Chapter 5: not the morning routine

ALICE'S POV

All right, time to get down to business. I could hear the morning thoughts of everyone going though my head. They all seemed to know what they were going to wear today. Other than Edward that is, he was still befuddled. At least I know I can help him if it gets out of control. I laughed as I thought of Edward yelling for help while on the floor wrapped in a pink lacey bra. I have gotten better at not listening to their thoughts, but I can still hear it. The best way to describe it would just be, a muffled scream. It's almost as if you shoved a sock in the mouth of someone, in the middle of them talking to you.

"Well," I said out loud to myself, "let's get crackin'" I looked through almost all of Edward's clothes. Nothing. I couldn't find anything good enough to wear. Everything was either old, baggy, dirty, or just plain ugly.

"Where did he put all the hot clothes I bought him for Christmas, and other holidays? When I think of it… I never see him wear any of It." it was then that I saw a blue shirt I had bought him out of the corner of my eye. But, it wasn't in his draw like the other shirts; it was on the floor or his closet. Strange. I walked over to the closet to pick it up. Guess what I found.

"What the hell?!" every single item of clothing I had ever bought him was thrown in the back of his closet. Of course I was angry, but I also felt relief. At least I had something to wear. I picked out a dark blue low rise pair of jeans from Abercrombie, and an Abercrombie button down shirt that was blue and white. Then, I put on a big Hollister sweatshirt.

"Now for hair." I went to the bathroom and used gel. I grabbed a great big glob of

Cold gel, and started working it into my hair. When I was done, I looked into the mirror. I had little spikes all over my head. "Perfect." The next thing I needed to do was make-up. I knew Edward would never do this, and would probably kill me if he knew, but, I he would look sooo good with just a touch of bronzer, cover up on for the dark shadows under his eyes, and a bit of eyeliner. He won't even notice… I hope. After I did that, I was ready, and decided to go downstairs. I could tell from the thoughts that everyone was ready to go, so I made my way downstairs. It was then that Edward and I saw each other. I almost screamed. He was standing there. Hair knotted, as though it hadn't been brushed at all. A black tee shirt, and stained gray sweat pants. No make up. He can't do this to me.

"Oh no." I said

"Oh no." I heard him say.

"Edward… what am I wearing?!"

"What are you wearing? What the hell am I wearing? I look like a preppy ass." He said.

"At least you look clean!"

"Clean? Is that what you call clean? I have junk all over my face, Alice! Make up is not for men!"

"First of all Edward, you certainly are not acting like a man right now, you are acting like a spoiled little girl!"

"Well I'm in you're body, so that would fit."

"And second of all, this 'junk' as you call it, is expensive make up put on with great care and with out it you would look ugly! As usual!"

"But Alice! OH GOSH!" Edward stared at me with a look of someone who just

Saw their favorite childhood toy shredded by a lawn mower.

"Ugh. What now, loser?"

"My… my… what did you do to my hair?!"

"Your hair?! I look like a hobo!"

"Hey, don't make fun of hobos! They're a good people! And I'd rather look like a hobo than a 7 year old boy!"

"Spikes are all the rage in Baghdad Edward!"

"Newsflash! This isn't Baghdad! And I look Like a 7 year old punk with that hair-do."

"Deal. With. It." I said. Seriously, he has absolutely no idea about fashion. Luckily, Carlisle broke us up once again. Then, after we were scolded, we all walked out to Edward's Volvo. His precious, precious Volvo. I felt an evil smirk spread across my face. If he thinks he can get away with dissing me and making me look like a homeless man who just crawled out of the sewer then he is sadly mistaken. And guess what eddy-poo. I'm driving.