A/N: Sorry. Was bored. I know I have Seven Days, Accidental Bubblegum, and Kami, You're Annoying to finish. But I JUST had to post this because I was bored right out of my wits! Anyways, here you go! A string of oneshots. Seven chaps in all I guess.

Disclaimer: Don't own. Unbeta'd.

Uke or Seme?

'Uke or Seme?' the book read. And curiosity got the best of each host, and they flipped open the book to see questions sitting inside.

Courtesy of the person who had created the 'Are You a Seme or an Uke?' quiz on Rum and Monkey. I altered questions or have removed much, but the idea of each question belongs to the creator.


A light-brown headed boy was sitting on the couch very late at night. He was bored to wits; his brother had already fallen asleep. This boy went by the name of Hitachiin Kaoru, and he was currently sitting on a couch and he was swamped in ideas of what he should do the next day at the Host Club.

He could hear his twin brother snore softly on his lap. Kaoru sighed contently as he stroked his brother's dark black hair absently. 'I wonder what the script should be tomorrow…'

They were stuck on their idea, and that forced them to travel to their old library. It was kept clean, and kept its Victorian style. The twins were lying on couch, one awake, the other asleep. The fancy lamp standing next to the couch was lit and illuminated the room with a soft golden glow.

Kaoru felt the need to get off the couch and search for something that would at least contribute to his thoughts of tomorrow. He struggled with getting his mirror image off of his lap and onto the soft cushion of the couch. He walked over to a dusty bookshelf and ran his index finger along the shelves.

Dust coated it.

And as he walked along boringly, his foot came in contact with something on the ground. What can it be? This library, so orderly and kept by the maids every day, had a book lying unnoticed on the floor.

He gently picked it up and saw to it that it was dusty. 'Dusty?'

On the cover written with a blazing orange permanent marker it contradicted the deep green color and it read: Uke or Seme?

Curiosity poked at him, and he opened the book and looked at the text located on the first page. In threatening bolded letters it screamed:

Take this test…if you dare.

Kaoru was feeling slightly bored and he walked back over to the couch. He moved Hikaru so that he could gain back his seat and he tapped a pen against his chin. 'What is this supposed to be?'

He turned onto the next page and one question haunted it.

The Basics: What is your name?

'Hitachiin Kaoru.'

To his surprise, his answer disappeared, and replacing it was yet another question.

Who 'completes' you?

Kaoru blinked. Who completes him? He glanced at Hikaru who had his index finger tucked in between his lips. The younger twin smiled at his brother and clicked the pen several times and wrote down.

'Hitachiin Hikaru.'

Again it disappeared. Kaoru was wondering what kind of notebook this was. But curiosity prodded him on.

1. Okay…since we figured who you are…Do you like licking things?

Kaoru stared. Did he like licking anything? He blinked and looked up at the ceiling as if it contained an answer for him. Sadly the ceiling contained nothing more but plaster and whatever that brown thing was.

But anyways…

' I guess…not…'

2. Do you enjoy being used as a toy?

A toy? Kaoru never really thought about it. Well. Haruhi was a good toy for both of them. 'But this is directed to me…not us,' Kaoru thought as he bit his lower lip. His thoughts then went to some 'embarrassing' times.

'Not really.'

3. Have you ever tied someone up?

Would he? He…himself…alone. No…he would never, unless Hikaru was doing it with him.

Kaoru thought.


4. Have YOU ever been tied up?


5. Would you feel bothered if you took advantage of your partner?

Kaoru felt a blush settle on his face. What did this book mean by taking advantage of his partner?! Wait…so his partner was Hikaru?

Some disturbing images came into his mind, and he shook it away.

'I would never…' Kaoru wrote, he paused to summon up the next wrods. 'Do such a thing. How nasty…Hikaru's my brother, why would I-'

He found that it disappeared.

6. Do you like alcohol?

'Never really drank it before…'

7. How do you eat your ice cream?

Kaoru was starting to get freaked out by the questions that the notebook was inquiring him. How scary. Why was it like this? His hand was trembling, he was wondering what on earth could he possibly put down.

'I use the plastic spoons they give out and eat it.'

8. What gift would you give your partner?

'What gift? Does he really need a gift?' Kaoru asked himself, as he tapped his cheek with the pen. He knew what Hikaru wanted and what he liked. What would be the best gift to give the guy who practically knows what he wants? His mind clicked.

'Brotherly affection.'

9. What's your ideal pet to have?

Pet? Kaoru never really liked pets, neither did Hikaru.


10. You must order at a restaurant, how do you order?

'Just get my food.'

11. The waiter/waitress brought the wrong dish to you. Your response?

Kaoru WAS one of the high classed people. If the server brought the wrong dish, tch, he'd go and fire him. Or give a complaint. But then Kaoru had a heart for the poor guy and decided to write down:

'Settle and eat what I receive.'

12. Someone is checking out your partner. Your course of action?

Check out? Does that mean some person would be staring at Hikaru? Kaoru felt his fists clenched. Hikaru may be the overprotective one, but Kaoru had HIS share of being protective of his stupid and dense identical twin.

'Sock her.'

13. Do you find yourself on the top or bottom?

Speechless. Kaoru was speechless. He flipped back to the cover and finally understood what the whole test was about! My, was he stupid enough to write his own personal things. His orange pen hovered over the paper. He knew what this was…

And his truthful answer…was…


It then disappeared.

A block of words appeared.

You…are…Hitachiin Kaoru, and your lover is Hitachiin Hikaru. You hate being a toy, so it's natural that your lover is the one whom you toy with. It's clear when you tie up your lover, but you, yourself, do not get tied. When you take advantage of your partner, you would never feel guilty about it and continue living on with your life.

Kaoru stared.

The best gift that you would give your partner is yourself, because affection is all your lover needs from you. You are never the picky one and if anyone dares look at your partner, you will take immediate course of violent action.

Grim lines settled on his head as he gaped speechless at the notebook. Another set of words appeared underneath that paragraph.

You are an undercover seme who really acts like an uke. You plan to take action on your partner…

"Mmn, Kaoru?"

when he's most unaware…

(How true…)

"What are you doing?" he mumbled, blindly patting Kaoru on the shoulder. The awake Hitachiin jerked at the action and immediately closed the book.

"Uhm, i-it's nothing!" Kaoru exclaimed. "Go back to sleep!"

"…Whatever you say…" the twin murmured before collapsing onto Kaoru's lap again. Slowly, the younger brother opened the notebook page and saw that another line of words appeared.

You will be struck by misfortune no sooner than soon. By the way, stay clear of banana peels.

Kaoru sank in his seat and stared at it.


--The next morning…

Later on in the morning of the very next day, Kaoru was walking down the street when suddenly he slipped on a banana peel and flopped all over his brother who happened to catch him. Flustered by the sudden action, Kaoru jumped off him, unaware that there were more banana peels waiting for his foot to land.

The Hitachiin twin skidded his way on that single peel, and crashed into the trash cans and alley ways, whirling out of control on the skin of the banana.

And he was sent to the hospital, screaming something about a blasted porno book, not knowing that the same 'blasted porno book' somehow made its way to Hikaru's hands.

A/N: Questions may be different each round! And Kaoru just HAD to be the first victim. -coughcough-

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Anyways! Reveiw! And wait eagerly for the next chapter!

-Until Later--