Harry Potter and the Combat Butler

By Andrew J. Talon and Fitzgerald

DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter is not our property. It belongs to JK Rowling and Time Warner. We're not doing this for profit. The only thing in this story I own is Castor Malfoy.


Panting hard, a red faced Harry with sweat pouring over his face was leaning forward. The only thing keeping Harry upright was his hands on his knees.

It had been a struggle to push through the last set of kata's crisply, and even now Harry could feel his muscles turning into quivering jelly.

With a grunt Harry heaved himself upright and blinked away the sweat from his eyes.

Running a hand through his sweat soaked hair, Harry grimaced and commented aloud. "Ugh I'm wetter than a merman."

It was then that Harry noticed something out of the corner of his eye, and years of experience aided by Castor's instruction had him moving instantly.

Snatching the towel that had been flung at him with ease from long practice as a Seeker combined with his natural talent Harry called out.

"Thanks."

A quick rub of the towel cleaned his face of sweat, followed by giving his mop of hair a quick dry cleaned up the worst of his sweat. Slinging the now damp towel over his shoulders, Harry snagged and put on his glasses.

Only to encounter a vision of angelic blond beauty with a brilliant smile in a navy tennis dress that tightly hugged all the right curves in all the right places.

Dropping his gaze to the matching navy court shoes Harry's gaze slowly made their up a pair of absolutely exquisite legs, past a rather charming pair of knees before the creamy skin disappeared at the mid thigh cut of the dress.

While a part of him wanted to linger and possible explore the rest of those creamy and gorgeous looking thighs, Harry's eyes continued up only to pause at a rather splendid bosom.

Although hidden away by the navy fabric of the dress, the outlines of the taut material informed Harry a rather awesome set of breasts were there.

Now completely red in the face, just not from exertion, Harry reluctantly moved his gaze up past some rather full and red lips, a pert nose and into a pair of amused blue eyes.

Eyes that unashamedly been taking in Harry's sweat soaked, bare chested and short clad form.

"'Allo Arry," Fleur Delacour said with a vibrant, joyful, and most definitely teasing smile. "Do you like this outfit?"

As Fleur twirled around, Harry watched as a rather shapely rear swept across his vision.

Taking his red face and wide eyes for a yes Fleur flashed Harry another smile before giving him a saucy wink. "I certainly 'ave no complaints."

As Harry started to stammer a reply, Fleur waved him off and a serious look fixed itself upon her face.

"'Arry, I must apologize for my be'aviour and unkind remarks at the start of the Tri-Wizard Tournament," Fleur remarked. "You 'ad more than earned the right to stand as a Champion. You 'ave not only my personal respect and gratitude, but that of the Delacour family, and Beauxbaton's."

"I," Harry stammered out as an uncertain look passed over his face. "Well thanks."

The return of her mischievous smile and the flirtatious glimmer in Fleur's eyes still didn't prepare Harry for what young lady from France had up her sleeve.

"On zee other hand, you are still little" Fleur commented in a teasing tone that suddenly turned sultry. "But I can zee that you are definitely now a man 'Arry."

Fleur slowly moved her eyes up and down Harry, sending a shivers running through his spine and sending his stomach for a spin.

"Sometimes zee best men," Fleur breathed out huskily before adding in a predatory manner that reminded Harry of Buckbeak eying a live rat. "Not to mention well equipped men come in small packages."

"Ze ladies of France know this well, no," Fleur added. "One only needs to look at Napoleon. Or as Gabrielle 'as so often remarked the Chevalier 'Arry Potter."

"Adieu 'Arry. We shall talk later after you 'ave 'ad a chance to freshen up," Fleur said cheerfully before sashaying out.

Suddenly the sparring hall seemed a dimmer and shabbier place.

"Harry," Castor commented sagely. "Did I ever mention the modifier to the Hero's Code?"

"Gah!" Harry exclaimed in shock. "When and more importantly how did you get in here Castor?"

"Much training and skill young grasshopper," Castor replied in his best imitation Kung Fu film Sensei voice. "But first my question."

