Summary: This is how frustration smells. Drakken/Shego. Set somewhere between Larry's Birthday and Graduation, and obviously goes AU or whatever you'd call it. Warning: Contains highly detailed acts of a sexual nature.
He was having really bad luck.
It started on Monday morning when he slipped on a dropped bar of soap and fell in the shower— one of the biggest domestic killers. What a humiliating way that had would have been to die for an evil villain!
And it was only getting worse and worse and worse.
Monday evening, he had another shameful defeat at the hands of Team Possible. And this time her sidekick even filmed the entire thing for some silly school project. Those snot-nosed teenagers at their school were probably having a good laugh at his expense. And later, when he and Shego ordered out for dinner because their kitchen had been blown up by Kim Possible, Drakken got some bad king prawns in his order and spent the rest of the evening bent over a toilet bowl.
He sent half a dozen robots over to the take-out place to force feed them bad sea food— see how they'd like it—but Possible's little wiz kid Wade-something happened to be ordering Chinese right then and alerted Kim Possible.
Typical. That boy needed to eat less, Drakken thought bitterly.
His henchmen went on strike to get higher salaries, safer working conditions and a new dartboard for the break room, marching back and forth in front of his desk while holding home made signs with badly written slogans. He gave them a dartboard, hoping that would shut them up for a while.
In the middle of dinner, telemarketers started bothering him and Shego.
By the end of the day, a total of six different telemarketers from six different companies had called them.
His mother came for a surprise visit. Shego had a grand ol' time teasing him through all of the questionable excuses he had to make to his mother about anything that could point to what they were really doing at the lair instead of hosting a radio show.
In the evening, his henchmen threatened him, saying they would form a union if they didn't get a few of their demands granted. Reminding them of the fact that he'd already generously donated them a new dartboard just yesterday didn't seem to help at all. Those ingrates!
Four more telemarketers called, spread throughout the day. While Drakken hadn't been paying attention, his mother answered one of them and ended up ordering a dozen Christmas bird feeders— "for the poor little birdies when it got cold"— apparently completely forgetting they were in the Caribbean.
Thursday was a particularly bad day.
He bumped into Dementor when he was out grocery shopping with Shego. Dementor not only mocked him for his defeat that Monday— the nerve; as if Dementor himself hadn't recently had his own plans thwarted by Kim Possible as well— but also snatched the last one left of his favourite chocolate bars in the store right in front of his nose.
That would have been tolerable if Dementor's stupid brother-in-law hadn't also taken the last pint of low fat cherry-grape-blueberry-pine seed frozen yoghurt, Shego's favourite flavour, which they only sold in this one store in the area. A vicious fight broke out, and they barely avoided getting arrested.
And when he got home, he noticed that some kid had put gum in his hair, probably while he'd been looking for that blasted chocolate bar. He spent an excruciating fifteen minutes trying to peel it off without pulling his hair out, but only made it stick to her fingers and get messier.
In the end, Shego got so tired of all the noise he was making that she simply cut the lock of hair off! Cut it off! Just like that! He certainly gave her the lecture of her life! And she accused him of being as hung up on his hair as his Cousin Eddie!
Her!She said that! Her, who spent practically half her salary on hair care products! Hah!
Two more telemarketers called them up after that— when the third call came, Shego promptly melted the phone with her plasma before he could even pick it up. That only served to make him even angrier, and he docked her pay to replace the phone.
They had another big argument, during which Shego claimed to only have done it so they could have some peace and quiet and he would stop stressing out, saying it was bad for him. Yeah, right. She was only thinking of herself as usual.
Drakken decided to get rid of a lot of the old doomsday devices from failed global domination plans of the past. They were only cluttering up his many lairs, and as he had no use for them anymore, he figured he could cash in on them by selling them to the highest bidder. He needed more money; especially if his henchmen were going to keep rubbing their two brain cells together and rebelling.
He'd already asked Shego if he could lend him some money to finance his next plan, and he'd even promised her a double refund when he became the ruler of the world, but she'd only told him that it would be like throwing a hot dog to a pack of starving Rottweilers and expect to get it back whole…whatever that meant.
Of course he wasn't going to hand over working doomsday devices to other people, though; he was going to sell them for parts. A lot of them were halfway destroyed by a certain band of annoying teenagers, anyway.
