James' Dare and Maria's Punishment.

Chapter Ten.

James' face fell and he glared at the pair of them. "… I still think you two should do it with me."

Sirius sighed theatrically, "We've been through this before James; we just aren't interested in a threesome with you."

Growling, James threw a shoe at him, narrowly missing the mark.

Sirius winced, "Please don't."

"And that's why we can't," Remus replied smugly, "Sirius' bite mark."



Lily patted him consolingly on the shoulder, "It's not that bad!"

"You do it then!" James retorted, sitting in only his boxers as he waited for Hufflepuff to score.

Sirius and Remus were in tears on the floor.

James kept trying to kick them. "It's really not that funny!"

Remus sat up, "Oh but it is James. Want to know why?"

"…not really."

"You think we only gave you this dare because we're gay and want to see-" He started laughing again.

" And if you didn't think that, then you would've stripped off by now." Sirius finished.

Lily started giggling too and after blushing for a few minutes, James stood up and pulled his boxers off, "Happy now? But I swear to god if either of you is getting turned on by this…"

Sirius stood up too and started unbuttoning his trousers, "Check if you like…"

"NO! No… Please for the love of god don''t…" But Lily and Remus started clapping and chanting 'Off! Off! Off! Sliding his trousers off his thighs and swinging his hips, Sirius grinned. James squeezed his eyes shut, "Remus, please control your boyfriend!"

But Remus grinned impishly and went to help Sirius with his boxers…

Using one hand to cover his own eyes, James covered Lily's with the other, "You shouldn't be watching this when your own boyfriend is totally starker's and about to streak a Quidditch Match."

Lily sighed, "Looks like I'll have to resort to those video's Sirius left me…"

James decided ignoring that comment was the best idea.

After a few moments of questionable noises, Remus piped up, "He's decent now."

"Check for me Lily."

"They are."

He very slowly opened his eyes, very glad when he found them fully clothed.

Desperately trying to get away from the chance of any more strip shows, James asked, "Anyway Remus, what song did you finally decide on?"

Remus, with a completely straight face, said, "I Want To Break Free. It seemed appropriate."

"… I hate you Remus Lupin."

"You're welcome James."

"You're lucky; he was planning on playing It's A Hard Life," Sirius sniggered from behind his hand.

James thumped him and mounted his broom. Sirius and Remus burst out laughing again.

The music started and James reluctantly kicked off, trying to ignore the urge to go and hide under his bed for the rest of eternity.

At first, he went unnoticed until Sirius pointed his wand at James, erupting fireworks around him. Almost immediately, the entire school was either laughing or jeering as he soared around the pitch.

Even the teachers were joining in.

The music floated around the stadium as James did a series of loops, waiting for the teacher to shout him down as he'd been instructed.

What he didn't know however, was that Sirius and Remus had convinced Madame Hooch to leave him up there for the rest of the game.


"I can't believe you did that to me! I nearly froze my bollocks off!" James shouted as the final whistle rang and he landed at last.

Sirius laughed, "Don't worry, Lily will soon get the circulation going again."

Remus, tucked under Sirius' arm, chuckled too.

"Hey guys!" Peter called as he finally found them, "I can't believe you actually did that James."

"Of course. A Potter never turns down a perfectly good dare. Where were you before anyway?" James asked from where he stood behind Lily.

"No need to cover yourself now my dear; you've been up in the air for three hours," Sirius pointed out.

"Yes but people couldn't see properly -"

"Ever heard of a little thing called magic James?"

A big sigh and then -"Moving on - Again; where were you Peter?"

Peter blushed, "I was meeting somebody."

"Awww…. Ickle Petie chops has got himself a girlfriend…" Sirius teased, pinching Peter's cheeks.

"Or a boyfriend," James suggested.

Peter slapped Sirius' hand, a small smile spreading as he blushed again, "Definitely girlfriend, James. Can't see the attraction to boys I'm afraid."

Remus sighed, "Such a shame."

"We could show you some time?" Sirius offered, actually sounding like he meant it.

"You're alright thanks," Peter said as he winced, "Party now?"