"Ah, no." Harry answered after a few moments of mental pondering.

"Right," Castor said with a decisive nod. "When saving the innocent a hero oft finds himself rescuing distressed damsels out of one's preferred age range. Be it charming old ladies, cute little girls, or motherly matrons."

Harry nodded and added. "Like Gabrielle. She's far too young."

"Right," Castor replied, a quicksilver grin upon his face. "In those cases 'Get the Girl,' can be applied to said rescued innocents older sisters perhaps. Or single and pretty niece, daughter, granddaughter, ward, favorite student etc."

Harry swallowed visibly.

Fleur, unfortunately, was sent on an errand by Mrs. Weasley and wasn't able to come back later. However, before she parted, she shot Harry a wink which left the hormonal teenager with a long, restless night.


The morning after, all of the children's luggage was packed quickly and efficiently, as Mrs. Weasley had made sure that they'd all gotten their things squared away. The matter of transportation was one sorely contested issue… Though not by Mrs. Weasley.

"No!" The hula girl snorted. "We're not going to keep going around in this hunk of junk!"

"Oh come on, it's a classic!" Castor argued.

"It's a classic dud."

"Well what would you choose then?" Castor snorted.

"Would you two figure out whatever it is you're-Oh, no! Sirius!" Molly Weasley hissed, as Padfoot bounded down the steps of Grimmauld Mansion. "You're not going!"

The Animagus barked and gave a doggy grin. Harry couldn't help a grin back. Mrs. Weasley huffed.

"All right! It's on your own head then!" She turned to Castor. "Would you [i]please[/i] hurry up?!"

"Sorry Molly, she's being difficult… Okay, look… How about a… Ford Mustang?" Castor suggested.

"GT!"

"Isn't much of a boot…"

"Magic!"

"Oh for God's sake," mumbled Hermione. "Just turn into a… An Aston Martin and get us there, please!"

Castor eyed the hula girl. She finally nodded.

"All right…"

"Thank you," Hermione sighed.

"Aston what?" Ron asked.

"Car James Bond usually…" Harry sighed. "Nevermind…"

Castor slid into the driver's seat, and a few moments later, the Camaro had shifted into an Aston Martin DB9. However, it featured four doors rather than two, making it more of a Rapide than a DB9, which hadn't actually been created yet. However, our heroes were totally unaware of any fourth wall breaking or temporal manipulations, and a few moments later the entire Weasley clan, Harry, Hermione, and Castor were off to the train station.


King's Cross was packed, but the Weasley family and their various companions were able to find their way through the crowds and to the pillar hiding Platform 9 and 3/4. The transition was made a lot faster thanks to Hermione pulling out a device that looked suspiciously like the sonic screwdriver from the new [i]Doctor Who[/i] series. Harry had only caught a few glimpses at it from over the Dursley's shoulders, but he could recognize the prop when he saw it.

"Hermione, exactly what is that?" Harry asked. Hermione smiled brightly.

"It's a portable SEP field! I ordered it using that catalog Castor gave us. They make these in America... It's rather ironic that way..."

"So, nobody will care whenever we do something?" Ron asked with a grin. "Wicked!"

"Castor!" Mrs. Weasley barked. Castor shrugged.

"Oh come on... They only work on Muggles, and she bought it with her own money... And do you really want to be out in these crowds any more than you have to?"

Mrs. Weasley huffed, but nodded minutely.

"Oh... All right... Come along then!"

"Er, Castor, I have a question," Ron began, as they shuffled through the barrier with the Muggles none the wiser.

"Yeah?"

"What'll happen to your car? I mean, you're coming with us, right?" Ron asked. Castor nodded, deftly taking the children's trunks up in his arms and carrying them onto the train.

"Yeah...?"

"So what'll happen to your car?" Ron asked.

"She'll catch up," Castor said. He poked his head into a compartment and checked it carefully. Seeing only a small blonde girl reading a magazine upside-down, he nodded and threw the baggage up onto the racks above.

"Don't mind us sitting here?" Castor asked. The girl looked up with very large blue eyes, and thought about it.

