Complete crack, short drabbles of hyped up coffee and coco-pops with a smidgen of banter between sam and Dean when they meet two very strange random rambling girls...something even Dean couldn't win at.
Title: The last word
Warning: threats and language, no spoilers
Disclaimer: yh right..and the pope is my grand-dad and im a rockstar, and the world is triangular...nope don't own em...but if i did, id probably say something stupid and scare them away...like in this fic
In honour: of an amazing author and crazed random rambler friend of mine, in dedication of her fabulous ideas and quotes, i hope this makes you laugh Courtney hun, starring Chailyn and me, lol...i know your all 'oohh goood not you', but yeah sorry...hope you all enjoy
just a crack at writing crack really ;) drabbly one-shot, short...
just an apology for grammer/spelling or any stupid mistakes i make, and Courtney hun, i hope i portray your character well,if i offend you- you can shoot me in the face, i know how funny you really are hehhehe sory if it doesn't do you justice hehe
btw guys check out Chailyn's fics- shes an super-cali-frajilistic-exp-ali-dotious writer with a fiery talent, their great fics!
The last word
"Who do we need to talk to again" Dean swayed, the hangover and sunlight wasn't a good mix. He exited the car with a squeak, Sam followed with a hand full of clutched papers.
"Erm, a Courtney...and a Fiona?" Sam shrugged, flipped through the history and backgrounds before tucking away the papers and headed to the small shop on the corner, to find these two girls on information they knew about a box, a box Bobby nor John could ever understand. And now the next generation had a lead on it.
As they walked up to the counter they overheard said girls coversation and frowned.
"Yeah, I know...the other day I just walked right by the road and slipped on a turtle"
"Oh my, same thing happened to me Courtney, bar a' soap in the living room, who'd have guessed?" they both shrugged casually.
The girl they assumed as 'Courtney' smiled vibrantly, then frowned suddenly.
"What, what is it?" The other girl asked, her common tone british accent borderlying the worry. Fiona then, they guessed.
"I forgot to feed Berty, again!" Courtney sighed.
Before Fiona could respond Dean cut in.
"I'm sure he's ok...what... is...erm... Berty?" Dean coughed.
"He's a flea" Courtney said matter of factly.
Fiona smiled warmly and got up to see to a customer, a man dove his hand into the muffin pile and jumped back to his seat.
"EH!, fred...i've warned you, next time i'll throw a knife at your face" she pointed an jerked her head, glaring.
Sam turned to Dean "Remind yourself not to piss these girls off, please Dean" Sam begged.
"Did fred not pay again?" Courtney stood.
"Nah" Fiona flopped her wrist.
Rubbing a hand over her face Courtney said "Thats it...EVERYBODY OUT!"
The man that referred to 'Fred' fled the shop and it remained eeriliy qiuet, all customers staring.
"Weve poisoned the muffins...there's rats the size of cats, our chef was an undertaker, and this used to be a prision" She said mono-tone-ly and watched the crowd zoom through the open door.
The bell dinged as the final customer fled.
There was a moment of silence between the four.
"Sooo...you like the qiuet?" Dean drawled, he really didn't know who these nut's were...but that Courtney is kinda hot.
Snap back to focus...the box...info on the box...Sammy can handle the box...look at those legs...thsat smile, those eyes...DEAN, snap out of it, job work case, job work case...job, work case...
Dean paled, "What?...excuse me?"
Fiona glanced at the two very nice guy's, "I said, with this job, you don't see half as much sex"
"True, and I used to be a stripper" Courtney posed in a kiss-me pout and the girls giggled.
Dean bit his lip and squeezed his eye's closed, fight the temptation, fight the urge...but she said stripper!, and sex!...fight it!...but that top, I can see right-
"Dean?...you okay man?" Sam asked, Dean seemed a little shaky.
"Well I worked in the bar of the strip joint...same thing" Courtney smiled. Dean's knees buckled.
"Whoa...who's a bucket a' jelly today?" Fiona teased as she wiped the counter with a bright blue cloth.
"Hangover..." Dean muttered. He had to keep his feelings in check.
"So whats a' couple ov' chaps like yu'selves doin' down in this 'ere, establishment...what can I get ya'?" Fiona cheered. Sam and Dean recieved steaming mugs of coffee and sat down at the counter, awaiting a promised 'chat'.
"Have you been practising those big words?" Courtney asked, then grinned sneakily.
"Yeah..." Fiona smiled. "Are you the one that nicked my book?" She shook her fist.
"Wondered when you'd notice...but, you can't read can you?" She hesitated.
