Wonderland

By EmyPink

Disclaimer: NCIS is not mine. I just borrow the characters to play with.

A/N Hangman prize (NFA) for Tim (cinematus). He wanted something Tiva-ish, so here it is. Thanks to Kandon Kuuson for betaing this.

Rating: T for some adult themes.

Parings: Tiva

Summary:Ziva is sick … and someone has to look after her. Tiva.


Part One: Ziva in Wonderland

"I will have a vodka martini," Ziva told the waiter with her eyes shut. 'Mmmm … this place is very warm. I must be in the tropics, yes?'

She was currently reclining in a chair … where, she wasn't exactly sure. But she could feel the hot sun beating down on her, and she could here the ocean waves crashing in the distance.

"Right away, ma'am," the waiter said gracefully as Ziva opened her eyes. She blinked twice … this was not what she'd expected to see. Standing in front of her, dressed in a little red waistcoat and carrying a gold packet watch as of if were a tray, was a white … rabbit?

"What are you," she questioned, going into her typical, defensive interrogation mode. She glared at the … rabbit … hoping that her glare would work on white furry things in waistcoats like it did on humans.

"I am the White Rabbit, ma'am," the waiter-rabbit replied weakly, under Ziva's heated gaze. "Now, ma'am, I really must be off. I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date …"

"Do not call me ma'am," Ziva hissed at the rabbit. The little rabbit cowered and dropped his ears, but proceeded to look at the pocket watch-tray.

"I have seen this movie before?" Ziva muttered to herself, looking around at her surrounding, bewildered. Yes, she was on a beach, but the beach had orange sand, lime green water and she herself was wearing a blue dress with a white pinafore.

"Oh, I fell down the … hare hole, yes?" she mumbled, realising that the movie she was think of was 'Alice in Wonderland'.

"Actually, it's the rabbit hole," the White Rabbit replied swiftly. "And as I am late for my meeting with the queen, you are late for your tea-party …"

"Tea party?" Ziva questioned as she swung her legs to the side. "Why would I want to party with tea?"

"What? Oh, no, ma'am," the White Rabbit corrected, pointing to a table in the distance, "your tea party with the Mad Hatter and March Hare …"

"I must be in one of Tony's dream, yes," she muttered to herself. "Only Tony would have drugged down dreams based on movies …"

"Now, I really am late. No time to say hello, goodbye! I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!" the White Rabbit muttered to himself before turning to Ziva. "Now, ma'am, if you'll just follow the Yellow Brick Road …"


"Ooh, Ziva's going to be in so much trouble," Tony said to McGee, a large grin on his face. From his desk, Tony gestured towards Ziva, who had her head in her arms and was dozing peacefully. "When Gibbs gets back …" He let the comment hang in the air.

"Leave her alone, Tony," McGee said from his desk, feeling that it was up to him to defend the sleeping Ziva. "She's probably just really tired. We've been here forty-eight hours straight."

"That may be, Probie," Tony chided, "but that doesn't mean Gibbs won't chuck a wobbly. Plus, she's Ninja Ziva. She can, like, operate on next to nothing. Plus, we've all been doing forty-eight hours straight so don't start defending her, Probie!"

"Everybody needs sleep, Tony," McGee said as he turned back to his computer screen. "Even Ninja Zivas …."

"Heh, imagine what she'd do to you if she heard you call her that," Tony said cheekily, reclining back in his desk chair.

"H-hey, you started it," McGee protested, kicking himself for sounding like a whiny child.

"What are you, Probie, like five?" Tony teased, rolling his eyes. "Next you'll be dobbing on me to Gibbs. Dibber, dobber sindy, you got to kindy …"

Whack! A hand collided with the back of Tony's head, cutting him off immediately. "If you don't shut up, DiNozzo, I'll send you personally back to kindy," he growled, coffee in hand.

"Thanks, Boss," Tony said as he rubbed the back of his head. McGee turned away so Gibbs and Tony wouldn't notice his smirk.

