Or 'booo' if you happen to be one of the people looking forward to me updating my other fics, or otherwise spending time on things I should… anyway…

I don't own Naruto. If I did, you would know. And trust me, I'd publish Icha Icha myself with the money I'd get from the manga. Come to think of it… I'm a damned pervert, aren't I?

(Now all I need is godly expertise in Ninjutsu, another thirty years on me, and a hot spring to peep on and POOF! JIRAIYA!)

-cough- anyway, I hope you like this new fic. It might get a little complicated, but trust me, it should be worth the wait until everything's explained. After reading so many time-travel Naruto fics, I had to do one myself, AND I already had a similar fic idea, so I just stuck the two together one day, and BAM! A great plot!

According to one of my own sayings, 'The fine line between genius and insanity is that the genius knows he's insane' I happen to be quite the little genius when it comes to these sorts of plots. XP

Anyway, ENJOY! (OR ELSE)

EDIT: Decided to change it from 'T' to 'M' due to so much swearing.

Naruto, if nothing else could be said about the boy, hated mornings. He also hated the Akatsuki, traitors, snakes, Uchiha clansmen, whiny people, loud people, most people in fact, and otherwise just about anything you can list. He'd gotten surly in his old age, and you would too if you spent eighteen years trapped in a timeloop that always led to you dying painfully. Every time Akatsuki would track him down. Every time they'd try to rip Kyuubi out of his gut, and every single time Kyuubi would throw Naruto's consciousness back about thirty days to try it all over again as a last-ditch effort to survive.

After about two years of training to beat Akatsuki and thus break the loop, Naruto found the effort horridly futile. For one, his body retained no muscle memory from any training he did from one loop to the next. All he could do is remember… thus, Jutsu training. Oddly enough, his muscle control wouldn't carry over, but his chakra control, to a minimal extent, did. That topic, however, is for another time…

In essence, Naruto became a cold, cynical bastard, spending more time developing a jutsu to send himself back further than thirty days than his sixteen-year-old form had technically been alive. Sarutobi was dead. Jiraiya was dead. The only person who could remotely count as a seal master that he knew was still breathing was Kakashi at the time, so he learned from him. Writing and remembering how every seal worked. This alone took years worth of loops, but let it not be said that Naruto was an idiot. When he put his mind to something, he learned to do it… flawlessly.

Either that, or change what he was learning so that it fit his needs, and still worked as well or better than the original. And so did Naruto spend most of the last decade of his memory in seclusion. He had to do the jutsu, and he had to do it RIGHT. He finally decided to try it on the eighteenth anniversary to getting his ass stuck in the damn loops.

And so he opened his eyes. Crappy apartment… moldy furnishings… outdated everything… aww shit. He went back too far. The young blonde leaned up, cracked his neck simply by moving it against his shoulders, and walked into the bathroom. "Fuck…" He muttered. "I'm a midget again…" And so he was, staring at his twelve-year-old self… his chakra control and capacity, at least in comparison to that of his older body even with the minute augmentations that came with knowing how chakra worked on an almost intimate level, was utter shit when he was twelve.

Naruto sighed. The first thing he needed to do was go find out what day it was, and what was going on. After digging around for a while, he found a Konoha forehead protector and that obnoxiously orange jumpsuit he wore as a child. 'No insult in your language is foul enough for how horrible that thing looks on us, ningen…'

Naruto arched an eyebrow. 'I can't possibly have had this kind of mental contact with you back then, fox… What did you do?' He asked mentally.

'A simple matter of using you as a springboard to send myself back before you were born, so that I could avoid ever being sealed by that bastard gnat of a Hokage in the first place.' The demon responded.

Naruto's brow furrowed. 'Did it work?'

'Obviously not you damned idiot… not well enough, anyway. I got here a good week before you did, and knowing that you'd show up soon after, I used the time to set up the wonderful mental link we had in the future.' The demon scoffed. 'What fun would eternity be if I missed out on time better spent driving you insane?'

