By Winter Knight
Chapter 12: Elseworlds: The Girlman Show part 2
Note: I DEFINATELY do not own "Ranma 1/2", "Urusei Yatsura, "Inu-Yasha", nor "Batman"
In case no one got last chapter's joke, well last chapter and this chapter are obvious parodies of the 1966 Batman show starring Adam West, Burt Ward, and Yyvonne Craig.
speaking of which, while working on this chapter I'm watching Filmation's "The New Adventures of Batman" which ironically has Adam West and Burt Ward as the voices of the dynamic duo... it's the one cartoon with Bat-mite!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUNT JULIE!
oh and Uncle Robbie, aren't you glad I added a version of "The Penguin" to my story?
other note, the scene where Boygirl demands equal pay is actually based on a ACTUAL public service announcement involving the Women's Liberation Equal Pay act and Adam West, Burt Ward, and Yyvonne Craig reprising their roles. Now before I get complaints about no one getting it and thinking it's a misogonist joke or something, I swore I'd parody all things Batman, no matter how obscure it is. Also unequal pay towards women was somewhat common in the 60's before it was faded into nothingness in the present.
if no one believes me then try to find the PSA on Youtube... I did!
also there is a reason why I added "The Puzzler" in the story... and even though this chapter is weird on purpose, Mr. Mxyzptlk isn't in it, it's not even three months yet!
Last time: Easter obsessed criminal Peter Rottontail has stolen eggs that are being used to for the charity easter egg hunt and is holding them for ransom. Girlman and Tomboy got to the bottom of the case but end up in a chocolate making machine that will spell doom for the two... how will they get out of this one?
Then the screen spins and the opening credits start...
(Play the theme song of "Batman" and replace the lyrics with the word "Girlman")
The opening shows Girlman and Tomboy running towards the viewer and they punch villians and the words "SOCK" and "POW" appear when they punch them. And Boygirl kicks one of the enemies and the word "BORT" appears when the enemy is kicked. Tomboy then shakes hands with Girlman and Girlman swings her cape and then it dissolves to the title of the show...
"Starring Ranma Saotome
and Akane Tendo"
Then they fight more villians and it shows a army of villians going towards them and then flying away after being "SOCK-ed", "POW-ed" and "BORT-ed"
Then it shows a image of the Girlmobile. But then Boygirl rides by on her motorcycle and the following text appears:
"And Ukyo Kuonji as Boygirl"
As the two are close to a sweet doom, Boygirl suddenly arrives and Tomboy says, "Holy breaking and entering, it's Boygirl!" Girlman then says, "Boygirl, thank goodness you made it on time! Please get us out of here before it's too late!"
Boygirl then says" It's already too late, I've worked for you for a long time and I'm payed less than Tomboy. Same job, same employer, means equal pay for men AND women, it's part of the equal pay law!"
Girlman then says, "What are you talking about! Superheroing is a non-profit occupation and we're doing to stop crime, not for personal gain! Also Uuchan you know I'm rich and I let you live with me and Akane!" Boygirl then says, "So... this is not a Public Service Annoucement for the Women's Liberation Equal Pay act...oops!" Then Boygirl shuts down the machine and releases Girlman and Tomboy from the trap and then Girlman tells Tomboy and Boygirl, "Peter Rottontail says he's going to the Gotham docks to meet up with some "friends" before his plan to take over Easter Island so let's get going!"
Girlman and Tomboy are in the Girlmobile while Boygirl is on her motorcycle but then they see a bat-themed car and two very familiar looking characters. The young boy in that car says, "Holy mirror mirror Batman! those two look kinda like us!" Then Batman says, "What are you doing here?" Girlman responds, "I might ask you the same question." Batman responds, "Pursuing the enemies of law and order, wherever they happen to be. Well, I don't want to hold you up from your crimefighting." Tomboy then says, "Thank you. And good luck to you, Mister Batman." Robin replies "Nice to have met you." Batman then says, "But since I'm here...can you pass the grey poupon?"
After Girlman hands Batman and Robin a jar of "grey poupon" they drive away on the bat-mobile, Tomboy asks Girlman, "Gosh, Girlman, what are they dressed like that for? Girlman just shrugs and while Boygirl is confused by that bizarre scene, she notices a girl in a bat costume zooming by on her motorcycle.
(Screen spins and it shows Peter Rottontail at the Gotham docks)
Meanwhile, at the Gotham Docks...
Peter Rottontail then says to his "friends", "Once we take over Easter Island and hold it ransom, we will be rich beyond imagination and even if the dynamic duo escape from my death trap all four of us will eradicate them so easily, so any words gentlemen?
One of Peter's "friends" is the Riddler and he says while giggling like a lunatic, "Riddle me this my long eared friend, "Who's going to make the feathers fly and knock Girlman and Tomboy out of the sky?"... my other friend! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Another one of the criminals turns out to be Ryoga Cobblepot the "pig-uin" and he says, "There are two eggs this wily bird is going to scramble: Girlman and Tomboy! Wah wah wah!"
And as Penguin continues to laugh, Principal Joker goes up to Peter Rottontail and asks, "Have you heard this one? It'll kill ya!, let's shake on it fellas!" Then he shakes hands with Pig-uin and Riddler and they are shocked by Joker's "joybuzzers" and he laughs maniaclly. Then a criminal in a lame costume shows up and says, "And I'm the Killer Moth!" Then the Joker wraps him up like a sushi and dumps him in a raft, and letting the raft drift into the open sea.
