Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.
Pairing: Namine/Kairi. Shojo-ai or whatever you call it. Then there's some RikuSora in there. And onesided Kairi/Sora.
Um...yeah. It takes place a couple years after KH2 I guess. Assuming they never got that letter from Mickey. Yeah...
I can't remember when I started loving Kairi as something more than a counterpart. Something more than a friend. It just sort of happened. We've always been close, because we're two halves of one whole. Almost the same person. But we really aren't, and that's the beauty of it. I can watch her and listen to her problems and hold her when she cries and be there even when no one else can. I'm a part of her and she's a part of me, and even though she stopped hearing my voice a long time ago, I can still hear hers, and it's as beautiful as ever. I thought for awhile that she'd forgotten about me. But then, sometimes when I'm sitting there drawing pictures, she'll start drawing, and I'll look and see that she's drawing exactly what I am. Exactly. And there was that one time…
Kairi was always with Sora and Riku, always. And on that day, she was with them on their island, squishing sand between her toes and listening. Just listening. Sora was doing most of the talking, of course, and Riku would throw in a comment here or there. He was hesitant when we first returned to the islands, but over the past couple years Sora's simply broken down the wall. He talks a lot more now, and he was then, and Kairi was listening to the two of them and watching that expression on Riku's face. I saw it, too.
The way Riku looked at Sora is the way Kairi used to look at Sora. The fondness, the adoration, the one true love look in his eyes. Every time he looked at Sora like that, Kairi looked away. She was staring out at the sunset, watching the horizon very carefully as she hoped with all her might that it would kill time enough for her to leave without letting on that something was wrong. As it began to get darker, and she felt more and more invisible, Kairi stood up and walked away without a word.
I'd been with Roxas at the time. Well, it was sort of an understanding we had between us, an enjoyment we took in each other's company. We never really talked, but I could see him in Sora and he could see me in Kairi. He was always so sad. It wasn't like there was anything I could say that would console him.
Anyway, I left Roxas's company with Kairi, and even though I probably didn't have a choice either way, it wasn't against my will. Her face was hard and her eyes were burning and it took every ounce of her inner strength to keep from crying. She managed a "See you later" when Riku called after her, but that was all she could do. She remained icy like that only until her bedroom door was shut behind her. Then she slid down the door and pulled her knees close to her. And she cried. She poured all of her heart out with those tears, like she was emptying her being of every attachment and emotion. She kept whispering "Please." But I didn't know what she was asking for. Her mind was empty, and her eyes were lifeless. She stared into the mirror harshly and said, "Please help me. Please someone help me." And even though I knew she couldn't see me, I wrapped my arms around her and I cried with her. I told her I was sorry and I whispered into her ear that everything would be alright. And I was so happy like that, just being there, and I hoped dearly that some of my words were getting through, that she was feeling better.
Then she smiled forlornly and struggled to pull herself to her feet. Her vision was blurred with tears, but she managed her way over to her dresser. I wasn't sure what she was searching for, but she was angry as she searched for it, and she dug through her clothes with a fiery determination. Then she pulled out a kitchen knife I hadn't known she'd stolen, and she looked at it for a very long time, crying harder. She held it above her arm and she shut her eyes and I plead with her to please stop. I screamed at her, tried to get my feelings across, held her tightly and told her that everything would be okay but she shouldn't do that, it would hurt me more than it could ever hurt her.
So she dropped the knife, eyes wide, like maybe she'd heard me. She kicked it fiercely under the bed then fell to her knees, holding herself. She cried and cried and I held her and cried with her the whole time, even after she'd fallen asleep. I watched her asleep on the floor, fiddling with her bright red hair until the sun came up and she was sitting up and rubbing at her eyes.
She dyed blonde streaks in her hair that day, and when she went out with Riku and Sora, she was wearing a white dress. She smiled, even when Riku looked and Sora and Sora looked at Riku and Riku said they were together. She clapped her hands and said "Finally!" and laughed with them and even bought them slushies. She looked happy, because she was trying to be, but she still hurt a little bit inside. Sora commented that she looked familiar, and Roxas slapped his forehead and smiled at me. I just smiled back, wishing that I didn't have to fade from Kairi's memory, selfishly wishing that she still talked to me like she used to. Kairi looked so sad when Sora mentioned the familiarity, and I winced. Why did she look so sad?