"I may pay you some mind, depending on how the journey goes, but it will be nothing unpleasant, I think," she replied. Castor smiled.

"Good enough for me."

Harry came on last, wiping his face with a grin. His godfather sure got enthusiastic in his goodbyes.

While the slash fangirls were fanning their faces, Harry arrived at the compartment. Ron and Hermione looked at Harry with slightly hesitant faces.

"We have to report to the Prefect's compartment," Hermione explained. Harry's brightened mood dimmed.

"Oh..."

"See you at the school, mate," Ron said. The two headed forward, and Castor leaned out of the compartment.

"Come on, we're not leaving just yet... Relax!" Castor pulled back, and took a seat across from the blonde girl. Harry followed, and sat down, feeling a little sullen.

The girl peeked above her magazine, and stared at Harry intently. Harry stared back.

"You're Harry Potter," she said. Harry slowly nodded.

"Yeah..."

"I'm Luna Lovegood," she returned. Harry nodded.

"Um, nice to meet you."

The girl tilted her head thoughtfully, then returned to her magazine. Harry blinked. He looked over at Castor, who simply shrugged.

Ginny and a tall boy Harry took a moment to identify as Neville Longbottom entered next. Ginny was chatting animatedly with Harry's fellow Gryffindor, who was smiling back with a nervous expression.

"Neville?" Harry asked.

"Oh, hey Harry," Neville returned. "Um, can I sit here?"

He was carrying around some sort of odd plant. Harry nodded, as Castor surreptitiously checked his watch. Ginny sat down next to Harry, her eyes firmly on Neville.

"So, you said you went on a trip this summer?" Ginny asked eagerly. Neville nodded.

"Oh, yeah, my granddad took me out to look for some rare plants in Central America..." He smiled broadly. "It was really fantastic! But uh, really rough... I lost most of my clothes when we had to cross a river, and I fell into a sinkhole..."

"Yes, that's... Truly tragic," Ginny managed, strangely eying Neville like Ron eyed a good meal. Still, as long as the girl who looked like his mum wasn't eying him, Harry was fine. He just missed his friends.

"Central America?" Castor asked. Neville nodded, looking a little confused.

"Uh, yeah... Who're you?"

"Castor Credit," Castor grinned. "I'm uh, not a student."

"Oh..."

"He's Harry's bodyguard," Ginny said. Luna peeked over her magazine again.

"Do you also take care of his heart and soul?" She asked.

"Ah, I trust those to women. It's more of their thing. Unless we're speaking metaphorically," Castor said, ignoring Harry's glare.

"Why not literally? If his heart is ripped out by Barbed Wrackspurts, then you wouldn't have done your job properly would you?" Luna inquired.

"Barbed Wrackspurts?" Neville asked, blinking.

"You can read all about them in the Quibbler," Luna said matter-of-factly.

"Is there anything about Voldemort in there?" Harry asked. He ignored Neville and Ginny's flinches, though was a little surprised that Luna didn't even blink.

"Hmmm… I believe so. Here, page 8," Luna said, handing over her magazine. Harry eagerly began to read… An eagerness that quickly fell away as he saw the contents of the article.

"'You-Know-Who Posing as BAFTA Award Winning Actor?'" Harry asked in disbelief. Luna nodded.

"Yes, his flair for the dramatic was well known during his rise-No doubt he has channeled these energies into something the Magical World would never suspect him capable of doing."

"Oh come on Luna, an actor?" Ginny asked. Harry grimaced-Voldemort certainly did know how to command an audience, but this was nearly as bad as the [i]Daily Prophet[/i] saying absolutely nothing about his return!

"Well, considering the general disdain Wizarding Britain has for the Muggles, it is a pretty good plan for keeping a low profile… To them anyway," Castor offered. Neville looked at the article curiously.

"Ralph Fines…? Feenes? Why'd they put in these extra letters anyway…?"

