Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Warning: contains spoilers for the latest manga chapter 386, so if you haven't read that and don't want to know what happened, don't read this. Don't say I didn't warn you. Also this contains an OOC Sakura, mentions of the Inner Sakura and mild hints of Sasuke's sex life.
I've been giving it a lot of thought and I do mean a lot of thought. It's a big decision; a major life altering decision that will in fact, negate everything I've ever wanted from my life. However, after all that thinking, which I generally did while cleaning up Naruto's apartment –while he wasn't there I might add; because let's face it, a teenage boy isn't going to be taking care of his chores when he's trying to become the greatest Hokage ever and, being a medic-nin myself, I know all about the various types of bacteria that can grow in even the cleanest of homes; I was just doing my duty. However, back to what I was saying, after due consideration and carefully weighing up the pros and cons, I've decided that I, Haruno Sakura, do not want to become Mrs Sasuke Uchiha.
There. I've finally said it out loud. Oh Kami. I think I need to sit down... Oh, I am sitting down. Then, I need a drink instead. Bring me a sake, my good man. Pfft, what do you mean under-aged? I'm a ninja, thank you very much, I became legal as soon as I killed my first opponent –granted, that wasn't really that long ago but still, I'm legal. If I can go out and kill people and get killed, I can take a glass of sake. If you don't give it to me, I'll find Tsunade-shishou's and... yeah, I'm not suicidal, yet.
Strange though, while I feel strong in my decision, I feel empty and numb. Almost as if I'm not sure what else I should do. Ever since I was a child, all I ever wanted was to be Mrs Sasuke Uchiha, even though at the age of six I didn't quite realize that at the time. But, that was the idea. That was the dream. Sasuke wanted to kill Itachi, Naruto wanted to become Hokage, Neji wanted to eradicate the Main Branch's prejudices, Lee wanted to prove that with only Taijutsu, he could become a great ninja and Ten-Ten wanted to become a great kunoichi like Tsunade-shishou. I wanted to be Sasuke's wife... and boy does that sound lame when put up against their ideals but it was mine and I was happy with it.
Now, I've grown up, matured, moved on. I'm the Hokage's number one apprentice; I can remove poisons and deliver children and killing blows with my pinkie! Ok, maybe not just my pinkie but I'm really strong. I've proven that I can become tough and powerful and can hold my own against opponents twice my size. I am in charge of my own destiny and as such, I've decided I do not want to be Sasuke Uchiha's wife! No that's not quite true, I actually don't want to be any Uchiha's wife –though since, you know, Itachi's dead and everything, that's really not an issue, so it does come down to the fact that I don't want to be Sasuke's wife.
Why? Why? Well, because I know what he's like. As a child, I may have been won over by his gorgeous good looks and, granted I still am, but that's not the point. Sasuke may be handsome and talented and incredibly smart but he's broken. He's so obsessed with his revenge and his missions, if I married him I'll become his baby incubator –because, che, that's what I'm going to be. I'll be Mrs Sasuke Uchiha, baby incubator. I won't be Sakura, the great apprentice of the fifth Hokage, best female friend of the sixth Hokage and former member of Team Seven, the one who killed Sasori of the red sand, - with the help of Chiyo-sama- the Akatsuki member that attacked Kankuro. No, everyone will forget all that as soon as I take his name and become his baby maker.
Cha! We should make him take our name!
Pipe down, inner me! Though you raise a good point. However, the fact is, I don't want that. I don't want to be a social butterfly, who he marries so she'll look good on his arm or who'll be meek and obedient and conform to all the rules and restrictions. I just don't want to be his tool to rebuild a clan. I'm not cut out to be a clan matriarch... –note to self, do not marry Neji Hyuuga either, though that's not necessarily a choice since he and Ten-Ten make a nice pair –I might actually want to warn Ten-Ten about being a clan leader's wife... come to think of it, does Ino still like Sasuke? If so, I wonder if she's thought about the problems about being Sasuke's wife. She might be ok about being married to a cold fish, she could be a lady of leisure but to be sure, I'll check on her too.