"Yes," Kairi said, and she smiled brightly, and if I didn't know any better I'd have said that it was a real smile, a true smile, a very happy smile. And Riku seemed to get it now, and he frowned and said "I'm so sorry, Kairi." But she shook her head, a tear rolling down her cheek, and said that it was okay because she'd let go now. She said they were feelings she'd held onto for a very long time and it was about time she realized they didn't mean anything anymore. Sora didn't understand what was going on, but when he asked, Riku laughed and kissed him. Kairi flinched away but was back and smiling as soon as Riku and Sora looked at her again.
Sora suggested they head to the island again, and they did, and Kairi whispered, "I waited for him and he came home, and that's all that matters." But neither Sora nor Riku heard her.
And when it was dark and the stars were covering the sky, and Sora was asleep in Riku's arms, Kairi leaned over and whispered, "There's a part of myself I've been neglecting. I'm afraid. I…have to go…" Riku just nodded sagely and Kairi sauntered home, and she smiled at her mother and her mother smiled at her and opened her mouth to say something but stopped. Kairi went up to her room then, smiling, and stared into the mirror for a long time. I looked back at her, wondering if she could see me. I reached out towards her, and she turned away suddenly, as though burned. She sat on her bed for a long time, staring out the window, staring at the sky and the stars. She looked sad, so sad, and I wrapped my arms around her and watched the stars with her, watched them shine and flicker.
As she drifted off to sleep, she whispered, "Please don't hate me…" and I didn't know if she meant to say it or not but she did. Then she was asleep and I watched her for a time, then leaned forward, slowly, and kissed her, but it wasn't a real kiss because I was only an invisible image, a ghost. But I felt like it was something I should do, and the way she stirred made me think for a moment that she did feel it.
And she smiled. So I smiled, too, and fell asleep next to her.
When I woke up the next morning, she was already buzzing around the room getting dressed, muttering something about Selphie. I didn't go with her this time; I stayed in her room, sitting on her bed and drawing, drawing in her sketch pad as though Kairi would be able to really see it. Before she left, she froze in the doorway, pondering, wondering if she'd forgotten something, and looked back at her bed, where I still sat, she looked right at me and was confused, but then she shook her head and ran down the stairs where Selphie was calling her down loudly.
I stayed there all day, until she came home. I was relieved when I heard her voice, heard her footsteps coming up the stairs. It felt like she was finally coming back to me. But when she opened the door and came into the room, she looked over at me again, like she was seeing me, and when her eyes widened I realized she was seeing me, and she ran over and fell through me and I was inside her again and she started crying, saying "Please don't leave me alone."
Kairi stayed like that for awhile, lying on the bed, sure I had just been there and not understanding what had happened. Eventually she fell asleep, and I kept my distance this time, making sure not to touch her. It was then I began to wonder if maybe I was causing more harm than help. But I was always going to be there. Always.
Then came the morning. Kairi woke up, not a sign of sadness, and ate breakfast and the rest of her morning ritual. She was going out with Selphie again, and I never went with her when she was with Selphie. Selphie was too loud. But Kairi stopped before she left, freezing in the doorway again. She came to the mirror and stared into it. I stared back, as usual, watching her expression carefully, wondering what that look in her eye was. Then she leaned forward suddenly, face nearing the glass of the mirror, and she pressed her lips to it, kissing it, kissing me, and for a moment I pretended like I could feel it, and I could feel it, it was real, it was real and I was going to remember it always.
Kairi pulled away, smiling, bright blue eyes full of laughter. Then she tilted her head to the side, hair falling away from her face, and said "Will you stay?"
And I was smiling, too, and I nodded. "Always."
So I know now that she never forgot me, and she still hasn't, and every time some young man approaches her, she says, "I'm taken." And when people ask why she lives alone, she tells them sweetly that she isn't alone, that she never was, that she never will be.
And sometimes, we draw together, the same hand moving the same pencil creating the same drawing, and we know that she's me and I'm here and being together is enough for both of us, and she understands and I understand and it all seems so perfect. She doesn't mind that sometimes she can't see me, but she does feel my arms around her and she does hear my voice, and sometimes just a simple kiss to the mirror is enough for her, for both of us, and she never feels silly doing it.
It's really all going to be okay if we stay like this forever.
Because I know and she knows that I will always be there.