The train began to move, and Harry settled into conversing with the other occupants of the compartment. Luna, as it turned out, was the daughter of The Quibbler's publisher, and was all too happy to discuss the magazine with Harry and what "The Rag" (aka The Daily Prophet) had been publishing since he won the Triwizard Tournament. The anger that had been subdued thanks to the summer came back with a vengeance as he read about his supposed "mental illness" and compulsive lying for attention.

"I can't believe this!" Harry hissed. "They practically name me as Cedric's killer!"

Ginny scowled. "I thought Rita Skeeter wasn't writing?"

"She isn't, but others have taken up the slack," Harry growled. "There's gotta be something I can do..."

He turned his head over to Castor, who had, apparently, been dozing throughout the trip. "Castor?"

"Hm?"

"You... You know magic law, right? Is there anything about, what's it called...?"

"Libel?" Neville suggested. Castor took the paper and looked it over carefully.

"Hmmm... Well, libel is kind of flexible... Not to mention that the legislative branch and the judiciary are essentially the same thing in Wizarding Britain, which, given the deck stacked against you now..."

"You're thinking of suing the Daily Prophet?" Ginny asked. Harry shrugged.

"Well, if it'll get the news out about Voldemort..."

"If you'd like, I believe my daddy might be able to put the story into the Quibbler," Luna offered. "Granted, he's pursuing some leads on the Ministry's current coverup of the Rotfang Conspiracy..."

"The what?" Ginny asked incredulously.

"It is rumored that numerous members of the MoM and the Aurors are involved in a conspiracy to bring down the current order using gum disease and dark magic," Luna replied. "Have you never noticed the absence of dedicated dental spells and tooth healers in the magical world compared to the Muggle?"

"Luna, with all due respect, this is England," Castor said. "Dental hygiene has traditionally been a bit of a secondary concern."

Harry couldn't help it-The idea of people trying to bring down the Ministry with gum disease made him laugh. Luna smiled serenely, and waiting patiently for Harry to stop.

"S-Sorry... Hahaha... That... That's great Luna..." He shook his head. Ginny huffed, and smiled in some amusement.

"I was entirely serious," Luna said.

"No, that's Harry's godfather," Castor said.

"Ah. Then I am not entirely Sirius. You can't make that name out of mine," Luna replied.

"Well, what's your middle name?"

Before Luna could answer, the doors to the compartment opened. Harry turned and scowled at the smirking trespassers.

"Scarhead? Back on the train? I see your taste in company continues to worsen," Draco Malfoy sneered. "Let's see... A near-squib, the Weaslette, a lunatic..." He trailed off as he spotted Castor, who was giving the Malfoy heir a measured look.

"Who the bloody hell are you?"

"Name's Castor," the man replied after a moment. "Yours?"

Draco snorted. "And an ignoramus... I am Draco Malfoy, son of-"

"Lucius Malfoy, son of Abraxes Malfoy, son of Caprica Malfoy," Castor recited. He considered Draco with an intense gaze, which made the younger man fidget.

"You know of my lineage then," Draco said. Castor nodded.

"Yes."

"So why are you here?" Draco snorted. "You're too old to be a student... Unless you're some kind of idiot."

Castor slowly rose to his full height, which made Draco's eyes widen slightly. Harry frowned-Obviously Castor had huge issues with his family, but this was odd, even for him. It came to him in an instant: Castor had never met his little brother before. He supposed he must be feeling just as awkward as Harry had when meeting people who knew his parents.

"I'm a new member of the faculty," Castor said at last. His eyes narrowed. "New class. It's mandatory from now on, actually."

"Yeah? And what kind of class is that? Certainly not Fashion," Draco sneered. Castor smiled what Harry had come to dub his jaguar grin, and Draco gulped.

"You'll find out like everyone else when we get to the school," Castor replied calmly. "Now, why don't you run along, unless you have something to say we might care about?"

"H-How dare you!" Draco sputtered. "How dare you talk to me that way!"

Castor stared for a moment longer, and snorted. He turned his back to Draco, and went back to his seat. Draco glared.

"Don't you turn your back to me!"

