Title: He Knew

Disclaimer: I don't own em unfortunately but I still like to abuse em from time to time.

Summary: Sam knew more about his brother than anyone. But there were still some things he never knew.

A/N: Takes place sometime in Season 3 after Dean makes his deal. Minor spoilers up until then.

No idea where this story came but it popped in my head and wouldn't leave till I wrote it down so thought I'd just go for it. Feedback loved...good or bad.

Sam knew his brother better than anyone.

But there still some things he didn't know.

Like, for instance, Sam knew his brother carried the small, silver knife with him everywhere. Concealed in his boot, concealed under his pillow. Everywhere.

He didn't know, that four years after he left for Stanford, and three days after their father disappeared, Dean placed the blade next to his wrists. He didn't know about the tiny drop of blood that fell from the small nick, before Dean sighed and pulled the knife away.

Sam knew Dean found comfort in routine. He knew when he was stressed or worried, his brother would clean the guns like their Dad used to do, the familiar motions of shining each piece and clicking it into place somehow calming him. He didn't know that one week after Dean was released from the hospital, and four days after burning the body of their father, that Dean took one of the guns and jammed the muzzle in his mouth. He didn't know how his big brother flexed his finger on the trigger nearly ten times before letting out a sob and shoving the weapon back in his bag.

Sam knew his brother cherished the Impala. That it was more than just a car. That it was home. He knew that when Dean needed to be alone, he would get in that car, start the engine and just keep driving. Keep driving for hours, just him and his baby.

He didn't know that two hours after the fight with Jake and 30 minutes after Dean lay his brother's cold body on that dirty mattress, that Dean went out to the garage. He didn't know Dean sat in his baby with the engine running and the vents open. Sat with the fumes filling the air until his lungs burned and his chest ached and he finally turned off the ignition.

Sam knew his brother would do anything for him. He knew that Dean loved him more than he loved anything else in his life. He knew Dean made that deal with the Crossroads Demon because losing Sam was not an option.

He didn't know, that although his brother never regretted his decision, that he would do it again in a heartbeat, Sam didn't know, just how scared Dean was to die.