'So that's why I went back too far…' Naruto mused. Shrugging it off, he went through his closet once more, coming across a pair of black pants along with a black and red jacket that reminded him dreadfully of his jumpsuit, if in shape and stitching alone. But, it was better than nothing. Naruto honestly had no memory of the clothes. Perhaps Sarutobi snuck them in during one of his visits? That reminded him… he should talk to the old monkey, if he's still alive. Donning the more ninja-colored garb and tying the hitai-ate around his upper left arm, he immediately stopped by a training area, and made exactly five hundred and one shadow clones. "You." He pointed to the lone figure apart from the massive ranks. "Sort them out, and disperse twenty of them every half-hour. I want to recondition this damnable body for as many techniques as we can. Focus on re-mastering the Rasengan first." The clone nodded, sorting the groups into equal parts tree-walking, water-walking, element manipulation and Rasengan training, even as the original launched himself away towards the Hokage tower.

Sarutobi was confused when Naruto burst through the window, especially since he didn't even break the glass. He would've expected Naruto to either kick open the door like he always did, or at least come diving through the glass… instead, the blonde simply burst the lock on the windows, allowing them to swing inward. Naruto then stood directly in front of the old man in something other than his old orange jumpsuit, a pleasant surprise but a surprise nonetheless, but the biggest surprise was the look on the blonde's face. He almost seemed to be glaring at the Hokage. "Naruto… what's wrong? Shouldn't you be off being sorted into your Genin team right now?"

"Tch… that explains what day it is…" Naruto muttered, earning a confused look from Sarutobi, which he decided to explain. "Listen up, and listen good, you old monkey…" This caused the elderly man to scowl, and the guards by the door to glare at him. "…I don't give a damn whether or not you believe me, but trust me when I say I'm too fucking old to take any bullshit if you don't." This caused curiosity and a hint of animosity to form. "About four years from now, I get caught up in this goddamned loop, what with Akatsuki ripping the Kyuubi out of my gut and him sending me back in time a month to fix it. In the end, I got fed up with trying, and made a time-travel jutsu of my own." Sarutobi's eyes widened, and his mouth opened to ask something, but he was cut off by Naruto's raised hand. "Hold all questions until the end of the ride, old man… anyway, I was sixteen when it happened, and spent a good eighteen years trying to get out of it, giving me a grand total of thirty-four years under my belt. I am not in the mood for any bullshit, nor am I in a mood to be nice about telling you what's in your future and actually help people. If and when I am, I'll tell you. Until then…" He rubbed his hands across his brow, an act that almost made him look his supposed age. "Fuck, I'm getting old… anyway, questions?"

Sarutobi scowled slightly. "Time-travel is theoretically impossible. How did you do it?"

"Ahh. Gettin' right to the source, eh? Well, first off, 'time-travel' is an inaccurate term, even though it's the only one that applies right now. There was no 'travel' involved. All I did was imprint my own mind onto my former self, much like one does to the blank slate of a Bunshin technique." He said, somewhat haughtily, swiftly adding; "and no, I'm not going to teach it to you, or anyone else. The only reason I could do it is because I had a nearly infinite chakra supply to work with."

Sarutobi sighed. "That… seems possible. Now, what proof do I have that you are Naruto-kun?"

"None at all…" Naruto replied, smirking as he let Kyuubi's Youki bubble out into the room. "Then again, who else has a nine-tailed bastard sealed into their gut?"

"Point taken…" Sarutobi muttered. "Well then, if there's nothing else, I believe you have a team to meet." Sarutobi's smile instantly turned into a glare as he continued. "I will have an ANBU team flank you, so that they can make sure you stop by for a chat afterwards."

"Yippee…" Naruto muttered, walking towards the door. Stopping before the threshold, he turned his head and spoke again. "In approximately four months, Orochimaru will kill you." Turning back with a slight wave over his shoulder, Naruto walked out the door. "Better train up, eh?"


