Elphaba stormed into her room and collided with a shell-shocked Galinda staring at a boy climbing backwards through their window. An odd sight, but considering the past week, hardly the weirdest she'd encountered.
She slammed the door shut right as Fiyero reached the hall. Damn him for his persistence. She couldn't handle his excuse right now, not when the image of him kissing Nessa felt permanently tattooed on her brain. She barricaded the door with whatever furniture she could drag. Knowing Fiyero, he would break the lock before giving her some peace.
"It's about time you ditched little princey boy." Her stomach dropped. Avaric.
She started dragging the furniture back away from the door.
"Where are you going?" Galinda howled, throwing her arms around her roommate. "Don't leave me, Elphie! I've been poisoned!"
"What? By whom?"
"You!" she shrieked melodramatically.
"But then wouldn't you want me to leave?" Galinda stared at her blankly for a moment until Elphaba rolled her eyes. "Never mind. I didn't potion you."
Galinda crossed her arms with a pout. "Then it must have been Fiyero. It had to be one of you two."
"How do you…" A loud bang interrupted her as the door crashed into her barricade.
Fiyero pleaded from the hallway, "Elphaba, please, this is ridiculous. Let me in so we can talk about this."
Elphaba had had enough. Fitfully, she shoved the furniture out of the way and flung the door open so fast he fell forward. "What did you do to Galinda?" she demanded.
"Galinda?" He paused. "No, not Galinda. Nessa is the one who kissed me."
She stifled a scream as she slammed the door shut again, inches from his face. He tried to push back, but Avaric crossed the room to help force the door closed again. Elphaba turned the lock and leaned her head back against the door. "Why me?" Her lament ended suddenly as Avaric leaned down to kiss her exposed throat.
"Because you're gorgeous, Gorgeous."
"Ugh!" She skittered across the room, rubbing her hand against her throat as if she could scrub away the feeling. She jumped when a pair of hands behind her reached around to help.
"You know," Galinda cooed in her ear, "you've got really soft skin." Elphaba turned around, horrified to see her roommate lick her lips seductively. "And green is a really pretty color if you think about it. It goes with nearly every season."
"Um, thanks?" She took a step back, but Galinda pounced to curl her arms around Elphaba's waist with a purr.
"And you smell so pretty!" Galinda buried her nose in Elphaba's hair and nuzzled at her neck.
"Oh, that is hot!" Avaric shouted, abandoning his post to stride over to the pair, and when Elphaba finally removed herself from her roommate, she fell backwards into his considerably more groping embrace.
Fiyero rapidly banged on the other side of the door. "Elphaba? What's going on? Who's in there? Was that Avaric? What's hot? He better keep his hands off you. Damn it, let me in!" The door shuddered with the force of impact as the lock broke, and as the door swung open, Avaric raced to force it closed again.
"Leave her alone!" Avaric grunted. "It's my turn now."
"It's not anyone's turn!" Elphaba crossed her arms in front of her chest just in time to deflect Galinda's wandering hands. "Cut it out. And stop making that sound."
Galinda breathed in her ear, "What sound?"
Elphaba pulled away with a shudder. Then she heard the muffled groan again, and she looked over to see Nessa face down on her bed, flailing. "Oh, Oz, no one helped you up?" Nessa only flopped around more anxiously. Elphaba hurried to her aid with Galinda hot on her heels. No sooner had she helped Nessa to sit up when, hurled on top of her, Galinda pinned Elphaba to the bed with Nessa squished below them.
Avaric let out a whine of frustration as he shuffled toward the girls on the bed only to push Fiyero back the inch he'd gained. Back and forth, back and forth until with a bang, Avaric managed to close the door, and he stretched to reach anything he could to hold the door.
Elphaba finally managed to extract herself from the many limbs just as another knock came at the door. "Fiyero, I mean it. Leave me alone." All she needed was another person after her.
"It's Boq. Can I come in?"
Avaric edged the door opened to peek out. Then he snapped his hand out, seized the munchkin with a fistful of his collar, and yanked him inside. Boq staggered to keep his balance as Avaric slammed the door shut again. "Elphie, what the Oz is going on?"
