Title: Prime, I shrunk the Officers!
Rating: G Humor.
Pairings: Implied Prowl x Jazz, Ironhide x Ratchet, Hound x Mirage, Inferno x Red Alert, Sunstreaker x Bluestreak.
Summary: When one of Wheeljack's experiments blows up, the consequences take their toll on the Ark's crew.


Wheeljack's inventions were infamous for two reasons. Either they could blow up and trash half of the lab in the process. Or they could blow up and cause unpredictable, secondary effects on any Autobot unfortunate enough to be around the area when the invention in question blew.

Wheeljack stared in a mixture of awe, disbelief and downright terror when the smoke of the recent blew up cleared and exposed the consequences to his optics. "Oh, sweet Primus. Someone is going to deactivate me for this."

The engineer cursed in any and all languages he could before he gathered the evidence in his arms, trying to decide if he should hide said evidence for as long as he could or if he should just get over with it and prepare to be terminated by as many Autobots as Prime could recruit for the task. And Wheeljack was certain there would be plenty of volunteers for this particular mission.

"I'm going to get slagged anyway. Might as well get over with it quickly." The engineer rushed to the command center with his incriminating cargo in his arms, thankful for now that the hallways were empty for the time being. "Hey Prime, we've got a problem!" He announced as he walked into Optimus Prime's office. Nothing in many millennia could prepare the bearer of the Autobot Matrix of Leadership for what his optics were about to see.


Jazz stared with wide optics hidden behind his trademark blue visor at the sight before him. He tried to speak several times, but all he managed was to let his mouth hang open for a little while before he closed it to try again. After several attempts he finally managed to convey his feelings and surprise in one phrase. "What the shit is that, man?!" He practically shrieked as he pointed an accusing finger towards 'that'.

The 'that' in question stared at the finger pointed at him before he reached and wrapped his mouth around the finger and suckled away at it, trying to identify what could this object be.

"That," Prime began as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Would be Prowl."

"What the pit did you do to them?!" Ratchet rocked a crying Perceptor in his arms to try to soothe him.

"I don't know!" Wheeljack was practically hiding behind Optimus' frame. "I was about to test my newest invention and then everything exploded and when the smoke dissipated they were like this!"

Scattered across the room were several Autobots, several of them holding sparklings in their arms. Sparklings that had previously been members of the Ark's crew.

"Oh, I'm going to kill that slagger!" Ironhide and Bluestreak had to struggle to keep Sunstreaker pinned to the ground while Blaster held a very amused sparkling Sideswipe on his arms.

"You an' me both." Jazz groaned heavily as he tore his finger away from the sparkling that was his mate and removed him from Prime's arms to cradle him on his own. The sparkling Prowl made a sound of distress, prompting Jazz to offer his finger back to him, sighing again as Prowl nibbled on his finger, his little door wings fluttered happily as he did.

"I'm certain Wheeljack will be able to find a way to reverse the effects, right?" Optimus looked over his shoulder to the hiding Engineer.

"Y-Yeah! I can do it, I just need time and figure out exactly how this happened..." He whispered the last part to himself.

"You better get going then." Hound groaned heavily as he rocked the now recharging sparkling Mirage in his arms, the situation wasn't just inconvenient but also dangerous. If the Decepticons got word of what had just happened it could endanger the sparklings.
Inferno sobbed loudly as he bounced the sparkling Red Alert on his leg, streams of optic fluid flowing down his face with a large pout spread across his face plates. He said nothing, but his unhappy pouts and cries were more than enough evidence of just how distressed he was.

"Come on! Just one bite! Let me bite him just once!" Sunstreaker kept struggling.

"Let him go, Sunny. We need him complete if you wanna see Sideswipe back to normal any time soon." Blaster chuckled softly and bounced the red sparkling on his arms, dangling a finger around for him to play with.

"The upcoming days are going to be quite testing." Optimus Prime had no idea how prophetic those words would be.

Authoer's notes: This is pure, total and absolute crack, please treat it as such.