Naruto knew the minute he gain consciousness that he had a hangover. His eyes remained firmly shut and he propped himself up to pinch the bridge of his nose with his forefinger and thumb, holding his breath.

He could still taste whiskey in his mouth. Naruto never could hold his liquor and usually blacked out sometime around the fourth bottle. He was simply grateful to have made it home, despite the throbbing ache that resided in every single muscle of his body.

The migraine he had felt earlier resided a little bit. He relaxed the pinching but kept his fingers in place, inhaling. A brief shock went through his veins; the floral smell he sucked in coated his throat, not in a single ounce similar to the scent of his own bed.

Naruto opened his eyes, briefly looking around the room. The sheets and pillow tops were pale lavender; the comforter an inky black. The bed was relatively the same size as his, and he noticed there weren't any posters or pictures hanging on the white walls, not even a calendar.

The only light in the room filtered in through the curtains from a street lamp outside. Although the artificial lights were dulled by the fabric, it still increased the throbbing in the back of his skull.

Most defiantly not his room. He didn't have curtains and the floor was usually covered in clothes that desperately needed washing and empty ramen cups.

He inhaled the smell again, trying to place it. It smelled really good, mouthwatering even. And yet another indicator that this wasn't his room; his bed smelled sort of like a wet dog.

He propped himself further off the facedown position that he had been in, realizing that the sheets were the only fabric touching his bare…nether regions. He glanced down, surprised, then looked over the edge of the bed. His boxer shorts, a shock of orange on the ebony carpets, lay there, looking innocent.

Naruto grunted in disapproval, he got laid and couldn't even remember it. Leaning over the edge to retrieve them, it registered to him that there was, in fact, somebody else in the bed with him and he had not noticed. The person was obviously small and lightweight as he did not detect them, hopefully a 'her', until they shifted absently in their sleep.

He froze, peeking over his shoulder in a slightly nervous curiosity…

A large mane of tangled and horribly knotted scarlet hair drawing his eyes directly to it, a lightly tanned (bare) obviously female back turned to him, and a curse mark looking ominous on the nape of the neck was exactly what he saw. He thanked the heavens that he wasn't so drunk last night that he got taken home by a dude, but felt panic rising in recognition. Why was he in bed with Tayuya?

Naruto hadn't even seen her yesterday, much less talked to her. He evaluated his options.

Option one: He fled. She might be pissed when she woke up if he was there and she might just kill him.

Option two: He stayed. She might expect to see him there, become pissed if he isn't there, track him down, and kill him.

Naruto was still considering which was the lesser of two evils, both still resulting in his death if he picked the wrong one, when she shifted uncomfortably, groaning. Tayuya rolled over, brown eyes cracked sleepily, seeing him. She blinked rapidly, obviously trying to shake away the drowsiness, and yawned. The situation visibly dawned on her features, her hands instantly ripping up the sheets to hide her exposed flesh.

Tayuya colored impressively, her cheeks flushing to almost the exact same color as her hair. She was plainly contemplating two choices, the way he had. But Naruto feared that both of them ensued in extreme bodily damage.

Then she scowled and he fought down the building shriek of terror.

Tayuya did the worst.

Well, close to it.

She twisted around, grabbing a hold of her digital alarm clock.

He heard the extension cord being yanked out of the plug violently and barely had time to bring up his arms in self defense.

Naruto could swear that the Kyubi was purposely not healing the injuries caused by Tayuya; he had already been in the hospital for five weeks and wasn't getting any better. And he could hear the demon fox snickering sadistically just beyond the edges of his conscious.

Although, thankfully, Tayuya had been put on temporary house arrest, only being allowed out of her apartment building to go to her job at the café down the street from where she lived. Tenten and Sakura did her grocery shopping, being the only two girls in the group who held no ill will towards the red-headed ex-ninja.

A nurse broke his train of thought, telling him that the Hokage wanted to speak with him. He rolled his eyes, but still followed her to Tsunade's makeshift office in the hospital. It looked almost as grand as the one in the Hokage mansion with a large, polished oak desk and nice leather chairs.

Tsunade sat comfortably behind the desk. Her lips were pressed together in a thin, disapproving line, though, Naruto could tell from her eyes that she was enjoying whatever he was here for.

He noted Tayuya sitting in one of the chairs, her legs and arms crossed stiffly, as if she was trying to melt backwards into the leather. Tsunade gestured for him to take a seat, which he did, perching at the edge of the cushion, ready to throw himself out the window if Tayuya tried to attack him again.

Tsunade gave him an unfathomable look. He glanced at Tayuya, who was frowning crossly at the wall paper in such a way that you'd think each pattern had done her a personal wrong. Naruto focused back on Tsunade, who now looked elated with sadistic pleasure.

He cleared his throat uncertainly. "Why'd you want me to come up here, Granny?"

She smiled widely. "I was thinking that Tayuya should move into your apartment."

Naruto's jaw dropped open and he swore that Tayuya made a slight protesting sound.

"No," Tsunade pondered, leaning backwards and playing with one of her piggytails, "I think that it would be a very cruel and unusual punishment on her part. You should move into her apartment."

"No," Naruto objected, standing.

"Oh, well that's fine. Both of your apartments are very small," Tsunade grinned to herself, "You should get a new one to share."

"Why?" Naruto demanded over his shoulder, having turned to leave.

Tsunade's grin turned into a smirk, which she directed at Tayuya, then disappeared as she pursed her lips to answer, but Tayuya beat her.

Tayuya leaned over the armrest, venomously glaring at him, "I'm pregnant."

Naruto was very proud that he had never fainted before. He had passed out on several occasions, mostly due to having lost all energy or having the crap beaten out of him. But he had never fainted as a reaction to something that someone told him.

Until now.

He could hear Tsunade's roar of laughter mixing with the fox's giggling and Tayuya swearing loudly about 'having to be stuck with such a retard'.

All he could think was that he was never going to drink whiskey again. Ever.

Hey, I've decided to not do one just really long story but to break it down into a bunch of oneshots, telling the story and going backwards. Then I might do a piece about the poor kid. Sigh, that might be depressing... Well, anywho, please review. Tell me how it was. (Also, I'm sorry, but I don't think I could post an actually good lemon, so I won't even try and I'm sorry about skipping through that part.)