Just a series of scenes, drabbles & one-shots from the POV of the Gateroom crew.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. It's quite depressing, really. I especially own nothing of the Stargate 'verse. Sigh.

An Insiders Knowledge of the Gateroom

In the period of time that he had worked in the Gateroom of Atlantis, Chuck had discovered one thing.

Actually, he had discovered two things, one of them being the quickest and safest place to hide in the event of a Wraith/Genii/Replicator attack, but the other thing he had discovered was much more important.

Do not make eye contact with a senior expedition member when they were pissed off.

Therefore, when the gentle patter of stomping combat boots and the angry mutterings of the Expedition Leader reached his ears, he put his head down and intensely studied the readouts on his monitor.

"…'have made too many mistakes' my butt. Going to rip out that stupid ponytail and play Pin the Tail on the Jackass…"

Sensing the movement of an unknowing Gate Tech approaching the fuming Colonel, Chuck quickly spun in his seat and grabbed Berryman's jacket, halting her approach.

"What? Campbell, what are you…"

"Shhh! Look away!"

The look of confusion that crossed Berryman's face would have been almost comical if not for the seriousness of the situation.

"What?!? Chuck, what is going…"

"Just look away from Carter. Now!"

Sensing the rising tension, and remembering that Chuck rarely panicked, Berryman quickly looked down just as the dark storm cloud of anger eminating from Carter passed by.

"…I swear to God that man would make Mother Teresa want to kick him in the balls! Trying to tell me how to run my operations…"

As the thudding footfalls of their seriously pissed off leader faded in the direction of her office, a surprised and confused Berryman turned to Chuck, her eyes demanding an answer.

"What the hell was that?"

Checking to make sure the Colonel was out of earshot, and that his life was no longer on the line, Chuck breathed a sigh of relief and replied.

"You know how we have our annual performance reviews soon?"

"Yes…and?"

"Guess who she just interviewed."

The look of confusion rapidly cleared from Berryman's face as she remembered the only person who could annoy anyone to the degree that she had just witnessed.

"Kavanaugh."

"Yep, Kavanaugh. Rumor has it she wanted to get him out of the way first."

"Oh dear."

"Yep. But look at the plus side."

"What's that?"

"After his interview, the rest of us are going to look like the best staff in both the Galaxies!''

Any response to his overly optismistic remark was halted by the still annoyed Carter stomping to her office doorway.

"Campbell!"

"Yes Ma'am?"

Ask Ronan to meet me in the Training room. I feel the need to hit something. Hard."

"Yes Ma'am!"

And as their furious leader turned away, one thought crossed the mind of everyone in the Gateroom.

'Poor Ronan.'

Quickly followed by the thought:

'Glad it's not me!'

FIN

A/N: okay, very first fanfic, so be nice! Or, if you can't be nice, be constructive and inventive in your insults. The 'stomping combat boots' is paraphrased from Firefly (which I don't own either…sighs again) and the Mother Teresa comment I read in a book somewhere but can't remember which one. It just suited the character perfectly however so I borrowed it. Sorry if it may cause offense.