Tallying up all the things he'd built over the years and which had been unsuccessful wasn't exactly the most uplifting of jobs. He didn't even dare to consider how much time and money he'd spent on it all, or he'd surely fall into a permanent funk. And having Shego stroll behind him as he inspected everything, shaking her head and rolling her eyes, didn't make it any less frustrating.
He had no idea whom to offer his wares to, however, because it would be too embarrassing to sell them to people like Killigan, Monkey Fist…and certainly Dementor, so he called up a certain gentleman by the name of Big Daddy Brotherson. He hadn't seen him since the year before, and talking to him now was already too soon. Drakken loathed the man and his passwords and silly games. Unfortunately, Brotherson knew a lot of people; he had a lot of contacts, and was Drakken's best bet for finding a buyer.
After spending an infuriating forty-five minutes of back and forth on the phone with Brotherson, Drakken finally managed to convince him to help out. Brotherson reminded Drakken of Shego in a way; he had enough money already, and seemed to be driven simply by a desire to amuse himself and irritate others. It was maddening.
Later that day, people started calling incessantly. And it wasn't only the telemarketers this time, either. First, it was his mother asking him a thousand questions about what he was going to do with his life and whether he was planning to stay a bachelor forever. Then it was his former cell mate, Frugal Lucre, pestering Drakken about coming out to visit him— and then some brat kept making prank calls to him, asking for people who didn't exist! And Shego kept snickering at him because he'd fallen for it, too!
When the next person called, Drakken had had enough.
"Look!"He bellowed into the phone, "I don't know any Amanda Huggenkiss— very funny, by the way, ha ha ha, oh how I laughed--- I don't know any Oliver Clothesoff, no Seymour Butz and no Ivana Tinkle!"
"Whoa! Chill out, 'Cuz! Seriously! It's only me, Motor Ed! Seriously!"
"Oh."Great, Drakken thought, more family members. "Well, what do you want?"
"I just wanted to talk to Green, dude! Seriously!"
"Green? Oh, you mean Shego. Uh, sure, whatever," Drakken mumbled, handing the phone piece to Shego, who was hovering curiously by his side. "It's for you."He said, glad to not have to deal with Eddie right then. "But be quick about it, I'm waiting for a call!"
Shego raised her eyebrows at him in a bored-looking kind of way. "Jeez,more people calling? Well, aren't we Mr. Popular…!"
"Go have some herbal tea or something, okay, Doc?" Shaking her head, Shego patted Drakken's shoulder in a dismissive, placating manner, smirking at him. He'd been stressed out all week, but he'd really worked himself up these past two days.
Drakken scowled. "I'll be calm enough when you get off the phone!"
Sighing, Shego glanced at him before turning her attention to whomever it was who was calling her. "Yeah, hello?"
"That's me, seriously!" The villainous mechanic said cheerfully. "Look, I was wondering if you'd wanna come down to the next NASCAR event with me tomorrow!"
Shego pretended to consider his offer. "Uh, how can I put this in a delicate kind of way? How about…NO!"
"Awww, Green, you're breaking my heart, seriously!"
"My name is not 'Green', Eddie."Shego muttered tightly.
"How about we go do something else? I have this awesome new ride I'm dyin' for you to see! Seriously!"
Shego's face wrinkled with disgust. "Um, did you not just hear what I said? N-O, no!"
Drakken rubbed the bridge of his nose as he listened to the conversation. He gnashed his teeth as, for some reason, the memory of Eddie and Shego ditching him in prison many months ago resurfaced in his mind. He'd almost managed to repress that by now…
Eddie just wouldn't let up. "Come on! I'll pick you up and everything! I'll come pick you up right now if you want! Seriously!"
Shego grimaced in frustration; of course she could simply hang up on him, but she wanted him to understand once and for all so he'd never bug her again. "Argh! Why do you keep trying? Didn't you take the hint the first time?"
Shego almost gasped when Drakken suddenly stepped forward with a snarl, snatching the receiver out of her hand.
"Hey!"She yelped, staring at him.
"Listen, Eddie!"He shouted. "Her name is Shego, not Green, and she does not want to date you! I know you're family and all, but stop bothering her! Because you're annoying me as well, and I'm too busy right now to be annoyed anymore! She does NOT want to date you or meet you or anything!"
"Dude! You're way out of line here! I wanna talk to the lady, not you! Seriously!"
Drakken snorted; his own Cousin had left him in jail, and he had the nerve to talk about being 'out of line'? "This is my lair, and if I want to hang up the phone, I will! So goodbye! See you at the next family picnic! And, and— and stop saying 'seriously' all the time!"
