A/N: I was reading 'The Curse of Fate' by Mistress Nika (which is fantastic by the way) and she mentioned a list of things that the Marauders are not allowed to do. When I found a copy of this list, one of the things mentioned inspired me to write this. The inspiration is as follows; 'I will not ask anyone if they are "fucking serious" and then giggle madly when they reply in the affirmative.'
But, in a move that is becoming disturbingly regular as of late, my rabid plot bunny became a Snarry slash plot bunny. So what was originally going to be a Sirmus with a touch of Harry and possibly some mention of Snarry became a heated Snarry snog-session with a touch of Sirmus. -Sighs-
Warnings: There is an inappropriate word used here, and some disturbing mental images involving a severed Giant Squid tentacle. There is also some heated Snarry slash action. Not heated enough to warrant an M rating, but certainly the most heated thing I have written as of yet. Also, this one-shot is completely random, plot-less, and pointless.
Disclaimer: -Hums distractedly-
Harry James Potter had found himself in a number of odd situations in his 16-some years, but the one he was currently in was most definitely the oddest. It was not made odd by where he was or what was happening at that very moment. In fact, those two things were as commonplace as anything. He was living in a simple yet elegant house in the middle of nowhere, and he was currently lounging about in the living room. No, what made it odd was who he was living, and currently lounging, with.
One Remus Lupin, one Sirius Black, and one Severus Snape.
After Harry had defeated Voldemort (In his sixth year no less!), Dumbledore had sent him to live with these three men until his seventeenth birthday. He had left school a bit earlier than was normal, in fact, just a few weeks after Christmas, but Dumbledore was taking no chances. Harry had had barely enough time to say goodbye to his friends before he was whisked away to the safe house.
He and the other three were all likely targets for Death Eaters searching to avenge their master, and the ministry was no help in protecting them. The three older men were considered fugitives of the law, Severus having been framed for murder by Lucius Malfoy, and Remus having been arrested for having contact with Sirius. Despite their role in the downfall of Voldemort, the ministry had not revoked the warrants for their arrests. Dumbledore was working on that. In the meantime, they were to hide out here and teach Harry what he was missing while he was out of school. Not that he didn't know most of it.
So they lived, and they hid, and Harry and Remus watched amusedly as the other two bickered incessantly. They didn't, however, end up blowing the house up, and so Harry was forced to shove his situation into the category of odd, not life-threatening. The former category really was depressingly empty.
There were, he mused, odd things about his situation that did pertain to what he was doing. Certainly, most people would find it odd that he was currently stretched out on a couch with his head lying quite comfortably in the lap of a certain Potions Master. He and Severus, however, found it completely normal, as they had gotten quite close during the war. It did make Sirius distinctly uncomfortable (Read: Blisteringly angry) though. But really, could it be odder than the time Harry had come across Neville Longbottom and Draco Malfoy doing some rather disturbing things with what appeared to be a severed tentacle from the Giant Squid?
Harry brushed away the revolting memories, and focused in on what Remus was reading from the Daily Prophet.
"- the ministry has released a statement regarding their Potter Search. After the removal of Harry Potter from Hogwarts shortly after his defeat of the Dark Lord, rumors flew about why exactly Mister Potter had disappeared. The ministry has confirmed that they believe Mister Potter to be training to become the next Dark Lord, and-"
Harry sat up straight, interrupting Remus mid-sentence.
"WHAT?! Those idiots think I'm trying to become the next Dark Lord?! Are you fucking serious?!"
At his words, Severus snorted, Remus choked, and Sirius fell to the ground, overcome by peals of laughter. Harry's anger gave way to confusion. How on Earth could they laugh! This could be a major crisis! He watched, completely befuddled, as a blushing Remus dragged the still-laughing Sirius from the room. Harry turned to Severus, seeking answers.
Severus cut him off by placing a finger over Harry's mouth.
"It's best not to ask."
Harry scowled, pushing Severus' hand away. He scrambled over to the older man, straddling him and slipping his arms around Severus' neck, the scowl never leaving his face.
"Severus Snape, if you don't tell me, I'll-"
Severus shifted without warning, positioning them so that Harry was lying on his back, with Severus on top.
Harry gulped, recognizing the gleam in his lover's eye. Severus dipped his head down and placed his lips on Harry's neck, his hands moving to undo the buttons of Harry's shirt.
"Will you teach me a lesson?"
Harry couldn't help but moan as Severus' lips moved up his neck to nibble at his ear, the talented fingers finishing up with Harry's shirt and moving to work on his own.
"Hmm? Do tell, Mr. Potter, because I really want to know."
Harry gasped as skin met skin and Severus' chest came into contact with Harry's. He managed to gasp out a reasonably coherent sentence though.
"Sirius and Remus-"
Well, part of a sentence. The rest of it was swallowed by Severus' mouth on his. A tongue slipped into his mouth, and the older man thoroughly explored the moist cavern. Meanwhile, the Potion's Master's fingers had resumed their task of disrobing both men. Severus drew back, and Harry whimpered. Severus smirked.
"I'm sure Black and Lupin will be quite preoccupied for the next little while."
Harry was sure that this comment had something to do with what he had said earlier, and the reaction to it. However, he couldn't bring himself to care, because Severus had finally finished removing both of their clothing.
In the following hours, Severus was able to make Harry forget the incident altogether.
A/N: You know, when I was writing the Giant Squid bit, I wrote in 'testacle' instead of 'tentacle', and ended up rolling on the floor in laughter for about five minutes. -Shakes head- Anyway, review please!