Two Months Later:
"Logan, come on, we are going to be late!" I yell down the hall. It's raining, again. Welcome to Seattle. Sometimes I wish that I had done what Zack told me to and gotten out of Seattle, if only to escape the climate. Zack; I haven't seen him since the night that I told Logan that I was pregnant. I remember that night so clearly. I wish that things had been different, I wish that Deck and Zack hadn't shown up together, I wish I could have told them separately, I wish... well all the wishing in the world won't make Zack see things my way, especially with Logan in my life. Zack just can't stand the man. Oh well, you can't make the whole world happy with your choices... of course you can make your O.B.G.W.N. happy by being on time for your appointment.
"Logan! Dr. Ambrose doesn't like being kept waiting," I yell and finally he comes down the hall. Walking down the hall. I still get a thrill every time I see him walking. Logan gives me a hug and then puts his hand on my bully and says, "Well then I guess that we had better get going, after all we have to make sure that everything is all right with you."
I love it when he talks to the baby.
This little visit to the doctor is a big deal. In two days, I come out of my first trimester, which is a big deal because it means that with each day that goes by, my chances of miscarrying go down. Every day that has gone by in these past couple of months has been nerve racking. I go to the doctor at least once a week and have them check the heartbeat. I promised myself the moment that I decided to keep this that I would be cool and not worry. Things would just happen as they happen and we will take it from there. Yeah right. The moment that I heard the heartbeat for the first time, that was it. I have never felt that protective of anything or anyone in my whole life, except maybe Logan. Even my siblings haven't meant this to me. Glad to see that when Manticore was messing around with my DNA, they didn't screw up my maternal instinct. So when this whole period is over, I'll be very happy. Except that I am starting to show, and that is going to be a problem at work. I am not so concerned with what they will say; of course people will be surprised, because my figure is never anything less than perfect. But the fact that I haven't told Original Cindy is going to be a problem. She was already upset when I moved in with Logan and when I told her that the two of us were in engaged... well lets just say that it wasn't all puppy dogs and roses. I think that she thought that she was losing her girl. Things are better now since she has calmed down and is in a place that she can be happy for me. But somehow I don't think that me being pregnant is going to help the situation any. Oh well. I guess that I had better tell OC before I start showing and she finds out from somebody else.
As Logan and I drive down the street to Dr. Ambrose's crib, I start my favorite game with Logan.
"Logan, how much do you love me?" I like this game because of all the positive reinforcement. Hey, I might be Manticore made, but with all these raging pregnancy hormones, I am not responsible for my actions.
"Until the stars fall down and the moon crumbles and all the plants shrivel and die and the earth is barren. And even then I will be content because of I have you by my side and a child I love and two legs that work... sort of," and he turns to me and gives me a smile. How can Zack hate this guy?
"Logan, how much do you love me?"
"More than Eyes Only, more than freedom, and more than the down trodden. Blah, blah, woof, woof."
I smile. I like it better when he isn't poetic. It seems more real. We are almost at the doctor's office now, and I am slipping into a nervous state. I absentmindedly touch my stomach and Logan leans over and holds my hand.
"It's a miracle, remember? The baby is going to be fine."
Thanks Logan, I needed that. It's nice that he is trying to comfort me, even though I know that behind the niceness he is just as scared as me. We have both turned our lives upside down to have a family and if something goes wrong... I just won't think about that, it isn't productive.
As we step into the office, I notice the other people in the room; a young women, younger than me alone, a middle aged couple with their daughter and son-in-law. The office is nice and I am thankful that I was able to go through this with money, because the public health offices aren't that great. They are under funded and understaffed and I wouldn't trust them with my baby's life if the world were about to end. Logan walks up to the counter to check in with the nurse and I lean back in my chair and close my eyes. With my eyes still closed I feel Logan sit down next to me on the waiting room couch. He grabs my hand and encloses it in his own. I smile and place my head on his shoulder. It's only then that I can feel him tense up. He squeezes my hand and I am afraid to open my eyes. Images of Manticore soldiers, a smiling Renfro, pistols pointed at my face, flash across my mind. I slowly open my eyes and an even worse image meets my sight. Original Cindy is standing in front of us, a Jam Pony package dangling from her hand, and a look of betrayal on her face. She turns on her heel and hurries out of the room, leaving her package on the table.
"Why is she so upset?" Logan asked.
"Because she found us at a doctor that she knows specializes in pre-natal care and I haven't told her that I am pregnant," I keep my voice low and avoid Logan's eyes. I never told him that I had told Original Cindy, but I never told him that I haven't.
"Well you had better go after her. I'll reschedule our appointment for tomorrow," he says and I can't help but here the coldness in his voice. I want to stay and explain to him why I haven't told Original Cindy because I know that he is thinking that I am ashamed to be baring his child. But before I can say anything, he has gone up to the counter and I rush out to catch Cindy. Luckily, she was having some trouble with her bike lock and was still in front of the doctor's. She sees me coming and turns away from me.
"Hey," I say.
"What do you want?" She says.
"I want to talk to you about this."
"Ok, let's talk. Are you marrying Logan cuz the boy got you knocked up?"
"No... yes... kind of."
"Well, which is it. Because it is one thing if you guys have the whole, hetro-I-will-love-you-forever-thing and you are deciding to spend the rest of your life with him. But if you are just doing this because you are preggers, well then, you aren't the person that I thought you were."
"Look, I love Logan and I might not have married him right now... but I would have sometime because I have never loved any man like him and I am happy about how the whole thing worked out because I am finally going to have that."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I was afraid that you would react like this. Me moving out and getting engaged was all sort of a lot to deal with and I knew that you were upset."
"So lying to me is going to make it better. That wacked, boo. Original Cindy needs to know what is going on with her home girl."
"Look, I'm sorry."
"I still can't believe that you didn't tell me. Original Cindy is going to have to think on this one."
But she just gets on her bike, the lock finally working, and rides off. Logan comes up behind me. I think that he heard what I said and has forgiven me. I am glad because I don't think that I could deal with him being made at me, too.
"Just give her some time," he says.
"Glad that you aren't still mad."
"You can't blame me for wondering. Sometimes I wonder if this isn't all a great big dream, because you are you and way better than anything or anyone than I would ever be with..."
"Logan," I say turning around and giving him a hug. "There is nothing better than you."
There is a small silence before Logan adds, "Dr. Ambrose says that she can squeeze us in."
We walk back into the clinic and into the examination room. I undress and Logan helps me into one of those hospital gowns. He is just tying the string in back when Dr. Ambrose walks in. She is the same doctor that delivered Tinga's son. When Manticore started looking for Tinga, she relocated to Seattle. She knows all about the X-5's, because of Tinga. That is why we decided to go to her. We didn't want Manticore to know that we had even consulted a doctor. According to Washington law after the pulse all doctors records had to be submitted to state. Manticore would have people scanning the records and that brings up unwanted questions. This works better. She doesn't even have the records in her office.
"Good afternoon, Max, Logan. How are you feeling today?"
"I am fine Sherry."
"How can I help you guys today?"
"Well tomorrow I come out of my first trimester and we just wanted to make sure that everything is okay."
"Alright, lay down."
I lay down on the table and Logan comes over and holds my hand. Sherry puts the goop onto my stomach and turns on the ultrasound. I can see the baby and I close my eyes. I don't want to see the baby until I can hear its heartbeat. It is too early to tell what gender the baby is and I don't want to know anyway. Several minutes have gone by and I open my eyes. Logan is squeezing my hand tightly and tears are welling up in my eyes.
"Wait, there. There it is."
Tears role down my face and Logan kisses my forehead.
There it is.