warning: this is not meant to be anything but utter crack, i wrote it at an indecent hour, but, well... it's seemed to go over well.


pure by choice

seven people ginny weasley never slept with (but not for a lack of opportunity)


"Oh, come now, Ginevra, everyone loves puppies."

"Not like that, they don't, unless there's something wrong with them."

"Well, I'm really a man, you know."

"You're almost forty, Sirius."

"In dog years, I'm not even six."

"That's supposed to make it better?"


"I'm not going to shag you, Blaise."

"Why not?"

"Because the only purpose would be for us to inadvertently bring Draco and Hermione together, and I am not a plot device."

"Well, when you put it that way…"


"Ginny, you're one of my best friends."

"I'm glad, Luna. You're one of mine."

"Mm. Have you ever thought about being with a woman, Ginny?"

"No. Have you?"

"Not really."

"Well, then, I guess that's that."


"Miss Weasley, I wondered if you might join me at the Three Broomsticks for dinner."

"Um. No."

"Is it because I'm a werewolf?"

"No, Professor Lupin, it's because you're twice my age."

"I like younger women."



"Ginny, you're a very pretty girl…"

"Look, Tonks – thanks, but no thanks. You're cool, and all, but I'd rather not."


"If you're feeling lonely, Professor Lupin says he likes younger women."

"Did he now?"


"Ginny, there's nothing to be worried about."

"I'm not worried, Hermione, but I'm not interested, either."

"Experimentation is perfectly normal. I was reading all about it."

"You read porn?"

"It isn't pornography, Ginny! Copulation and genital stimulation are perfectly respectable biological functions, even between females."

"If there was ever a universal turn-off, that sentence was it."


"Come on, Weaslette."

"No, Malfoy"

"It makes sense, if you think about it."

"Your father tried to kill me when I was twelve, and almost succeeded. You're utterly contemptuous of my family. It makes nosense."

"But, see, I'm the attractive bad boy who brings out your fiery temper, and there's always the possibility that I'm really good, deep inside."

"You're a spineless git and I hate you."

"We could have angry sex."

"The answer is no."