DISCLAIMER: If Sasuke has honestly become MOAR of a pirate by the last few chapters, I still won't have been writing Naruto, even though I would love to be Kishi-sensei. WUAH WUAH SASUKE-KINS IS ALL BROKEN AND SAD! WUAAAAAAAAH!
A/N: SIXTH CHAPTER! WOOTWOOTWOOT! I was almost unsure on how to begin this, since I kinda forgot what happened at this part of the story. -sweatdrop-
Rated: T for occasional swearing and because it's my comfort rating.
Chapter Five: Visit
Deidara had an interesting hobby. One that centered around his fourth-floor apartment, clay, open windows and a twisted amusement in messing with innocent old ladies.
It would go as such.
The blond would make a clay statue on the table in front of the window, and allow it to harden in the sun. He would then lean out the window, wait for an elderly female to pass by (apparently his district was full of them) and drop the sculpture so it would shatter inches from the woman. These old bags would promptly screech and go into momentary cardiac arrests.
It was fun.
Some may call it a waste of money, for the clay, but Deidara didn't have anything else to spend his money on. He, by the norm of late, ate at the Akasuna household.
Speaking of the Akasuna household, past he and Sasori's mutual hatred for each other, nothing had really happened. Of course, there was a niggling feeling in Deidara's mind that he was forgetting something, but then again, he had just woken up and was lounging around in his messy apartment. (Messy, not dirty!)
So, he leaned out the window of his messy, not dirty, apartment, and caught sight of something that made his blood run cold. No, it wasn't a furious brigade of offended old bags, it was two old people and a small, cute redhead.
Deidara had forgotten they were coming over today, to discuss some 'propositions'. When Deidara had inquired as to why he couldn't come to their house, they replied that they wanted to see his new place.
His messy, not dirty, new place. 'Shit.' It was then that Deidara realized he had about three minutes to clean up his apartment and put on some pants. As you can imagine, he took off from the window in order to begin the hasty process of straightening up his mess. This involved throwing his sheets on his bed, his dirty clothes in the hamper and his unclean dishes in the sink.
It was only after he got every last piece of dirty clothing in his overflowing hamper with a lot of shoving and cursing did Deidara realized that he had nothing to wear. "That can't be right, h'm!" A panicked Deidara cried, as he proceeded to yank open his drawers. All he had left was a lone sock, a gray tank top and a pair of pajama bottoms. "How could I not notice how low my supplies were, h'm?" Deidara whimpered, as he fell to his knees in despair. Well, he did until he realized that was simply over dramatic, and straightened his body in order to tug out the pajama bottoms with a wince. Sure, he needed pants, but this was ridiculous. He could only begin to imagine the look Sasori would give him if he answered the door in a pair of bright, neon-bubble-gum pink cotton pajamas.
It appeared the blond would have no choice however, as at that moment someone knocked on the door, and if it was a choice between ratty boxers with holes in them and eye-smarting pink PJ's, he'd take the more colourful choice.
So, without further ado, he yanked them on, shut the drawers, and ran to the door. After he opened the only barrier between him and humiliation, he was greeted by stares at his pink PJ bottoms. ". . . nice pants." Smirked Sasori, as his critical eyes took in the apartment. Deidara felt himself blush dully in embarrassment, as he invited them in with a wave of a gloved hand.
"Sasori-kun, I'm so glad you think so. One of my ex-girlfriends bought them for me, back home." Deidara replied, fighting any urge to be snarky, as the red-head's grandparents were there.
"One of?" Questioned Sasori, while Chiyo and Ebizou pointedly ignored the conversation in order to murmur over the colour of Deidara's curtains. The blond smirked.
"Yeah, back at Iwa, the girls really liked me, h'm. Those were the days . . ." Deidara sighed, noting that the red head looked like he was strongly resisting an insulting comment, perhaps something along the lines of lesbians. It's not like Deidara hadn't heard it plenty of times.
"Sasori, run along. Deidara-kun will be talking some things over with us." The duo turned, and Deidara gave a look of thanks, while Sasori only looked disgruntled at the fact he was being treated like a kid. Again.
While the blond showed the old siblings to the seating area, Sasori sat down against the wall, waiting for boredom to strike. It didn't take long, following right after the resentment. (How dare they treat him like a kid!? Deidara was the youngest here! Just because he looked young . . . and Deidara didn't even have any TOYS. Come on! Now he's bored and angry! Stupid grandma, stupid Deidara, stupid lesbian girlfriends and their stupid pink pajamas!)
With an angry, huffy, sigh, Sasori pushed himself up off the ground in search of something to amuse him. The trio in the corner were quite involved, so Sasori knew better than to bother them. So instead, he wandered into an adjoining room, which proved to be Deidara's tiny washroom.