"What the hell is David doing," Gibbs snapped, taking in the sight of a snoring Ziva.

"Sleeping, Boss," McGee answered promptly and wincing as Gibbs' eyes bore holes into him.

"You think I can't see that, McGee," he snapped. "What I want to know is, why the hell she is sleeping …"

"Umm … not sure, Boss," McGee tried to answer the question. "Maybe she's … tired?" McGee knew that was the wrong answer as soon as it left his mouth. He cringed as Gibbs shot him a customary glare.

"Da-veed," Gibbs snapped loudly in Ziva's direction. Ziva's head moved to the side and she muttered something incomprehensible, but she didn't wake. Gibbs sighed frustratingly.

"I can wake her up, Boss," Tony offered as he stood up, ready for action. Gibbs gave him a look that he assumed meant 'go for it'. Tony picked up the water bottle sitting on his desk, knowing that is was still cold as it had only been taken out the fridge a few minutes ago.

"Tony, what are you doing?" McGee asked warily as Tony crossed the bullpen so that she was standing in front of Ziva's desk.

"Giving her a wake up call, Probie," Tony smirked as he positioned the water bottle over her head. "Learned this from Ziva last year when we went undercover…you remember that don't ya, Probie," Tony grinned at McGee. McGee sighed.

"DiNozzo …" Gibbs said warningly.

"Don't worry, Boss. She'll be awake before she gets too wet," Tony said confidently as he tipped the bottle upright. "Oh, sweetcheeks, wakey wakey," he cooed as a steady stream of water hit Ziva's exposed face.

To his surprise, Ziva did not stir as the stream of cold water hit her face. In fact, she hardly moved at all. All she did was mumble a few, random words. "Mmmm … Hatter … party …"

"Ziva?" Tony questioned, bending down to study her face, worry creasing his face slightly. "Ziva … Ziva … Ziva, terrorists are killing me …" She still didn't stir. "With big, big guns …" Ziva's head rocked back and forth, but her eyes still didn't open.

"What's going on, DiNozzo?" Gibbs barked from across the bullpen.

He flashed Ziva a lopsided grin, before starting to straighten his back. "It seems Officer David is in a deep sleep than we …" he trailed off as his hand accidentally brushed up against her forehead. He gasped; she was as hot as an oven. All traces of the grin disappeared off his face as Tony said in wide-eyed worry, "B-boss, she's burning up …"

"What?" Gibbs said, half frustratingly and half confusedly, as he strode over to Ziva's desk. McGee echoed his sentiment.

"She's burning up," Tony repeated, the look of worry increasing on his face. "I think she has a fever?"

Gibbs came to an abrupt halt in front of Ziva's desk, forcing McGee to stop suddenly in order not to collide with Gibbs. Gibbs reached out, and like an experienced parent, placed his hand on Ziva's forehead. She stirred underneath his touch.

Gibbs let is hand rest on Ziva's forehead for a moment before announcing, "A hundred … McGee, get Ducky," he finished by ordering McGee.

"Boss …?" McGee didn't move, he stood there like he was rooted to the spot.

"McGee," Gibbs snapped angrily. "Ducky. Now. Move."

McGee shook his head and stuttered, "Ah, y-yes, Boss. Going to deck … get Ducky …" He flashed Ziva a concerned glance before half running, half falling over to his desk and picking up the phone to dial autopsy.

"She okay, boss," Tony questioned immediately after McGee has stumbled off.

"Does she look okay to you, DiNozzo," Gibbs muttered distractively as he lifted Ziva's head up gently so he could careful unbutton the first few buttons of her shirt. Ziva groaned as Gibbs lowered her back onto the desk and opened one eye.

"W-where's the … Hatter," she slurred feverishly.

Gibbs and Tony looked at each other with concern and surprise. "The Hatter?"

"Mmmm … the H-hatter," Ziva mumbled as her eye flickered shut. "Having … tea p-party …"

"Tea party? Tony repeated with concern. "Boss, I think she's delirious."