"Gryffindor didn't even play though…" Remus started to say but one look at Sirius' face and he changed track, "Party to celebrate James' streaking?"

Sirius nodded. "And us," he whispered in Remus' ear.


Sat with a bottle of pumpkin juice clasped in his hand, Remus watched as Sirius danced with a huge group of girls.

James flopped down next him, rosy cheeked from a mix of the alcohol and comments he was getting, "How do Remus."

"Hi James."

"Shouldn't Sirius be over here with you?"

Remus smiled slightly, "No. Fingers crossed he'll tire himself out and go to sleep tonight."

"Getting bored with sex already?"

Remus laughed, "With Sirius? Not a chance. He er- he certainly has a vivid imagination," he laughed again, "I'm more knackered than bored actually."

James smiled but then sighed as he gauged Remus' emotions, "You're still not happy with the marking are you?"

Remus returned his attention to Sirius for a few moments, contemplating his answer, "No… no I'm not, I honestly don't know if I can trust him and I hate myself for it."

"Are you sure you're not just insecure?"

"No… I know he loves me but he could betray my trust other ways than sleeping around. And what if… what if he does get bored? What then? This the first long term relationship he's had, he's going to grow bored. He always does." Remus sighed heavily, "I wanted to give him chance to get it out of his system, to give him chance to sleep around more."

James patted him on the arm, "… you know, when Sirius first told me he liked you, do you know what he said?"

Remus shook his head.

"He said; If I ever got him, I'd never let go. And, one of the reasons he didn't act earlier was because he knew how much you hated him sleeping around and he didn't want to you to think you were just part of his 'c.v.' as he put it." James laughed at the memory, "I threatened to kill him if he ever messed you about and he swore he wouldn't. When you got hurt last time, it was Lily that told me to let you two sort it out, it was her that convinced me to leave it as -"

"Only Lily would be able to," Remus finished for him, smiling slightly. "Well, Sirius is in for the long haul whether he likes it or not now." His brow creased again, "I just wish you two would let up on Maria. Everybody's just… over-reacted really."

James arched an eyebrow, "You weren't saying that a month ago."

Remus mouth twitched, "No, because a month ago I didn't have a month to think about it."

"…Right, okay. So basically your saying that you and Sirius fell out for nothing really?"

Remus chuckled darkly, "I wouldn't say nothing per sae. We just… Well, I, blew things way out of proportion. I just daren't bring it all back up by apologising." he shuddered slightly, "Ah well, I suppose we'll have plenty of time for arguments when he gets caught cheating."

James, not quite sure what to make of his little speech, watched Sirius too before saying, "I don't think he'd cheat on you Moony, but - er -, maybe you should settle him down before he starts stripping again; how the hell would we explain the mark on his shoulder?"

"Yeah, good point. Sirius does have a habit of stripping at parties," Remus said slowly, stretching as he got to his feet, "Thanks James."

Sirius was unbuttoning his shirt when Remus reached him. Firmly steering him upstairs, Remus deposited him on a bed before pulling out a book and sitting next to him. After a long warm silence, broken only by the rustling of the pages, Remus began to realise Sirius was staring up at him.

"What!?" Remus hated being stared at, whether it was to do with wolfy instincts he didn't know. "Sirius stop it! It's creepy!"

"…I love you," Sirius told him with a huge, stupid grin.

"I know and I love you too," Remus muttered, shaking his head and going back to reading.

"Bet I love you more."

Remus rolled his eyes, a drunken Sirius was a childlike Sirius. "I'm sure you do, now go to sleep."

"Come on my dear, play properly," Sirius pouted.

Remus put his book down slowly, "…Why on earth are you acting drunk?"


"You never say 'my dear' when you're drunk."

"Oh." Sirius grinned sheepishly, "Guess I got caught out."

"Yes. Now why are you acting drunk…? …What have you done?" Sirius didn't reply but stared at his hands instead. "Sirius…?"

"John might be downstairs…"


"Somebody invited John and I just - I just wanted to make sure he couldn't make a move on you…" Sirius trailed off as Remus' expression went through several phases.