Another reason I don't want to be Mrs Sasuke Uchiha –this is actually the main reason- is because I do not want to spend my life worrying about my sons. I don't want to worry about sending them to school in case they decide to befriend the strongest person in class in order to kill them later. I don't want to think that my sons –and Sasuke will probably insist on sons- might be upstairs strangling their best friend to get the Mangekyou Sharingan! And I certainly don't want to worry about my eldest son trying to kill his brother to improve his eyesight! If I become Sasuke Uchiha's baby incubator, I'll become a nervous wreck. Every time my children cry or fight, I'll be freaking out thinking that they're trying to kill each other. Considering just how messed up the Uchiha clan was; that's not an unfound statement either.
I'm just not cut out to be his wife. My personality wouldn't work either. And I'd expect love. I might have been able to say I wouldn't want it when I was younger, but I know better now. I care and I expect to be cared about too. It's only natural after all. Sasuke can't manage emotions like that and I can't teach him how to love. I'd like to but being realistic, looking at this from a medic's point of view, it would be close to impossible to teach him something like love and besides, he wouldn't want it.
Heck, I'm not even sure he'd sleep with his wife. You know, I can just see married life with Sasuke. He'd wake up in the morning, glance at his wife and frown at how close she came to his side of the bed during the night, giving a brief thanks for the guard that's erected between the two beds because yes, the Uchiha's don't have a double bed but twin single beds pushed together to look like one. Sasuke will then go to work, without thinking to tell his wife, who –having woke up- will sigh at the sight of him changing and then leaving her alone, and she will promptly reach into her bedside cabinet for her vibrator to relieve the sexual urge. Sasuke of course, will never satisfy her because he won't believe in sex and instead, will insist on impregnating his wife through artificial insemination. Then he will come home at night, -if he couldn't get a mission- and will get a shower and go to sleep and start the day all over again. Can you see how terrible that would be? I'd suffocate in that kind of environment.
Haha, you know what would be funny though. If Naruto did a sexy-no-jutsu and married Sasuke –not because he's gay but because he'd find it ridiculously humorous and let's remember, Sasuke's asexual and artificially inseminates his wife- and then when he has the baby, Naruto will undo the jutsu and then he can brag to Sasuke about how his royal Uchiha blood is tainted. Hehe, yeah that would be funny but highly improbable given the fact that the great and glorious Uchiha would sense the chakra, if he didn't recognize the jutsu. Though, he can say that to Neji because Naruto and Hinata are a definite will-be couple. Though Neji likes Naruto and he wasn't on our team... maybe that's the point. Maybe Sasuke would like Naruto in small doses... then again, probably not. The two of them just like to fight. It's typical brotherly behaviour, another point against becoming Mrs. Uchiha. They take sibling rivalry to a whole new level. Even Gaara never tried to kill his siblings –that I know of- and he was as psychotic as they came.
Another sake please... I'm officially depressed and the world's still spinning round. If I don't marry Sasuke, no wait, I won't. I'm not marrying him. Deep breath. Ok, right, since I'm not marrying Sasuke, I now need to figure out who he can marry so that he can find a suitable baby incubator to AI. Preferably someone who will take his crap without much of a problem, like... Hinata would be the perfect wife, but she's perfect for Naruto and he'll love her and she needs that. So maybe, Hanabi? I don't really know too much about this girl but she's a Hyuuga, of good blood, well mannered, well skilled and has a good education, both in academics and etiquette.
Who else... Oh Ami, that would be nice. Ami would make a nice baby incubator, but she'd drive Sasuke mad. However, I don't like her and Sasuke would rarely be home, he could always just stick her in one wing –or one end- of the Uchiha Compound and live in another. She'd like the pampered life though, the money, the prestige. It would suit her. And I'd get to spend more time with him than she would. He'd probably realize just how un-annoying I am compared to her.
Yes! Another bonus!
Did that girl Kin ever die? She always fancied herself a contender for Sasuke's heart –however small it may be- so we could always marry him off to her. But her loyalties might be in question and she'd hardly be a good mother to the murdering brats. She'd probably hand them a kunai each to kill each other.
Karin... no. No way. She wouldn't understand the deal at all. She'd take it to mean that I'm giving up Sasuke because I wouldn't be able to compete with her. Ha! I could kick her ass into the middle of next year. Pfft. And what's with that? Sasuke gets a new team to help him track down his brother and he basically makes up Team Seven all over again. He has the annoying one with sharp teeth, the sober quiet one with a demonic side and the fanatical chakra gifted one... That's Team Seven, in the basest sense. You have Naruto, who can be annoying –I love him, but he really can be annoying- and when he turns Kyuubi-ish, he grows sharp teeth; then there's Kakashi who's usually pretty sober but he has that perverted side to him which could be seen as demonic by some and hello, fanatic chakra gifted one? That's so me, she even had pinkish hair... granted it was darker and she wore glasses, but that was me.