"Hey, seriously, that is not cool—"
Drakken slammed the receiver down, huffing.
"Good grief."He mumbled, rubbing his forehead.
Shego stared at him for a few seconds more before she spoke. When she did, her voice was impatient. "Uh, why did you just do that?"
Drakken waved her away, grunting vaguely. "I'm waiting for an important call, Shego! I can't have you holding up the line."
"Ahem, we have two phone lines?"Shego reminded him pointedly.
Drakken finally looked up at her, blinking. "…oh."
Shego shook her head in exasperation. "So you just chewed out your own Cousin for nothing. I bet you'll really get to hear it at the…um, next family picnic."
Drakken groaned loudly. "Oh, for the love of— nnnhhaannhh!"
Shego cocked her hip and crossed her arms over her chest, looking peeved. "You shouldn't have done that."
Drakken hesitated as he saw her expression and knew that she wasn't referring to whatever social awkwardness he'd created for himself within his own family. "Well, what does it matter, anyway? It's not as if you were going to actually date him, was it?"There was a timbre of uncertainty threading through the anger now.
She halted a little at the strange look in his eyes, as if he wasn't completely indifferent about whom she dated. Brushing it off as nothing, she went on, raising her voice with irritation. "No, but that's not the point! I can handle my own business!"
"Hey!" He objected. "I thought— I thought I was helping, all right?"
"I don't need any help!"Shego snapped.
"Oh, thanks a lot for the gratitude!"Drakken barked back in acid tones. "It really warms my heart!"
"Nobody forced you to 'help' me."She scoffed, tossing her hair. "I didn't ask you to."
"Well, next time I'll remember not to try to be nice."His tone was sour and offended.
"Yeah, right."Shego dismissed, unimpressed. "You just wanted me to get off the phone!"
"Yes, well— that, too!"He admitted reluctantly, but quickly rallied. "But I thought I was doing you a favor by getting my thick-headed Cousin off your back!"
"Oh, knock it off!" Her eyes narrowed; she was getting sick of him trying to play this unappreciated gentleman routine. "You were being selfish and butting in. Admit it!"
Drakken's eyes narrowed as well when he met her gaze, his lips pursing with indignation. "Well, fine! That's just… that's fine!"He said defiantly, and for some reason, he sounded slightly…off, like he was trying to make his voice sound tough, but wasn't quite succeeding. "If you want to date Eddie, go ahead! Here! I'll even dial him up for you!"
Shego's eyes widened as she dived after him and slammed the receiver down again. "Are you mental or do you just not want to listen?"She asked hotly, glaring closely at him as she clutched his hand on the phone to keep him from acting stupid. "I said I'm never gonna date him!"
Drakken sucked in a breath, shooting her a disbelieving scowl. "And yet you objected when I told him to—"
"Ugh, you're so stubborn!"Shego's breath left her in a heavy, exasperated puff of air.
"That's rich, coming from you!"Drakken retorted immediately.
Pausing, she regarded his face, which had done slightly red with all the yelling, and as she looked at him, she decided to end the pointless argument. She didn't know why he would get so worked up about her and his lame Cousin, but there it was, and he wasn't just mildly annoyed— in which case she would've had some fun with teasing him if she hadn't been feeling so annoyed and confused herself— he was upset, and she just wanted him to calm down. "Listen, I do NOT want to date Eddie, okay?"She told him intently, wondering why it was suddenly so important to reassure him of that. "I just wanted to deal with him myself." Again, she paused, looking into his wide, dark eyes. "Okay?"
To her surprise, Drakken let go of the phone slowly, panting slightly before he straightened his back. "All right."
Shego tilted her head at him, her hand on his arm; she noticed it was trembling. "Seriously, what's wrong with you, Dr. D?"She asked, and her voice was slightly softer than usual. "You seem really high strung."
Drakken groaned. "Just…don't say 'seriously'."
Shego barely managed to bite back a smirk at that.
"I'll be in my study waiting for that phone call."Drakken mumbled. "Keep the henchmen away from the phones."
Shego found herself looking after him in concern even after he'd left the room. Shrugging it off, she went to get herself something to eat.
Brotherson had eventually called Dr. D up that Friday, so they went to The Bermuda Triangle on Saturday. After a whole evening of Big Daddy's 'silly games', from which they'd even turned up empty-handed, Drakken looked so furiously frustrated that Shego wasn't sure if he might cry or break something or spontaneously combust on the spot or what.