Peter Rottontail then has his minions release the boat from the warf and sail towards the Easter Island. Riddler then says, "Peter! Peter! I have another riddle for you! "How is a boat like a candle?" Peter then says, "But I thought we got rid of Killer Moth!" Riddler then says, "Well how about these moths?" Then the villians see Girlman, Tomboy, and Boygirl in the "Girl-boat" sailing towards them and they eject from their seat and end up on the boat.
Peter then says, "We're almost close to Easter Island, stall those three while I plan something out!" Then as Girlman, Tomboy, and Boygirl are about to fight, a 60's fight background music plays and Tomboy punches Riddler (POW!) Then Boygirl slaps Pig-uin with her giant spatula (SPLAT!) but Pig-uin pulls out a umbrella and has her trip on it (TRIP!).
The Joker then hits Girlman with a surfboard (BAM!) But then Girlman punches Joker (NEWT!) But then he falls into the ocean and his make-up washes off revealing he has a mustache.
Tomboy notices Boygirl is in trouble but then Riddler tosses a shark at Tomboy but luckly she carries a "Girl-shark repellant" and she sprays it on herself and she hands it to Pig-uin who shouts, "Wah Wah! that shark's going to explode!" Then he tosses it to Riddler but then Riddler tosses it to Penguin and the two keep tossing back and forth to eachother but then Tomboy and Boygirl just push the two into the water and the shark ends up blowing up the boat to the point where it splits in half.
Tomboy and Boygirl then go up to Girlman and Tomboy asks, "Shouldn't Catwoman be among the villians?" Girlman then says, "Actually she can't appear since the author can't figure out which actress should portray her." Tomboy then says, "Huh?" Then Girlman says, "Nothing! Now we got to get to Peter Rottontail" But by the time they try to look for him, they notice that Peter Rottontail and his minions are escaping on a hot air balloon being piloted by "The Puzzler" (played here by Maurice Evans) Puzzler then says, "Hurry my friends! I'm glad you hired me for this escape job!"
But then all of a sudden, Puzzler then sees a familiar costumed hero and he says, "Oh no... not you!" Then Superman arrives and says to Girlman, "Sorry Girlman but he's actually my enemy but I'll do the job for you!" Then Superman grabs the hot air balloon and flies away and leaves a note for Girlman and then Tomboy asks, "What does it say Girlman?" Girlman then reads, "Dear Girlman, I don't know what's worse, having one of my enemies team up with your enemies or the fact that my "fiance'" is a alien who gives me "divine retributions" in the form of electric shocks whenever I hit on other women... by the way this is all a dream!"
Girlman screams and realizes all this is just a dream...
Ranma wakes up in his bed at Saotome Manor and he says, "Wow, what a nightmare, this is the last time I stay up late watching American shows from the 60's" Then the door opens and he sees a person in a bunny costume carrying a basket of easter eggs, Ranma's eyes are wide and after he says, "IT'S NOT A DREAM!" he faints. The person in the bunny costume is Ukyo and he says, "Ranma-honey it's me Ukyo, we have a charity Easter egg hunt in a few hours and I got the role of the Easter Bunny... Ranma?"
Mini-story: Ranma's OTHER Nightmare
(ok, those of you who never seen the Kids WB series "Detention" should skip this mini-story)
Ranma find himself in the Girlman costume and in girl form. Then he finds out he is at "Benedict Arnold Middle School" and is serving detention for a unknown reason. Girlman then notices to his horror that only one kid is in detetion at the time. Girlman then says, "Oh no... not you! I'd rather fight Mr. Mxyzptlk again... not that he even appears in this chapter but no...NOT YOU! ANYONE BUT YOU!"
The young boy is wearing a Batman costume and says, "Wow, you're Girlman! you're one of my favorite comic heroes other than Green Lantern, Flash, Martian Manhunter, Superman, and Freakazoid! It must be a honor to be in your presence, the name is Jim Kim and I'm one of your biggest fans. I have a costume kinda like yours except...I'M BATMAN!"
Girlman then screams and wakes up and he says, "No wonder why that show got cancelled after 13 episodes... and who is this "Batman" guy anyway? Well at least Freddy Krueger hasn't appeared in this story despite being a official DC comics character..." Then Ranma goes to sleep and finds himself in a boiler room but that's a different story... no really, it's a different story because when I write "Girlman vs Freddy" during the summer it's gonna be non-canon and I think I said too much already!
END OF MINI-STORY
NEXT TIME: "Ryoga Cobblepot for Mayor"... for real!
COMING SOON as a special gift for my patient fans: Girlman and the Gotham Knights will eventually run into two unlikely heroes to continue their war against evil, one hero is a "Super-teen extraordinaire who runs around in underwear" and a kid with the power of 10 aliens! I'm sure you "girl-fans" can recognize those two and technically they are DC characters. I'm also planning on a villian named... "GIRL-ZARRO" and eventually other DC heroes will appear!
maybe I'll do a crossover with Girlman and "The Grim Ed-ventures of Ed, Edd, n Eddy" come to think of it, DC comics does do comics based on Cartoon Network characters...