Meredith's husband was a whiner. Yes, Derek Shepherd was a whiner of the greatest kind. Meredith laid back in her bed and looked over at her husband. She could tell that he was itching to get back to the hospital. His mother had more or less taken over, and he was thinking that he wasn't needed. The recent increase in forces was causing a decrease in faith. Meredith was getting increasingly worried that he was going to fall into his old trap and forget that he had a family.
"You know, I think Liam loves that damn dog more than he loves us." Derek said with a hint of disappointment in his voice. They both knew it wasn't true, but there was no question that their son had formed the man's best friend connection.
"I'm beginning to think so. He definitely loves Angus more than his brother." Meredith said with a laugh, half serious. Liam seemed to pick and choose when he loved his brother. Lately it was more often. Sometimes he loved him, other times he was filled with jealousy. Occasionally he forgot his brother existed until he heard a scream.
"You should have seen him. Liam is sound asleep and Angus is asleep in his dog bed on the floor." Derek pointed out with a smile. Meredith was definitely angry at the beginning. They had considered a dog when Lynn showed up with him. After a short while they realized that Angus was low maintenance, and he really was a good decision.
"I know. you were right, Derek." Meredith sighed as she pulled up a magazine from the table beside her and opened it up.
"What's wrong, Mer?" Derek asked. he knew his wife well enough to know that something was on her mind. The one thing that Dr. Taylor had told him was to never let her bottle things up.
"Nothing." Meredith said meekly, not doing a good job hiding her silent pain. Little did she know, it really wasn't silent. It was very apparent.
"Don't. Don't do that. Something is on your mind. Don't pretend you are fine when you aren't. Mer, just- Don't do it. You can tell me anything you need to. You can tell me anything, no matter how painful it is." Derek told her frankly. He was bracing himself for something devastating.
Meredith sat there and looked at her husband. She wrapped the egyptian cotton sheet around her hand and ringed it nervously. She didn't want to share with him. She didn't want him to know that she honestly had doubts that he would do what he said. She didn't want to tell him that she feared that he would high tail it to the hospital and dump Rory off. She knew she couldn't handle both kids on her own, no way.
"Say it." Derek repeated as he pulled her hand into his and stroked it gently.
"I'm afraid. I know you have been so great. you are the best husband that anyone could ever have. I love you so much. I trust you. I do trust you, Derek. But somewhere in the back of my head it is there. It's there saying you will leave us. I made it the first time, but I won't make it again. I can't do it again. Not with two. i do trust you, Derek. I just... I'm scared." Meredith admitted as the magazine slipped from her hands and fell to the floor. Tears rolled down her cheeks and she sobbed.
"Oh, Mer." Derek said as he dropped his own book and pulled her into his lap. That is an awful lot of trust for someone who doesn't trust me." He said as he stroked her hair. At his comment. she only cried harder. "Oh baby! I know you are upset. Honey, you can trust me. I know you are scared. I know that I made huge mistakes. I won't do it again. I am here. I am here and i have kept up on my license. I don't have to go back. i will only go back when we are both ready. There are three things in this world that are important to me. You, our children and work. I have to say, work follows very far behind. It will be there. When I decide to go back, it will be there. Until then, I am here. I am where I belong.... By your side." Derek told her as he tipped her head up, kissing her gently on the lips.
"Oh, Derek." Meredith said as she kissed him back gently and pulled away. "I'm sorry I doubted you at all. Do you think would can blame it on hormones?" She asked with a giggle.
"Of course. Hormones it is!" He said with a smile as he looked at her and then kissed her on the forehead. "Oh... I think I hear a little man." Derek said as he heard the gentle whimper of Rory. "I'll go get him."
"Thank you. For- Just thank you." Meredith said with a smile as she laid back against the headboard and sighed. "It will be okay." She said to herself as she closed her eyes and waited.
"I seem to have found a straggler." Derek said as Liam walked in the room with him. "Mommy has to feed Rory. Liam, how would you like to read a story?" Derek asked as he handed Rory to Meredith, and took Liam around the bed and pulled him up. Meredith sighed as she looked over at Derek. he wanted to be a good father. He was a good father. She had to let go once and for all. It would be okay. It really would.
"Love you." Derek said with a smile as he looked over at Meredith and then down at their son.
"Love you too." Meredith replied as she stroked her baby's head.
"Love." Liam said happily as he snuggled into his dad's side. They were all okay. The perfect little family.