Their hover craft breaking down when they were still an hour from their lair and were forced to walk the rest of the way home was the last straw. It was a balmy, bug-infested night, and sweaty and swatting at insects, Drakken ranted and raved on as he walked beside Shego home. Except it wasn't even ranting. He was so mad he wasn't even using words anymore, it was just strangled, stuttering grunts and yells.
Sometimes he'd almost make it through a sentence, but it would quickly get interrupted by a frustrated shout, and she couldn't make out what in the world he'd meant to say. Occasionally he'd kick at a car or a mail box as they went past them.
Normally, Shego would have been annoyed and would have found some opportunity to leave until he'd cooled down, but now…to tell the truth, she was getting honestly worried. She'd seen him angry before, and she'd even seen him unable to form words, but she'd never seen him quite like this.
It usually passed after a couple of minutes, but now it had been more than an hour, and he was still going at it. In short, he seemed even more nuts than usual, and she was worried about where it might lead him. He might do something even stupider than usual.
When they finally made it to the lair, she jumped in shock when he spun around with a snarl, driving his hand through the wall. Actually through the wall.
Letting an exasperated sigh out, she watched him pull his hand out again, basically unscathed, and she thanked him silently for having chosen the cheap plaster walls of the kitchen to let out his anger on, so she wouldn't have to deal with him whining over hurting his own hand as well.
For a moment, as she watched him panting and grimacing, her brow furrowed worriedly, and she felt like patting his arm or something in an attempt to calm him down, but it looked like he might only try to bite her hand off if she did.
He turned to her, obviously needing something else to focus his temper on now that he'd let the wall have it. "We would've had the deal if you hadn't— we were so close, Shego!"
Oh, so now he had the ability to speak again? "The guy grabbed my ass, Dr. D!"She reminded him incredulously. "How did you expect me to react?"
He gave an overbearing sigh. "You could've just told him to stop it instead of throwing him across the room, couldn't you?"
"Whatever." Shego muttered, turning away a little from him as she suddenly felt insulted. "You try having your behind felt up by a sleazy stranger and see how much you like it."
Drakken scowled deeply at her. "Big Daddy Brotherson did try to feel me up, unless you didn't notice, and I didn't complain!"
Shego snorted, disbelieving laughter choking in her throat. "What?"
"Ugh! That came out all wrong!"He grunted, mildly embarrassed. "You know I didn't mean it like that! I meant, I wasn't about to wring the guy's neck when he held the information we needed! I was trying to look at the bigger picture!"
"Yeah, sure, but first you'd have to let him look at your bigger pict—"
"Very funny! I didn't let him get away with it, but unlike somebody else I know, I just stepped away from him instead of going all Cave Woman!"He lectured her sternly. "Sometimes you just have to grin and bear it."
Shego only smirked, unaffected. "Yeah, just lie back and think of England."
His expression became puzzled. "What?"
"Nothing," she said, chuckling.
"Stop laughing, Shego! And stop that mocking!"
"You sure you weren't just enjoying—"
"I said zip it!"
Rolling her eyes, she mimed zipping up her lip with her thumb and index finger.
"Now come on! We still have work to do!"He ordered, dragging her along by her wrist towards the elevator.
"But it's the weekend!"Shego objected as she stumbled along after him. "You already made me work today! I get the rest of the night and Sunday off!"
He stopped abruptly, and she almost walked right into him. "No, you don't!"He told her as he spun around. "You have to work overtime to make up for ruining our important meeting tonight!"
Shego snapped for air; right, let's blame the sidekick, wasn't that nice? "Hey! That wasn't my fault! I told you, that guy—"
"Shego! I'm warning you!"Drakken said as he pointed a quivering, reprimanding finger at her. "I am in a very foul mood!"
"Wow, really?"She shot back dryly.
She was sure she could actually hear his already strained patience snapping like a thin twig in his brain then.
Shego quickly took a step back. "Whoa! Okay, okay, don't burst a seam, Dr. D! I'll work tonight, okay? But not tomorrow," she added quickly, sending him a stern look.
"That all depends…depends on how much work we get done tonight."He warned her, breathing hard. "We have to do some preparations for Monday, remember? The museum?"
"We'll get it done, Doc."Shego said firmly. "I am not working tomorrow."
