It was as Timothy McGee was walking out of autopsy and headed for the lift that he saw it- a small tangle of bright blue lying abandoned in the middle of the hallway. With habitual curiosity he bent down and picked it up expecting it to be nothing more than a scrap of material from one of Abby's experiments. As he stretched it out with both hands he suddenly realised that what he was holding was a woman bright blue lace thong. Blushing almost instantaneously he whirled around expected to see DiNozzo leaping out at him from around the corner, a leering smile on his face. Nothing.
What were they doing in the middle of the corridor? On the autopsy floor? And what the hell was he going to do with them? The lift light flashed and he saw that someone else was headed down to speak to Ducky. Suddenly realising that he was essentially standing in front of the lift holding up a pair of unknown woman's underwear, he stuffed them hurriedly into his pocket. Feeling unaccountably panicked he turned and started up the stairs not want to confront the mystery lift visitor in full awkward blush.
It was some time later after a rapid warrant request from Gibbs, a BOLO sent out and he was waiting on a fingerprint match that he realised he still had the underwear stuffed into his pocket. With a sideways glance over at Tony and a surruptitous look up at Ziva, which Tim realised only made his actions seem more suspicous he slipped the thong out of his pocket and into his desk draw. And he drew a deep breath and sighed, he couldn't help it he just felt relieved. 'What cha doing there Probie?'
'Oh nothing' Tim replied, which wasn't a lie because at that precise moment he had been doing nothing. Tony narrowed his eyes suspiciously at McGee and then proceeded to throw a wad of paper at McGee's head.
Tim ignored Tony antics, steepled his fingers and began to think in earnest about what to do with the underwear. If he lost his underwear he would be extremely anxious to know what had happened to it. Who had seen it? Where had it ended up? Not that he was ever wandering around in a situation where his underwear flew off and lay abandoned in hallways. He just didn't lead that sort of life. But how to discretely return them to the owner? How to find out who the owner was?
The only thing he knew was that they weren't Abbeys – black, red, lace, silk, thong, boy leg and brief he had seen her wear but never ever bright blue. So that ruled out one woman out of say, 150 in the building who might be the owner of said underwear currently lying in his top draw. Still not many women travelled down to autopsy, although it could have been someone from administration chasing some paperwork. It was as he considered these deep universal mysteries of woman and their underwear that he decided to visit the Head. Thinking was always more condusive on an empty bladder. Still deep in thought he left his desk and headed for the bathroom.
Tony's head shot up as soon as McGee was out of sight. 'Well lets see what we have here Ziii Va. McGee was definitely hiding something. I'm sure of it'. Tony opened the draw to McGee's desk.
'Ohhhhh Zivaaa what has our little Probie been up to??' Ziva looked up to see Tony with a huge smile plastered all over his face. 'What are you talking about?' Tony snatched up the blue panties and stretched them out between his hands and waived them at Ziva.
'Ohhh this is too good! McGee has a pair of woman's panties in his drawer!!!' He hissed loudly, too excited to really keep his voice down. 'Oh really? Ziva replied eager to understand more of the quirks of the American male.
Suddenly Tony heard McGee walking towards the squad room again talking to someone animatedly on cell. He quickly stuffed the panties back into the draw and jumped across the divide so it looked like he was reaching over to place something on Gibbs desk instead of loitering at McGee's. McGee snapped his cell closed and sat back down at his desk and set his mind back to considering the Panties Problem, completely ignoring DiNozzo who appeared to be having some sort of fit with his eyebrows.
Ah Cynthia. Yes she would be perfect. She was polite and discrete. She wouldn't be the director's assistant if she wasn't and she knew everyone and their roles in the agency. She was also a woman so perhaps she could discretely ask around or at least take them off his hands. Feeling hopeful to be soon relieved of his burden, Tim slipped them into his pocket and strolled away from his desk trying to think of a way to nonchalantly get into the Directors office to speak to her privately. Picking up a random file off his desk he headed up to see her, practising the excuse that he needed the Director to sign off on something if asked.
Tony watched him go and then bolted across to McGee's desk to examine the underwear further. Ripping the draw open he searched the draw. 'They're gone! He must have taken them with him.'
'Perhaps they are his Tony'.
'What are you talking about Ziva?' Tony proceeded to lean over Zivas desk, invading her space. 'Well some men like the feel of wearing woman's underwear against their skin. It is a fetish? Perhaps he likes the secret? The idea that under his boring Federal Agent approved business shirt, tie, beige sports coat and tan trousers he is wearing bright blue lace woman's underwear? McGee does like his secrets Tony, maybe this is why?'
'Ohh no I don't see Probie wearing them, beside they would be way too small to even contemplate him getting them on. Those babies belonged to a very small woman.' Ziva opened her mouth 'Don't ask me how I know, just know that I do. Tony smiled smugly.
McGee had in the meantime made a frustrating trip up to see the Director or really Cynthia only to discover both of them were in MTAC and were likely to be there for a while. So it was a sightly downcast McGee who traipsed back into the squad room and sat back at his desk. He had just returned the incriminating evidence back to his draw when Gibbs strode into the room. 'Tony, Ziva, McGee you made any progress on the case yet?' There was a chorus of responses responding in the negative while Gibbs swept the room with his gaze. 'McGee with me, I want you to interpret for me when I speak to this systems programmer who reported the murder.'
Tony waited until the two of them had left in the elevator before once again heading over to McGee desk and lifting the underwear lovingly up, twirled them around his fingers. 'So Ziva are they yours?' Ziva glanced over to the underwear and narrowing her eyes considered them for a moment. 'You know Tony, they do look a bit like a pair I have.'
'Really??' Ziva wiggled her eyebrows and then hearing the lift doors open said quickly 'Tony, Gibbs is coming back, don't let him catch you with woman's underwear he will never believe they aren't yours!' Startled Tony shoved the underwear into McGee's desk drawer and ran across to his computer and started typing furiously only to look up and see Ziva laughing at him.' Really Ziva that is not very nice.'
Jimmy Palmer peering around the autopsy door had earlier seen McGee pick up the underwear and after some in depth consideration decided that Michelle was going to need them back. It would also be harder to prove what they had been up to in autopsy if the underwear just conveniently vanished. He snuck around the edge of McGee's desk on his knees and quietly slid open the draw using the argument that appeared to have broken out between Ziva and DiNozzo as cover. Slipping the underwear safely into his pocket he quickly disappeared around the corner.
'I just can't help it. I want to know what McGee is doing with women's underwear in his draw. It is distracting to me and that means its distracting to the case.' Tony shoved himself away from his desk again and wandered over to McGee's draw and pulled it open.
'They're gone!!' He quickly searched the draw, rummaging over McGee's neatly sorted paper clips, staples and pens. 'I only put them here a minute ago? He looked up to Ziva in amazement. 'What we seem to have here is the Mystery of the Disappearing Panties'
Bit ridiculous really but I had to get it out so I had more room for the growing complexities of The Prank. Let me know what you think. Doesn't feel as well written as I would like but have stared at it and fiddled around for some days with it so no more.