Naruto walked into the academy just as the Jounins started to arrive. The only person in the room he bothered to show more than a glare was Hinata, whom he gifted with a sad smile, causing her to blush. Maybe there was something wrong with him becoming a recluse for about a decade… but he didn't really care too much. All he did was tell Iruka that he'd be back before his sensei showed up, and left before anyone could question him. He'd gone to check up on his Kage Bunshin and stop for ramen. One of the few things he really missed about being social. They tried to get 'what was wrong' out of him, but he stayed silent, even as he consumed bowl after bowl and paid. Upon returning to the room, he found Sakura and Sasuke sitting alone in the room, just as he expected.

"What's up with you, dobe?" Sasuke asked, smirking.

"Sit down, and shut the fuck up, bastard…" Naruto answered, bringing down two harsh glared upon himself. Sakura immediately started screaming at him, but the blonde only made a show of placing a Genjutsu that blocks out the target's hearing upon himself. He'd made sure to learn it as soon as he found out about it. It made focusing on his seals easier, and he was ecstatic that he had enough control to use it. After a while, Kakashi appeared through the doorway, and Naruto dispelled the Genjutsu, following him up to the roof.

"So then… let's all introduce ourselves." Kakashi said, and was about to continue before a certain angry blonde interrupted him.

"Hatake Kakashi… Jounin, former ANBU captain, known as the copy nin 'Sharingan Kakashi' for having copied over one thousand jutsu with your unnatural Sharingan, the product of… a belated birthday present?" Naruto asked, still iffy on that part of the story he'd once been told about his sensei. Kakashi's one visible eye was wide, and had an innumerable variety of emotions playing through it, the one sign that he felt anything at all. "Anyway, guy gets eye hacked out, Uchiha friend gives him his eye as a replacement, etcetera and whatnot… very secretive, chronically late, the student of the late Yondaime Hokage, and a blatant pervert… I miss anything?"

Kakashi's eye was twitching. He made no attempt to hide his cyclopean glare from the world. "How… do you know all that?" He asked, the sound of it making it obvious that it was through gritted teeth.

"To be honest, Sarutobi probably doesn't want me talking about the whole… 'I know everything from the next four years and my conscious mind is older than YOU' thing, but I really don't give a shit." Naruto grumbled. "To be honest, the only thing you could possibly have left to teach me aside from one or two of those thousand copied jutsu that I could probably get from someone else is your Chidori, but to be honest, I'd probably just improve upon the damn thing anyway…"

"Improve upon the Chidori?" Kakashi asked, his one visible eyebrow cocked in amusement.

"You did it. Ever heard of the Raikiri?" Naruto asked, with a smirk. "But that's just the same damn thing with more chakra. Me? I've never been one for assassination jutsu, so I'd probably make it into a close-range Taijutsu augmentation." He added with a shrug. "Then again, out of all the ways I've nearly died in my life, a Chidori through the chest was the most traumatizing, so I don't think it's for me, anyway…"

At this, both of the other students seemed to glare at the man while he sputtered indignantly. Naruto instead of continuing his rant towards his sensei, slapped the back of the resident Uchiha's head painfully. "It wasn't HIM that did it, you fucking snake-ass wannabe." Sasuke pointed at himself in confusion, while Sakura started shrieking in his defense. Naruto immediately spun about on his heel, glaring at the girl. With all the killing intent he laced into it, she couldn't breathe, let alone yell anymore. Naruto scoffed at the scent of urine that began to emanate from her. "You know, in the end, all three of us wound up the student of a Sannin. All my teachers were perverts, go figure, so I wound up with Jiraiya. Tsunade took pity on our little banshee-bitch here, since she actually HAS decent chakra control, even if everything else she has to boast is utterly pathetic, while Sasuke-kun got snatched up by Orochimaru." Even the name of the snake was an abominable curse in Konoha. So much so that Kakashi stiffened, Sasuke and Sakura looked horrified, and Naruto just located two of his ANBU stalkers by their audible gasps. "You…" He added, pointing his finger right in Sasuke's face. "Are a lost cause not even worthy of my attention, save for what I'd need to rip out your throat. Especially after you pulled all that shit about killing me for the Mangekyou."

"Naruto! Enough!" Kakashi roared, trying to keep the situation from escalating. "You and I need a private chat, right now!"