"Hmmphh!"He scowled at her as he pressed the elevator button, trying to catch his breath. There was a loud 'ding!' before the doors opened. Drakken shuddered. "I hate that sound."
Shego rolled her eyes. Right now, she was sure he'd also hate the sound of a babbling brook, bird song or even a refreshing breeze. Everything seemed to annoy him, for some reason. Everything.
As they got into the elevator, the door shut and Drakken pressed the button for their floor, Shego's thoughts strayed to a subject that had her a bit worried despite herself.
There had to be a reason why he was so aggressive lately, what if— what if he was holding something back—
Something odd had happened earlier that evening.
For the first time since DNAmy, she'd witnessed a female person noticing Drakken because she'd simply found him attractive.
Before they'd been going to see Brotherson, Drakken had noticed that his shoelace was untied and had bent down to tie it. As Shego had stood waiting by the bar, she'd caught the eye of a slightly inebriated-looking blonde in a slinky, black cocktail number.
"Boy, now that's what I'd call an ass, huh?"The blonde had said, grinning appreciatively.
It had taken Shego a second or two to realize that the woman had actually been referring to Dr. D. Puzzled, Shego had followed her gaze and had seen that there could have been no mistake. Drakken had been the only guy standing there.
"Dr. D?"She'd asked slowly, as if the woman had been a mental patient. "Seriously?" Okay, sure, so the Doc had been looking a little sharper than usual in his black, pinstriped suit with the white dress shirt and the nice, dark red tie, obviously bought for the occasion so he didn't have to get hassled by the bouncers again, but really— it was Drakken! It was just Drakken!
"Is he with you?"The woman had asked, looking hopeful.
Shego had sent her an odd look, as if she'd just sprouted a cherry tree out of her forehead. "Yeah, don't think so."
The woman had brightened at that. "Really? Hmmm, I'd consider taking a shot at him myself then."
"Umm..." Okay, that had been an unexpected turn...! For some reason, this had caused Shego's frame to stiffen, her fingers flexing tightly. For some reason, the thought of having this pretty woman go over to Dr. D and— it had made her feel a bit ill. The woman had looked a little older than her, too, closer to Dr. D's age than Shego herself, with something seasoned, worldly and relaxed about her, like she'd be difficult to rile up. She didn't seem like she'd be easy to mock. Glancing down, Shego had also taken note of the fact that the woman's breasts had been considerably larger than her own, and it had caused a hot and cold burst of petty, irrational anger to bloom in her stomach.
"And the blue skin doesn't turn you off?"She'd demanded sceptically.
"Oh, I know he's a villain, I've seen him on TV, though the camera didn't do him justice. He looks much better in person."The blonde shrugged. "Meh, being a villain just adds a certain element of danger to him, you know? Besides," she added, with a sly grin, "you're not exactly one to comment on somebody's skin colour, are ya, Minty?"
"Watch it, Blondie." Shego'd growled at that.
The woman had sent her a languid, disarming smile. "Just saying."
Shego had had to stop herself as she'd realized she'd been shifting her weight anxiously from foot to foot. Surely the Doc wouldn't know what to do with the attention of an attractive woman, though, she'd told herself, surely he wouldn't even have understood that she'd been trying to pick him up, surely he'd just brush her obliviously aside, telling her that he was here on business—
That thought had made Shego feel a little better. Wait— wait, wait, wait—better?
"Too bad he's gay."The woman had suddenly said, then, distracting her.
Shego's eyes had practically popped right out of her skull when she'd heard that. "Excuse me?"
"You know, if he's not with you, and he's standing there in his spiffy little suit with his hot little behind and he's going up to Big Daddy, well..."The woman had gestured at Drakken, who'd been inspecting his teeth in a mirror on the wall, adjusting his tie. Shego had blinked; this information about Big Daddy's sexual orientation had been news to her. By the looks of it, though, it would've also been news to this woman if Shego had told her that Big Daddy wasn't just a night club owner. There were plenty of reasons why people went up to see Brotherson, but this woman clearly hadn't been let in on that little secret.
"Yeah, Dr. D is gay."
It had dawned on Shego that the voice saying that sentence had been her own. Once again, her eyes had widened with incomprehension. Why in the world would she be telling this woman that?
The woman had pouted. "The good ones always are."
