I Never…

It's a drinking game. The person whose turn it is says, "I never…" and those who have done that thing take a drink. It goes around in a circle. Here it is with a DGM take. I tried to take people's body types and drinking experience into account. (I'm underage and don't drink, so my accuracy is questionable…)

D.Gray-Man is not mine…nor will it ever be.


"I'll start!" Lavi chirped joyously. Lavi, Allen, Lenalee, Miranda, Krory, and Kanda were seated around a large circular table. They were stuck in a pub waiting for a storm to pass, so what better way to spend the time rather that a drinking game? Kanda could think of one million or so ways to better spend his time, but the future bookman had blackmailed him in to playing this juvenile game. "I never kissed a Noah."

Allen took a drink. He hated the burn in his throat that the alcohol gave him. He didn't like the memories of his master that it brought up either. He cleared his throat and announced, "I never saw Lenalee naked." He was shocked that Miranda, Kanda, Lavi, and, obviously, Lenalee all took a swig from their respective glasses. If only Komui had been there…Allen looked at her with a surprised expression.

"What?" she asked indignantly. "You were the one who brought it up. Anyway, I've never been so drunk that I have forgotten my OWN name."

Lavi took a huge gulp from his cup. 'It's hard to keep track, when you are on your 49th name!'

"Oh dear…I never…um…went on a mission by myself." Poor Miranda was low on self esteem and creativity. Kanda proudly took a gulp from his glass. Lavi almost drank, but then he remembered that the panda was always with him.

"I never was accepted by society," Krory stated grimly. Not a single one of them drank. Allen felt like he should, but didn't want to admit it. He was accepted by them, and that was all that mattered. They were all waiting for Kanda to break the uncomfortable silence with a statement. The silence seemed to stretch on for eternity.

Finally, he spoke. "I never like going on missions with inexperienced exorcists, like Allen and Krory." Lavi Miranda, Krory, and Lenalee were all so kind-hearted that they drank weather they felt that way or not. Allen was too angry to drink. "See bean sprout," Kanda teased, "you wouldn't even go on a mission with YOURSELF!"

"Shut up, Kanda!" Allen snapped at Kanda.

"It's my turn again!" Lavi interjected to stop the fight. "I never got hit on by an Akuma." Lenalee's face turned red as she took a drink.

"I've never been caught touching myself by anyone at this table," Allen declared proudly.

"Yes you have," Lavi corrected him slyly. "I just never told you…" Everyone, including Kanda, laughed as Allen turned a new shade of red.

"Yeah, I caught you too, idiot." Kanda teased. "I didn't care enough to tell you."

"Come on, Allen. Think of another one." Lenalee was trying to help the poor boy recover.

"OK, I never whole-heartedly thought of maiming Komui." Lenalee and Kanda both took large decisive swigs from their glasses.

"I never EVER thought Jerry was gay," Lenalee stated. She was very proud of her accurate "gaydar." Krory, Lavi, and Allen all drank.

"I have never had a kinky fantasy about anyone at this table!" Miranda stated the fact with much pride and conviction. Lavi, Allen, Lenalee, and, surprisingly, Kanda all took a sip. Krory looked disheartened as he thought of Eliade.

He recovered from the wave of sadness he had felt with his recollection of her and spoke, "I never wet the bed after the age of four." Allen and Lenalee both timidly sipped their drinks.

Kanda would have to remember to tease the bean sprout later, but for now, he had to think up a good statement. "I never snoop through people's stuff…unless I'm supposed to for a mission." Lavi and Lenalee both drank. "It better not have been MY stuff!" Kanda snapped at Lavi.

"I never put flowers in my room at the Order!" Lavi said jovially to tease Kanda as well as give him his answer as to weather Lavi had been snooping in his room. Miranda, Lenalee and Krory all drank. Kanda fumed at Lavi, but took a swig nonetheless.

"Stay out of my room stupid rabbit!" Kanda threatened the redhead.

"Aww, I'm your rabbit! In Spanish and French, 'rabbit' (conejo and lapain respectively) is a term of endearment! Do you have a secret crush on me, Yuu?" Lavi teased Kanda. He was obviously not afraid of the other's threats.

"DAMMIT LAVI!" Kanda shouted. No one dared to guess why Kanda reacted in such an extreme manner. They attributed it to the alcohol and tried not to dwell on it.

"Um…" Allen interrupted, "I never had phone sex by golem."

