Disclaimer: I don't own the hills have eyes nor the Tonight Show and never will. I've had this idea for a while and I'm finally writing it out yea!

I'd put this in the about mid sixties because in all the fics I've read Lizard seems to be in his late forties, early fifties.


Lizard hit his alarm clock as hard as he could and got up. He wondered why he got up so early and with a start realized that it was Monday.

"Shit!" yelled Lizard as he put a shirt and his spike belt on. He was going to be late if he didn't hurry. He rushed through the test village almost hitting Pluto as he ran through the mines almost getting lost. He hoped to god that she hadn't left yet.


Charlotte Malone got up slowly. She was up late watching the 'Tonight Show'. She hated Mondays. Monday, bloody Monday. She dressed quickly in her simple pencil skirt and sweater and looked to the horizon. She saw him running toward his brother and knocking him down. She smiled to herself. Everyday he watched get on the bus to the middle school just ten miles from her home and he was always waiting in the gas station or her room for her when she got back. The only reason her father let him be around her was because his father might not kill but at least seriously hurt him. They had threatened to kill him on numerous occasions. Her mother was so afraid that one day she just got up and left. They still talked on the phone and sent letters and she was even there for her thirteenth birthday and got her a new transistor radio. Barely any compensation for the lost years according to her father. She chose not to dwell on it, Lizard's family was pretty scary. The only reason that they let her mother go was because they just needed one person.


Lizard was at that age where he started noticing girls. And there was only one girl his age around, Charlotte Malone. He loved everything about her from her light brown hair and eyes down to her B-cup breasts. Her especially loved her breasts. He ran up to his little brother Goggle and snatched the binoculars from him and looked toward the gas station as Goggle protested loudly.

"Shut yer fucking mouth or I'll shut it fer ya!"

"It mine! It mine!"

"Shut yer fuckin' mouth!" yelled Lizard as he punched his six year old brother in the eye

"I tell papa Jupiter. He hurt ya!"

"It's worth it!" yelled Lizard as he saw Charlotte undress from her thin green night gown slowly. Like she was doing it just for him.

"You love 'er?"

"I thought I told ya to shut it!" said Lizard hitting him harder in the stomach making him double over in pain.


Charlotte came home from yet another dreary day of middle school with a shit load of homework. She went through the gas station barely regestering her father's greeting and made the climb up to her room which was a sort of attic. She was beyond startled to see Lizard in her room on her bed asleep in nothing but shorts. This had been a particularly hot day. She noticed his muscles were well defined and he had scars all over him. She traced his abs and went up to his mal-formed jaw and cleff lip.

"Pluto, lemme alone." He said softly

"Lizard, I'm not Pluto." Said Charlotte only a few inches from his face

"What the fuck!?!" yelled Lizard as he darted up quickly

Charlotte laughed as he scrambled to find his shirt

"You-you look nice." Said Charlotte awkwardly

"Um thanks." Said Lizard

"Soo, you wanna listen to a record."


She put grabbed them some soda's and put some rock music on and sat next to him on her bed. They talked about nothing in particular just their days and the goings on of the test village. She noticed how he kept figiting. and asked if there was something wrong.

"No!" he said quickly almost jumping and knocked the soda allover her dress and sweater

"Lizard!" screamed Charlotte as she got up quickly


"It's ok." said Charlotte as she took off her sweater and noticed how a cerain part of Lizards body reacted and blushed. So did he. Lizard shifted a bit as Charlotte sat down and put her arms around his neck. Damh hormones.

"W-What are you doin'!?"

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"


"Well then this 'ill all be new to ya." said Charlotte as she kissed him having to shift many times. When they finally broke apart he yelled-

"Hell ya!" -and she just blushed