"No, but me bed was wobbly, simple fix, until you took it...now its like sleeping on ocean waves, I keep thinking long John silver's gonna' rise up and eat me..." She shuddered.
Dean glanced at Sam, what have we got ourselves into?
"Sorry boys" Courtney walked up the brothers. "What do you wanna' know?"
"A box, our dad wrote in his journal about some box he came across...held a secret that could end the world...you guys have it, don't you?"
A shied glance at eachother confirmed the suspicians that they definatley had the box, but what was in it?
"We do, but why would you be interested in a box, of that nature?" Courtney leant forward and glared. They weren't getting their hands on it, no one would.
"Hang on...your hunters" Fiona smiled, and hit her head with her hand "I knew it-John's lads"
A brotherly nod.
"well ain't that a box full of pea's" Courtney crossed her arms over her chest. "Your dad didn't get the box, neither will you i'm afraid"
"Yeah, and don't bother bringing another ghost on us...we had enough trouble last time" Fiona said dissappearing into the kitchen.
"Ghost?..." The brothers said in unison.
"Last time your dad was here, we had a ghost problem...he hasn't left"
As if on cue, a clatter of pans burst from the kitchen and Fiona's loud yells.
"AW fuck it all!...Never can do anything right can ya'?...bloody ghouls"
"It's still here?" Sam asked calmly. Courtney nodded a sad smile.
"I better go see if Fiona's ok..."
Coming to the kitchen entrance, said Fiona appeared, hair ruffled and face flustered.
"He's done it again!" Fiona shouted.
All three occupants of the diner held their hands out. "What?"
"Broke me bloody pan!" She said slapping her hands on her thighs.
"That's not possible...it's steel isn't it" Courtney stuttered.
"Well he did!" Fiona screamed, holding up half a wooden handle and half the spoken of frying pain, a jagged line down the middle."I'll clonk him with a wok before i'm done!" She stormed back into the kitchen.
Courtney spun around, face ready to burst.
Dean caught on, "The ghost didn't do that to the pan did it?" he chuckled.
Courtney shook her head, face reddening..."No..." She gasped. "hack saw this morning...hahahahahahahahaha" She held an arm around her waist, shrieking now.
Fiona's yells again came from the kitchen.
"I'm gonna' kill her" Another crash of pans. Dean was still laughing when Courtney shrugged.
"I didn't do anything else"
"Who stuck the goldfish on the ceiling????...if I get my heads on your corporeal neck..." Fiona's threats trailed off.
"So what's in the box?" Sam asked, curiosty killing a certain cat and all.
"Can't say" Courtney covered her lips with her palm and blinked innocently. "It's...a...secret" She whispered the last part, slow and well mannered, her smooth pure American tone akin to Dean's smugness.
A large bell chiming three times stopped any conversation.
Fiona and Courtney walked behind the counter and sat on two matching stools.
"The funs about to begin lad's" Fiona winked.
"Might want to take cover, things get a bit tattered..."
The Winchesters were left with confused looks when the first knife flew at Sam's head, and buried itself in the far left wall.
"What the-" A second knife hurtled toward Dean, he felt the swoosh of air as it whizzed by his ear. "Get down!" Dean pulled Sam down and dropped. He noticed Courtney still sat on the twin stools, he grabbed her jean clad leg and yanked her down between the counter and diner area to rest ontop of him for a breif second, eyes meeting. Lushious brown batted at the green jems that twinkled along with that shit-eating grin.
"Erm...ugh..." Dean blushed, her hair flicked around her face, framing it in a waved background, a deep black that made her even skin and soft features speak out to him.
"Wow..." Dean blinked.
Fiona still sat on the stool, unfolding the newspaper and...reading?
"Fiona...get down!" Sam yelled above the crashes in the kitchen and constant knives skimming the counter surface.
A blade snatched the paper she was reading and rested at a vacated booth.
"Fuck it...that was riveting stuff...ducks are in danger" She blanked, face stoic and neutral. How could someone such as these two be so calm in all the danger?
Fiona stood her full height, a large metal spoon swung off a rail and flew right for her.
Resting her hands on her hips, the cutulry passed through the space between elbow and side. "It'll stop in a min'" She checked the clock on the side wall.
The crashes calmed and the knives stopped, the clock ticked and the fly executer buzzed. Was it over?
Sam and Dean carefully stood to their feet, pulling Courtney up with him Dean glanced down. She was just the right height, her head meeting his nose. He smiled, Finally, someone who fits me...so this is how Sam feels...better than any other girls...they were all taller, or the same...thats just not the way its meant to be...but this...yes.
Dean seemed pre-occupied with Courtney so Sam brushed the dust off his knees and frowned at Fiona.
