Title: All We Are
Summary: Season 7-Post Lies My Parents Told Me. Buffy asks Spike a question.
It had been two days since the fight between Spike and Wood. Things with Buffy and Spike went back to normal, or as normal as things could be between the two of them. The only difference now was that they were spending a lot more time together; it did not go unnoticed by Giles.
Most nights Buffy would just go down to the basement and they would talk, mostly about his past, what kind of man he used to be and what his family was like. One night he told her the story of the first time he saw Drusilla. She asked him why he was so attracted to her and he said it was her ability to be completely in love with the darkness that it just drew him in.
It was 12 o'clock, another late night, Buffy was making her way down the basement stairs like she's done for the past 2 weeks, it was kind of their ritual together, something that no one could take away. As she made her way down the last step he looked up and smiled at her, a nice innocent smile that made her heart strings pull. It amazed her that he could make her feel like this with just a smile. She blushed and smiled back.
"How was your night?" she said as she sat down beside him.
"Pretty eventful" he said with a smirk. "Ohh yea what did you do"
she smiled back. "Lots and Lots of laundry" he chuckled, she
"Hey Spike can I ask you a question"
"Sure luv…anything" he said turning his head toward her.
"I was wondering, just after hearing you talk about the first time you saw Dru, I was wondering…if you…do you remember the first time you saw me" she was babbling, she didn't no why asking Spike this made her blush.
Spike continued to stare at her, a minute passed before he answered her. The conviction in his voice made Buffy's hair on her neck stand on its end.
"Like it was yesterday Luv. I remember being told that the new slayer was this little blonde girl. And I remember thinking, looks like I am going to be bagging slayer number 3", he said with a chuckle "Boy was I wrong. I remember that night perfectly. I walked into the Bronze and saw you dancing…and I was instantly drawn to you. I remember thinking I have never seen anyone dance with such beauty and grace and passion…and it gave me chills…the conviction you had in your eyes and the way your body moved…it was true magic. That's why I always said when you fight its like dancing, at that moment your body controls you…and you become one with it, you trust it…and it's the most…the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed", Spike finished with a look of awe on his face.
When he looked over at Buffy she had tears in her eyes. "Luv? Why the tears?" "I have never heard anyone say anything like that before…that was beautiful Spike…I'm amazed you can still see that in me…even after all these years"
"Luv…Buffy if there's one thing that has been good to you is time, I've watched you over the years grow…and every year you get even more beautiful…but then again I am slightly biased…I have seen you naked" Spike finished with his trade mark smirk. Buffy just chuckled and smacked his arm "Ass…well I can say the same for you…being a hundred has defiantly been a benefit for you…all I can say is Amen" Buffy and Spike both chuckled at the same time.
A few seconds later the laughter died down and they were both silent. Spike broke the silence with a question that probably would've given any normal person a heart attack.
"Why do you love Angel" Spike asked as he turned his head towards her. His movement showed that he wasn't scared to ask, but his eyes gave him away. The truth was Spike was terrfied to ask her why she loved Angel, but it was something he always
"I…hmm…i…well" she mumbled
"Buffy…you don't have to answer, I was just wondering…been wondering it for years now. I've never told anyone, not even Dru. But I was always jealous of Angelus. He was always in control, lived life like it should be lived…like its your last, just walking into a room he could get every women to fall in love with him…and he did. Dru, he loved Dru…and she loved him back so much…a part of me always knew who she belonged too, and he does have the brooding good looks…and most girls go for that…I just wanted to know what makes you love him…is that the reason you can't lov…" Spike stopped.
"Cant' love you?" she finished for him. It was silent for a minute before she continued. "I don't…I'm not sure why I loved Angel. I was young and Angel was always there, I was just called as the Slayer and I was scared…I constantly felt like I was alone because no one could understand what I was going through. Every day I was caring the weight of the world on my shoulders, and it scared me…it scared me so much". She paused to take a breath. " Angel was there…always there and once I found out he was a vampire, it scared me and than it kind of became a safety net, he knew what I was going through and he was there and I didn't have to worry about him getting hurt cause he was strong and big. In a lot of ways my love for Angel was puppy love, he was the first for everything with me…and a part of me was attached to that. But I loved him…God I loved him so much" Buffy stopped and was spaced for a little. This is what Spike feared, he didn't want her to reminess bout it…but he knew it would happen. "There were days where I felt like I couldn't breath when he was around, and the nights we spent together were amazing and soft…and it didn't feel wrong…it felt right…to be in his arms even though I knew he was a vampire" before she could finish Spike interrupted her.
"Is that why you would never let me hold you in my arms after our nights together?" Spike asked, his voice was soft, but Buffy could hear the hurt in it,
For the first time that night she turned toward him and spoke at him. "Spike…when we were…together…I wasn't ashamed of you…I was ashamed of me…and I was afraid to allow myself to feel safe again in the arms of a dead man. It didn't have to do with Angel…" she finished quietly
"But you love Angel…so a part of it had to do with it". Spike said
"Loved" she added. "What?" Spike asked questionally
"You said I love Angel…I Loved Angel…like in the past. Look Spike, me and Angel have a past…a long, complicated past…but its in the past. I love Angel and always will…but it's a love like, he was my first and I can't erase that or let it mean anything more or less. It's like you and Dru you will always love her, because of the past you shared. She was your first in a lot of ways too". Buffy stated.
Before the conversation could continue Dawn called down the stairs for Buffy, two of the potentials were fighting again.
"Well I guess I better go…before someone winds up dead" She said as she got up and made her way towards the door.
"Thank You Luv…for being honest with me" Spikes voice caught her at the stairs.
She turned toward him with a small smile, "Thank you Spike for allowing me to be honest with you" he just gave her a nod and smile. "Ohh and Spike…Angel had the whole brooding thing…but you have the ability to be completely sexy and beautiful at the same time…and believe me girls go for that" She finished with a wink and made her way up the stairs.
Spike just chuckled to himself "yea I guess some girls do".