Hey, Sai's here! How's Sai? Sai looks a little blurry but it's a good look for him, makes him look like he's got an expression. Lol. No Sai, I'm not laughing at you. Much.
Maybe I should tell Sai about my reasons for not wanting to be Mrs Sasuke Uchiha, baby incubator. No, he probably wouldn't care. He wouldn't get it anyway. I'd end up trying to explain all the emotions behind the reasons and he just wouldn't understand. Besides, how do I explain that while I love Sasuke, I don't want to marry him? It makes sense to me but I doubt it would make sense to others, particularly since Sasuke doesn't even seem to have an interest in me, never mind having asked me to marry him. I'm not expecting him to either, though maybe I should tell someone that I don't want to marry him, so that if he does ask someone, I won't be given sympathetic pats on the head and fake understanding looks when I tell them that 'no, I'm not upset because I never wanted to marry him in the first place'.
Sai, stop staring at me like that. Yeesh! I'm not drunk either- give me my sake!
Cha! Try to take my drink from me? I'll make mincemeat out of you!
Yeah, thanks inner me. I'm sure he's real scared. Sigh. Another reason I couldn't possibly be Mrs Sasuke Uchiha, baby incubator, is because I have that inner persona. It's not normal, though it is extremely helpful. My battle with Ino showed that for starters. Then there's the pink hair. I don't think any Uchiha child would be taken very seriously with pink hair and the bullying would only increase his hatred and that hatred would turn to vengeance and then to murderous intent.
Maybe I should castrate Sasuke!
No, he'd kill me for sure. He wants to resurrect his clan... Oh my god. We always thought that he meant to create a clan of his own but what if he really wants to resurrect them from the dead... didn't Oro-snake-paedophile have a jutsu to do something like that? Oh I so think he did. I should really tell Tsunade Shishou to keep an eye on the graves from now on. Who knows what voodoo Sasu-chan might have up his sleeve. Imagine a whole clan of zombies, that's just creepy!
I wonder if Sasuke understood what he was saying when he was twelve years old, talking about resurrecting his clan? Normal boys think about sex, sure but Sasuke was anything but normal. Maybe he will go for that AI thing after all, I could be his wife's midwife... and then again, maybe not. At least if I don't become his wife, I can still be on his team –if Tsunade-shishou allows him back on our team. I can't honestly see him on any of the other teams. It would just be too weird.
Naruto! Yay... now I know I'm a tiny bit tipsy. Oops, nearly fell off my stool. That would be totally embarrassing and Sai would just use it to make fun of me forever. I wonder where his sketch book is... He usually keeps it everywhere he goes. No, Sai, I'm not looking at your ass but your ass pockets. The ones on your trousers.
Hey I wonder if Sasuke's ever gotten... you know, aroused. Not that it's something I ever think of and I certainly never go looking at that area of his anatomy, at least not the front, but thinking of those baggy clothes he insists on wearing, it's something to wonder about. Even Naruto's more sexually aware than Sasuke. It's kind of pathetic when you think about it. I think I am too... now that really is disturbing. I'm not sure I like that.
Oof, Naruto's heavy and I'm pretty sure he's trying to squeeze me to death like that evil snake of Sasuke's. Oh, no, not that snake, the other one, the one he summons. Monday? Mandy? Miranda? Manda? Oh who cares, it's something like that. Big, evil, possibly venomous. You'll know it you see it.
I'm not. Hey, I think I should tell Naruto. He'll be pleased to know that I'm no longer wanting to be Sasuke Uchiha's wife. He'll understand what a big deal it is too considering that I always wanted to have a wedding but the sacrifice will be worth it in the end. It will. And another ten years of telling myself that will probably convince me. Maybe.
"Naruto, I don't want to marry Sasuke."
"Did he ask you?! Hey, you never told me!"
"He hasn't asked me. I've just decided for myself."
"Uh, well, then..." Oh don't look at Sai, what's Sai supposed to do? "That's great Sakura-chan. If that's what you want, I mean."
Of course, it's what I want. I don't want to be artificially inseminated, I want to experience sex and have an orgasm and I don't want to have to rely on an inanimate object.