Naruto didn't bother to turn back to his sensei. He just kept on glaring down at the two in front of him before pointing at Sakura. "You should go home, get cleaned up, and report to the hospital. You were never meant for field work when you're built for medicine. Decent mind and good chakra control. Fix that damned temper of yours and maybe you can make something of yourself." She was too afraid by then to do anything but nod and run away, while Naruto turned to Sasuke. "I don't give a flying fuck what happens to you, but if you ever even once try to insinuate that you hate Itachi more than I do, I'll crack your fucking skull open faster than you can say 'Tsukuyomi'! Now leave!"

Sasuke glared at Naruto, ready to tear the blonde boy a new one before he had the same amount of killing intent leveled at him that Sakura had earlier. Needless to say, he shut up and ran. "And what do you have to say for breaking up your team?" Kakashi asked angrily.

Naruto scoffed, chuckling for a while. "What 'team'? All I saw in them was a bitch and a traitor. Neither of them have been friends of mine for nearly two decades." Naruto finally turned, leveling his now crimson glare at his former sensei. "And you were never a teacher to me. All you cared about was Sasuke, and look at what happened to him! We weren't good enough, so he ran away, all for the power to kill his brother!"

Kakashi gave him a moment to cool off before continuing on a different subject. "Why do you hate Itachi?"

Naruto stopped glaring for a moment, closing his eyes as he walked over behind his sensei, standing on the edge of the roof. "I fell in love once… sure, I had feelings for some other girls, but that was never love, no matter what it led up to." Naruto sighed. "Itachi killed her. Him and his organization used her to get to me, and capture Kyuubi. He killed her, and used those damned eyes of his to force me to relive it for nearly a week." Kakashi was about to say that the Tsukuyomi only lasted three days, but Naruto was a step ahead of him. "The first time was to knock me out… the next time was because I tried to get away and 'hadn't learned my lesson yet'." The blonde boy clenched his hand so firmly that his dull fingernails dug into his palms. Kakashi's eye widened slightly when he saw the blood dripping from his fist. "I don't give a damn what you want, or what you think… I washed my hands of Team Seven a long time ago. Now if you don't mind, I need a drink…"

And so, Kakashi watched as his last potential student leapt away, immediately turning to report to the Hokage.


The ANBU sent to track him soon caught up with Naruto, who was cutting through a training ground on his way to where he found the bars in his later years. The blonde was immediately surrounded by four men in masks. "Uzumaki-san… please come with us to see the Hokage. He has requested your presence."

"And he'll get my presence… tomorrow." Naruto said, making to walk through a gap between two of them, only for a sword to block his path. "Listen, he said he wanted to see me after my meeting. Next week is after my meeting, but I'm not that rude. I just want to forget everything for a while, okay?" Naruto asked, running through a string of hand seals, causing the ANBU to tense. The boy then aged nearly a decade before their eyes, his clothes changing with him, and his hair lengthened by several inches. "Ahh, that's better… not a midget anymore!" The blonde man said, stretching. He now towered over two of the shorter ANBU at just over six feet tall, his frame just as thin, lithe, and strong as theirs. "A reverse of the advanced Genjutsu Tsunade uses to look young… damn am I glad I had her teach me that, now! Lucky it worked, too… my chakra control is horrid…" He popped several joints before turning back to the leader. "Now, you've got two choices, you can either go back and tell Sandaime-sama that I'll be in tomorrow, and live, or you can try to bring me in today, and I can gut the lot of you." Naruto flared Kyuubi's chakra, freezing all four of them in place while he walked past. "I knew you'd see it my way…"

As the ANBU vanished, retreating to report to the Hokage and request reinforcements, none of them noticed the white-eyed girl who strayed from her Genin team watching the entire ordeal…


"Is that the demon-brat!?" One of the patrons growled as Naruto, in his new form, walked through the doors of the pub. He'd found out in one loop that this place served Konoha ninja for free, so it was frequented by many of their kind. All sorts of whispers and angry gossip sprang up the instant he set foot onto the premises, leading up to when he sat down on a barstool while the man behind it glared at him.

"We don't serve your kind here…" The bartender muttered. "Sorry kid, just bad for business, y'know?"

