We didn't even finish our drinks and House barely said one coherent sentence ever since he had noticed her. He actually decided to use one-word sentences in order to answer my occasional questions and in the end he even settled for interjections as answers.
I was having a hard time fighting the tears building up in my eyes and I had never felt more hopeless in my entire life. When House paid the bill and we walked out of the restaurant I finally looked up at him. It was more than obvious he didn't care about me at the moment and I guess if I hadn't spoken he wouldn't have realized I was standing there next to him.
"I guess I'll take my own cab and go to my place tonight." I said giving him a fake smile. He looked into my eyes, his expression awfully blank. "I don't have anything I'd change into at your place anyways."
I knew if I had stayed with him, it would turn out to be even worse.
He nodded lightly looking anywhere but at me. We waited in silence before one of the cabs arrived and he motioned for me to take it. I leaned in and kissed his cheek keeping my lips pressed against his stubble for a few seconds. Somewhat I felt it might have been the last physical contact we shared.
I sobbed quietly as I turned and walked towards the cab, getting in eventually. As soon as I closed the door and the driver pulled out, I burst out crying. He looked at me and handed me a tissue sympathetically giving me a cheerful smile.
"Bad night?" He asked.
"The worst." I sobbed wiping out the tears of my face.
I spent most of the night crying, getting absolutely no sleep so when the sun was up I fought the idea of staying at home another day. Besides the fact I was so exhausted in the morning that I was having a hard time getting out of the bed, my eyes were also so puffed that everyone would easily realize how down I was.
Mainly Cuddy and Wilson who had been aware of me and House being together.
On the other hand, though, I needed to see him.
I took a long shower and put a lot of make-up and powder on around my eyes just to make my face look natural. After I was done I headed the PPTH.
When I got there, Chase and Foreman greeted me cheerfully asking where I had been past few days. I came up with some stupid excuses not sure whether they would buy them or not. They did, though.
It was way too early for House to be at work and I felt dizzy anytime I thought of him. I knew that sooner or later he would appear in there and that I'd have to face him, talk to him and look casual, which I wasn't really sure I was bound to.
I was almost noon and House still wasn't in the hospital. I made my way downstairs to the cafeteria to get myself something for lunch. I wasn't too hungry but anything was better than to stay in the conference room chit-chatting with Chase and Foreman about soccer, basketball and crap like that.
I picked up only a bowl of salad and a chocolate milk and walked over to one of the tables to sit down at. As I was eating, thousand thoughts ran through my mind.
What if ???
What if he breaks up with me? What if he wants to be with her? What if they're together right now? What if they're meant for each other? And what if I kill her?
Deep inside I knew I didn't want to know the answers to these questions but the whole situation was devouring me.
"Can I join you?" A familiar voice said and interrupted my thoughts.
"Sure." I smiled as Cuddy sat down across from me. An awkward silence filled the space between the two of us as none of us knew what to say.
"So, you're seeing House." She stated with a grin after a while.
"So, you're seeing Wilson." I said smiling and we both blushed as we fell silent again. My salad-bowl was still half-full and I struggled the idea of leaving it and walking away just to get rid of this embarrassing moment but I stayed.
"So, Stacey's back?" I asked sheepishly. Cuddy looked at me nervously and nodded lightly.
"If I'd known you and House were together, I wouldn't have asked her to come back and work at PPTH."
My eyes widened and I felt like dying. Not only was she back in the town, but obviously she wasn't leaving any time soon. Cuddy noticed my look and gave me a cheerful smile.
"Don't worry. She's married and everything they shared with House is gone. It won't happen again."
"I… I don't trust her." I let out in a low voice.
"Well, I think that far more important is whether you trust him or not. Do you?" She asked and I took a deep breath. After I had seen his expression the day before, I wasn't sure if he was really over her. I knew they once shared something special.
"Well, we'll see. Maybe I'm just freaking out." I gave her a forced smile and got up.
"I think you've got nothing to worry about."
I made my way upstairs to the conference room. House was already there as I walked in. Not only was there no 'hi' he'd utter but he didn't even have guts to look at me. The anger bubbled up in me.
"Hey, Dr House." I said and sat down.