"You idiot Sirius Black, I've marked you not days ago and you're worried that I'm going to run off with some other bloke…" Remus shook his head, "You really are daft."

Sirius smirked, "I had… other motives as well…"

"Sirius, I am absolutely knackered from you, can we please have just one night off at least?" Remus asked pleasantly, rubbing his temples.

Sirius shrugged, pulling Remus to his chest, "Sure. Gives me to chance to think up some new ideas…"

Remus groaned and pressed his face into a pillow, "Do you just not need sleep or something?"

Sirius was about to reply when the dorm door open and two people stepped inside holding hands. Sirius' jaw dropped.

Peter blushed bright red, "Er- sorry. I thought you'd be downstairs still."

Once over his shock, Sirius had pulled Remus off the bed and was stood protectively in front of him, glaring glacially at Maria. The atmosphere was tense, smothering, unnerving.

Maria shifted nervously, "Look, …I'm sorry." Sirius began snarling slightly and Remus placed a hand over the mark. A warning to calm down. "I - I didn't realise how much you meant to each other."

Sirius snorted and turned away, shaking his head.

Maria looked pleadingly to Remus, her eyes desperate. Remus heaved a sigh, opened his mouth and then shut it again. "Have fun with Peter," he said eventually, his voice flat as forced both himself and Sirius out of the room.

Once outside, Sirius turned and punched a wall angriliy. Immediately swearing when his knuckles crunched loudly.

"Remus…" he whined, "Remus punch the wall for me!"

Remus rolled his eyes, "Why?"

"Because it hurt me. And you're a werewolf. A werewolf that's much stronger than me..."

Cradling the broken knuckles between softly between his hands, Remus chuckled, "And a fist shaped dent in the wall won't look at all suspicious? Use your wand you idiot."

Comprehension dawned on his face and Sirius whipped his wand out, Remus realising the danger a moment too late.

There was a flash of light, a huge bang and half the wall crumpled away leaving Sirius and Remus looking into their dorm room at two very gob smacked people.

"Er- sorry?" Sirius said, not sounding very sorry at all as he pocketed his wand.

Quickly tugging him downstairs, Remus managed to get the animagus away without fight. "I'm not going to say a thing."

Sirius grinned, before grabbing James' arm and towing him to a corner of the room, "Maria and Peter. They're together."

"Ooh!" James high-fived him, "Good idea for a rumour."

"Not a rumour you idiot, it's true. Remus and I just saw them upstairs. Listen, I've got an idea of a little prank…"


"I cannot believe how childish you three are," Remus informed his friends, arms folded stubbornly, "How can you two be the brightest kids in our school and still be so incredibly childish. With your childish games, and childish pranks… It's just so…"

"Childish?" Sirius suggested.

Remus scowled at him, "I was going to say weird but childish works as well."

"Yeah, but childish means she won't get as hurt," James pointed out, "And I thought you wanted that?"

Remus sighed, "…Yes."

"Good, then help us?"

Remus hesitated, but nodded all the same. "Fine. Just so long as you know how childish I think you both are being!"


Sneaking upstairs, with a hand muffling Peter's screams, Remus dumped him into James' empty trunk. He quietly shut the lid whilst making sure Maria was still alseep.

Only then did James and Sirius tiptoe into the dorm, both wearing identical grins and making no noise from the stealth spell they'd used.

"Ready?" Remus mouthed and they nodded.

Getting out his wand, Remus pointed it at Maria and froze her in place with a non-verbal Petrificus Totalus!

Sirius moved in next, sporting an array of magic markers. Her worked quickly, writing Slut on her forehead, drawing a curly moustache with a small beard and then giving her spots with his special Spot Stamp.

Standing back and admiring his handiwork, he motioned for James to do his thing. The camera clicked and Maria finally woke up, her eyes widening as she took in her position.

Sirius took a step forward, his eyes narrowed, "If you ever, and I mean ever, mess with any of the Marauder's again, including Peter, then…" He smirked cruelly, "Well, just consider this a warning."

He turned and walked out, leaving a cold breeze behind him.


