Notes: An attempt at Kaname's view of events. Adapted from Chapters 11 and 35 of the manga. Now edited with the new enlightening information from chapter 36.
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Vampire Knight.
Book One: Good-Bye
It is difficult to imagine a life without knowing my beloved Yuuki. She is everything that I consume: the air, every thought, all of eternity. I was there when she was born in the hushed whispers of the night, the lights lowly dancing and flickering to magnify the secret of a new born baby Pureblood.
How I hate the label. It is ever so confining, so limiting in what I can do for my princess. No longer was it a title to respect the ones of pure, sacred lineage, but a label that allowed greedy noblemen to take advantage of a little girl and her innocent family. As a result, my own life was ruined due to their greed; they were no different than the humans—everything that they did was for their own gain.
Now there was hell to be paid; I am already damned to Hell for my vengeful plans, so I want to take as many of those treacherous fools with me.
Living every day is a torture to my broken soul, seeing Yuuki struggle needlessly in her frail human form. I had to keep things from her, making me, the being who worshiped the very ground on which she walked, her enemy. Whenever she asks me, begs me, to tell her if I had anything to do with her vanished memories, I want to tell her that I have to lie, that it was the wish of her dying mother, and that I would sell my soul to see her happy, to see her laugh freely without burden. But the words never come, and Yuuki goes on to think that I was keeping things from her just to spite her.
I am her blood brother. My parents gave birth to her as my future wife since it is not uncommon for Purebloods to marry within the family. My parents were also siblings. For what seemed like a night's dream, I was happy, happy with my loving parents and their daughter, my beloved sister, Princess Yuuki. She was the most beautiful creature in my existence with her big round eyes that stared at me with an undeserving look of complete adoration. Her voice, like the many tinkling of angels' bells, still haunts my dreams.
The night when she born, my father had looked so devastated when he held the cooing baby in his arms. He knew that she had to go into hiding, never able to see the dazzling world above because greedy vampires planned to get her involved in their treacherous politics. It meant that I could never take her sledding or spontaneously build a snowman with her when it snowed. When I was able to fully understand this fact, my resentment grew. Insolent creatures. They dared to use the Purebloods as a puppet to do their bidding, and my hatred for them never left. Instead, it took root in my black heart, and blossomed into the blackest rose. And a rose, if not kept under control, will begin to invade every part of its surroundings.
But even with my dark heart, my princess still loved me. I hated the longing look in her beautiful eyes whenever I came back from the outside world. My greatest wish, back then, was to let her see the reddest rose I had ever seen in my life, and I promised to harden one in resin to see if my could capture its stunning beauty for her to see.
But the night of that promise, things began to fall apart.
• ∞ •
The room in the basement was empty save for the corpse of my mother. First, I had to rearrange the bodies of my dead parents to make it look like a murder-suicide—my father said it was the best way to keep the Senate from knowing what happened and the truth about our secret princess. It was not difficult since there was already so much precious blood lost. I carefully lay my beautiful mother next to my equally beautiful father whose hands I stained red with her blood and his own. My eyes stung and my vision grew hazy. Tears? I smiled sadly. At least I am capable of crying for my parents; perhaps I'm not such a terrible monster.
The murder-suicide set up and Yuuki's human transformation was all planned even before she was born. My parents had somehow known—but still hoped in spite of it—that my father's older brother, Kuran Rido, would find out our secret. He was bloodthirsty for power and he already had half of the Senate within his control. I clenched my bloody fists at the thought of my uncle and everything within me trembled with hostility. I let out a breath to calm my shaking body as I reminded myself that I had killed him. Ripped him to shreds out of my rage. He would never touch Yuuki so long as I shall exist. My father was powerful and he had fought valiantly, killing Rido's followers, but he was no match for Rido, who had killed his parents and drank their blood—a taboo in our dark society. With the blood of two more Purebloods in his veins, his power was unprecedented. So how did I manage to kill him? He was already wounded with the fight with my father, and I simply knew how to corner him then go in for the kill. Rido was mostly brawn than brains, and I had both.
When I was finished with the arrangement, I meticulously erased all evidence of a little girl's existence within the room since it was likely that the Senate would scour the room for any clues. Taking a key from my pocket, I unlocked a desk drawer in my father's study and carefully pulled out a long envelope: the composed suicide note. After I tucked it in my pocket, I went back to where my parents rested. I looked at his peacefully sleeping face. His ivory skin seemed even paler in death. I went up the stairs to the regular mansion and picked up the phone. I called the Senate. "My parents…they are dead."
