A/N: this story contains yaoi (KandaAllen), is AU, and will have typos in it.


Fantasy:To imagine; visualize.

With a pout, Allen turned his head away from Lenalee and Lavi, who had just recently hooked up. And now they were all over each other, wherever they went.

And Allen knew he shouldn't feel sad about it. He should be happy that two of his most precious friends had found each other. And he should have known that this would happen from begin with. He should have known all along. But does that make him a bad friend?

Lenalee played with a lock of Lavi's red hair, as she sat on his lap and giggled at the things the boy whispered in her ear. They called each other with pet names, as if they were afraid of saying the other one's true name. It was somehow very touching and cute, but on the other hand it was awfully sickening.

So as he found himself unable to eat by the end of the lunch break, he excused himself and left Lavi and Lenalee alone in the middle of the school's dining hall.

He wanted someone to send him text messages in the lousy Monday mornings, telling him good morning. He wanted someone to whisper in his ear, telling him how good he looked today. He wanted to experience the fairytale romances, he had read from the books. He had read those books all over and over again, until he grew sick of them. But that didn't stop him from wanting someone to brush their fingertips against his thigh and saying 'I love you'.

That's what he had always thought love would be. He had not imagined that it would be behind a corner, waiting for him to crash into their well-built chest and long figure.

"Beansprout." Was a low murmur in the air, as his nose collided with smooth surface.

And just so you know, it was not love in the first sight. Even though Allen lifted his chin and looked at the pale teen with long black hair, he told himself that the butterflies did not fly in his stomach for love. His head did notspin because of the mere sight of Kanda.

Because this wasn't what he was looking for. He was looking for someone to smile at him, to bake cookies to him. Not someone like Kanda Yuu, who was as cold as ice and as social as a rock.

"My name's Allen, Bakanda." Allen replied coldly to the other one, whose smirk grew only wider.

He would never send you 'good morning' messages. He would never even kiss you without any hatred in it.

His heart leaped to his throat, as the dark-haired boy walked past him. A cold shoulder brushed against his', reminding him of skin touching something ice cold. And that is exactly what Kanda was— ice cold. From inside out, thoroughly frozen.

And for that reason, as Allen found himself falling in love, he realized he did not want it.

He did not want to admit that he had been falling all this time.


Lavi had once told Allen that there was no such thing as falling in love in first sight. But Allen had not believed Lavi back then and he still didn't. He believed that when he found his someone just for him, he would fall head first in love. There was no question about it.

And Kanda was… Allen stopped to think, as he lifted his pen from his schoolwork. The classroom around him was silent, except for snoring noises coming from the back of the class. He could only guess who would let out such an inhumane noise and get away with it.

Kanda looks like a woman, was Allen's lame excuse to himself, as he could not think of anything else. He might find him attractive, but that didn't mean that Kanda was what he had always been dreaming of. He wanted an ideal relationship, just like Lavi's and Lenalee's. They seemed so happy and Allen wanted to catch a handful of that same happiness.

But it was not only because of happiness or reaching some sort of fantasy-like relationship. It was because he did not want to be left all alone, when Lavi and Lenalee got married and got children. He didn't want to be the only one who hadn't gone through the phase of being in love.

But to Allen, it had always been so much easier to think than act.


What Allen could not understand was why Kanda was so popular among the girl students. Did love mean you had to swoon over someone or blush every time they accidentally happened to look in your direction?

Allen shuddered. He did not want to feel like that. He did not want to be like the girls, who were standing nearby him, giggling and whispering loudly about how gorgeous Kanda looked today. Their voices grew louder, as the dark-haired boy passed them by. Allen grimaced at them, knowing that they only wanted Kanda to 'unintentionally' hear what they were saying.

And maybe he would return their feelings. But as Allen looked at Kanda's direction and the other one accidentallystared right into his eyes, he felt the same kind of reaction. His knees became wobbly and heat rose to his cheeks. Honestly, he was just as bad as those giggling high school girls, dressed in short skirts and tank tops that covered as little skin as possible.

Allen swallowed and looked away. It was really pitiful and sad. How he could lose his composure like that… it was rather embarrassing really.

And Kanda seemed to notice it too. And it made it all the moreembarrassing. The devilish smirk played across his features, as he came closer. And Allen knew that that was exactly when he should have fled.

"You might drown in your drool, beansprout." Kanda stated with his usualI-could-not-careless tone. But in his eyes Allen could see that he did care. Because those emotionless eyes were not as emotionless as everyone had always claimed.

"It's Allen for you." Allen protested, but not as indignantly as he normally did, "…And I could say the same."

Kanda's smirk disappeared and it was replaced with somewhat confused and possibly even horrified expression. Something you could see on face of a young child, who had stolen candy from a local candy shop. Shrouded with guilt, yet not completely understanding what they had done wrong.

"Drool over you? Don't make me laugh." Kanda scoffed, but his voice was not as insulting as it had been before, "Having your head up in the clouds like that must be nice. You don't have to notice a singlefucking thing and live like everything's okay."

