The anti-cliche story beast rears it's ugly head again. I've been reading all the Obi-Wan 'i am not worthy' and Qui-Gon 'oh, i actually have a padawan, when did that happen?' angst fics that are out there. One that thing that's struck me is Obi-Wan's calm acceptance and immediate feelings that it's all his fault, also his instant forgiveness of Qui-Gon. As Clark Kent says in Smallville, 'We'll spend a week avoiding each other, after that we'll talk about trivial things and then we'll move on.'
This is definitely going to be a personal challenge. No humour! If I start writing humour someone send me a virtual slap! But yes, providing I can actually do it, there will be angst! Everyone loves a bit of angst xD, especially late at night with a blankie and a block of chocolate.
It's set when Qui-Gon decides to take Anakin back and make him a padawan, around the time I start shaking my fist at the tv screen.
The room suddenly quietened, all Obi-Wan could hear was his own heart beating and his quick intake of breath. He blinked down at his clenched hands, next to him stood his master, hands resting protectively on Anakin's shoulders. He watched as the hands tightened slightly and gave a brief reassuring shake. Anakin looked up for the reassurance, which Qui-Gon quickly offered with a small nod. Tearing his eyes away Obi-Wan stared accusingly at Qui-Gon, had he really meant what he had just said? Feeling his gaze Qui-Gon turned and caught his eye with a stern shake of his head then turned back to face the council. Obi-Wan swallowed thickly, so it was true. Belatedly realising the council was waiting for an answer he composed his face and lifted his head up proudly.
'I am ready for the trials,' he stared straight ahead, looking at no one.
'I have some business to attend to now,' his master's tone held no room for argument, it was cold and dismissive. Out of the corner of his eye Obi-Wan saw a small figure standing in the background. His jaw clenched, so this was the reason for his dismissal now. Already Qui-Gon was walking away towards Anakin. Did he realise his padawan was still watching? Did he care, Obi-Wan thought bitterly. He saw Qui-Gon drop to his knees, a large hand was placed on a small shoulder, blue eyes were met in sympathy, comfort in soft words was offered, words that would have taken to long to say to others. Obi-Wan was left standing as a solitary figure on the dark concrete of the corridor.
Too many thoughts were going through his head for sleep to be an option. Turning he walked to face the window overlooking the city. Even at night the city was bustling with life, the hum and throb in the Force of all living creatures, the concentrated yet all encompassing joy of life. Closing his eyes Obi-Wan let his mind sink into that feeling. The lights of the city washed over his face, briefly illuminating the single figure against the glass. Sagging forward he let his forehead press against the cold glass, the cool spread all over his body, relaxing his thoughts and feelings, erasing. How long he stood frozen like that he didn't know. Slowly opening his eyes he felt calm, he felt able to think, his mind was clear. He turned his back on the life of the city and faced the corridor to his shared apartment.
Obi-Wan opened his blurred eyes to a rare sound. He could hear a mix of a deep baritone laugh with the higher pitched giggle of a young boy. The giggles continued and there was the sounds of running footsteps, heavier footsteps soon followed at a slower pace. Rounding the lounge room entrance he saw a grinning blonde head peeping from behind the couch, the head retreated with another high pitched giggle before reappearing on the other side with a cheeky grin. Obi-Wan observed the scene from behind and flashed a grin of his own at Anakin. Anakin returned it with a shy smile. Qui-Gon straightened from his knelt position on the carpet with a tired laugh, holding out his hand to Anakin.
'Shall I show you around the temple today?' He asked leading him towards the door.
'Oh yes please Master Qui-Gon!' The boy bounced on ahead enthusiastically, he suddenly halted before the door, 'what about Obi-Wan Sir?'
'I wouldn't worry about him Ani,' he shooed the boy forwards, 'he's probably at his friends.'
Obi-Wan heard the door slam shut behind them. So his master hadn't even realised he'd come home last night? Or had he simply not bothered to check whether Obi-Wan was in his room this morning? He could feel himself bristling. Taking a deep breath he harnessed his emotions and released them out into the Force. Feeling more at peace now he pushed those thoughts from his mind and went in search of his own breakfast. But even as he walked down the corridor towards the kitchen he could feel those emotions rising again, why had his master forgotten about him? Forgotten him both as a padawan and as a person. Recalling the words from in the Jedi Council he felt hurt. Wrenching open the door to the cooling unit and let the cold air float over him and tried again to recall the peace he had felt last night, but not all his feelings would disappear this time. He slammed the milk down on the bench, slopping half its contents across the floor. That was a jolt back to reality if nothing was. Feeling slightly guilty he bent and mopped up the spreading milk.
Making his way towards the training room Obi-Wan found himself hoping for the first time that Qui-Gon would remember their arranged session. He pushed open the door and was confronted by the sight of nothing. There was no one else in the room. For the first time ever Qui-Gon was not waiting for him by the mats, lightsabre in hand and hair tied back. Obi-Wan closed his eyes and opened them again, but the same emptiness met them. Turning on his heel he stalked out of the room, letting the doors bang close behind him. He walked silently down the now dark hallway.
Reaching the door to their apartment he slid it violently open with a blast of the Force even before he came past the corner. Through his training bond with his master he felt surprise as his master registered the Force blast, he felt a questioning thought coming through. Obi-Wan felt his hands tremble and he slammed his mental shields up with such force his head seemed to shake on his neck. Pressing one hand to his forehead he walked around the corner and deliberately avoided eye contact with anyone. With two long strides he was in his own bedroom. He slumped back on the bed and closed his eyes. He would meditate. Then with a clear head he could later talk to his master, there was no point now when he was still angry. Obi-Wan took in a slow deep breath. He heard a hesitant knock at his door, cracking open an eye he saw a familiar blonde head look around. He felt a brief surge of jealousy, but that emotion was quickly overcome with little difficulty. Whatever the problem was here, it wasn't Anakin's personal fault. He sat up wearily and motioned with his hand towards the boy. Anakin smiled at him and sat next to him on the bed.
In the lounge room
Anakin appeared back through the corridor entrance. He looked slightly nervous and quietly sat on the couch next to the big Jedi master. Several minutes passed in silence.
'Master Jedi sir?' The boy's voice was hesitant, 'what's wrong with Obi-Wan?'
Qui-Gon frowned, his padawan had been rather quiet lately, he assumed he was busy with his friends. Suddenly he remembered, the training session! He patted the boy's shoulder and set off to Obi-Wan's door.
'Obi-Wan?' He knocked lightly, receiving no reply he opened it and stepped into the entrance. Sure enough his padawan was lying curled up, looking half asleep. 'I'm sorry about our training session,' he said quietly, 'I was with Anakin and I forgot the time.'
'It's ok,' his padawan's voice was muffled with sleep, 'we've only had it once a week for 5 years.'
Qui-Gon smiled and quietly shut the door behind him. Inside Obi-Wan screwed up the corner of the blanket and pulled it harshly from the bed.
I wanted to sort of build up Obi-Wan's anger, you know how you sort of seethe quietly for a bit before someone says something like 'pass the remote' and you suddenly lose it at them.