"Mmm? What's all this then?" Draco turned his head to shout at the intruder, but it came out as little more than "MMPH!"

Harry, Neville, Ginny, Crabbe and Goyle all gaped as Draco planted his face right between a very large, firm lookign set of boobs in a very tight Hogwarts blouse. The owner of the blouse and bosom opened her eyes, and looked down at the red-faced boy who had run into her.

"Hmm? Bit forward of you, kid," the woman stated. She brushed some of her short auburn hair out of her eyes and then casually pushed Draco away. The blonde Slytherin hit the floor, his entire head burning bright red.

"Y-Y-You, you...!"

"Huh?" Harry voiced his and the others' confusion. The woman seemed to be Asian in origin, save for her hair. She was wearing a Hufflepuff school uniform, which seemed to barely contain her voluptuous body. She turned her gaze on the occupants of the compartment, squinting again as though she needed glasses. Her eyes opened, revealing deep brown irises. She smiled as she caught sight of Castor, and Castor, in turn, tensed as though readying himself for a fight.

"Castor," the woman said in a sultry tone.

"Amara," Castor returned cautiously. The auburn-haired girl pouted.

"Awww... Is that all you have to say to me?"

"What are you doing here?"

Amara snorted. "Well, that's a very rude way to greet your girlfriend."

"What are you doing here?" Castor repeated. Amara squinted again as she smiled.

"Here to see you."

"Uh huh."

"Um, Castor, who is-?" Harry began. Castor stopped him with a raised palm.

"It's... Complicated," Castor said.

"We should talk," Amara said.

"How about over the phone?" Castor asked flatly. Amara sighed, and looked over at Harry.

"He's so very shy..." She looked back at Castor. "Come on, just trust me."

"Again," Castor deadpanned.

"Just once more, please?" She asked, her breasts rising as she held her hands together in an impassioned plea. Neville blushed down to the roots of his hair and he tugged at his collar nervously. Ginny was filled with incredible envy, and Luna was apparently trying to look out the side of her head.

Castor was silent for a moment, before he stood up. He walked over to Draco, who was still a bit stunned by the... Impact, and lifted him up.

"Hey! Let me go-!" Draco protested, but a deathglare from Castor silenced him. Harry's bodyguard pulled off his jacket, and yanked off Draco's robe.

"HEY!"

"Wear this," Castor said, dressing Draco up himself. When finished, he grabbed Draco's shoulders and shoved him onto the seat he had vacated. "Sit there."

"What?! Why should I-?"

"Because I said so," Castor growled, in a tone that would broke no argument. Harry stared at Castor in disbelief, but the ex-Malfoy shook his head.

"Just put up with him for a bit, Harry... If he makes trouble for you..." He tossed Ginny a mace sprayer, before shutting the doors to the compartment. He deathglared Crabbe and Goyle, who bolted as fast as they could go. Draco seethed at his compartment mates, but another deathglare from Castor through the glass silenced whatever nasty comment he was going to say.

Castor and Amara began talking outside-Harry couldn't hear anything, but Castor was definitely not enjoying it. He'd lit up a cigarette and was staring hard at Amara, who in comparison looked earnest and glad to see him.

He knew Castor had some issues regarding women, but for the life of him Harry couldn't figure out what was going on... Or why he'd put Draco next to the window. He looked back and forth between the two brothers. Idly, he noted that Draco looked a fair amount like Castor... Maybe from a distance...

Harry slowly scooted further away from Draco, and pushed Ginny to the end of the seat. He double-checked that his wand was secure in the leather wrist holster he'd received as a birthday gift from Sirius.

"What's the matter, Potter? Feeling too clean all of a sudden?" Draco sneered. Harry shared a glance with Ginny-The girl nodded, and slid her wand out. Luna copied the maneuver, pulling her wand out from behind her ear. Neville, looking confused, nevertheless trusted Harry and so he also produced his wand.

"Hey, what the bloody hell are you-?" Draco began, seeing all the wands out, but was abruptly and rudely cut off.

Then again, there probably weren't many polite ways to break through the window of a moving train with explosives.