A/N: My apologies for all who were expecting/hoping to see Chpt 16 of TAAO. Chpt 16 (the revised version anyways) currently sits in the clutches of my beta (Malachite Circle) so please direct all angry mail to her. (Yes, I'm selling you out! That's what you get!) Therefore, I present you with the next installment of Universal Language.
I would like to thank AKAArzosah for the suggestion that led to the formation of this little fic-let. It works amazingly well. I'd go ahead and tell you what it is, but I think it'll be very obvious very shortly.
Disclaimer: Transformers is property of HasTak and some other companies whose names elude me. I also don't own the lyris used here.
Sideswipe could modulate his vocalizer all he wanted, but it would never change the fact that his voice simply didn't lend itself to singing.
Prowl was beginning to come to the conclusion that he should ban the red twin from singing, period.
Since his arrival to Earth, Sideswipe was practically memorized the Internet and used it to his full advantage. Just recently, he had taken to singing in the wash-racks, whether he was in there to clean up or not. With the Ark having large, spacious corridors like it did, sound had a tendency to travel very, very far. Thusly, if Ironhide happened to be raising Pit near the entrance, there was a good chance that his voice would be heard clear across the expanse of the ship. Not words, necessarily, but everyone would know if the Weapons Specialist was yelling again.
The wash-racks had quite a number of vents leading off them to carry away the steam and those vents just so happened to be great conductors of sound. Unfortunately, Sideswipe had discovered this and then human music and that's where the trouble had started.
"Put down your chainsaw and listen to me.
It's time for us to join in the fight.
It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys.
It's time to let the bedbugs bite."
Forced to listen to it, it was agony for the others.
"What's that one phrase the humans use for bad singers?"
"Strangling a cat?"
"Yeah, that's it..."
Offlining their audials had turned out to be pointless. Somehow, they could still hear Sideswipe's voice, belting out off-note after off-note with a sort of wicked glee. He knew they were suffering from his inability to sing. Jazz was about ready to rip the red twin a new one for so horribly mangling music and everyone else was more than willing to pin Sideswipe down so Jazz could do so.
"You better put all your eggs in one basket.
You better count your chickens before they hatch.
You better sell some wine before it's/its time.
You better find yourself an itch to scratch."
"Does anyone have a chainsaw?" Sunstreaker asked, unable to take his brother's atrocious singing for much longer. "I'm gonna take his head off."
"If you can find one, I'll teleport you over there." Skywarp offered with a pained look on his face. He didn't even sing to torture people.
"You better squeeze all the Charmin you can, while Mr. Wimpole's not around.
Stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan."
The entire common room shuddered as Sideswipe hit an unnecessarily high note and cackled a few times before carrying on with the next verse. The chainsaw idea was becoming more appealing by the second.
"Talk with your mouth full.
Bite the hand that feeds you.
Bite on more than you chew.
What can you do.
Dare to be stupid!"
Sunstreaker surged to his feet with an angry roar and stalked for the door. Skywarp leapt over the back of the couch and followed.
"Okay, but it's gonna mess up your gyros big time."
"Doesn't matter! If I can just vomit on him--!"
There was a soft pop and then not a few seconds later, the torturous singing ceased and very faintly, they heard Sideswipe's drifting through the vents.
"Oh, hey guys! What's up? Sunny-- What is that and what are you doing with it? Sunny-- Su--"
A loud roar of rage drowned out the rest of the evil red twin's voice and Sideswipe let out a ridiculously high-pitched scream. This was quickly followed by a number of bangs and yelps and the sound of metal scraping and limbs being twisted into positions they were not supposed to be twisted in to. And then blissful silence fell over the rec room, much to the relief of everyone's audials.
"One week in the brig, vocalizer disabled." Optimus announced to Prowl and Ratchet, both of who were already heading for the door.
"Yessir." Ratchet said, quite relieved.
"And make sure he's forced to listen to something painful."
"Yes sir." The grin that crossed Prowl's face was particularly evil.
And no one felt sorry for Sideswipe.