Disclaimer: None of this is mine. This is a parody/humor of sorts. Just enjoy!
Note: This is a parody of the 4Kids "What would Yugi do". If you are easily offended by adult material, don't read. If your parents catch you reading this NC-17 rated piece, I will not be held responsible for your irresponsibility or the irresponsibility of parents to regulate what their kids see or read on the internet! Sorry parents, you may not be able to police them 24 hours a day, but you brought them into this world, you have to deal with it! I didn't give birth to them.
WHAT WOULD YUGI DO!!
"Now if you're a novice or advanced duelist, of course you would still need to brush up on the latest dueling techniques and cards! What better way than to ask the master himself! The Guru in leather! The man that put the S back in S and M!!!! YUGI MOUTO…um…I mean PHARAOH ATEM!!!!" The announcer shouted in the large dark auditorium of wanna-be duelists.
Coming from a side door, was a dark skinned man with tri-colored hair that stuck out in five different wild spikes. As he walked to the center of the arena, the man acted like he owned the world with every regal step he took. The man also had blond lightening bangs that not only covered parts of his face like ribbons, but a few were in his hair like lightening bolts. His eyes were narrowed, but they were focused on his particular victim…er…partner in a lust-filled haze that promised pleasurable punishment later. Both men were short in stature, but the one on the chain behind the dark skinned man was a few inches shorter.
The victim…er…his partner was fair skinned with the same hair style absent the numerous blond streaks. The blond ribbon bangs only dangled down neatly around his face. His wide amethyst eyes showed his mortification of being dragged out like a pet on the end of his leash in front of the world. He was also clad in black leather with the end of the chain clasped to his neck choker. What would the public think of the King of Duelists now?
"Don't you think that's a little extreme?" The announcer asked as he covered the microphone with his hand.
"You started it with the S and M thing! Why are we here?" Atem demanded as he yanked Yugi closer almost making the teen fall on his face.
"You are supposed to give dueling tips and tell them about the latest cards." The man said in an exasperated tone.
Looking around the arena, the former pharaoh cringed at the site of wanna-be duelists from all over the world that must have paid a fortune to be there.
"Fine! Since Kaiba is paying me big for this, we might as well get started!" Atem growled as he made Yugi kneel down beside him with a hand on his shoulder.
The brown haired announcer only backed away as he faced the audience of eager duelists. Everyone was shouting and whistling like morons which only fueled Atem's already sour mood.
"Ladies and Gentlemen! Kaiba Corporation proudly presents, WHAT WOULD YUGI DO!!!" He shouted at Yugi blanched and Atem grinned sinisterly.
"Tell me he's kidding." The teen asked.
"I didn't give you permission to talk." Atem reminded him as he gently yanked the leash.
"HEY!! Now is not the time to role play!" Yugi shot back.
"IF YOU WISH TO BECOME A GREAT DUELIST, NOW IS THE TIME TO ASK THE KING OF DUELISTS ABOUT STRATEGIES AND THE ADVANTAGES OF DIFFERENT CARDS!!" The announcer shouted.
"Fuck this! You have to be kidding! It'll take a century!" Atem stated as he slacked the leash.
"You agreed." Yugi smirked in triumph as the former pharaoh glared at him for that comment.
"You're going to pay for that later!" The former pharaoh growled.
"I'm sure." Yugi drawled as the announcer guy approached them. "The whip or the paddle?" He purposely asked as Atem felt himself get hard.
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU ALL RECEIVED NUMBERS WHEN YOU CAME IN, SO I WILL BE CALLING THEM OUT!! WHEN YOUR NUMBER IS READ, COME TO THE FLOOR TO ASK YOUR QUESTION!!" He shouted making Yugi cover his ears and Atem's left eye twitch. "NUMBER 227! COME ON DOWN!!!"
The two watched as a skinny kid with large glasses, shaggy blond hair with only a short sleeved shirt, shorts and sneakers approached them.
"What is your name?" The announcer asked as the kid was afraid to approach the two.
"Kenny." The boy answered.