It was Allen's turn to look shocked. It was the truth though, he always had had his head up in the clouds. He preferred it so much more than seeing the reality.

Maybe Kanda was just like him. Perhaps he didn't want to be in love either. But while Allen was looking too far for his dream, or fantasy, Kanda had never been able to look that far.


It was a harmless cleaning duty after the school. Although Allen did not like cleaning, he didn't exactly hate it. Seeing the results of his hard work always paid off. It gave him somewhat peace of mind. For a moment he felt relaxed and content.

But that day was different. He had not waited for the person he did not want to see to storm in the empty classroom.

"What are you doing here Bakand—…!"

What he had meant to say lost its importance, as with large paces Kanda made his way through the classroom. Allen felt a stray desk's border against his bottom, as he pressed back, not sure whether he should run or stay still. The piercing glare, however, seemed to freeze him to the spot. He was petrified, paralyzed, terrified, whatever you like to call it.

For the first time, Allen was allowed to taste the passion. He had always wondered what it was like, when Lavi kissed Lenalee gently, or sometimes not so gently. He had wondered if it was wet, hot or overall nice experience at all.

Kanda tasted like vanilla lip balm and cigarettes. It wasn't an unpleasant taste, although Allen preferred many things over vanilla and had never been too keen on smoking. But it wasn't bad. But Allen did not want to admit how wonderful it really was.

For a moment, Allen lost the track of time. Somehow, his eyes had closed and his hands had found their way around Kanda's neck. It was a tempting feeling, as he felt someone else's hands grip on his waist and lift him on the desk behind him. It was a whole different feeling than the feeling he got when he touched himself. The friction of skin against skin was beyond his imagination.

Allen's lips became swollen, as Kanda kept sucking, licking and doing all kinds of things to him. And even if Allen had never done this before, somehow he didn't feel nervous. It didn't feel wrong. He could even say that it felt right.

So they both had been falling for each other. Very ordinarily and definitely not like in the fairytales.

A mixture of gasp and moan came from Allen's mouth. He could tell Kanda was agitated, as something hard pressed against his thigh. It was slightly disturbing, but Allen could not bring himself to worry about it, while Kanda trailed kisses all the way down his jaw and to his collarbone. It was awesome, pure bliss to be exact.

But then the logical part of Allen's mind kicked in. Why were they doing this in a classroom, where anyone could just walk in? And why did he let Kanda touch every inch of his body and explore the depths of his mouth?

As two hands started to unbuckle his belt, he snapped out of his hazy state.

"What are you doing?" Allen gasped and tried to push Kanda's hands away, "What are wedoing?!"

Kanda stopped his actions, but let his palms stay pressed against Allen's exposed skin. The dark-haired teen's eyes traveled from Allen's swollen lips to his chest and the lower regions of his body.


"It's because you're so oblivious." Kanda said sharply, "Because you're so goddamn blind. Wake up and you'll see that you're not the only one with fantasies."

Allen gulped, as he closed his eyes and opened them again. He stared into Kanda's eyes and whispered, "It's not helping. The fantasy isn't going away."

Kanda only returned Allen's look and responded with silence. It was not awkward, like Allen thought it would be, as he sat on an abandoned desk while Kanda straddled his waist with his strong hands. There was no tension in the atmosphere, although it was not light either.

There were so many things Allen wanted to say, but he decided he would have enough time later on, as Kanda once again invaded his lips.

And that was the moment of his life when he had been proven wrong. He did not want his fantasies any longer. He wanted Kanda.


The next day Allen had to wonder if anything had really happened between him and Kanda. The dark-haired boy was just as cold and distant as always, not even caring to say 'good morning' to him, as he walked past him from behind and quickly disappeared behind a corner.

He frowned sadly, not sure what he should think. Yesterday Kanda had seem so willing to get into his pants and now he did not even greet him in the hallway.

Allen knew it was pitiful to feel sad over someone. That was exactly why he had been stuck on his own fantasies of having a perfect romantic relationship with someone. The dreams could never hurt him.

But the feeling was forgotten soon, as Allen was yanked rather roughly around a corner. He opened his mouth to scream, but only a throaty moan could be heard as he was forced to shut up. Kanda pressed his soft lips hard against Allen's, claiming what was rightfully his.

"Didn't want to see those girls commit a suicide…" Kanda whispered in Allen's ear with a small chuckle, "…Girls with broken hearts are the worst. No matter how amusing it is, I'd rather do you right now."

Allen let out a very uncharacteristic laugh and blushed a little.

Maybe dreams were safer than being in love. But as Kanda held his hand he knew he would not be hurt. And when he felt two arms pull him against that muscular chest, he knew he was perfectly content the way he was.

In the end, all he had got from his fairytale romance, was nasty glares in hallway's and calling names with some kissing behind a corner. It was not fantasy— it was a disaster. A very welcoming and seductive disaster.

And then Allen embraced Kanda, realizing that there was nothing wrong in choosing a disaster over fairytale.