Remus was sat with his head in his hands at he table, moaning to no-one in particular, "How can I possibly be friends with you lot! You're just so immature and…"

Sirius nudged him with an elbow, "You love us because we're immature and childish. It makes you feel all grown up and important."

Remus glared at him, fighting a smile, "If you're implying that I enjoy taking care of imbeciles then believe me-"

"Oh come on Moony, you love being the mother of the Marauder's."

Remus turned his playful glare on James, "I'm not a girl James and I don't have gender confusion thank-you very much!" he quickly added before Sirius could say anything.

"You so act like an old mother hen."

Remus tutted, "Again, why does everyone assume I'm the girl in the relationship?" He rolled his eyes at Lily, "Sirius is gay as well but you're not picking on him."

Lily giggled, "That's because Sirius is too camp to pick on."

Sirius went to reply but ended up choking on a mouthful of feathers as Remus lazily waved his wand at Sirius, "I think that just forgetting this conversation ever happened is the best idea."

James nodded in agreement, "Yes Mother Moony."

"Oh for crying out loud! I'M NOT A GIRL!"

Sirius winked, "That's what he thinks."

Remus turned his back on Sirius, sniffing loudly, "I am no longer talking to Messer. Padfoot."

"Good. We can have some peace and quiet now," Sirius staged whispered to James.

"Ha! It's not me that talks non-stop! I'm normally quietly reading a book whilst you do strip shows or something!"

"I thought you weren't talking to me?"

"I'm not - Oh! Bloody hell! Sirius Black you are the single most annoying person I know!" Remus scowled at him.

Sirius smiled lovingly at him, "And that's why you love me."

Remus smiled back, "Yeah."

James gave them a disgusted look, "Why are you two always so soppy?"

Sirius ignored him. "Aren't the photo's meant to be falling by now?"

James swore, discreetly pointing his wand towards the ceiling. "That's because you distracted me!"

Right on cue, several thousands of brightly coloured, flashing photo's started fluttering towards to the mass of students eating breakfast.

Hands reached out to grab them, and confused murmurs turned into excited conversations.

Remus frowned, his eyes getting narrower and narrower every time one landed on either him or his food. "I still don't get my pictures were important. Everybody's going to see her face at some point anyway."

James scoffed, "Knowing her she'll hide out till it's gone so this just gives everyone a heads up."

Sirius was grinning, his smirk growing more and more pronounced as people turned to look at him and Remus. "Ohhh, I simply love this job!"

Remus snorted, "What job?"

"Why being King of mischief of course."

"Hey! I'm King! You're the campy prince with short tunics and lycra leggings," James stated.

"If being the campy prince means I get to save my damsel in distress," Sirius said, staring happily at Remus, "Then Ill take it."

"… thanks Padfoot, you've put me off my breakfast now."

Ignoring James, Remus very calmly rose an eyebrow and stared straight back at Sirius, "I am not a girl, neither am I the girl in our relationship. Would you like to go back upstairs so I can prove this to you?"

Sirius hastily stood up, grabbing Remus' hand and tugging him from the table. "If you see Maria, give her my worst!" James called after them. Satisfied, he turned back to Peter and Lily, noticing for the first time that Peter was frowning. "What's wrong Pete? Did we go too far with the prank?"

Peter shook his head slowly, "Just… How's Remus going to prove that he's not the girl?"

James smiled sweetly at him, "Why don't you follow them and find out?"


Oh I love scarring somebody as an end to a story. J

If any of this last part seems familiar, see Let Me Entertain You. I wrote that (using ideas from the this chapter), never intending to post it, but I did in the end (obviously).

Couldn't resist adding a little bit of Queen magic in there, I'm way too obsessed.

Well, I have a couple of hours till I go away and I'm still not packed. Any mistakes will be corrected after I get back, for I am actually going to go through The Perfect Prank and this one and change little bits. Don't panic! The story line won't alter...much...

Well, thank-you all for bearing with me and will hopefully see some of you at WPA(Werewolf Protection Agency)!! Talking about WPA, what fic should I concentrate on now?
Pain Is So Close To Pleasure
Odd One-shots
Re-doing all the old stuff.

Bye! )(waves manically)(

Review and let's make the total 100 xD