Feel vindictive in his lack of something to occupy his devilish mind, the redhead began to squeeze all the toothpaste from the tube, all the way down the drain. "See you keep your perfect teeth without this, you dumb sitter . . . you're probably some hippie's love child, that would explain the hair." Sasori had spotted the blond's hairbrush, and proceeded to use toe nail clippers he'd found while exploring the medicine cabinet to clip off the bristles.
The bathroom eventually ran out of amusing things to do, after he was done clogging the toilet with a mixture of tooth floss and toilet paper (the entire roll!). So Sasori ambled over to another room (noticing the trio still talking, and Deidara looking utterly happy) and found the bedroom.
"Disgusting . . . look at that hamper, he has too much leather . . . I bet he forget we were coming over. Guess we're not important, huh? Can't even be bothered to make his bed . . ." The youngest Akasuna muttered this with a frown, trailing off as he began to organize the sheets and blankets on the blond's bed. After he was done, he took in the sight of the neatness, and winced. Okay, you did not make the bed of your mortal enemy. That was creepy. "Than again, it could throw him off . . . keep him on his toes . . . I bet he's the type of homosexual girly-men who do ballet . . . probably wears a tutu . . . heheh . . . I should buy him one, match his pajamas . . ."
Sasori reached the entrance to the bedroom, and surveyed the layout of the blond's space. They were STILL talking! And they were pulling out maps for some reason. Okaaaaay. "Probably doesn't know where Suna is, that dumb little piece of . . ." with an aggravated sigh, the small teen headed over to the window, and found that he couldn't look out because a table blocked his path. "Huh?" Sitting on top of the table was a large piece of clay, wrapped up in plastic. Next to it was a medium-sized clay bird, half-baked by the sun.
An evil smirk crawled across the red head's face, as he glanced over his shoulder to check if anyone was paying attention to him. When the answer was 'no', Sasori turned back to the window, picked up the clay figurine, and tossed it straight out the window with a victorious smile.
That was fun.
So, after looking over his shoulder again, Sasori heaved with all his might in order to push the block of wet clay straight over the still of the window. Excited to see what the result would be, Sasori hoisted himself up on the table, and crawled over the small surface in order to stick his head out the window.
The clay had created a splatter effect that had (unfortunately) splattered some poor old woman, who was standing stock still, most likely frozen in fear. She probably thought the war was still going on, crazy bag . . .
Realizing that maybe sitting on a table for 'no reason' was just a tad suspicious, Sasori slipped off and wandered back over to his first seat against the wall, near the door. He rested there for a few minutes, watching as the trio in the corner wrapped up their discussion.
And then someone knocked – no, hammered – on the door, and the three whom Sasori had been watching glanced up in surprise. ". . ? Get the door, Sasori." Chiyo took charge first, and Sasori rose to his feet with a concealed grumble and opened the door, to reveal fury hotter than Hell on the other side.
"Where. Is. He." It was the old woman whom Sasori had clay-bombed hissed, her wrinkles scrunched up in her anger, as she clutched her purse tightly. Sasori stared blankly in reply.
". . . Who?"
"That blond brat, that little girl who keeps ATTACKING us innocent elderly citizens with CLAY!" The 'innocent elderly citizen' spat these words, and Sasori doubted the woman could even see him, as she was focused entirely on Deidara, whom her roving eyes had just settled on. "There you are!" She pushed the red head out of the way, before storming over to the long-haired male and hitting him hard with her purse.
"Wh-what! Ouch!" Deidara winced, and attempted to protect himself with his arms, but to no avail. Chiyo and Ebizou had appeared to be relatively frozen in shock, until they stood up and carefully edged over to Sasori. Like they were afraid to make and sudden movements. "Stop it, h'm!"
". . . not going to save him?" Asked Sasori in a careful tone, not wishing to betray his joy at seeing his sitter get beaten up by some old grandmother.
"Sasori, don't you recognize her!? That's the ex-Kazekage-sama's mother!" Hissed Ebizou, and Sasori suddenly felt a chill make its way down his spine while pity formed in his heart for Deidara. The ex-Kazekage's mother was well known as the craziest old woman in all of Suna, maybe even the entire of Kaze. Her son used to run the city AND the country, so she felt this made her queen of the world and she could treat people as she wished. (Ignoring the fact that being Kazekage meant you lived for your people, not that you ordered them around and ruled them with an iron fist.) Paired up with the fact that she most likely was going senile and had several mental problems, this made her a ticking bomb. If you set her off, there was very little that could stop her.
She would, in the most likely outcome of this situation, clobber Deidara to death.
And even Sasori wouldn't want someone to die by her.
Apparently Deidara wished not to die as well, as while the Akasuna family watched in fear, he began to attempt to push the old woman away. However, all this did was give her an opening, and she swatted his head with her purse. It almost sounded like she had a brick in there. "-- teach you to disrespect me! My son was KAZEKAGE! Oh, just wait until I tell him --" With each word, she hit harder, and Deidara apparently snapped a little.