"What is your question, Kenny?" The man asked.
"Um, I have two…why is Yugi on a leash and what is the heart of the cards?" He asked timidly.
"The first answer is none of your business and the second is what the hell kind of question is that! If you haven't figured that out, then you're stupid!" Atem shot at the kid as tears formed in Kenny's eyes.
"You don't have to be so mean about it!" Yugi shot at him as he stood up. "The heart of the cards is…well…you have to believe in your deck which means your monsters, spells, traps and summons. If you don't, you can't win."
"Thanks!" Kenny chirped as he skipped away making Atem roll his eyes.
"Heart of the cards? Hell, it's how you stack the deck!" The former pharaoh growled as Yugi elbowed him in the ribs. "OW! You are really going to pay later!"
/Are you going to tie me up all helpless like/Yugi sent through their link making Atem gulp. /Will you use the paddle or the whips then when you do/
//I think you've gained too much experience, partner. // the former pharaoh spoke through their link.
/It's your own fault, PHARAOH/ Yugi emphasized with a smirk.
"NOW WE HAVE THE NEXT NUMBER!!! NUMBER 405!!!" The announcer shouted as a plump teenager with blond hair, glasses, and a Dr Who shirt approached the two. "What is your question?"
"I am the President of the Duel Monster's Chapter in Wyoming and what I want to know is why does my Duel Pass not work at times? I mean, I paid for it, I installed everything right and it still won't let me on the web site so I could duel my friends! What is the problem!" He demanded at the two.
"We wouldn't know. We don't program anything." Yugi pointed out.
"Well, since this is WHAT WOULD YUGI DO, what would YOU do!" The teen demanded in a nasty tone that pissed off the former pharaoh.
"Get a new fucking computer that is programmed for this century!" Atem shot back at the kid. "CAN WE GET A REAL QUESTION HERE!!!!?"
"Wait! Why is Yugi tied up on a leash?" The teen asked.
"As I said to the last kid, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!! NEXT!!!" He shouted as the security guards dragged the teen off the floor.
"NUMBER 266 IS NEXT!!!" The announcer stated as a blond woman in a Black Magician Girl outfit walked toward them.
"My name is Courtney and I want to know if the Black Magician Girl and Black Magician are a couple." She stated shyly.
"By Ra, no! They were student and teacher!" Atem protested as Yugi shook his head. "Is that all?"
"Oh and…" She started as the former pharaoh interrupted her.
"I am not answering why Yugi is at the end of a leash!" He said in a warning tone as Courtney back away disappointed.
Time went on and Atem's temper got shorter and shorter. He swore he would send the next one into oblivion if he had to hear the next question being the same "Why is Yugi on a leash!" Where did they get these people from? Was Kaiba purposely doing this to make his life hell? Oh wait, Kaiba promised to make his life hell! Atem could only watch as his kind partner answered most of the questions as the former pharaoh just remained silent.
"THE EVENT IS OVER!! THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING AND THANK YOU FOR YOUR QUESTIONS!" The brown haired man stated as Yugi heard everyone start clapping.
As the clapping ceased, the duelists poured out of the large auditorium that was in Kaiba Land. Atem heaved a silent sigh of relief. Yugi wondered what this was all about.
"Well, well, it looks like you both survived without the fans tearing you both apart!" A familiar voice stated as Atem huffed in annoyance. "Good job. It was worth the money to see you get steamed for once!"
Yugi looked between Atem and Seto. What were they plotting now? The nineteen year old kept quiet as the two rivals went at it.
"You're lucky that the way you two presented yourselves didn't lose you fans!" Seto pointed out. "I just love how they pissed you off with their same question though. Maybe putting your partner on a leash was a great idea!"
"Fuck off, Kaiba! I did what you wanted and you got your customers for Kaiba Land! Now let us go home!" Atem demanded.
"Sure. Oh, why is Yugi on a leash by the way?" Seto asked.
"FOREPLAY!!!" Atem shouted back at him as he grabbed Yugi's hand and left the dark auditorium.