Summery: Kyle returns to South Park after 3 years of mulling over the biggest mistake of his life, with the intentions of making things right. But SP has changed a lot in his absence and his return triggers a chain reaction of disasters.
Warnings: Initial OOC. Multiple Points-Of-View. Slash Pairings. Swearing. Possible drug use and violence.
AN: This is my first time attempting a serious piece of writing, so I am very new at this. I would appreciate it if you could keep this in mind whilst reading this and offer any appropriate Constructive Criticism and input at the end in your review. I hope you enjoy this, it's going to be a very long story. Please review.
Rushing into my dorm room, I slam the door shut and retrieve the flattened packing boxes from where they are leaning up against the wall.
I can't stand it anymore! I've got to get out of here.
I had convinced myself over the months that this is just a phase, to try and ignore it and keep persevering, but the feeling keeps coming back, and this time it's hit me like a wall.
Suddenly I'm filled with this terrible dread, like I'm knowingly walking into a trap, a future I don't want to live.
Having talked with the student councillor about my feelings on a number of occasions, he was always understanding, but he was also addiment in not letting me make a mistake I'd regret.
I had just been in his office earlier, telling him I'm leaving. He didn't try to talk me out of it, I think he'd seen it coming. After a long silence he announced that he would be able to organise for me to take a year off from school and still be able to return to my course where I'd left off. I would probably have to go over a few parts again and resit a few tests, but I wouldn't have to start all over again. Just in case I changed my mind he says. I was grateful for that, but I didn't tell him I never planned on coming back. I think he knew. Plus the knowledge that I could return would possibly help appease my mother's wrath upon hearing I've dropped out. She's going to kill me. But I just had to.
I don't want to be a doctor.
I thought perhaps I had. Everyone else was so keen to see me become one, especially my mother, seeing as I'd refused to become a lawyer. They pushed me to get the best grades possible, to achieve my goal. ….and I let them push. I had needed some direction, I was lost.
And I may still be lost, but I know now that I do not want to go forward anymore. Each step I take, each day that goes by, brings me closer to accepting a future I do not care for.
Ahead I can see myself graduating Uni and becoming a doctor, probably marrying Milly and moving into a city apartment with her. Eventually having kids and moving to some country town practice, where I'd be stuck working a job I have no passion for, with a wife I do not love, in a town I do not know. And with kids. Kids?
I can pretend all I want. But I would never last it out.
And so I did what I had to.
I dumped Milly this morning. The same as I had with all the rest of them over the years. All the other girls. All the other relationships. I ended them all.
Truthfully I really did care for Milly. I knew the moment I met her that she was something special, and I tried hard to make it work. I tried so very hard, but….and it's stupid…..but there was something missing, and it's something I need. I've unconsciously searched for it in every relationship I've started over the last 3 years, but I've never found it.
I need a best friend.
I had made good friends in school after moving here when I was 17, but not a best friend. They had already established all their relationships when I moved in, and I simply had to make my way around in between them. They were great friends don't get me wrong, I had fun with them, but….I was still always second best with everyone. I was no ones first choice. No ones first thought. And I began to feel alone.
When high school was finished I fell out of contact with all those friends. I don't suppose they mind much. I made new friends here at Uni, but it still wasn't the same. There was still no one here for me. And that's when I began to miss him.
And despite what he did….that night, the night I ran away from him, I would often find myself wondering what my life would be like now if I'd never left. If we'd never moved away? I missed what we had together so much. It had been something uniquely us and I know now that I'm not going to find it anywhere else, not from anyone else but him.
Stan may well have had different feelings than I'd ever like to admit, and he may hate me now for leaving. But….I just have to know.
Would I ever be able to find my happiness again? Is it waiting for me by his side where I left it last? Is he what's missing? I made my mistake, I let fear get in the way and destroy the best thing I ever had going for me.
Best friends forever, I snort. Forever. What a crock.
He's probably completely moved on by now. He probably doesn't even think of me anymore. Though I can't help but secretly hope I'm wrong. And if I know Stan, and I do, he'll be extremely pissed at me, he'll want to hate me….but, everything will turn out alright in the end. It always does with us. It always does….but that doesn't make me any less scared to face it.
It can't be helped though. I simply can't let myself walk down this path any longer, towards this future I have no heart for. I have to get out of here. And there's not much of a choice for it.
I can't stay here with my mother any longer. She's too attached to this future she has ready for me. Too attached to Milly. Too attached to her dream of what her grandchildren will look like. She'd have me back at school and back with Milly before the week is out, and knowing myself I probably wouldn't put up much of a fight either.
It's now or never. The ball's already rolling. This is my last bid for my future, and I'm leaving all this behind. I'm going to find some answers. I'm going to find my happiness. I just have to make the move.
Ready or not.
I pick up my cell phone and call my dads number.
Here I come.