Before he got a chance to speak one final crash came from the kitchen, a silver seive shot out and clonked Sam with a 'gong' on his temple. He hit the floor with a thud, but righted quickly.
"Ah...ugh...does it have a grudge on me?" Sam asked, feeling for blood, luckily it was just a bump.
"Nawwww..." Fiona drawled. "'Member last guy who got clonked wi' that?...had a nice head, could've put him on me wall like one o' them animals..."
Considering the shocked glances from the brother's Fiona shrugged.
He did have a nice 'ed...mind you, he was a bit of a prick...pissed off Courtney babes...ooohh I see her n' Dean are seeing things the same...aww she deserves some'at like him...
Fiona seemed to stare at Dean.
Nice 'ed n' all.
"Yeah, I swear standing with you...why is it always me?"
"Must be your head..." Fiona chimed in, all faces drawn to her crazy smile, head cocked and tongue out.
"Well, we gotta' tidy this mess up, that ghost is really starting to get on my last pair of shoes...if I should ever meet the man he was...- his face will be a dartboard not my walls!" Courtney pointed at the indented knives around the diner.
"He doesn't hurt you?" Sam asked.
"Nope...just the mess and...pan breaking" Courtney coughed prurposely.
Dean got an idea.
Wow did I just write that...Dean gettin' an idea, well shiver me timbers!
Hey, I get idea's...sometimes...occasionally, I always get em'!
Sure you do...shall I put a little lightbulb over your head and 'ping' it on when your thinking?
we gonna' share this idea or what...hey!...your meant to be writing
Course then, it would always be dark...you might fall over, I might fall asleep, you'd get nowhere...should we have energy saving, or coloured bulbs-
MY IDEA PLEASE!
Dean grinned in pleasure, "How about we make a deal?"
Sam smiled, he knew where Dean was going with this, he had to admit, smart...in a Dean-cunning sorta' way.
Dean-cunning sorta' way?...are you insinuating i'm mostly stupid...?
Your meant to be acting Dean, back to it-
Your meant to be writing...and supposed to be good...ppffft
You piss me off enough mate and you can just as easily go on a little trip to the hospital from this diner...two left testicals ok?
That doesn't even make sense...you can't...you wouldn't...
Don't have to make sense, i'm the author...it can happen... and it'll hurt...got it?
"What are you gettin' at?" Fiona said.
"We get rid of your pesky little ghost...and you give us the box" Dean said, smiling at Courtney.
"mmmmm...I dunno, you can't have the box, you can learn the secret, see it?" Courtney said, dark eyelashes batting, face pulling into a smile.
Fiona pressed her nose to Courtneys ear, turning they were nose to nose. "Are you nuts?" Fiona frowned. "They can't see it, they won't understand"
"make us" Dean grinned and wiggled his eyebrows suggestivley. Courtney giggled.
"Am I the only bird between you penguins?" Fiona blurted.
"Actually, penguin by species and background are considered to be part of the bird family" Sam said.
"Dogs have webbed feet...their not birds" Fiona crossed her arms over her chest.
Sam couldn't help the light laugh, he could tell Fiona was joking but...something about her made him think she meant that.
"Yeah but dogs have fur, their in the mammal-"
"let it go!" She yelled. "Gaaawd. Djins give fractioned realities using their prey to feed off, its like a jinx curse and the person has to break out of it themselves, willpower breaks the curse...You can by all means go on for hours to them about mammals and birds and backgrounds" At Sam's shocked expression she added. "I may seem dumb, but I know me stuff" She tapped the side of her nose. "I had a dream i was a yeti the other night..." She frowned and walked back into the kitchen.
"Genious's start somewhere..." Courtney smiled.
"Sammy got talked down...hahahhaha" Dean snickered and punched Sam lightly.
"Huh...interesting topic of conversation..." Sam honestly was speechless, Dean found it hilarious.
"Yeah, we hunted a yeti once...she swore it stole a fruitcake..." Courtney thumbed to the kitchen. "Caught on the back of a bus, it wouldn't let go...turned out to be my uncle Dan, hairy fella...he never did forgive Fiona"
"Why?" Dean asked, the 'box' issue dropped for now.
"She shot him"
Both Winchester's hiccupped a laugh.
"For god's sake!...fuck off!...ya' little shit, you will steal my spatula!" The thin walls didn't block out the screams in the kitchen. "GIVE IT BACK!...i'll egg ya'"
A white spatula spat from the kitchen door to shoot through a double pained window, and alerting a car alarm outside.