Meredith awoke and yawned softly. It was a quiet morning. That was becoming so rare in her house, she almost forgot what it was. She would never admit to it, but there were times when she wished for the dead silence she experienced with John. Perhaps it was the screaming children, and not the longing for her old life. In fact, whenever she felt herself thinking that way, she reminded herself how much she really loved what she had, there was no denying that.
"It's quiet." She said in shock as she looked over at Derek. Derek smiled back as he looked down at Liam.
"I know. But I have to say, I think it is best we just appreciate it." Derek told her with a nod as he pulled her against him and closed his eyes.
She remembered feeling Rory late in the night, but he had actually slept pretty well. She had to chuckle at Liam, who slept just like her, sprawled out like he owned the place. She knew he couldn't sleep in their bed forever, but there was no way she could kick him out. Especially since he had been feeling a little out of the loop and forgotten even with their best efforts. Derek was doing his best to do guys days out, but t seemed Rory was always connected to his mom and Liam was getting tired of it.
"This is nice. I have to say, Derek, I love your mom. I mean my mom. Okay, mom. Just mom." Meredith stumbled as she tried to get her words. "I love my mom."
"This is great. We do need to prepare ourselves for her departure." Derek said with a chuckle as he opened his eyes and looked down at her with her eyes closed.
"I know. But hopefully it won't be too soon." Meredith replied with a sigh as she snuggled into his side.
"Yes." Derek agreed as he looked at the clock, seeing it wasn't that the house was really abnormally silent, it was that they were up incredibly early.
Meredith drew in a breath, feeling a tad bit tired. A smile crossed her face as she felt Liam nudge her with his leg. She loved her little family. Liam was her perfect little man. She began to think about her lonely life with John. She missed him like mad, even if she didn't want to tell Derek. She never brought John up, even though there were many days when she felt a sadness come over her. It wasn't debilitating and didn't effect her day, but it was a reminder, thinking of the way she saw him in his final moments, and of course the way he looked in his casket, so cold and dead. Just gray. Like her last name, Grey.
"Are you okay?" Derek asked, feeling her tense up. It only took him second to realize that she was actually asleep.
Derek knew she had a lot on her shoulders. She was tired, just plain tired. He never questioned that she was completely happy and blissful. He knew the date was coming up that John died. It was a day that he knew affected her very deeply. He was thinking that they really needed to take a trip and visit his gravesite. He knew that it would be perfect. Being there seemed to bring her peace, and he knew that John was a huge part of her life that she would never forgot or walk away from.
Taking a trip with the baby was an insane idea, but it was something that he knew they had to do. His mother was going to be going home soon, and maybe they could share a flight until they went on their separate connection flights. Derek was feeling confident in his idea. It would not only give them peace, but that way she could tie up some loose ends too.
"Mmm..." Meredith moaned as Liam delivered a kick and woke her up. "Liam, I know that was you." She muttered as she opened her eyes. Liam quickly popped up and climbed in her face.
"Torry mommy." He told her as he delivered a sloppy kiss. Meredith sighed and kissed him back.
"It's okay, I still love you." She told him with a giggle as she began tickling him. "Hurry daddy, help me." She said as he looked over. Derek leaned in and helped tickle their son.
"Top! Top it! Top it now!" Liam said as he began to get obviously irritated. Meredith and Derek looked at each other and laid back, shaking their heads.
"The boy just can't take the pressure." Derek teased as he shook his head and rolled his eyes. Meredith smiled as Liam crawled into her lap and snuggled in. "It's coming up you know." Derek said, referring to John's date of death.
"I know." Meredith agreed with a sigh. She knew exactly what he was talking about, as it wore on her mind everyday until it came. "I know..."
"I think we should go there. Check up on Lois' house, check the grave... We will go and I will take you. I actually have it all planned out. Mom will come until we switch flights. We can stay in that hotel. It will be perfect. I mean as perfect as he can be. It will be good for you." Derek told her with a nod. Meredith's first thought was to say no. She paused a minute before she answered. The truth was, it was a great idea. It was something she wanted to do.
"Okay." Meredith said with a sigh as she looked down at Liam, rubbing his head.
"Okay?" Derek asked, wondering why it had been so easy.
"Okay." Meredith agreed happily. She needed this, it was exactly what she needed.
Meredith laid back on the grass and let the sun hit her face. It was a warm day. A perfect day to do many things. The thing of her choosing? To sit in the cemetery with her dead ex-husband. She wasn't alone, of course. Derek was right beside her. In fact, it had all been his idea. What wasn't his idea, was to do it how they were doing it, but that was how it ended up. He finally let it rest, realizing that she had to do things her way. After all that had happened, they needed some sort of peace, whether it be this way or another. Derek knew that Meredith would have to find her peace in all this or she would never be happy.