He finally looked at me nodding his greeting. We had a case so I spent most of the day in the lab where House sent me after we were done with the differential diagnosis. As I was staring into the scope for no real reason at all, I was wondering whether she was already in the hospital and how long it would take her to find some pretext to discuss something with House.
Maybe she's in his office right now.
And maybe I'll end up in the madhouse if I go on thinking like this.
I pulled my cell out of my lab coat pocket and texted him.
If you feel like meeting me for a drink, I'll be waiting at my place tonight. C.
However, he didn't bother to answer so when my shift wasover and I walked back into the conference room to take my stuff, I made my way into his office as well.
He was sitting behind his table, his feet resting on it. He was listening to his iPod, his eyes closed, his lips formed into a soft smile.
I took the opportunity to stare at him knowing he had no idea I was in the room. A few moments later I approached him and kissed his lips ever so gently.
He opened his eyes in shock and watched me carefully, putting down his headphones.
"You didn't answer." I said simply with a soft tone in my voice.
He looked so sexy that I wanted to jump him right there but it probably wouldn't help anything. He had to decide who he wanted to be with, me or her.
"Um, I wanted to call you later on." He said sort of apologetically.
"So? My place?" I offered.
"I've got to catch up with some stuff. I won't get out of here before 10pm I'm afraid. You must be exhausted, you seem way too tired to wait for me."
I took a deep breath to calm myself down and nodded.
"Yeah. I can see how busy you are." I added ironically and walked out of his office. I knew he wanted to be alone but he could've found a better excuse.
I took my stuff and walked out of the conference room frowning all the way to my car.
When I took the car keys I remembered I forgot my clinic duty schedule back in the conference room. I wasn't sure whether I was doing House's clinic hours the very next day or not so with a sigh I made my way back to the hospital.
I wasn't about to talk to House again… I wanted to leave him alone and let him decide. Probably Cuddy was right. Stacey was married and there was absolutely nothing between her and House anymore.
I walked into the hall and noticed the hospital was almost empty. I waited for the elevator and smiled changing my mind. Suddenly I felt the urge to kiss him and feel his tongue in my mouth.
Maybe I'll go to his office just to kiss him so that he knows I really care. I thought.
I was walking towards the conference room very quickly hoping to find him there. He could've gone to Wilson's office or somewhere else but as I was approaching the conference room and his office I could see the light was still on.
I smiled and hurried there. The blinds weren't drawn and I stopped abruptly as I looked through the glass into his office.
My whole body started trembling as I watched him stand there, his arms put around her waist, his lips on hers. I was standing there hopelessly, shaking and crying silently as they went on kissing passionately. She ran her hand through his hair and then they broke off the kiss leaning their foreheads against each other's. Looking into her eyes, he smiled at her and kissed her nose.
I knew I couldn't have taken more of this sight. I ran away, my knees buckling with each and every step I made. I ran straight to my car knowing I didn't need the schedule anymore. I got in, laying my head on the steering wheel and I cried hard, knowing this was the end. I didn't want to see him anymore fro the rest of my life.
In fact I spent most of this fucked up relationship crying and I was fed up with this. I didn't want to suffer anymore, I wanted to live happily… far away from here.
As soon as I got to my apartment, sat down at my computer, the tears making it hard for me to see properly.
I opened a word processor typing 'Resignation letter' on the top of the page.
This word was absolutely appropriate for how I felt at the moment. I was resigned.
When I was done writing it, I sat down at the couch with a glass of Port. I hated him and hated myself for being so stupid. He was playing with me the whole time.
Sipping the Port I looked around my place wiping away the tears of my face. Not much was left of the damn relationship. There was the dress he had bought for me, a few CDs he had left at my place and most certainly one broken heart. My heart.
Alright, that's it… I'm really, really, really sorry to those who were hoping for a happy end but I'm thinking of writing a sequel. Pls, let me know if I should or not.
Thanks to all of you who read this fic and reviewed. Hopefully you liked it, it was my first fanfic so I believe the other will be a bit better.
Also I'm very sorry for all the typos (like shanking me lightly, lol, etc.) and all the grammar mistakes.
Love, S. :)