"Stupid ghost, it's a menace" Courtney sighed. "and now she'll be pissed as a blue monkey"
As told Fiona exited the kitchen, saw the window and huffed. "Ya' know what?...we'll tell you the secret, just get rid of that dipshit ghost!"
ha ha ha haaa, Yahtzee!
yeah, this one worked...lucky you.
I'm happy, just write!
Suddenly a muffled ring-ring echoed in the small diner, all occupants looked around.
Walking up to the fridge, Courtney opened the door and the ring got louder, she picked up the mobile "This yours?"
All guests shook their heads so Courtney answered.
"What?...yeah this not her...i'm an answering machine...yeah I called...then you must've called...ok...no...your next to ice cubes and pasta next week...sure...no never...always...you bet...all your money will be wired into my account by yesterday..." She hung up and put the phone back in the fridge.
"Who was it Court?"
"Dunno'...she seemed a bit afraid" both girls shrugged casually again.
"Does this always happen to you two?" Sam asked.
"Yeah, mostly" They replied.
"So you can get rid of cherpy round 'ere?" Fiona asked.
"Yes, then you show us the box and were settled"
"Deal" they all shook on it.
Nothing worked, the chants, a cleansing, even tried an exorcism and dousing the store in holy water, with protective charms and symbols to ward out any and every kind of spirit.
"Maybe we should just bite it away..." Fiona opened her mouth and exampled biting, by chomping down on air.
"Maybe it's a curse...weve tried something for any other possiblilty" Dean said.
"We just pissed off the damn thing" Courtney said angrily.
"We might need back up, call Bobby...something. Erm...could we see the box?"
"Well...you did try, and you are gonna'...sure, it's round the back"
The boys followed the girls to a shaky shed at the back of a clearing behind the store and opened the flimsy door.
"We won't all fit in there..." Dean said aloud.
"It goes down...duh" Fiona flanked and headed down the concrete steps, each foot making a steady slap on each stone level.
Reaching the middle of the dirt covered floor, hidden under the grass that lay high above, was a large sealed box.
"What were about to show you, stays here...you don't go spreading rumours...safe?"
"Safe" the brothers responded warily.
Courtney blew the dust off the chest and unbolted the sides before bringing out a key and turning the lock, it clanged to the floor loudly.
Pulling out a smaller box made in layered leather with buckles she cautiously undid the straps and lifted the lid.
Inside lay a parchment rolled in a red ribbon bow with inscribed markings and pictograms on the inside of the box.
carefully lifting the paper, Dean unrolled the long thread and read aloud.
"This safety box hereby contains and protects the worlds most damagable secrets, lies and betrayal will cause wars but only one secret can cause fire to reign over earth. This eternal secret meant only for the reader is...what's the secret?"
"That's it" Fiona pointed at the paper.
"It doesn't have the secret, just says the parchment contains it"
"Well...it says it's got the secret, and that's what people believed...that we had it, what were you expecting?"
"Something of use!" Dean stood and rushed up to Courtney.
"Don't trust dentists..." Fiona shuddered "If you want to beat them, you've got to clamp your teeth and bite em' at just the right time..." She shook her head..
"The parchment says it contais the secret and it does...only we don't have the secret part yet" She timidly trailed off.
"Courtney..." Dean said frustratedly.
"What?" She spat.
Dean inhaled deeply then launched himself at her. His mouth met hers, hands roamed their bodies and jackets fell to the floor.
Sam and Fiona span around, kicking up dust. "I think i'll...erm...go an make some pancakes..." Fiona ran for the steps.
"I'll help...wait!" Sam jogged to catch up, until only the sound of heavy breathing and gentle kisses could be heard from the shed.
"Well that was as random as Mr.T in a toutou..."
Sam and Fiona stood outside the shed, arms crossed.
"I'm glad it's not just a shed right now...it would shake and ...i've already got images"
"I've got too many, don't wanna' see Dean...in that sense anyway"
They both nodded understanding.
"Can I ask you a personal question?"
"sure" Sam said, full attention to Fiona.
"Would you rather have...a bum on your forehead or feet on your chin?" Fiona asked straight faced, two finger flexing from her chin.
Sam burst into laughter.
"Oh..i'm glad you find it funny, i'm in a dilemma!" Fiona laughed.
A smash from the store brought them back inside to pots and pans lying and rolling around the floor.
Fiona snorted angrily. "FUCKIN' GHOST, STUPID SHIT!!!!...i'll rip your nipples off and feed them to the flea, ghost or no ghost you will feel pain one way..." She picked up half a wok. "Or another..." her voice deepened.
Part 2 coming sooon guys lol
hope you had at least a lil laugh xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
lol, i'll have it up within the week, maybe before sunday lol xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
thanx for readin xxxxxxxxx