Elphaba sighed. "Trust me. You don't want to know." As if to punctuate her statement, Galinda managed to flop off Nessa and upright her large, poofy dress as she slid to the ground.
Boq took one look at the girl reclining on the bed and blanched. "Let me out."
As if to answer, the door slammed forward as Fiyero renewed his efforts to push his way in, and Avaric struggled to wedge it back shut. "Not gonna happen little man."
"Look she's gonna kill me if I stay here," Boq gestured wildly to the bedraggled Nessa. He grabbed for the knob, but Avaric placed a menacing hand in the center of his chest.
"I'm gonna kill you if you open that door."
Fiyero called from the other side, "Open it Boq!"
"Don't do it," Elphaba shook her head, and Boq stared at her in surprise. Or rather, past her in surprise.
Galinda had finally unearthed her face from her miles of fluffy skirt to giggle and wave, "Biqy's here! Hi Biq!" His face reddened as he tore his eyes from her exposed legs and sent a terrified glance toward Nessa. She ignored him as she hurled herself into her chair.
Galinda regained her bearing and made a beeline for the munchkin.
"Oh, Biq, I love what you've done with your hair! It's so…hairy!" Boq watched in disbelief as Nessa wheeled past him without so much as a word to the blonde who was weaving her fingers through his hair.
Nessa, meanwhile, went straight for the door. "Avaric, let Fiyero in," she demanded. "I need to see him. We must declare our eternal love."
Elphaba's jaw tightened as Boq's dropped. "Did she just say what I thought she said?"
Galinda wrapped his arms around her waist with a smile. "Did you know your forehead has the cutest little wrinkles when you're confused?" He swiveled his head around to stare at her and then at each of those around me.
"Now you see what I've been dealing with," Elphaba sighed.
Nessa had resorted to wheeling over Avaric's foot as she demanded Fiyero's entry. Her words were punctuated by Avaric's grunts of pain, "Open…the door…this instant…so I…can see…my love muffin…or else!"
"No, Nessa, stop it!" Fiyero commanded from the other side. "Elphaba, don't listen to her."
"I thought you wanted to come in, darling?" Nessa froze and cooed through the door.
There was a strangled sigh. "Yes, I do, but I don't want to declare our love."
Elphaba dug her fingernails into her palm with a hissed voice. "So there is an 'our love' with you two?" She should have known. She was not the girl that anyone would choose, particularly handsome, popular Fiyero. Why had she ever allowed herself to trust him?
"No! There's not! Elphie, come on, this is craziness! Let me in."
"Why, so you can be with my sister?" She stalked away to punch away some of her frustrations into her pillow before she exploded. How had she been so wrong about him?
"No, you know I would never… Look, you're taking this all wrong. I can explain, really."
Nessa spun around to glare at Elphaba. "Why are you yelling at Fiyero? Just leave him alone! Go away! You're upsetting him."
"What exactly do you expect me to do, climb out the window? And don't bother, Fiyero, it's locked now. I think we've had plenty of visitors through it already today." She spared a glare toward Avaric, and he winked.
"That's right, baby, I'm the only one for you."
"Please kill me," she sighed.
Nessa went back to seducing Fiyero through the door, and he kept shouting entreaties to Elphaba to ignore her. Elphaba just rubbed her temples.
"You know," Boq realized, "Nessa is acting an awful lot like…" He trialed off as Galinda blew in his ear and glided her lips down his neck.
Elphaba strode over to shake him loose. "What, Boq, acting an awful lot like what?"
He blinked, disoriented. "Um, like she's been potioned, too."
Elphaba launched at the door and struggled to push Avaric out of the way. There was a scuffle, during which Nessa tried to help pull Avaric away, but Avaric managed to fend them off and keep the door closed. He looped his arms around Elphaba's waist to hold her still and pressed his back against the door.
"You potioned my sister?! What, my best friend's not enough? What kind of sick bastard are you?" she shrieked, straining against Avaric's arms.
"I didn't do anything like that! You're the only girl I want!"
