Title: The Dangers of Eavesdropping
Author: Eumenides
Rating: PG
Characters: Kenpachi, Yachiru, Ikkaku, & Yumichika
Word count: 578
Summary: An attempt at humor. Ikkaku and Yumichika overhear a conversation.
Warnings: none

Walking down the hallway, Ikkaku and Yumichika passed by their captain's office, the sound of worry in Yachiru's voice giving them pause.

"Nnn, I don't know…"

"Geez, don't be such a baby," Kenpachi scolded.

The pairs' ears perked up after Yachiru said, in a pouty voice, "I bet that's going to hurt."

Yumichika made a choked sound. "No way!" he whispered to his friend. "The captain's not trying to-"

"Of course not!" Ikkaku whispered back in annoyance, though he moved to press an ear against the door. "Zaraki-sama's not that kind of-"

"Come on," Kenpachi answered her, his voice insistent. "You're always saying how you're a big girl now."

"But Ken-chan…"

The pair glued themselves to the door, their eyes growing wider.

"Come on, for me?" Kenpachi murmured in a voice much sweeter than his usually rough one.

"But it's going to hurt," Yachiru insisted.

"Only at first," he reassured, "then you'll be fine."

"I guess so," Yachiru answered, still sounding unsure.

Horrified, Ikkaku and Yumichika heard a rustling sound, then Kenpachi saying. "Here we go."

"No, KEN-CHAN!!!" Yachiru shrieked.

"NO WAY!!!" the two shinigami outside the door shouted. In their haste to try to get into the room to try to stop what they feared was going on, they ended up tripping over each other, falling in a heap onto the floor. Looking up, the pair caught sight of a fully clothed Yachiru sitting in a chair, pouting and gazing at a band-aid on her hand as she wiped a tear from her eye. Crouching before her was an equally clothed Kenpachi, gazing back at the pair with annoyed curiosity. A first aid kit sat on the floor off to their captain's side. Zaraki capped the bottle of disinfectant sitting on the floor, frowning as he put it back in the kit.

"What's with you guys lurking outside the door and then being so noisy?" he asked in a rough voice. Kenpachi squinted as he rubbed his ear. "It's bad enough she's trying to break my eardrums without you guys adding to it."

Yachiru pouted. "But, Ken-chan…"

He turned to her, frowning. "Sheesh, what's with the vice captain of the 11th acting squeamish over getting a cut when you like watching fights just fine? People will think you're part of 4th division or something if you keep acting like that."

Having gained his footing, Yumichika said in a relieved voice, "Thank goodness! We thought that you were-" His words were cut off by Ikkaku abruptly slapping a hand over his mouth.

"Nothing!" Ikkaku insisted. "We thought nothing at all. We were just passing by and-"

Kenpachi frowned as he stood up. "Huh? What's with the two of you acting stranger than usual?"

Yachiru swung her legs back and forth as she sat in the chair before offering, "Maybe they thought you'd become a lolicon or something when they heard me, Ken-chan."

The spiritual pressure in the room suddenly went up exponentially. "EH?!" Kenpachi exclaimed.

"No! We didn't, at least I didn't-" Ikkaku offered as Yumichika threw him a shocked look.

"So that's what you guys think of me, huh? There is a perverted captain in this place, but it isn't me!"

At the sight of their captain looming closer, a deadly look on his face, the pair beat a hasty exit. An irate Kenpachi followed close behind them. Giggling, Yachiru bounded after the trio, forgetting about her injury for the time being in favor of fun.

End