"This is nice." Meredith said with a soft sigh as she felt her face heating up from the sunlight that was peaking through the trees.
"Oh yes... Nice. Morbid, but nice." Derek said with a chuckle. He had been teasing her, but at the same time, he understood what she wanted and needed. He would never stand in her way.
"What is morbid about this?" Meredith asked as she shadowed her eyes with her hand and glanced over. Derek had Rory in his arms, the baby sleeping gently. "We are hanging out here... In this...well, you could call it a park. We are going to eat lunch. I don't understand?" She said with a sigh. She had heard stories that stepping on graves took time off your life, she half wondered what laying on a grave would do to a person.
"We are eating on top of you d-e-a-d ex -h-u-s-b-a-n-d." Derek said as he shook his head. "And our son... He is playing there." Derek said with a laugh as he looked at Liam, who was playing with his big truck, shoving it through the manicured lawn.
"Oh sawy" Liam said as he bumped the headstone with his truck. "Mom... Who is dis?" He asked quickly as he pointed to the stone with John's name on it.
"That is mommy's friend, John." Meredith said with a smile as she looked at the stone. Thinking back, she was sure that they would all be great friends. It would have worked out, and she was sorely missing her best friend. Derek was her husband, John was her best friend. She wished she could have embraced it through all her anger.
"Oh. Sawy John." Liam said as he patted the stone. Derek looked up at Meredith and she waited for it.
"Our son thinks that stone is John." Derek said under his breath. Meredith sighed and shook her head. She was surprised that he was even sitting there with her. "He thinks your friend is a rock."
"It's fine, Derek. He is a little boy with an amazing imagination. I'm not worried about it." She told him with a smile. Originally, Derek was supposed to leave. At least that was what he was planning. He was somewhat shocked when she suggested they all spend some time there.
"Liam, are you hungry, buddy?" Derek asked as he looked at him. Liam smiled and looked up at him. Derek knew it was time for his lunch and handed him a ham sandwich quarter. "What about you, Mer?" Derek asked as he glanced over. He gently placed Rory in the carrier to sleep.
"I'm fine. Actually, I'd like to take a nap." She admitted with a sigh as she rolled onto her stomach and placed her arms under her head.
"You go ahead." Derek agreed as he pulled out his Journal of American Medicine and began reading as Liam snacked on his sandwich and some carrot sticks.
Meredith closed her eyes and began thinking. It had been a rough ride, but she was so fortunate to have everything that she had. She smiled to herself, thinking about the future. She was imagining what it would be.
[i]Rory was always a smart boy. He was always more quiet and reserved then his brother. He had a different way of thinking, and it wasn't medical. Rory Shepherd was born to be a stockbroker. There was something about money that he loved. In his reservation, he really opened up when things fluctuated. He was a risk taker. He may have been a quiet one, but he was a risk taker, somedays coming home to his wife and only child, thinking she was going to have a heart attack. Jill watched the market all day long, holding her breath. Rory or their child, Greg would be the death of her.
Liam Shepherd was a loud mouth. As disappointing as it was, he became an attorney. Meredith had been hoping he would venture out into the medical field, but he did so much better as a prosecuting attorney. He wasn't making money like the big boys, but he was fighting a cause, making his way to District Attorney, bound for something great. The boy was born for politics. Nothing made them sadder than when after much trying, his wife Luann was unable to get pregnant. After going to every fertility specialist and giving up, they were in the process of adopting. Both wore thin, thinking they would never be happy, when low and behold, Luann found out she was pregnant with twins. That only began the process, with them ending up with five happy and healthy children.
Meredith and Derek lived out their happy lives in peace. The house was lonely for a short while, until the grandchildren began filling the house. Before they knew it, Meredith and Derek were watching children and rocking them on the front porch just as Rory and Liam had been. Meredith and Derek were happy. Their lives had been a fight, but it was worth it. Meredith weathered the storm so her children wouldn't have to. And it worked. They would never feel that pain. Not like she did.[/i]
"Goobye, John." Meredith said as he looked up at the car Derek was packing up. "Miss ya..."
"Come on, mom!" Liam shouted as he waved for her to come. Meredith smiled.
"I'm coming baby." Meredith shouted as she looked at her perfect family. "It goes to fast..." She said under her breath. "Way too fast..."