Title: Silent communication
Author: Vicky
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis

Summary: "Our bodies communicate to us clearly and specifically, if we are willing to listen to them" – Shakti Gawain

Type: angst, romance
Rating: R
Character/Pairing: Elizabeth Weir
Warnings: Sexual situations, some language
Prompt Number: #60 Touch

She had never been one to listen to her body.

She ignored it when it said that she needed sleep. She ignored it when it said that she was sick. She ignored it when it said that she had to stop pushing herself to the limits. She ignored everything it said to her.

There were times where she just couldn't bring herself to listen to her body. Her mind had always been stronger than her body on that point, and she was grateful for that. If she had listened to her body sometimes, she wouldn't be who she was.

If she had listened to her body when it told her that she was tired, she would have never got her doctorate when she had. If she had listened to her body when it told her that she wasn't fit enough to learn how to fight, she would have been dead by now. If she had listened to her body when it told her that she couldn't push herself when her knee was injured, she would still be walking with a limp. If she had listened to her body when her hands were moist because she was afraid, she would have never stood up to the System Lords.

So she had never listened to it and there are times that she was more than grateful she didn't.

If she had listened to her body, she would have been aware of what she felt when he touched her. And she knew she couldn't let that happen. So she put aside that part of her, and just tried to forget how shivers tended to run down both her arms whenever his hand brushed her as they were walking side by side. She tried to forget how the skin of her arm felt hot where he touched her.

She tried to forget his hands touching her everywhere, his body over hers, deep inside her, tried to forget how he made her feel. She tried to forget the way he touched her when they had sex, the way her body moved with his by instinct. She tried to convince herself that it wasn't her name on his lips when he came, because it couldn't be. They weren't making love, they were just friends with benefits, fucking buddies.

She couldn't listen to her body when it told her that she wanted to curl into his body in the aftermath, not when she knew that it meant nothing to them. She tried not to touch his body when he fell asleep, beside her, in her bed, burying herself in the cover as far away from him as she could.

She tried to forget that whenever it happened in his room, and she got up to leave, his fingers touched her back as she sat up in bed. She couldn't listen to her body when shivers ran through her from that touch. She couldn't listen to it when it told her that she should stay. But she couldn't, because they were anything but a couple. Only couples could lie together in bed in the aftermath, and she knew that, even if he seemed to forget it whenever it took place in her room.

She refused to listen to her body when one day it told her that something was wrong. She refused to listen to her body when it told her that she was more tired than usual. She still refused to listen to her body when she found herself crouched before the toilets, sweat forming on her forehead. But for once, she did listen to her body when it told her nothing; she was late.

Finally aware of what was happening to her, she was willing to listen to her body. She listened to her body when it told her that no, she really couldn't eat. She listened to her body when it told her that she should hurry or she would throw up in the middle of the gateroom. She listened to her body when it told her that she should just try pickles with chocolate syrup.

She listened to her body, and started to notice the changes.

She listened to her body and finally welcomed the feeling that always came with his touch. She didn't try to forget anymore what he made her feel when he touched her. She listened to her body when it told her that she needed to touch him, feel him all around and inside her, no matter which hour of the day or night it was. She listened to her body and took the initiative to touch him whenever she wanted to; after all, now she had an excuse.

She refused to listen to her body one last time when it told her that it was time; but it couldn't be, he wasn't there. But she couldn't do anything but listen to her body when she couldn't mask her pain when he finally came back. She welcomed his touch when he put his arms around her to help her walk. She cursed his touch when pain flooded inside her one time too much. She cursed how he made her feel when he touched her, but welcomed it at the same time; she didn't know if she should listen to her body anymore at that point.

But she did resume listening to her body when all was over and her freshly newborn child was placed against her chest for the first time. She welcomed the feel of the small body against her. She couldn't help but touch the red skin, stroking the back of her newborn, trying to shush the cries. She smiled through her own tears as she felt his lips touch her damp with sweat forehead.

She listened to her body when it told her that she was tired and closed her eyes. She knew that they would be there when she woke up.

Fini