-in reference to 'Always was Your Law', I was delighted to read in Deathly Hallows that my theory about Snape's true character was mostly correct! This piece is about Snape's feelings after Dumbledore revealed to him that he wanted Snape to kill him, and that Harry was being raised to become a self-sacrificial soldier…
For the Greater Good
It was cold that night, far colder than Snape wished it to be. He stood on top of the astronomy tower, shivering, trying to block out the million thoughts running through his head.
He stared down at his hands that at the moment held a box of muggle cigarettes that he had confiscated from a 7th year earlier that day. He hadn't tried a cigarette in years…not since he had left Spinner's End for good all those years ago.
"Oh bugger it…" He muttered, putting one in his mouth and lighting up.
He breathed in the nicotine, coughed in disgust and blew the smoke back out.
"I won't do it…how dare he…" He muttered randomly to himself. "Who cares that he's dying, deserves everything he gets…trying to use the boy as a weapon…trying to use me."
What would Lily think if she could see him now? A shadow of the boy Snape once was. He didn't sleep, he hardly ever ate. He had seen and done things that he never wanted to relive. And it was all for her. The last time they had spoken to each other, she had looked at him with such cold disappointment.
Surely she would forgive him now for that stupid, naïve, callous remark? He was giving up everything for the safety of the boy. For the 'greater good'.
Was it all going to be a waste of time though? Potter was basically being raised for self-sacrifice. How was that keeping him 'safe'?
The hand that held the cigarette shook with the cold and anger. Dumbledore, for all his moral talk, was just like the rest of them. Obsessed with power, immortality, manipulation…
Dumbledore had lied to everyone about his motives for caring so much about Harry. All lies.
Snape laughed bitterly. It was ironic that it was actually him who cared about Harry's well-being the most. Not that he would ever admit it to the boy of course. He didn't want Potter Junior to know about his past. He didn't want his pity.
He just wanted the true owner of those eyes back.
He sighed. He was going to have to do his duty. Dumbledore, for all his faults, had cared about Snape. He had given him a second chance that no other wizard would offer him.
Killing was something that Snape never dreamed he'd do…but if it really was for 'the greater good'…
He threw his cigarette down on the hard cobbled ground, stepped on it and walked back inside, dreading the task that loomed in months to come…