"Don't listen to him, baby," Avaric hissed in her ear. "He just wants to split us up."
"Please, Elphaba, you've got to listen to me," Fiyero begged from the other side.
"Why should I listen to you? You potioned my own sister!"
"I didn't! I…" Fiyero took a deep breath and adopted a cajoling tone. "Nessa, tell her. Please? Tell her the truth so she'll let me in."
Nessa turned to her sister with a pout, "Fiyero didn't give me anything." Elphaba stilled until Nessa continued, "Nothing except love. Now let him in or I'll scream until I explode."
Fiyero begged through the door, "Fae, please, please, believe me. I didn't give Nessa a thing. Someone else must have potioned her." Damn him for using that desperate, sincere voice that he knew would undo her. She hesitated, and as if he sensed it, he called through the door, "Nessa, who gave you a potion?"
She thought a moment, "Nobody."
"Why were you in Elphaba's room?"
"Avaric told me to. He's cute, but not like you, Fiyero. Don't worry, I would never betray our love."
Elphaba rounded on Avaric with wide eyes. "You have five seconds to explain."
"Can I get five seconds?" Fiyero complained from the doorway, but Elphaba's focus stayed with the rapidly retreating Avaric.
She pummeled his arms, "What did you do to my sister?" Avaric ran for cover behind the entwined pair of spectators, but unfortunately for him, both Boq and Galinda were quite a bit shorter. She punched him in the nose above their heads, and he raced away to find a better shelter.
With Avaric occupied, Fiyero took the opportunity to force his way in, and he caught Elphaba around the waist right as she jumped to tackle Avaric. "Elphaba, Elphaba!"
She struggled to break free, shouting, "Let me go! You better run Avaric!"
"Fabala!" She stopped struggling to glare at him, but his gaze turned soft once he had her attention. "Fae, please believe. I would never potion anyone else to fall in love with me. You're the only one I want. Ever." He ran a tender finger down her cheek to tilt her eyes up to meet his. "I love you."
She blushed, suddenly very aware of their many witnesses. "Then, who potioned Galinda?"
He shrugged. "I swear to you, I don't know. It wasn't me."
Elphaba pulled away from him and turned to Galinda. "How did you know it was either me or Fiyero?"
"Well, who else would know to potion Tobiq's lips?"
Fiyero held up his hands, "I didn't touch any guy's lips."
Elphaba crossed her arms, "Well, I didn't either!" She had a sudden thought. "Did you actually see Tobiq get potioned?" Galinda shook her head. "Did he act strangely?"
"He broke up with me!" she protested with hands on hips. "That's strange!"
"You aren't potioned."
"Oh yeah? Then why do I keep licking Boq?"
Shaking her head as if she could erase that sentence, Elphaba pressed on. "You thought you were, so you acted like it. It works like a placebo."
Galinda tilted her head, "A what?"
Elphaba sighed heavily, "A placenta."
"Oh!" Galinda's face flushed at the realization, "Oh. Sorry." She flew away from Boq, and the munchkin blushed to match. "Wait. So, I actually like Biq?"
"It's Boq." She just stared at him. "My name. It's Boq."
Galinda shrugged, "Okay. Whatever you want dearest."
Fiyero knit his brow as he turned to Elphaba. "But didn't she flirt with…" Elphaba elbowed him and glared. That was all she needed. Fiyero stuttered a moment as Galinda blinked at him, until he recovered with, "Um, Boq, of course."
"I can't believe I did all that just because of a gazebo!"
"Um, actually," Nessa volunteered, and everyone turned to stare. "I did mix some potions into your eye shadow to get back at you for stealing Boq, though I realized at once how pathetic that was. Who would miss Boq when there's Fiyero?" She wheeled closer to the prince, who hid behind Elphaba. "As soon as he walked in, I realized Avaric was wrong."
They swung to stare at Avaric, who grimaced. "Can I borrow more of that anti-itch stuff? I think the dots are coming back." As he spoke, the dots faded back onto his skin.
