Gorgeous Shade of Blue
Chapter 1: Can't Sleep and Still Upset
My little brother harbored feelings for me, while I was madly in love with my dear sibling in purple. This explains why Mikey has been so uneasy around me – not because he was afraid of my aggression, but because he was nervous; tense about being near the one he loved and keeping his feelings secret…it was totally understandable. Don't get me wrong - I love Mikey, but I really don't feel like I'm in love with him. He's a bit too asinine for my liking, so you can probably see why I felt so fond of Donny – he isn't completely silly like Mikey, and he doesn't have a raging temper like Raph. Donny's personality represented a perfect middle ground – almost a golden mean – between Mikey and Raph, with Mikey and Raph each being on opposite ends of the scale. I feel as though I can relate to Donny the most; he and I see eye to eye on quite a few issues and there have been many times the two of us had just sat together and talked in-depth about practically anything.
Raphael is too angry with me about everything to ever have a conversation with me that way, and most of what is on my mind would just go right over Mikey's head. Donny, on the other hand understands me on a level that even I cannot comprehend at times. It's not that I have a favorite brother – Mikey, as goofy as he is, can always make me laugh; I love his sense of humor and seeing his cheerful smile. Raph…okay, there's been times I wished he'd just drop dead, but even with his being a complete asshole, he is an essential part of our team. He may be a jerk and I might want to knock his teeth out at times, but he is a formidable warrior. And I know, deep down, as much as I wish him dead, I know I'd miss him if he were gone; basically, I love Raph as a brother, but I hate him in every other way.
And yet…he's found something to like about Raphael. I just don't see how Raphael is capable of love and how he could possibly treat Donny right. As much as I want to be with him, though, I just can't bring myself to cause the two of them to separate. I remember that look in Donny's eyes when he was telling me his secret – it was very clear that he wasn't just lusting after Raph. He was truly in love with our brother. Raphael may have him in real life, but I know I can always have Donny in my dreams.
One night I could not fall asleep, no matter what I tried. I meditated, I counted sheep, and I counted backwards from one thousand…nothing worked. Eventually I kicked my blankets off and trudged out to the couch to watch television. I turned the TV on and put the volume on very low – I've seen this thing knock my brothers out in a snap, so I kind of hoped the low droll and the dim glow of our communal idiot box would offer me the same closure. It had been about ten minutes and my eyelids were finally starting to get heavy; I decided I'd just pass out on the couch that evening.
I was probably seconds away from passing out when I suddenly felt a great weight on my lower legs. I bolted up to see what was happening – Donny was sitting on my legs. He hopped back up immediately when he realized I had been laying on the couch.
"Oh shit Leo, I'm sorry! I didn't even see you there!"
I stretched my legs and sat up. "It's okay – no harm done."
He sat down beside me and stared at the blinking television screen. "Couldn't sleep?" I shook my head, and he went on. "I couldn't either."
I rolled my eyes and replied, noticeably angrily. "Why's that – is your sweetie keeping you up?"
Donny looked at me with a surprised expression; he wasn't expecting my sudden toxic reply, and, to be perfectly honest, neither did I. He responded in kind with a slight air of anger. "No, he's not. And why are you so mad all of a sudden?"
I said nothing, but I put my face in my hands and sighed. "It's nothing. Just…I'm going back to bed."
Donny stuck his arm out in front of my chest and stopped me. "Leo, something's bothering you. What's wrong?"
All of a sudden, I didn't want to go back to bed. Having Donny's arm around me made me feel a little warm inside…I felt fluttering in my stomach, and I couldn't decide if it felt good or bad. I looked up at my brother and was prepared to explain what was on my mind…but I had so much stuff rushing through my head and it overpowered me.
"Donny, I…", I stopped and looked away. "I'm sorry for being so mean. I don't intend to act like such an asshole. It's just…I…"
My face began to ache, and I felt a heavy pain behind my eyes as tears threatened to flow; I was having trouble talking personally to the person I loved. I did my best to hold back the sobs, but I knew Donny could still hear my choking.
"…I'm just still upset over you and Raphael."
Donny looked at me with wide eyes, and I continued on with my tearful harangue. "I'm happy that you've found someone whom you love, but…Donny, you have no fuckin' idea what it feels like to watch the person you love go and love someone else. Especially when that someone else is someone I fucking hate!"
My brother recoiled, clearly taken aback by my sudden outburst. Ever since having found out that Donny wanted Raphael and not me, it was so, so easy to make me cry. I felt completely weak, and like a failure, and I felt absolutely selfish…but I just couldn't help it. My body is what received years of training, not my heart. I sat with my head buried in my hands, crying quietly at the insufferable pain in my heart. Donny reached out and rested his hand on my shoulder to comfort me. Almost as if on cue, I slapped his hand away and bolted up. In a split second, I'd jumped up, pinned my brother to the couch and kissed him deeply. At that point, I didn't care whether or not I was hurting anyone – all I knew was I loved Donny and I wanted to feel him. I felt him quiver beneath my hands, but he made no effort to push me away. I had no experience with this kind of interaction, but I moved as if by instinct – I seemed to know what I was doing, which was very strange.
I kissed him rather brutally – all my bottled-up hormones and emotions were pouring out of me at the same time. Once I had a taste of my brother, I wanted more; I slipped my hand behind Donny's head, grabbed hold of the loose ends of his mask and yanked them hard, jerking his head back. This exposed his tender neck to me, which I virtually began to worship with my mouth. I nipped, kissed and licked all over his neck, and this entire time he did nothing to stop me – in fact, he began gasping and whimpering. By the time I finished, I was panting, both out of slight exhaustion and extreme arousal. Donny looked up at me, his face flushed and his eyes shouting innumerable emotions all at once.
"Leo…", he whispered in a slightly labored voice.
I straddled his legs and kissed him once again, and then whispered in his ear. "One night."
He looked at me in confusion. "Huh?"
"I want one night with you. Please…just one."
"Leo, I don't know if I c-"
I dug my fingers into his shoulders and pulled him into a deep kiss, and I slipped my tongue into his mouth. When we parted lips, I looked him in the eyes and said, "I won't take 'no' for an answer." I began to rub circles on his groin, the entire time I was wearing a most evil grin.
He whimpered before pushing my hand gently away. "Leo! Leo, stop…is this all you want me for?"
My hands stopped; I stopped and I looked at him. What the hell was I doing? In my attempt to release my pent-up feelings, I gave the one whom I loved so much the message that I only wanted his body. I let go of him and got up off his lap. "I'm…I'm sorry Donny. I don't know what came over me."
He looked at me with a pretty firm expression. "You didn't answer my question, Leo. Do you only want me for sex?"
"NO!", I screamed. "That's the worst part! I love everything about you, Donatello. But…oh, to hell with it." I got up and went to my room.
Donny pursued. "Leo, wait a minute!" He grabbed my wrist.
I yanked my arm out of his grip and growled, "Don't touch me…just go fuckin' be with Raph." And with that, I slammed my door in his face and went and curled up in my bed.
Author's Note: Clearly, Leo is wasting no time. This part of the series might turn out even shorter than the previous part, but I'll see how it progresses.