As Shego had walked up to join Dr. D, it was as if an iron claw had just released its grip on her chest. She'd felt as if she'd just averted a disaster with her blatant lie, but she hadn't even known why it would've been such a disaster for Dr. D to have a gorgeous woman flirting with him.
If he ever found out what she'd done, she was sure he'd be angry with her. After all, it wasn't often that he got a chance like that, not only because he spent so much time in his lab, but because he was a blue-skinned super villain with awkward social skills.
Then again, if what that woman had said about Dr. D had been correct, he might've not cared at all...
Shego glanced at her employer in the elevator, biting her lip. It had just never occurred to her before, because she'd never really gotten that vibe from him. She'd just assumed he was one of those eternal bachelors who were married to their job.
Well, he'd always been a little unorthodox, and he did tend to be a bit giddy and overly sensitive...
Was this why he'd never tried to hit on her as long as they'd known each other?
Somehow, that prospect actually made her feel a bit...troubled, even if she shouldn't care less about his personal life; especially not that part of it. What he was or wasn't in that aspect had absolutely no bearing on her and her life. It didn't matter. Not at all.
So why did she need to know?
"Dr. D, uh, you're not…I mean, you're not really gay, are you?"She asked him tentatively.
Drakken eyes bugged out as his face snapped around to stare at Shego. Then his eyes narrowed. Great! That was all his wonderful week had been missing! His lippy sidekick calling his sexual orientation into question! Yes! How fun! Shego thought he was gay! That just made him feel so very manly! Marvelous!
In Drakken's opinion, he couldn't care less if somebody was gay or straight or whatever— people were people no matter what, and he'd end up ruling them all one day regardless of what or who they were— but even he felt that when a heterosexual man was asked by an attractive woman whether he was gay or not, it wasn't exactly something that the man would consider a compliment. It wasn't exactly something that would make a guy feel particularly masculine.
"GAHHHH! NO!"He yelled, and Shego winced at just how loud his voice was there in the enclosed space; it was no wonder villains always had lairs with such high ceilings. "You intolerable woman! NO!"
"Okay! Okay!"She said hastily, putting her hands up. "I believe you! Yeesh!"
He was too busy getting angry over the question to even notice the thinly veiled seriousness she'd unintentionally put behind it.
As the elevator stopped, Shego sighed.
Somehow, she did believe him.
Dr. D had always been pretty bad at lying. Even if he'd tried to deny it, she'd have figured it out if he was telling the truth or not.
It hadn't felt or sounded like he'd been lying. She knew him well enough to be able to tell.
The reason why she felt so relieved about it was eluding her, though, but the fact that she was indeed feeling so relieved over it was enough to leave her seriously disturbed. Unbidden, her eyes travelled downwards, and it was with great horror that it dawned on her that she was actually checking out Drakken's ass. He was always wearing that long lab coat, and she'd seldom actually—
It took all her willpower not to slap herself in the face right there and then. It was all that blond woman's fault. She'd planted wrong, unhealthy thoughts in her mind. Wrong, wrong, wrong...
Drakken frowned at the elevator door. Why wasn't it opening? They were on their floor, so why?
Grumbling, he looked at Shego. "Shego, press the button for the door!"He could've easily done it himself, but he was still in a rotten mood and felt like ordering somebody around.
"Huh?" Shego blinked up at him. She seemed miles away; it looked like she hadn't even noticed their current problem.
"The door's not opening!"He barked impatiently. "Try pressing the button!"
"Fine," she muttered, feeling a spark of irritation ignite within her, wondering when he was going to stop being so foul-tempered.
She pushed the button.
She pushed it again.
"What did you do now?"He demanded gruffly.
"I didn't do anything!"She blurted defensively. "I just pressed the button, like you said! I didn't do anything!"
"Well, you must've done something!"He insisted.
"If you hadn't had this stupid elevator installed, we wouldn't even be here!"She accused, getting mad at being blamed for something that wasn't her fault. "What did we need it for? We already had one elevator, and those stupid little hover bike things! It must've cost a fortune!"
He sighed, running a hand through his hair in a frustrated kind of way. "The henchmen complained!"
"Since when do you care?"She challenged.
"They threatened to start a union."He muttered reluctantly.
Her eyes were full of disbelief. "…you're kidding."
"It's not funny!"He bellowed.
"Yes, it is!"Shego laughed. "We're stuck here in our Sunday best because your lazy, stupid henchmen threatened to form a union! You should've just told them to go—"
"Oh, how hilarious!"Drakken sneered. "Why don't you try being the boss once, see how funny it is!"