"Oh my Oz! Is that what you mixed into my makeup?" Galinda howled at Nessa. "I can't look like that! Aqua doesn't match any shade of pink!"
"Just throw out the ones she potioned," Boq offered.
They all turned to stare at Nessa, who at least had the decency to look ashamed. "I can't actually remember which ones I mixed. I mean, there are so many of them!"
Galinda's face drained of color. "So, you mean I have to…"
"I'm afraid so," Fiyero said. "You'll have to throw it all away."
Boq barely caught Galinda as she promptly fainted.
Elphaba tried to avoid Fiyero's eyes as they waited outside Dr. Dillamond's office. "Are you still mad at me?" he asked softly, and she shook her head. "Then why won't you talk to me?"
"I'm sorry. I should have believed you."
"Yes, you should have," he took her hand. "But I understand why you didn't. It's alright - as long as we are."
Elphaba was surprised to see the worry in his eyes. She squeezed his hand. "We're alright."
He smiled, "Alright." He leaned in and ran a finger down her cheek. "I'm glad," he whispered as he touched their foreheads together.
"I do, too," she confessed, and at his look of confusion, she added below a whisper, "love you." He beamed, and then pulled her to him in a slow kiss that melted her. She slid her hands down his chest, and he deepened the kiss, moving flush against him.
"Oh, for Oz sake, get a room," Avaric complained from the doorway.
Elphaba glared. "Why is your face still aqua?" His eyes quadrupled, and he groped at his face as if he could feel the color.
Nessa wheeled out behind him. "Oh, don't listen. You're back to normal, honey."
"Honey?" Elphaba was stunned, "Since when is 'honey' normal?"
Nessa lifted her chin in her mask of affront. "We're dating. And I'd thank you not to torment my boyfriend." She made way for Boq and Galinda, hand in hand.
"Feeling better?" Fiyero asked.
"Boq says I still look pretty, even though I had to take off my makeup." Galinda took in their tense faces and burst into tears. "I look awful!"
"No, you don't," Elphaba slid her arm around her. "We're just so used to seeing all that gunk on your face, it takes some getting used to."
"Really?" she blubbered, and Elphaba nodded. "I look pretty?"
"Gorgeous," Boq assured her, and she brightened at once.
"Oh. Okay then."
Dr. Dillamond stepped out into the hallway. "I trust this is the last time I will have to correct any stray magic potions from you all. You should be ashamed." He looked at each in turn. "Imaginary love potions. Self-administered courage potions. Prank potions. Truth potions. Itchy antidotes. Revenge potions. Honestly. When will young people learn that magic is not a toy?"
Elphaba and the others stared at the ground, chastised. He was right. They had behaved like stupid children.
"I'm not surprised it backfired on you, so many ridiculous excuses for potions. Next time you want to fix a problem, just leave it alone. You can't make someone love you, or not love you. You're lucky someone didn't get hurt. I mean, honestly! Love isn't some toy!" He shook his head and continued muttering, "Potions!" to himself as he stormed away.
They sat in shocked silence for a moment, until Galinda said, "But at least something good came of all this craziness. I mean, you two finally got together."
Elphaba blushed, "What do you mean?"
"Oh please," Galinda rolled her eyes. "You two were dancing around each other forever."
Before Elphaba could protest, Nessa added, "And Avaric and I discovered our hidden love. We'll be together forever."
Five minutes later, Avaric had some blonde on his lap, kissing her noisily. Nessa rolled her eyes, "Ooh, who's that? I think he's in my Animal Sciences class. He did lend me that pencil once. Excuse me." She wheeled after him, "Oh, Tobiq!"
Boq shook his head. "No offense, Elphie, but your sister is kind of creepy."
Fiyero took Elphaba's hand as the two couples headed toward the cafeteria. "They never would have lasted anyway, Avaric and Nessa."
Galinda bobbled her head. "Avaric was never one for monogramming."
"You mean, monogamy?"
"Whatever." Galinda beamed suddenly, "Unless…I've heard there's a potion…"
"No!" They all said in unison, and Elphaba added, "No more potions!"
"Okay, okay. Just a thought."