DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but my love for fictional characters. ARTIX!!!!!!!

A/N: I hope I'll be able to stay on top of this story. (gazes off into the distance)

Okay, this is Deisaso, for the most part, but because I doubt I'll ever actually post a lemon, you could leave it to your imagination. Though I do have a conversation that the two will have AFTER they get together that kinda . . . suggests Sasori as uke. But you know, I'll do my best to keep them IC, slightly bended of course to fit the AU setting. READ, DON'T READ, I DON'T CARE.

Rated: T for occasional swearing and because it's my comfort rating.


Prologue: Monster

Deidara was never one to really care about his living conditions. If his room was messy, what did it matter? It was only his own filth and mess, and if he could live with himself, he could live with his messes.

But DAMN, was this room DISGUSTING.

Infested with cockroaches, the apartment was so gross that Deidara preferred wandering the city (Suna, capital of the Kaze country) to sitting in it. And sitting in the apartment was no easy feat, as he had no furniture past a ratty mattress in the corner. The floor was not an option, crawling with bugs, strangled by fungi and, like any place in the desert not properly protected, covered in a fine layer of gritty sand. The sand in Suna got so fine it could pass through cracks in windows and pile up in heaps on the sill, until someone was stupid enough to open the window and a large gust of wind would blow the particles everywhere. Deidara had learned this the hard way.

Then again, if Deidara hadn't wanted to live in financial despair in the poor section of a city where he knew no one, then he shouldn't have left his home country, (Earth; city: Iwa) for reasons better left unsaid. Though those reasons left unsaid were pretty damn good reasons.

After all, anyone who thought Deidara enjoyed waking up with cockroaches scuttling over him would be taught a lesson they would never forget.

So, in order to escape his filthy apartment, Deidara was on yet another walk. He had considered just living on the streets, but after a while of seeing no homeless persons, he's asked a passing person why this was, and they explained that anybody who stayed outside too long, without ever escaping the sun, would cook in the heat or get torn apart by mini-sandstorms in the city.

Deidara liked having all his body parts in place and not resembling bacon, thank-you-very-much.

"Stupid Suna . . . . should have moved to Konoha, but noooooooo, Suna is so much cheaper and closer, I said. Now look, h'm! Stupid Suna, stupid world, stupid no money . . ." If it occurred to Deidara that he was rambling, he showed no sign, as he walked the dusty streets of Suna. He'd gotten pretty good at it, and by now had mapped out a majority of the city and knew all the places that would hire him for quick delivery jobs so he could pay rent and not starve.

He passed by a wall absolutely covered in posters, and made a beeline for it. There was always the occasional job on there, and Deidara wasn't about to pass up a chance to make money. "Let's see . . . dog walker needed . . . but I hate cleaning up after dogs, h'm! There's gotta be something better, h'm!" Deidara continued to search the brightly coloured papers

He had nearly given up hope and was ambling over to tug off a phone number for dog walking (if it weren't for his rigged change, Deidara would have lost a lot on phone booths by now), when he passed by a simple white sheet entitled in clean, bold, print, Caretaker Needed. Interested, Deidara paused. It was probably a flyer asking for somebody to babysit their loony grandparent and sponge bathe them.

Deidara could do sponge baths. He just had to close his eyes and pretend he was else where. So, he continued to read the poster.

Caretaker Needed

We need an adult (18 plus, no under aged babysitters) to be a caretaker for our grandson while we are indisposed.

We are looking for a hard worker, who deals well with children and can be available at any time in wish we need them.

The pay is, to begin, fifty dollars an hour, though if you are skilled enough we will hire you as a full-time sitter that will travel with us and nanny for a 1000 dollars a month.

If interested, please contact the number below.

Deidara paused, a grin on his face. "Look after some bratty kind for nice pay and a chance to vacation in exotic places, h'm? Sign me up!" He ripped the phone number on the bottom off, though noticing that for some reason not a single number had been ripped off. "Who would turn down a cushy job like that, h'm?"

"They're sane, that's all." Deidara turned to see a harried looking woman standing there. She had a long scar over the back of her hand and looked like she needed more sleep.

"Whaddya mean, h'm?"

"That's a monster you'll be looking after --- a devil child --- and everyone knows this. If you value your sanity, you won't call that number." The woman shuddered, clutching her shopping bag tighter.

The blond gave the woman an odd look. She didn't look quite right in the head, and was probably over exaggerating. People had probably just missed the poster like he nearly did. "Whatever lady. Unless this kid's got six-six-six tattooed on his face, I'm not believing any monster stories, h'm."

The woman gave him one final look before turning to walk off. She did pause however, her shoulders shaking. "Don't say I didn't warn you." She took a step forward, before stopping again. Deidara was just considering pushing her over when she continued. "And the thing is, he's not a kid."

"Huh?" Deidara then rolled his one visible eye. "Not any more of the monster crap, h'm."

The woman only shook her head and took off quickly. Deidara watched her go with a bored expression before sighing. "Crack jobs these days, h'm."

And with this comment, Deidara headed off to make the phone call that would change his life.