"I would've just threatened to fire them unless they stopped complaining." Shego retorted carelessly. "You know those goons, they're like sheep, they're easy to scare. And I bet you hired cheap labor to install this elevator, too, right? That's why we're stuck here."
"Right! Let's all make fun of Dr. Drakken! He's such a big dork! Can't do anything right! It's all his fault! It's always all his fault!"He growled, towering over her. "If you wanted me to hire better labor, you could've paid for it yourself!"
Suddenly she became much more conscious of exactly how big and tall he was, especially compared to herself. Like Dementor, who seemed to try to compensate for his short stature with an unusually loud voice, Drakken spent quite some time, with his lairs and his laughter, trying to make himself look bigger and badder. This of course often had the opposite effect, making him seem smaller (at least in her opinion), so that it was sometimes easy to forget that he wasn't physically a small man. Especially not when he was actually standing up straight instead of exercising his creepy villain stoop.
Looking up at his furious eyes, his bared teeth, quivering shoulders and menacing scowl, she had to admit that while he could be ridiculous at times, he did look like a real villain.
"Yeesh, you need to calm down, Doc!"Shego told him, tugging at his sleeve.
"Oh, I need to calm down, do I?"Drakken spat sarcastically, pushing her hand away."That's really rich, coming from you! You're not exactly Susan Serenity yourself!"
"I'm not the one bouncing off the walls right now! You're practically foaming like a rabid dog!" She exclaimed, exasperated.
"Oh, shut up!"
"What're you trying to do? Have a heart attack? Seriously, look at you, you need to calm down!"She insisted, a worried note creeping into her voice. His face was more red than blue now, his broad chest heaving with laborious breaths, his tightly bunched fists trembling.
Drakken hesitated for a second when he noticed that her face bore a look he'd only seen on her maybe once or twice before in all the years she'd known her; it was actual concern, and it was in fact concern for him. Stumbling mentally, he drew a deep breath, not knowing how to respond, but then abrupt anger coursed through him once more as another thought occurred to him.
She'd been mocking him all week, only adding to his mental stress! And now she was suddenly Miss Sympathy 2007? How dare she! What right had she to look like that? After all she'd done! It was too late now, he decided, she should've empathized sooner, when he'd really needed it! His terrible week might've been almost tolerable if he'd had some support from her, but she'd only mocked and mocked and mocked—
"STOP telling me to CALM DOWN!"He roared, and she backed away only to find that there was nowhere left to back away to.
She let out an explosive sigh. "What is wrong with you lately? Gah, it's like you need to get laid or something!"
"Get la— oh, that is just so like you!" He hissed."Always saying inappropriate things, just for a laugh!"
"Does it look like I'm laughing?"She asked tightly, her gaze hardening. "It's not funny from where I'm standing! It looks like it's true!"
He bristled. "It's not!"
"Yeah, right!"Shego scoffed. "I obviously hit a nerve there!"
"Oh, yeah?" Drakken took a step forward, although he noticed in a distracted manner that they were running out of room in the tiny, square space.
"Yeah!" Shego noticed herself drifting slowly closer to him, but the thought was buried somewhere deep beneath the heat of the moment.
Shego's answer was swallowed up as she was pushed against the elevator wall, and had Drakken's lips suddenly pressing against her own.
Author's note: Yes, it's a cliffie. The next chapter has sex in it. Don't read it if you don't like that kinda thing.
I have no beta on this story. Nitpick away.
Low fat cherry-grape-blueberry-pine seed frozen yoghurt: Yes, this flavour does exist. They have it at my local grocery store. It's deeee-lish.
Prank calls: Those fake names are obviously stolen from Bart's prank calls to Moe in The Simpsons.
Lie back and think of England: The phrase Lie back and think of England is an expression used in the United Kingdom. Traditionally, it was advice given to a woman about having sexual intercourse with her husband. The phrase became popular some decades before the sexual revolution. The assumption was that women were not expected to view sex as pleasurable; instead, women were to view sex as a duty, performed essentially through passive availability.
Since women weren't expected to participate in sex in any meaningful way, or derive any special pleasure from sex, it would not be incongruous to think of something other than sex during sexual acts. Thinking of the continuity of the Empire, through conception and child-rearing, might even make the sexual act more pleasant. The phrase can be used broadly as encouragement for either gender to do something unpalatable.