A car came by to pick me up, black and ominous as the air itself. The snow was falling. It wished it was raining instead. It would match the occasion. I was driven to the Senate House where I explained what I had been doing that day and what I had found when I got back home. I even read the suicide letter, a piece of convincing evidence that I had not killed them. There was a mix of horrified shock and mounting pleasure, and my stomach churned with the urge to kill all of them, innocent or otherwise, but I kept still, knowing that I had to behave myself for my princess. One by one, they shook my hand—some even had the nerve to pat my shoulder—and offered their worthless condolences.
They discussed the next line of action for the Purebloods, and one of the senators—a follower of Rido—suggested the impossible.
"It is impossible for Kaname-sama to lead us yet. There is another option. Rido-sama, the Pureblood that the Senate has kept under strict surveillance, has enough power to take over as the head of the Kuran family. It is only right; after all, Kuran Haruka is his younger brother."
There were murmurs that rippled throughout the Senate. Soon, someone ran into the room, breathless and tense. "Rido-sama has escaped our surveillance! We cannot find him. His tracks are covered too well."
I could see the smug smiles on some of their faces at the news. When they caught my burning eyes, their conceited smiles disappeared in a heartbeat.
It was difficult to escape from them for I was under watch, in case something happened to me also, but I managed to get permission to go back to the house after they recovered the bodies of my parents. I hated the idea of their dirty hands defiling their bodies, but I could not say anything that would not arouse suspicion.
When I returned, the basement was clean and empty. Quickly, I went to Yuuki's secret room; it was disguised as a bookcase, and it could only be open if one kissed the gargoyle that acted as a bookend. She always wrinkled her face at him whenever I kissed his nose, and giggled when I quickly kissed her nose to sate her childish jealousy. The bookcase noiselessly slid to one side and revealed the inner chamber of her room. Her little bed was at the far end of the room, and she had a large stuffed bear next to a comfortable armchair. One of us read to her every night before she went to sleep, but she liked it the best when it was my turn. My father would pout at her undisguised excitement at my turn, and she had to kiss his cheek twice before he was in a better mood.
The room was empty. I was expecting her to be in the bed waiting for me. The ritual my mother had performed on her cost her life, and it would make the life she had lived as a Pureblood become locked away somewhere far within her heart, and that she would not be able to remember anything. So, I had expected her to remain where she was, confused and nervous. I panicked. Where had she gone? Did she wander from the basement on her own?
I raced out of the room, pausing only to seal it, and sniffed the air. The rich fragrance of my parents' blood was still heavily present, but her incredibly honey-sweet scent led up the stairs and outside of the mansion by the back glass doors, and I followed it the best I could, but my head was about to burst with the anxiety from being apart from her without knowing where she was. I gritted my teeth and tried to restrain my emotions. I had been so good at it before, but why was it getting so difficult now? The blizzard outside was raging, howling as if in agony, and I knew I to find her before something else did. The winds were throwing her scent around all around me, and I could not decipher which direction she was located. I was almost frantic as I climbed the snowy hills, slipping several times in my haste and falling to my knees. The harsh winds stung my skin and numbed it to the point where I could no longer feel the bitterness of the cold.
The winds were blowing south and I was heading north; I picked her scent, but there was an unfamiliar smell that reeked in the air. The dread of finding her dead flooded my body, and I had to force myself to keep moving. My pace was even faster than before and her scent grew stronger with each passing second. It felt like two eternities before I could see a large shadow looming over a tiny one, but instead of fear, I felt fury rip through me like a hot dagger. The wind carried her shrill scream my way and before I was even aware of what my body was doing, I had already slashed out with such force that I beheaded volatile vampire. Blood splattered on me and the ground like red paint; it smelled like old rags that were never cleaned. You are a disgrace to all vampires. Only when I heard my own snarl in the wind did I realize that I had spoken aloud.
"Are you okay?"
She did not answer me, only looked at me with an innocent, naïve perplexity. She was still so beautiful. She sat in the snow, cold and trembling, staring at me then the red stain on her pink mitten. I watched in silent horror as she raised her hand to sniff it. Instinctively, I reached out and stopped her. "No, don't touch that. Why are you in this sort of place?" I had to feint ignorance, but she could not answer any of those questions.
"Come here." I gently took her hand and pulled her toward me and she obeyed without thought. It felt like I was starting over, which was true. "I'm Kaname. You?"
She looked at me again, her eyes reflecting her confusion and terror. Her hand shook more violently, and I could not resist sweeping her into my arms. As I held her, I could feel her throat tighten as she tried not to cry. She whimpered quietly. "Oh, it's alright. You are afraid, right? It's alright now." I 'm here. I wanted to say them. Though those two words seemed meaningless and inadequate, I still wanted to say them.