"T-tea party …" Ziva slurred weakly. "With … a … a rabbit …n-no … no, hare, y-yes? Late b-bunny …"

"B-boss," Tony said painfully, giving Gibbs a panicked and worried look. "Gibbs, do something …"

"Tony, calm down," Gibbs said calmly, though more calmly than he felt. "Ziva will be fine."

"But …" Tony tried weakly, giving Ziva another worried look. "What if … what if she has the … the Plague?" he finished pathetically.

Gibbs sighed exasperatedly. "DiNozzo, she does not have the Plague –"

Tony cut in quickly, "How …"

"She is not you, DiNozzo … You want to keep worrying, Tony, 'cause I'm happy to hit you again!" Gibbs snapped, placing his hand back on her forehead. He was about to say something else, when McGee interrupted.

"Ducky's on his way up," McGee panted, sounding like he'd just run a marathon and not made a simple phone call.

Gibbs nodded, but then muttered to himself, "Too warm …"

"What's going on, Tony?" McGee asked through hurried breaths, looking at Ziva with an expression crossed between awe and fear.

"Not sure, Probie, it sounds like she's been abducted by aliens and replaced with someone who's muttering about tea parties and Hatters." Tony's attempted humour fell on deaf ears.

"Like Alice in Wonderland," McGee questioned looking thoughtful. "You know … I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date …"

"Trust you to know the kid movies, McKiddie," Tony muttered and cocked his head to the side. "I should have figured that out …"

"Eventually," McGee summarised with a small smile. Tony screwed up his nose and gave McGee a dark look as the elevator signalled that it had arrived at their floor.

"What seems to be the problem, Jethro?" Tony and McGee heard Ducky question Gibbs. They turned their attention back to Gibbs and subsequently Ziva and Ducky.

"She's running a fever, Duck," Gibbs answered curtly. "We couldn't wake her fully. She is incoherent and mumbling about tea parties and rabbits."

"Ah, yes, Alice in Wonderland," Ducky said pensively as he knelt down in front of Ziva and placed his bag on the floor. "One of the many classic British stories for children, yet, I have known many adults …"

"Ziva, Ducky," Gibbs pressed, snapping Ducky out of his monologue.

"Oh, yes, sorry," he said, before turning to question Ziva as he pulled a thermometer out of his bag, "What seems to be the matter, dear?" Ziva was silent for a moment before she stirred.

Ziva groaned and her eyelids fluttered open. "A-are you the H-hatter …"

"I'm sorry, my dear, but I'm afraid I am not," Ducky replied as if there were nothing peculiar with the question at all.

"Oh," Ziva murmured and closed her eyes.

"Should we get an ambulance, Boss," McGee asked worriedly, looking rapidly back and forth between Ziva and Gibbs.

"I … Ducky?" Gibbs started, unsure of himself. It had been a long time … well, since Kelly, but then directed his question at Ducky who was studying the thermometer.

"No, I don't think so, Jethro," Ducky replied confidently as placed the thermometer back in his bag. "Besides the fever, there doesn't seem to be much else wrong with Ziva here. I think a few days at home would be sufficient enough."

Gibbs breathed an inaudible sigh of relief. "That's great, Duck. I'll clear it with the Director …" He stopped suddenly and studied his two healthy agents. "DiNozzo!" He barked.

"Yeah, Boss," Tony replied immediately, relief clearly shown on his face as he rose from his desk.

"Take her home," he ordered swiftly, in a tone of voice that left no room for argument.

That didn't deter Tony, who was weighing the pros and cons of defying Gibbs or taking a sick Ziva home. "But, Boss …"

"No buts, DiNozzo," Gibbs said sternly, glaring at his senior field.

"Boss …" he tried again, but was silenced by a slap on the head. "Urgh … okay, Boss. I'll take her home." He turned away from Gibbs, walked to his desk and pulled a face at McGee, but gathered his backpack together and clambered over to Ziva's desk. He bent over so that he was level with her.

"I guess it's just me and you, Alice," he murmured, slowly lifting her from her desk.