I have kidnapped Fantine, Valjean, and Javert, and turned them all into 21st century high school students. Oh, the horror.

To be honest, I'm just tired of reading Les Miz high school fics that only focus on the teens/young adults in the actual book. I'm not much of an Amis fan, either (Grantaire is my favorite, which should be saying something).

The general idea was inspired by an episode of Ned's Declassified. (And yet this is set in a high school. Go figure.) They are terribly OOC, and I'm going to blame it on age change and time jump.

WARNING: This is utterly pointless, will have no sequels, and is strictly intented for comedic purposes.

Disclaimer: Even though I did kidnap and painfully alter them, Fantine, Valjean, and Javert belong to Hugo, not me.

Hope you enjoy!

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Fantine grimaced slightly at the clanging of trays, dishes, and silverware that signified the arrival of her friends. Her eyes remained glued to the page she was scribbling away on. She had hidden the issue of Cosmo Girl within her science journal, hoping it would convince any nosy observers that she was grossly invested in analyzing the metaphysics of dwarf stars.

This simple trick seemed to prove effective, for neither Jean nor Javert took notice. They were so engaged in their own conversation, though, that they may not have even observed of the "girly, teeny-bopper" magazine had she waved it in their faces.

Jean sat down heavily in his seat. "Four tests. By Friday. How on earth am I supposed to pull that off? Economics, biology, calculus, and English? It's unbelievable! And not to mention unfair!"

"If you had been paying attention and studying your notes from day one," stated Javert in a casual, matter-of-fact tone, "you wouldn't feel so pressured. As it is, if you intend to pursue a cramming session, you'd better plan your time wisely."

"But how?"

"What's my favorite color?"

Both boys turned to stare incredulously at Fantine. "What?" asked Jean.

"I said, what's my favorite color?"

Jean blinked several times, unable to respond immediately. "I . . . I don't know. Uh . . . blue?"

"No, Javert's is blue. Mine is red."

Jean could only respond by squeezing his eyes shut and placing his forehead in his hand. After a long pause, he muttered, "I hate blue."

"Really?" Javert's puzzled glance shifted to his comrade. "I love blue. Navy blue especially." He took a moment to sniff the milk in the carton, as if he had reason to doubt its freshness. "What's your favorite color, anyway?"

"Orange, I guess," Jean replied dully.

"Orange? Whose favorite color is orange?"

"Well, I don't see why everyone should like blue so much. Blue makes me depressed, and red's too strong. Orange . . . it's bright and warm. And I like oranges."

"I like blue, but I'm not particularly fond of blueberries. Color shouldn't have anything to do with tastes in food."

"Blueberries are probably the only blue things I like."

Fantine sighed. "Now you're making me hungry."

Javert smirked. "That's what a cafeteria is for. Why don't you grab something, Fanny? We don't want anyone to think you've turned anorexic."

The blonde glared at her friend. She hated it when he called her "Fanny", both for how ridiculous it sounded and the unflattering connotation. The anorexia crap annoyed her, too, but mostly she hated the nickname. "I'll eat when I feel like it. I'm busy . . . studying."

For the first time, Javert's curiosity was piqued, and he began to lean across the table to have a better look at her notebook. "And what may that be, pray tell?"

She snapped the book shut. "Astrophysics. Why do you care?"

"Just curious."

Fantine rolled her eyes. "Besides, it's Taco Wednesday. You know I don't like tacos. At least not the kind this school makes, where the cheese seeps through and gets all tough and rubbery. And the shells are so soggy.

"I hate Wednesdays, too," grumbled Jean morosely. "They're right in the middle of the week."

"I can't believe you," cried Javert while shaking his head. "Wednesdays are the highlight of the week. There are only two more days of school left, and the Billiard Club meets in the afternoon."

"I never liked pool," answered Jean. "Never got the hang of it. Ping-pong is pretty fun, though."

The dark-skinned boy let out a sharp laugh. "I thought football was more your thing."

This earned another black glare. "It's my brother who thinks I should try out for the team. I barely know anything about football!"

"Well, you've got the muscle for it. And the bulk."

"That's true," put in Fantine, while inconspicuously opening her journal again and taking notes. Likes ping-pong, oranges, the color orange. . . hates Wednesdays . . .

"What about you, Ostrich Boy?" rejoined Jean heatedly. "Doesn't your mother keep saying that you should go out for basketball? You're tall enough for it."

"I'm not much of a sports person," Javert answered, still managing to remain unflustered. "Don't have the stamina for it."

"What about freshman and sophomore year, when you did track? You practically left everyone in the dust."

Feeling an ache growing in his calves, Javert lazily stretched out his back and limbs, enjoying his ability to brush the toe of his shoes against Fantine's shins even when her feet were tucked under her chair. "I guess it wasn't my calling," he answered, gently tapping against the girl's right leg.

She returned the contact with a violent kick. "Put those things back where they belong, you stork."

Still smiling, he complied with her request. "Sorry, long legs are a bloody curse sometimes."

"Yeah, but a curse to whom?" she answered with an arched brow.

"I'm glad you two are having so much fun," broke in Jean, "but what am I going to do about the tests? Four tests, two days to study? And I'm screwed when it comes to memorizing dates and equations."

"Relax," coaxed Javert, "we'll help you. Now, what kind of tests are they? Multiple choice? Short answer?"

"Uh, Econ is true and false, fill in the blank, and a few short essays. Calculus . . . I think solving problems using these equations we just learned. Biology is multiple choice, and English . . . some short answer and two or three larger essays."

"Well, you can make flashcards for the bio and econ stuff. As for the math, just look over old tests. English . . . you have Mabeuf, right? He's not too severe with the grading, as long as you sound like you understand what you've been reading. There's nothing to it, really."

"How on earth do you know so much about studying tactics?"

"I keep my ears open, that's all."

This time Fantine arched both of her eyebrow. "You listen in on other people's study sessions?"

Javert shrugged slightly. "You could say that."

"Why?" inquired Jean. "Just for fun?"

"I get bored easily."

Jean couldn't comprehend this. "I read a book when I'm bored."

"Honestly," blurted out Fantine, "how are you two even friends? You have almost nothing in common."

"He keeps me centered," they answered simultaneously.

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Yes, that was the punchline. I've probably justed stolen 3-5 minutes of your life and dumped them into some hole in the universe. It's been my pleasure. Ta-ta!