What a waste of sake. Sai should really learn to keep his mouth closed when drinking. That poor barman is soaked! Naruto's turning blue too. I'm not sure why though.
"Sakura, maybe you should sober up."
"Tell Sai that, he can't hold his liqueur in his mouth!"
"Sakura-chan!" Naruto whines, pulling my glass of sake from me but not from Sai, I might add. I grumble and try to pull it back.
"You've had enough." Sai sounds funny; maybe the choking scraped his vocal chords. I could fix that... but I'm not going to. Sai can just deal with the pain and the croaking.
"You're one to talk!" Oops, now look what Naruto made me do. Someone should probably clean up that glass.
"Ano-sa, ano-sa, Sakura-chan, do you have a sober up jutsu?"
What do I look like? Well, maybe I could expel the liqueur from my system like I do with poison... but that would be a waste of good sake. Why would I do that? I'm facing a life altering decision.
"What time is it?"
"Four." Sai grunted.
I didn't think Sai could manage vocal inflictions but he was doing quite well at the moment, managing to convey annoyance and disdain. Haha, he's doing a great Sasuke impression.
Oh well, I start my shift at the hospital in half an hour, so it would probably be a good idea to sober up. It really doesn't take long to scoop the intoxicants out of my system. I'm getting a whole lot better at this medic business.
"You feeling better Sakura-chan?"
"Mm-hmm, thanks Naruto." Maybe I should try helping Sai too, after all, it's not his fault he is the way he is and he's actually ok, for someone who doesn't have any emotions. And I would help Sai, if Sai were there... Oh kami-sama no... "Sasuke?"
Dammit!! You blathered everything to him! He knows you don't want to marry him! He'll hate us! He'll be crushed!
Inner me needs help. She's so far in denial she's going to drown. It's a good thing I'm in charge for the majority of the time. She'd just end up beating things up and cursing. That's no way to handle any situation... though it sounds awfully good right now.
"Heheh, Sasuke... I thought you were Sai." Oh god, he's really going to hate me.
"So are you." Oh, maybe I'm not in as much control as I thought. "Ah, sorry Sasuke-kun..." Why am I apologizing?
Why aren't you apologizing? Get down on bended knee and...
"Shssh!" It's very disturbing when your two teammates –one who has a curse mark and the other a demon inside him- look at you as if you're the weird one. "Sorry guys, I should go. Now. Bye." I'm never going to live this down. Maybe I should ask Tsunade-shishou for extra shifts at the hospital, a diplomatic trip to Sunagakure, return date never!
The worst part is that when I'm inebriated, I don't fully know how much control of my mouth I have, so for all I know, I could have told Sasuke everything while thinking he was Sai... and that I was having an outer monologue, not an inner one. Oh kami!
Waving fake-cheerfully at the people I knew, I crossed the street hurriedly, ignoring the calls of Naruto from behind me. He'd catch up with me. He always does. Unless... ah Hinata! Life saver. She blushes as I grab her hands, squeeze them and then send her hurtling in Naruto's direction. Naturally, like a good guy should, he catches her and is instantly distracted for a few precious moments but it's enough for me to charka boost my speed towards the hospital.
Well at least Sasuke knows that I have no intention of ever being Mrs Sasuke Uchiha, baby incubator but maybe, I should try to find him someone instead. For all I know, he could have been thinking of me as his fallback for whenever he needed one. And now I've taken myself out of the running he's going to be under pressure and well, Sasuke would be totally bad at looking for a wife. He certainly wouldn't have the time. What if, now he doesn't have a ready-made baby incubator waiting at his beck and call, he decides not to bother about having any Uchiha children at all?
Oh no. I might have stopped the rebirth of one of Konoha's greatest clans...(and most psychotic but let's not dwell on that) Tsunade-Shishou will kill me if she finds out. That's it, I must find Sasuke the perfect submissive baby incubator. Now all I have to do is actually come up with a list of potentials. This could take some planning. Actually, it'll take a lot of planning. After all, I love Sasuke, I want him to have the very best incubator an asexual man could ask for. Preferably a lesbian, but whatever. First though, I've got to work.
A.N.Well tell me what you think. This is my first ever Naruto fanfiction and I probably won't write another, Naruto's hard to write but this was something I had to get out of my system. I may do just a sequel to this because I'm curious to know how Sasuke will react to Sakura's search to find him a wife but we'll see if that ever gets written. So, anyway, please review. I'd really like to know people's opinions on this.