"You're a pervert," Kanda accused with great conviction. Apparently booze made him talkative. "Where did you come up with that one?"

"I heard my master do it on multiple occasions." No one doubted that and no one drank.

Lenalee was giggling incessantly. The alcohol was really beginning to affect her small body. "I never undreshed Klaud Nine wish mah eyes." Lavi drank, though he'd thought of avoiding it on the technicality that he only used his left eye.

Miranda wondered if Lenalee would be all right. She was nearing the end of her third glass. "I never thought about sex whilst on a mission," She declared proudly. She was surprised when the four younger exorcists at the table all drank. 'I suppose it's those teenage hormones…'

"I never ran around naked." Krory smiled as he spoke. He was proud of what little dignity he had.

"What about when you lost at poker?" Lavi asked and Allen nodded.

"I still had boxers!" He declared. Miranda and Lavi drank.

"I never cried on a mission." Kanda stated coldly. Miranda took a huge gulp. Krory, Lenalee, and Allen took sips too. "Yeah, Allen cried because a dolly named Lala broke." Kanda snorted and turned toward the white haired boy. "You are such a baby!"

"Is he your baby?" Lavi enjoyed teasing Kanda. He talked over the swordsman's angry protests and threats in order to make his statement. "I never tried to strangle a finder." Kanda drank three times. Everyone stared at him.

"What? One drink for each time I tried." They all worried a little about weather he would try to strangle exorcists too.

"I have never used foods in foreplay." Yes, Allen believed that eating should be kept separate from other activities.

"Not even whipped cream?" Krory asked. Everyone turned to stare at him. They were all surprised to hear him say such a thing.

"You've never even had sex, so why would you have had foreplay?" Lavi pointed out. Allen flushed.

"Yeah, but my statement still stands." Allen was feeling a little dizzy from drinking and did not want to argue. Lavi and Krory both drank.

"I neva drank milk shrai ou of da carton, shoda righ from da bottle, or any shimila shing." Lenalee wobbled in her chair as she made her point.

"What did she say?" Kanda asked. Lenalee's speech was too slurred for him to understand.

"She said that she's never drunk milk right out of the carton, soda right out of the bottle, or any such similar thing." Lavi interpreted. He was also pretty drunk, but his speech had not failed him yet. Allen, Lavi, and Krory all drank.

"Well, it doesn't make that much of a difference, when you drink the entire carton in one sitting." Krory pointed out. Allen nodded in agreement. Lavi laughed. His reason was that he was simply too lazy to get a cup.

"I never looked at anyone else while we bathed in the baths at the order." Miranda was unnerved when everyone at the table drank. Lavi had a little trouble finding his glass at first. He kept grasping the air beside it but he eventually got it. Kanda smacked his glass against his nose, before he found his mouth.

"I never had one of those dreams that everyone seems to have, where they show up to work naked." Kanda, Lavi, and Lenalee drank.

"I accidentally DID show up to work naked one day…" Miranda mumbled, "I was in such a rush that I wasn't thinking properly. I just threw on my coat and left without even thinking. I lost my job that day…" Krory smiled at her and patted her shoulder.

"I never enjoyed going around with my master." Kanda couldn't stand Tiedoll. Though Allen hated alcohol, he chugged an entire glass to demonstrate his hatred for Cross and would have drank more if not for Bookman appearing at that very moment.

"This storm will not be passing any time soon. We will lodge here for the night. We will use three rooms in the inn next door. Come on." Lenalee tried to stand, but she wobbled and sat down again. Krory, who was not so inebriated, assisted her in standing. Lavi and Allen both stood and staggered a little. Miranda followed behind them; she was no more graceful than usual. Kanda stood last and followed the others out of the pub.

Drinking so much so quickly near the end of the game had an affected him. He had not eaten much that day, so there was nothing much in his stomach to cushion the drinks.

They all had a little trouble ascending the stairs, some because of drinking, and others because they were carrying more luggage than usual. Bookman ushered Lenalee and Miranda to a room with two single beds. He pointed to a room a little ways down the hall, where the boys found two bunk beds. "I'll be in the room across the hall from you," Bookman said to the boys as he bid them all goodnight.


It was a nice change of pace from writing Sorpresando Amor.

If you want a sequel about the drunken night that ensues, let me know! (Preferably by reviewing.)

Also, don't forget that if you drink, drink responsibly!