Naruto glanced up at the man. He didn't look sorry at all. Just then, three large men stood up from their table and made their way over to him, glaring down their noses at him. "Hey, demon, get up! We're gonna' pound you flat, and toss you out!"

Naruto lazily glanced up at the leader. The three of them looked like Chuunin, but it didn't matter… He could still take them if he wanted to, but he wasn't in the mood. He let out another wave of Youki, seemingly freezing everything in the bar. "Proposing to attack a demon would have to be the single dumbest thing I've ever heard from a human… just above going along with said proposition." Naruto turned back to the bartender, significantly lessening the Youki in the air. "I hope you don't mind, but, if they attack me, I'm going to kill the lot of them in self-defense." The three behind him, as well as half of the other patrons stiffened at his words. Naruto then held out his hand as if to receive something, while pointing his index finger toward a sign just above the man behind the bar. "Now, if there's not a bottle of sake in my hand in the next five seconds, I'm going to tell the Hokage about you and your false advertising." The sign he pointed to was, of course, the very sign that said Konoha-nin drank for free. "That or, if you're all so convinced I'm really a demon, I might be better off acting like one and slaughtering every last one of you…" Naruto added with a shrug. There was a jug of sake in his hand no more than two seconds later. After taking a long swig, Naruto continued. "That's better… you know, I've had a horrible life up until now… beatings, names, overall indecent treatment for a Jinchuuriki… Trust me, I hate Kyuubi just as much as everyone else." He added, downing the rest of the jug. Naruto knew it was harder for him to get drunk than most people, thanks to the fox, but he still could if he drank enough. "If anyone deserves to forget their lives for a little while… it's me." He said, smiling as the bartender handed him another.


Naruto groaned as he opened his eyes… and wasn't in his room. Nor any room in his apartment. Waking up in someone else's house wasn't a new thing for him, but it still wasn't quite as fun if you couldn't recognize the room… or the bed. The first time he woke up in an unknown bed after drinking was just after he'd agreed to train with Team Gai in his second time-loop. Tenten took him out for a drink, and he woke up in her bed the next morning. She'd always hold a special place in his heart for being the first girl he'd ever had sex with, but it was never anything romantic. Even after that, they just stayed 'friends with benefits'… it wasn't just Tenten he'd sleep with either throughout his many loops, there were a few girls he'd trained with while trying to best Akatsuki, he'd even gotten Ino and Sakura to throw him 'pity fucks' every now and then, even if they didn't remember they'd already done so… but there was always one girl he'd never forget… the only one that said she loved him… Hinata.

Shaking his head to get the old memories out of his mind, he thought back to what happened the previous night. Thanks to the Kyuubi, he'd never once gotten a hangover. Only this eerie feeling that he knew was the fact that he should've gotten a hangover. As such, he'd been able to piece together most drinking nights the next morning, while most people can't. 'Let's see… I was drinking, the people left me alone… until this woman sat down next to me and started drinking. Then she started chatting me up after getting drunk herself, complaining… and I agreed with her. About what? Uhhm… OROCHIMARU! Yes! We both hate him! And then what… she offered to take me home, but we went to her apartment instead of mine… and we got naked and had sex. Ahh… that makes sense now…'

And then, Naruto heard a groan to his right, and turned over in the bed to see the woman he'd slept with, only to find none other than Mitarashi Anko.

Yup. Just made the '4000 word minimum' I like to keep to for chapters. Anyway, next chapter should be done in a few days… I tend to obsess over new fics for a while. Usually lasts three to five chapters and then I get back to normal writing speed, which I should warn you now is SLOOOOOOOOW.

No complaining about how slow I update. I already warned you.

This fic is really just a couple of recycled ideas from fics I never got around to making decent. It works now, though.

For all the fans of my other fics out there, I'm not giving up on any of them! I'm working out the kinks in the last chapter of SoAS right now! It might take a good while, but I'll finish it!

One last thing; I sometimes use Japanese in my fics. If you don't know what a word I use means, go ahead and send me a PM asking about it, I'll tell you what I think it means. (Unless it starts getting annoying and I stop doing that)