"Stop it, you fucking crazy old cunt!" Screamed the blond, and he kicked out firmly, just missing one of the old woman's spindly little legs. "I REFUSE to take shit from some batshit insane WHORE! The hell is your problem -- ouch!" Chiyo winced at Deidara's . . . colourful language, and placed her hands over Sasori's ears, who was staring so wide-eyed he resembled a deer caught in headlights. Sasori knew some naughty words . . . but this was a plethora of swears he could have never imagined!
"Sasori, go stop her!" Chiyo begged, while Ebizou took a step to hide behind his sister. Deidara was apparently was having trouble talking now, as the elderly woman's hits to his head were becoming more frequent.
"How!?" Sasori could still hear fine, as his grandmother's hands were small and Sasori's hearing was quite good. "I'm not risking my life!"
"Sasori, she remembers you from when ex-Kazekage-sama used to babysit you before he ran away and never came back!" (Wonder why.) "She'll calm down if you go talk to her nicely!"
The redhead paused, brown eyes blinking slowly. After several tense seconds ticked by, he nodded in agreement, which freed his grandmother's hands from his ears. "Fine. Watch an expert, Chiyo-baa-san." So, with a deep breath, Sasori allowed his features to rearrange themselves from apathetic tinged with fear to gentle edges and a soft smile. He then walked over to the silver-haired old lady who was beating up his sitter and tapped her politely on the shoulder.
Deidara, who had been feeling quite woozy from the abuse his head had suffered, felt rather surprised when no more hits came. He opened an eye he had closed in pain, and saw that Sasori was giving the old lady a fake, but amazingly realistic, glowing smile, and being nice to her!
"I didn't want to be rude and stop you from attacking my sitter, but I really wanted to say 'hi'," he began, shyly rubbing an arm, "it's been a real long time, you know." Deidara stared in shock, unable to believe how easily Sasori, the kid-who-wasn't-a-kid, the young man who hated people who couldn't tell his age, could pull off being, well, a kid. A cute kid. A REALLY cute kid.
Wait, why was Deidara blushing again?
". . . Sasori-chan?" The old lady blinked, before a broad smile stretched her pinched lips. "Sasori-chan! I haven't seen you since . . . well, it must have been years! You're still small though, are you sure you've been drinking your vegetables . . ." Deidara could only gape as the crazy old bat turned into a calm, senile, grandmother. A-maaaa-zing. (No, really!)
While Deidara watched, hardly believing what he was seeing, Chiyo and Ebizou took control of the now-calm old bag, and showed her out the door. Then, the trio that was the Akasuna family came and sat down next to Deidara, breathing sighs of relief. "Never again . . ." commented Ebizou, tugging absently on one of his caterpillar-eyebrows. His sister and great-nephew nodded earnestly in reply.
"Woah . . . that was pretty . . . exciting . . . h'm." Mumbled Deidara, rubbing his head in embarrassment (which felt nice against his bruised cranium). "Good thing we're going away, I don't want to make up in the middle of the night with her looming over me with a kitchen knife, h'm . . ."
Sasori's head shot straight up from staring at his lap, confusion and suspicion clear in his brown eyes. "We're going somewhere? We who? Where?" And then he noticed that his grandmother was smiling genially and patting Deidara on the knee in empathy, while Ebizou mumbled about buying new jackets. The blond was giving him a confused look.
"Huh? You didn't know, h'm? Chiyo-san hired me as a full time sitter, h'm. I'm going with you guys on your trip to the Snow Country, h'm." Deidara was smiling at the thought, thoughts of vacation dancing in his single blue eye. Sasori felt the world plummet around him into a dark voice at these words, hardly believing their truth. NO! They could not of . . . 'not without asking me! But they think we get along . . . but we don't! NO! NONONONONO! I REFUSE.'
"Isn't this great, Sasori?" Asked Chiyo happily, as she turned to pat Sasori's knee in place of Deidara's. "I know how much you too like each other, so I'm surprised you didn't realize this was coming." Sasori gave his grandmother a tight-mouthed expression, not wanting to reveal his anguish. If he did that, Chiyo would discover his and Deidara's rivarly/hatred situation, and then somehow, Sasori would have 'lost'. And that wouldn't do.
So, it was with a heavy heart and an angry mental glare to Deidara that Sasori forced a smile onto his lips and commented through clenched teeth, "I can't wait."
End Chapter Five
AN: Sasori doesn't swear. I suppose he does rarely get out . . . SO, NEXT CHAPTER, A VACATION OF EXOTIC PROPORTIONS! YAOI FANGIRLS! BIKINI WAXING! Okay, maybe not the last one . . . see ya'll next time! I HOPE THAT UPDATE WILL COME FASTER THAN THIS ONE DID! And warning, I didn't have time to read over this . . . I'll edit later.