I held out my hand, hoping with every fiber of my being that she would take it, accept it as she had done so easily before. I saw her hesitate but she reached out her little hand to grasp my fingers, and I held it, determined to never let it go for the rest of my life. She was cold; her body was shivering without ceasing, and I picked her up and carried her to keep her warm. Her tiny arms wrapped around my neck, and she rested her head on my shoulder.
The blizzard soon faded into a gentle fall of snow, and the skies no longer held their ominous signs in their color. The sun, though obscured by the clouds, resigned for the day and a new night settled as I continued to walk for miles and miles as I wanted to get to my destination as quickly as possible.
Then on the next hill, I could see the light shining through a little window, and I saw the cozy cottage of Cross Kaien, an ex-vampire hunter. He had changed his ways after he was assigned to kill my mother. His tracking abilities were envied by other hunters, and there was good reason for that. He found my mother in the room in the basement, a room that not even vampires knew about, and he was ready to kill her. Her eyes were alight with rare anger and fear—fear for her baby daughter cradled safely against her chest. My father and I had been attending a Senate meeting, which was why he chose that day after observing our schedules and habits. When we got back, we were panicked by the outside smell, a human scent, and we rushed downstairs, our teeth bared as we braced ourselves for the worst. But there he was, playing with the baby as if he was a part of an extended family that had come for a surprise visit, and my mother serving him her famous tea cakes with coffee.
Cross gave up hunting after meeting us, after finding out that vampires were just as capable of emotions like love and happiness as humans. He was exiled from the Hunter's Association, and now he lives rather peacefully in his cottage, catching up on all of the things that he had been unable to do as a hunter, like read novels and write books. A few years after his exile, he set up Cross Academy for elite students.
I approached his doorstep and knocked twice and waited, and I could tell that Yuuki was still awake even though she held very still for a child. The door opened to reveal the kind, familiar face of Cross, and I felt the unbelievable amount of relief that washed over me when I saw him smile. His eyes soon looked away from mine and settled on the princess, his eyes sobering and the smile disappearing. Looking at me again, he grinned, though with effort, and chuckled.
"Kaname-kun, it's a pleasure seeing you here." He gestured us inside, and I put her down on the sofa in the middle of the room. I sat down next to her, and took off her bloodstained coat. I tossed it aside, and Cross came in with a bowl of pudding for Yuuki. I took it and handed it to her to eat. I did not speak. I had no words to begin. He knew already what had to happen; my mother asked him after he was exiled.
He smiled again. "I understand that you want her to be taken care of."
I nodded and looked at her. "I want nothing more."
"After all, you are the son left behind by the person I am indebted to." He meant my mother. He said that if it weren't for Yuuki, my mother could have easily killed him, but she chose not to. Instead, she made him understand something that he had never realized before.
There was a brief silence, and our eyes automatically went to observe the little one beside me.
"The child doesn't seem to know that the pudding is for eating." There was humor in his voice, clearly amused when she sniffed the food curiously.
"Yes, it seems all of her memories have completely disappeared ." I took the spoon from her and scooped some pudding onto it. "You should use the spoon to eat it. Yes, like that. Say, 'ah.'"
The princess froze. Her eyes grew wider. "What's wrong? Open up."
She reached out past the spoonful of pudding and toward my mouth, where she gently pushed away my lips as if searching for something.
She screamed as she scrambled away from me to the farthest end of the sofa she could go, her face etched with horror and shock as she clamped both of her tiny hands over her mouth. She had seen my fangs, the same fangs that the other vampire possessed in the blizzard. I could not help it. I abruptly stood, my heart racing and aching with something inexplicable, and ran my fingers through my hair to keep myself from giving anything away.
"Chairman Cross, I think I should get out of her sight. I'm going back."
He looked at me with pity and sadness. "Back…? To that place? It wasn't easy for you to leave. Since your parents' deaths, that place has become a demon-den that tries to make use of you."
I saw the glaring truth in his words. I was nothing more than a pawn to them, but little did they know that I was now the only one who knew how to checkmate. "Still, I should go back." To destroy them all.
I glanced back at my princess who had gotten over her initial shock, but she was still scared of me. I could see it in her eyes. They were brown now. They were not that pretty amethyst color anymore.
I whispered the final words, hoping that my voice did not give away the agony inside. It tore at my heart and I felt like I was dying. "Good bye."
It felt so final, like the end of something that had never started.
Notes: Reviews would be nice?