Kind of a Funny Story

Chapter 1

By NailBunnyDeadBunny


They say that suicide is an unforgivable sin.

I think that the people that say that have not experienced the feel that death is the only cure for what they face.

Two days ago I found myself on my bed with a gun in my hand and wondering which temple to place it to. Then I thought that maybe I should just put it in my mouth then pulled the trigger. I had it resting on my bottom when my cat came in and suddenly the gun was very heavy. I pulled it out and put it back where I found it and went down stairs to where my mother was reading a book.

I fell onto all fours in the pose of giving up. As I began to cry she put her book down and wrapped her arms around me and asked me what was wrong. I told her about wanting to die and how there was a noose under my bed, razors inside a couple of books, and that I just minutes before had father's gun and had it in my mouth.

To say she was shocked was an understatement. She started to cry also at missing all the signs that I was in this state. I had everything; a loving family (minus on annoying father), a promising future in professional tennis, and was doing great in school.

So why was I like this?

It would unfair my unrequited love for four men, but I think that is when I began to pick myself apart piece by piece leaving me with a eating disorder and a wish to die.

That is why I am here today.

At a therapist's office to receive help.

When my dad found out about this he actually stopped being his normal perverted annoying self and stated being a good father.

I know you're shocked, believe me I was too.

He went and found the best to help me and now as he walks me toward the office. I feel some annoyance of being taken to see some shrink who had no clue on how my brain works.

The door opens and I walk in and the therapist motions for me to sit on the brown leather couch. It looked like what you would see on TV. Were there some office dress codes that needed to be met?

The therapist looked to be middle aged with black hair and brown eyes. He had a slight smile that reminded me of Fuji, but a notebook that screamed Inui.

As I sat on the couch and locked into a staring match with the shrink, waiting for him to make the first move.

"Good day Mr. Echizen, my name is Dr. Tsukino."

" I know."


I picked up the nameplate that sat on his desk and turned it towards him.

"I see."

Of course you do. I can't believe I'm supposed to get help from this dumbass. Great.

"Now Mr. Echizen, why don't you tell me about yourself."

"My name is Squeaky Squeaked Squeaker, I am two thousand years old and I drink blood in my free time."

"I would prefer honest answers."

"You want honest, fine. I don't give them with out a fight. I talk to people that I respect so you better find a way to make me respect you."

"Is there anyone that you do respect?"




"Just give me one."

"Santa Clause."

"Be serious."

"I am. The guy drinks a lot of milk, and I am beginning to hate the stuff."

"Milk is good for you."

"And it is suppose to make me grow, but in the last two years my growth has been…. limited."

"So you just drink it to grow."

"Inui said that it was suppose to work but I think I get the honor of proving him wrong again."


"A person whose only purpose in life is to gather data and that includes poisoning people to get it."


Damn him, he is wringing this down just like Inui, except Inui probes your mind for free.

"I would like you to keep a journal."


I think my eyebrows just hit my hairline.

"A Journal, just write something that makes sense to everyday and next time I see you then we will talk about it."


"Yes, or draw I truly don't care, but we will discuss it."

" I don't have a journal."

"You see that cabinet there are some notebooks, just take one that you like."

"I wonder over and there on the shelf that was face level was what must have been two hundred blank notebooks. Damn remind me to buy stock in notebooks; this guy might make me rich. I shuffle through them for a minute before settling on a sliver notebook.

When I turned a around I noticed that the Idiot was wring it down. What kind sick test is?"

"I would also like you to think of a question for next time for us to discuss. Do you have one now?"

"Where do babies come from?"

Yes! That one threw him though a loop. The look on his face might be mistaken for one after drink Inui's juice or eating one of Fuji's sushi rolls. Maybe this will not be as bad as I thought.

We stared at each other till time was up and I left. When I stepped out I saw my father rise and we walked out to the car. If we hurried I can be back at the high school for afternoon practice. As if my father read my mind he drove me back to school were I got out and grabbed my tennis bag and with my notebook in hand headed toward the courts where the others were standing.

When I arrived the ever emotionless and quite good-looking Captain Tezuka greeted me.

"Where have you been?"


"Why? Are you feeling alright?" asked the mother hen of the group

"I'm fine, I have been feeling a little drained, and he recommend vitamins."

"You can always try my new juice." States Inui popping up with a glass full of what must be his newest poison.

"They are specially prescribed vitamins."


No not the red head! He is out to kill me that is the only logical reason he tries to strangle me everyday. How can Oishi not see that?

"Where have you been?" he yells right in my ear

My ear I'm deaf!


"Eiji I think he needs air. He is turning blue." States Fuji coming up

No I past blue along time ago. As he lets me go I gasp.

"Echizen go get ready, you have a match with Inui."

"Yes sir."

As I walked into the clubhouse I quickly made my way to a stall in the back and closed the door and closed the door and emptied my stomach into the toilet. If I don't do this I would be sick twice as worst. I'm so far from the perfect person that people seem to think that I am. I flush the toilet and walked out of the stall. I stand in front of a sink washing out my mouth out when the door opens and walks in Fuji.

I feel my heart skip a beat.

"So how was your day?"

"Fine, beside being prodded by some stranger."

"Yes that does not sound like much fun."

I walk to my locker and open it and changed quickly. I tried to change to quickly keep him from seeing my unnatural thin body.

But when I turned around to walk out I saw his eyes closing and I knew that he had seen, and all I could do was hide my shame.

An Hour later I was walking home alone, because Momo and the rest of the team went to Taka's sushi shop. I had excused myself because I had to help my mother with something.

That's me, Echizen Ryoma: liar, suicidal, and depressed tennis player. What is my life coming to when I lie most of the day?

Oh well.

This whole thing started about two years ago back in Junior High, and I realized that I had fallen in love with not one boy but four.

And it got worse when I found out the four had gotten together. And now I'm just standing in the rain just waiting to finish drowning.


Thank you for all your kindness. I think I almost cried reading the comments. I was touched and not in the creepy way.

I'm rewriting the chapters because I don't think I gave the story a chance to breath and it moved to fast.