over his shoulder at his sister. "It seems that Renesmee has disappeared because Bella decided that there isn't going to be a baby. She has her mind set on being a vampire."

"Bella turning into one of us is going to happen either way, Edward," Alice sighed. "Renesmee disappearing isn't the only thing I saw."

"Alice?" My resolve was quickly faltering the more Alice talked. I couldn't help but wish that she and Edward would just go away for a little while and leave me alone. "Alice? What else did you see?"

"The Volturi are coming. They heard about Bella."