Beginning or an End?
let me think… the first word that comes to mind is Joss. The second is, Whedon.
But a guy like that would never keep Buffy and Angel apart would he? You bet he
*Cough* speaking of keeping two particular people apart…. It actually isn't
like that… exactly. Basically, Angel shanshus only to find that Buffy is dying.
A nice happy fic, really. Although, I'm warning you right now that there is no
happy ending on this one. I was thinking about making it happy, but I wanted to
see if I could make anyone cry so I went with the downright cruel. So, don't
read if you like happy endings.
Rating: PG for
The fight was over. As expected, the
good guys had one. But this wasn't an ordinary fight. This was the fight to end
all fights. This was the most important fight in the history of the world.
some, it was a new beginning and for others it was an end.
Angel, the one vampire in the entire
world with a soul, was starting on his new beginning. He had selflessly fought,
ready to end his own life, for the lives of others. For this, he gained his
humanity and a second chance at life. But Angel didn't notice that he had a
heartbeat. He didn't notice the sharp sounds of oxygen he had to struggle to
take in. He didn't notice how warm it suddenly was. In fact, Angel was
oblivious to everything and everyone around him. He didn't hear the sounds of
celebration or the cries of despair.
Angel could only feel one thing. His
slayer. He could feel her through the link that they had always shared. But the
link was becoming weaker and weaker with each passing second, and as much as
Angel didn't want to believe it, he knew what it meant.
He ran around frantically, trying to
find her, realizing that with each passing minute the chances of saving her
were becoming slimmer and slimmer. Then, he felt her presence more strongly and
turned around to find her literally lying in a pool of her own blood. Heart
pounding, Angel ran to her, not even noticing his own battle scars.
It seemed to take Angel years to get
to her. When he did, he sat down and pulled her as gently as he could into his
arms. For one terrible moment it seemed as if Angel had truly lost her, but
then her eyes fluttered open and Angel could breathe normally again.
"You're human," she choked out
smiling at him.
Angel felt tears pooling at his
eyes. She had noticed the thing that he hadn't. The thing that he had been
waiting for for so long. The thing that meant nothing if she wasn't there to
share it with him. Figures. Buffy was dying… and she was happy for him.
going to go get help," Angel said noticing how much his voice quivered. He
didn't want to leave her, but he didn't know how else to save her.
Buffy smiled again at him. Although,
this time, noticeably weaker. "I'm going to die, Angel, nothing can save me."
Angel shook his head feeling tears
slide down his cheeks, "Don't say that, Buffy! You're going to be fine. I'm
going to go get help and you're going to be fine," Angel protested angrily even
though he knew that she was right. "You'll be fine."
Buffy felt her lip quivering, "Let
me go, Angel."
"No! NO!" Angel yelled, not really
angry with her, but furious at her nonetheless.
"I've already died twice. It's finally
my time. Let me die where I've wanted most," Buffy spoke calmly and despite
what she'd always imagined didn't feel any fear. She was finally going to have
"You can't leave me, Buffy. I'm
human. We can finally be together," Angel told her happily as if that could
give her the strength to carry on.
Buffy started crying. "I'm sorry,"
she ran her hand down his cheek and through his hair. "The fates were always
cruel to us, Angel."
"How am I supposed to go on without
you?" Angel yelled. Why didn't she understand that *she* was his reward? Why
didn't she understand that she had to go on? Why was she just giving up so
Buffy sniffed and took a deep
breath. She could feel how much it hurt her lungs and she wanted to let go so
badly. But she needed to hold on a little longer. Just a little longer. "You
have to. You deserve this more than anyone does. Live a long happy life, Angel,
don't ever forget me, but don't hold back because of me."
"I can't do that."
"Promise me, Angel! Promise me…" she
Angel looked down at her bloody and
tear streaked face and he felt the hopelessness grow inside of him. The life
that they might one-day share had helped him face his ugliest moments. Now,
that was gone, and she was asking him to go on. "I love you," he whispered
Buffy cried harder, "Don't do this.
Don't make this harder on me."
Angel felt wetness on his face and
realized that was his tears, "I promise," he finally said. He didn't know if he
could keep that promise, but he would do anything Buffy asked him to.
Buffy choked back some bile she felt
coming up her throat. 'A little longer,' she thought desperately. "Kiss me,"
she whispered, wondering how much time she had left.
Even though Angel was crying so hard
he could barely see her, he bent down and pressed his lips lightly against
hers. Although, Buffy was on her last few breaths she deepened the kiss trying
to memorize how warm he felt. When Angel pulled away he could see that Buffy
was fighting hard to stay alive.
"I love you so much," he sobbed
knowing it was time to let go.
"I love you, too. And Angel?"
Angel leaned closer as her voice was
getting weaker and weaker. "I don't have any regrets," Buffy smiled feeling
peace closing in on all sides and beckoning to her. "Dying in your arms is the
only way I thought I would ever go."
"Don't go," Angel begged brokenly
one last time.
Buffy closed her eyes; "I'll be
waiting for you."
Angel's eyes widened and he knew
that she was gone. His love. He life. She was gone. And this time she wasn't
ever coming back. A peaceful smile played across her lips and it almost seemed
as if she was having a nice dream. But Angel couldn't feel her anymore. He felt
empty. Like he was missing part of himself. He remembered the last time that
she had died and how he had felt like this. But then she was back and he had
vowed never to leave her again.
And now she was gone again. And he
was supposed to live out his reward without her.
Sobbing hysterically he buried his
head in her neck and clung to her planning never to let go. He would have
stayed there until he met his end but he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned
around to find Giles staring at him. Instead of the hate that Angel was so used
to seeing in the watcher's eyes, he only found sympathy and regret.
"She's somewhere better, Angel,"
Giles said softly.
Angel nodded and painfully stood up
to find all of Buffy's friends starring at her with silent tears coursing down
their cheeks. He joined them. Somehow knowing he wasn't alone in his pain made
him feel a little better. Although, not a lot. It tore Angel up inside that
Buffy had selflessly given up her life for others and didn't get a reward for
it. It hurt even more to know, that he could finally be normal, and *she* was
With one last cry of anguish Angel
wondered how he was ever going to keep his promise to her.
DON'T KILL ME!!! I swear that I still love B/A, but I was away from home and
felt a sudden urge to see 'Becoming.' So, I wrote this as a substitute.